217 - The Mountain

The Mountain was not at all what Lexie expected. She’d been expecting something grand, something terrifying, a monster without a million grotesque faces.

Not this vaguely humanoid thing with a soft lilting voice, almost like that of a fairy. 

The being did not look Eldritch at all. It didn’t exude fear. It wasn’t chaos. It didn’t seem malevolent at all. 

Just because it didn't appear malevolent, though, did not mean it wasn’t. In a world like this, Lexie would have to be even more careful around creatures that seemed mild and even trustworthy, because they could be the most deceitful of them all. 

At least, Naem had taught her that lesson. 

“What are you?” Lexie asked the Mountain.

“Is that your question?” the creature asked.

Lexie raised an eyebrow. “Do I only get one?”

The faceless creature cocked its head and began to circle her slowly. Though Lexie couldn’t see its expression, she got the sense that she was being assessed. 

“I’m here to give you the way to achieve your heart’s desire,” it said. “If you tell me what your desire is, I will answer all questions pertaining to it.”

Ah. Lexie understood. So it could only answer questions about Lexie's desire, and the first question would basically reveal the desire and dictate the direction of the conversation. She only had one chance to get it right.

“What is your heart’s desire, Lexie Sparrowfoot?”

Lexie flinched. She wasn’t used to hearing that name, at least not since Ryn had called her that in the early days.

'Lexie' was fine, but the 'Sparrowfoot' always reminded her of the other man bearing the same name. 

“I–” she started to answer, but paused.

The Mountain waited, and it suddenly struck Lexie that this was the single most important moment she would have in this dungeon, the single most important answer she could give.

The answer she gave right now would decide everything. 

She was feeling the pressure. What should she say? What did she want?

She wanted power. That much was true.

And…then what?

What did she do next? What was on the other side of the power? What happened after she ruled the Eldritch?

The Eldritch lived for a long time, and she would exist forever in whatever choice she chose.

Would her existence just continue like it has been in this dungeon? Continuous fighting. Warring. Winning. Chasing the light. 

What else was there to life? What else was there to existence?

She had a sinking feeling, staring at the future. It was supposed to be enough. Power for power's sake, light for light's sake, was all supposed to be enough.

It had been enough.

Now, it wasn't.

Lexie stared at the creature, feeling like she was on the verge of a crisis. The creature merely stood there and waited. Lexie almost regretted this. She felt woefully unprepared for this decision. She regretted that she’d worked so hard to encounter the mountain right now.

She was now forced to ask a question that she didn't quite understand the implications of.

She was overwhelmed and frozen with indecision. 

“What do you want, Lexie Sparrowfoot?”

Lexie thought.

She thought and thought and thought as the pressure built up and the indecision twisted in her stomach. 

“I don’t know.” 

Finally, she realized. Actually, it wasn’t a grand discovery. It was more or less something she’d always known, but now that she was faced with the truth, she had to say it. 

“I don’t know what I want.” 

The faceless creature paused, one foot hanging in the air. Then it straightened its stance.

“I have to choose,” Lexie told the creature. “Backward or forward. Forward is me. Backward is also me. Yet none of them feels like me anymore.” She was not close to her ideal, a cold, ruthless ruler of the Eldritch, nor was she the girl who belonged in the cottage anymore.

She was still as lost and confused as when she’d started this journey. 

“I don’t know what the point of any of it is,” she muttered. “I don’t know why I'm here, I don't know what's right for me.”

She had thought that this journey was about her becoming more Eldritch, and thought that the longer she existed as an Eldritch, the more Eldritch she would feel. But her soul card complicated that, because it had a uniquely human element within it, which meant that she was constantly confronted with her humanity, aware of how the small number of particles expanded till they were bloated.

Her human side was constantly fighting back.

Now, Lexie was something that was neither Eldrith nor human, and couldn't entirely relate to any side of her. Why? Lexie didn't understand why this was different from her. There had been other Eldritch hybrids, even human ones, but she didn't think they faced these same things.

Or did they? She should have asked Pvilycht before she came here.

Why had Naem done this to her? Why did he leave her in this dungeon? What was his bet?

“Is that your question?” The thing asked her. “Do you want to know which choice to make?”

Lexie stared at the creature. “If I say yes, will this end when I make my choice? What if I make my choice and have no idea how to achieve what I want?”

“Hmmm." It resumed walking in circles again and said, “I can reveal to you the truth of your heart's desire and the way to achieve it. Of course, this is one answer more than what was promised, but I can do that for a price.”

Lexie stiffened. “And what is that price?”

“I sense you are very powerful. In an unusual way. I would like to make a soul contract. At some point, you might come in contact with a certain key. The key that Yasycht needs. When you do, I want you to give it to me."

"I do not know where this key is. Or even what it is."

"I know. You may never see this key. But if you do, I want it."

"What will you do with it?"

"That is not your concern."

Lexie thought about it, then shook her head. "I cannot make an oath I do not understand. Giving you the key might end up harming me or those I care for."

"It will not. I can add those stipulations to the contract."

"What about a stipulation of a renegotiation of the contract, should my understanding of the situation change?"

“That will be exceedingly difficult.”

"What do you want to use the key for?"

"To free myself."

"Will you give it to Yaysht?"

"No."

"Will you give it to Neqal?"

"No."

"What will you do with it once it's done?"

"Return it to its rightful place."

Lexie was still doubtful. "There's still too much I do not know about the deal. I can't take it."

The creature said, "I can offer an alternative. There is another that affects and siphons my magic constantly. I want you to kill him if you get the chance."

"Who is it?"

"You know who."

Lexie instantly thought of him, the image flashing in her mind, his wicked smile.

"Take the key, or kill the thief," the mountain said. "You must do either one or the other."

"It would be difficult for me to kill him."

“Maybe for someone who was weaker than you. Someone without the potential to be the King of the Eldritch.”

The title made Lexie's insides tingle with pleasure. “You are buttering me up. It won’t work.”

“I am offering you a deal, since you appear to be in distress. The deal is weighed heavily in your favor, and only a little bit in mine. I have given you two things to choose from. Will you take it or not?”

Lexie stared at the creature. She weighed the possibilities in her mind. Killing Vulcan wouldn't be an easy feat, but it was something she already wanted to do. Apart from the fact that he had gone through a lot of trouble to antagonize her and kill her, he was also antagonizing and might hurt those she cared about, still on Earth.

He could be hurting them right now, though Lexie would not think about it.

So killing him was a priority.

Yet there had to be a trick here.

The creature might just be offering Lexie the second deal because it knew she could not defeat Vulcan, hence it was trying to compel her into the first deal regardless.

"Any chance we can just do the second?"

It shook its head. That was what she thought. The second was only an afterthought.

Yet, Lexie knew that she could beat Vulcan. Aiden had mentioned that Vulcan could not predict her, for whatever reason. If Lexie were to go to Earth, she would simply find him and kill him.

But would she go to Earth? That wasn't her goal.

Was it?

Ugh.

She felt herself going round and round in a circle. She had to decide. The alternative to that was to waste her entire time with The Mountain, or pick something that did not suit her in the end.

Not to mention, Neqal was probably preparing something to kill her while she was indisposed. She needed to resolve this, now.

“We will use non-essential soul components,” Lexie told her.

Ryn had explained it to her, that non-essential soul components were soul particles that were least vital for survival. That meant that non-compliance with the contract would mean sacrificing memories, powers, and core connections, instead of things like lifespan or vital life essences.

But you could only sacrifice non-essential soul components so many times before you had to start eating into the essential soul components. 

"Alright,” the thing said. "We will do that. Because I know you will keep your word regardless."

“Sure,” Lexie said, although she had every intention of betraying her if she had to.

Words appeared in her line of sight, stating everything they'd just discussed in simple language.

As she read the details of the contract, Lexie asked, “How did I get here anyway? Last I knew, I was wrestling with Neqal for control of this dungeon, and the next thing I know, I'm here. Did I win?"

“That is not pertinent to your heart’s desire,” The dungeon answered calmly. "Sign, so we can begin."

Pvilycht's card was still active, so Lexie used DECODE on the contract, ensuring there was no hidden meaning.

The second Lexie approved the contract, her view changed.

She was transported back to her classroom at St Juana’s. Her heart started racing. No one else was here.

She knew it wasn’t the real St. Juana’s, nor was it the incarnation of it that the dungeon had given her.

This was simply an image, a still, so that the Mountain could illustrate its point. 

“Forward or backward,” it said, gesturing to the board with a cane that materialized from nowhere “Each choice will have setbacks. And each will have advantages. Would you like me to show you the beginning of the paths?”

Lexie nodded.

“Backward.” The scene changed from the classroom to a child in a crib, sqwualing its head off. “This is where everything changed for you. You should have died on this day. You cheated death once here."

The scene changed again, and Lexie jerked. She saw her human body lying on the floor with a pool of blood. Tate was looking down at her, shell-shocked, and Logan was sobbing his eyes out, kneeling next to her.

"You should have died on this day, too. Your soul should have vanished. You cheated death once more."

The scene changed back into the classroom, and the Mountain continued. "One death cheat can be regulated. Two death cheats introduce a small amount of counter-normative chaos. You affected the delicate balance of things. Fate had to take that into account. Sometimes, this is not a problem. But your presence continued to throw off the very nature of the story being told, and your soul grew into that chaos. The more times you defied fate, the more the chaos grew. You were also combined with a sliver of Eldritch, from an Eldritch Lord himself, the meister of chaos, and it trained your human soul on how to wield that chaos."

"What does this mean?"

"Do you know that early humans were once referred to as magic-resistant?"

"Really?" Lexie mused. "That does not make sense. I know many humans who can use magic."

"I did not say they could not use magic. I said that they had a resistance to it, too. It is one of the reasons they garnered Fae interest."

Lexie frowned. She had never met a magic-resistant human...well, except a man called Dominic Vacek.

"You were an interesting human soul that was resistant to the normal Eldritch magic, while cultivating a new kind of magic that has not been seen before. You cultivated chaos and made it your own," it continued. "There was power in your human soul, that is unlike the others, and unlike the magic you have been using thus far even in your human world. This power is not much, but it was enough for you to be an anomaly. It ensured your survival. It is what enables you to be as you are now, what enables you to think as you are. To act as you are. To survive as you have. Even now, in this dungeon, the human part of you defeated death again. Your human soul should have died completely before you entered the heart, consumed by the Eldritch, yet it only retreated temporarily. It has cultivated its own essence and existed within a being it should no longer exist in, starving the Eldritch within you, though the Eldritch was stronger."

"What do you mean by starving?" Lexie was instantly alarmed.

“You do not seek chaos. You do not itch for it as you should."

"Yes, I do," Lexie argued back. The itch was still present. Sure, it had reduced to the point where Lexie could almost ignore it now, but Lexie thought that was just a natural part of her evolving as an Eldritch. She thought it was due to her hard work.

"The human side clings to you, feeds you, and turns you toward the human urges, not the Eldritch. But Eldritch needs chaos to survive, and needs to be the arbiter of that chaos."

"I fight and kill a lot of things," Lexie argued back.

"That is not all there is to it, and you know it."

Yes, Lexie knew. Even when she fought now, though she enjoyed it, there was always a deeper reason behind it. She no longer wanted chaos for its own sake.

"Eventually," it said. "It will begin to affect your strength, your power and your potential for power which the itch also signified.”

“You mean I’ll get weaker?”

“Your Eldritch will get weaker, yes, because the human will continue fighting it. The human and the Eldritch can coexist, but one of them has to take charge.”

“Which one is in charge now?”

“Neither. It is why you are confused.”

“What if I want the Eldritch to take charge?” Lexie asked.

"That is simple. The human side has fought so hard to survive, has cultivated itself in the center of all this chaos, and is protected by it. It is also constantly fed by the soul card. It has earned its place. Only you can kill it. I can show you how."

Lexie gaped. "I thought you said they could coexist?"

"Yes, but not that they should. The human soul is too unpredictable; its chaotic component, combined with magic resistance, is too hard for the Eldritch to subdue. I also cannot predict what will happen if you were to let it stay. But you can choose to remove it. Or you can suppress it for the meantime, but that will only be putting off the inevitable, and your confusion will return."

"If I do not make a choice?"

"You will forever remain here, in limbo. A human cannot be the Lord of the Eldritch, cannot access the Other. The Eldritch cannot live in the human world. The only place you can be both is here."

Well. She'd been warned.

Naem did say the dungeon might be her home forever. But she didn't want to be trapped here.

“I don’t understand why this is happening to me," Lexie said. "There are other Eldritch hybrids. I even knew of one made with a human soul. Did they have to go through the same thing?"

"No, but they were not made like you, did not develop as you have, and were not given a choice to be only partially Eldritch. You are unique in your problems."

"Great," Lexie said sarcastically.

"Most in your situation would pick Eldritch," it said. "I can see your future as an Eldritch. You will grow quickly, amassing power beyond your wildest imaginations. Every being, great and small, will tremble before you. You can conquer the world. You can even..."

"Can even what?"

"You are a strong source of chaos," she said. "Even if you kill your human, the impact of your origins is seen, in that you cultivate chaos so well, you hardly draw from the mother at all. Most of your magic seems to come from the chaos within. If you grow that to the impossible heights and expand your influence, you could become a new Chaos Mother."

"That..." Lexie was shocked.

It hit her then.

So that was what that vision was about. It wasn't about her ruling everything.

It was about her being the source of all magic.

"Magic would be different under your regime," the creature said. "Think of the possibilities."

"Earth..." Lexie murmured. "They say...the reason that there are not enough mages and healers are because... magic is a finite resource and..."

"Yes. The Fae use a lot of magic. So do the Eldritch and several other species. Humans are at the bottom of the totem pole. They rarely pull from the Chaos Mother, and most of their magic is artificially pumped into the atmosphere."

"If I became a Chaos Mother...I could change that."

"I believe you could."

Lexie finally saw the end of it all, being the source of magic. She could protect those she wanted to, even if she wasn't doing it in person.

It sounded like a profoundly important existence

And also profoundly lonely.

"What is the other option?" Lexie asked. "What if I want to go backward? If I wanted to let the human be in control? Could I?"

"Yes. You could never, however, be completely human, but if you starve your Eldritch beyond a certain percentage, it would give the human side space to assume control. Once the Eldritch is below a certain percentage, you will register as a human, albeit a possessed one. I can show you how to regain your human memories and some of your human emotions and sensibilities, but you will not gain all your humanity back. By starving the Eldritch, you will sacrifice some of your Eldritch mana potential, and some of your cards will no longer be usable without huge amounts of Eldritch mana, so you will have to remake them. I know that you don't notice how much mana goes into it, but there is a lot, and you will feel it then.

In a way, you would be earning the worst of both worlds. You will still be more powerful than humans, and more powerful than most Eldritch, but it will be nothing compared to what you could be."

Yes, it seemed like the suboptimal choice. No rational being would pick that, less power over more. Especially when the more power would also still be for the good of the world.

I can do good, even if I am not good. And Lexie really hated to give up any of the power she had worked so hard for. Being unable to use some of her cards would frustrate her to no end, and she was tired of being frustrated.

Forward was clearly the best answer, the one with guaranteed greatness.

Yet, Lexie hesitated. Yet her soul rioted. Yet, she wanted to riot.

"Would you like to see some possible futures?" The being asked Lexie.

"Yes," Lexie answered. "Also, why did Naem send me here? Which choice did he think I would make?"

"Would you like to see Lord Naem?"

"Can I?"

"I believe you can. Do you want to do that first?"

She sighed and steeled herself. "Yes. I think I do."