Watching the Star Wars Prequels for the First Time in 2020

I consider myself a pretty huge Star Wars nut. I know my DL-44 from my EL-11; my Yavin from my Alderaan; I could even tell you, in excruciating detail, about the changes made to Vader's costume between Star Wars and Return of the Jedi.

But until about a couple of hours ago, I had never seen two-thirds of the so-called Prequel Trilogy. 

I'm not really sure why. It certainly wasn't a conscious decision to abstain from Star Wars stuff for nearly 20 years.

I don't want to call myself a Star Wars purist for fear of aligning myself with the anti-SJW, diversity-fearing bottom feeders of the internet but I guess I am a traditionalist in many aspects of my life. I like quality coffee and sturdy boots. I own two pairs of denim jeans that I intend to wear for the next 10 years. The only toppings I need on a pizza are cheese and tomato (maybe pepperoni if I'm feeling extra). I just don't like excess. Abundance and disposability make me anxious.

There are 266% more live-action Star Wars movies in the world than there were when I was a kid renting Return of the Jedi every weekend, plus countless games, animated series, novels, comics, and whatever else.

And no matter how good any of that stuff is, it might as well belong to a different franchise as far as I'm concerned because Star Wars begins and ends with the Original Trilogy.

I did go see The Phantom Menace on the big screen when it first came out and, to be honest, I'm actually quite fond of it but mostly in the same way I enjoy other crap films from the early millennium – titles like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and xXx. I love those films because they remind me of my early adolescence, going to friends' houses and staying up late to play PS2 games, watch movies, and eat pizza until you puked.

Anyway, I bought the Jar Jar action figures; I tied a shoelace in my hair and swung a rolled up newspaper around, making lightsaber sound effects with my mouth; I watched Episode I countless times on video in eager anticipation of the next installment in the franchise. But by the time Attack of the Clones rolled around in 2002, I just felt like, "What's the point? I already know what's going to happen."

And as the years passed, it just seemed less and less like essential viewing. I picked up all the main story beats through osmosis and pop culture references. I saw all the memes and heard all the iconic lines. I watched the legendary Plinkett reviews from Red Letter Media (which I believe you are required to watch by law before you can gain a YouTubing licence). So I knew the general deal with the prequels even if I'd never seen them in their entirety.

But recently, after playing and loving Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order and enjoying some excellent Star Wars videos made by friends Matty from The Game Show, Diego Rivera, and Chris Baker, I feel like my passion for all things Star Wars has been reignited. Now was the time to immerse myself in the lore and extended universe. So I watched them and (holy shit, long intro alert) this is what I thought of them.

"So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause."

I've got to say, watching a series of films about the failure of democracy at the hands of a decrepit old swindler made these feel more way more relevant now than they would have two decades ago.

I respect the delicate engineering (and some brute force) it must have taken for George Lucas to line these movies up with the Original Trilogy. No thread is left unresolved; every throwaway line of dialogue from 20+ years ago is expanded on, no matter how inane it may be.

It doesn't make the movies feel any less superfluous though and, having waited all these years to watch them, I don't really feel like I've been missing much. 

Everything is a foregone conclusion; you already know who all the bad guys are/will be. Every victory is hollow and every double-cross is just hand-waving to distract you from a frustratingly predictable story.

One thing that surprised me is that – putting aside the extremely dated CGI – these movies feel weirdly out of time. The slow pacing and meandering action sequences have a kind of low budget 70s movie vibe. Some abrupt editing and extended scenes filled with vapid dialogue make these films feel like if Tommy Wiseau directed a Windows 98 screensaver. I already tweeted that joke but I was proud of it so here it is again.

Ian McDiarmid does a really great job depicting the slow transition from distinguished diplomat to screeching demon over the three movies. BIG Margaret Thatcher vibes, for some reason.

Ewan McGregor is FUCKING FANTASTIC. The way he nails the old English charm and comedic sensibilities of Alec Guinness is really impressive.

Hayden Christensen obviously delivers a few clunkers but I was surprised by how not terrible he can be. He has a kind of James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause swagger, particularly in Revenge of the Sith. I think it's the way he slumps from scene to scene, always on the verge of tears like a temperamental two-year-old. It's not a great performance but I think he does well to convey the disenchantment that Anakin feels as he uncovers the inner-politics of the Jedi Council and the impotence he feels in the face of injustice. You feel the weight of the two sides of the Force on his psyche and, despite the inevitable conclusion, I did find myself rooting for him.

The last 40 minutes of Revenge of the Sith are quite thrilling and I enjoyed how neatly it all dovetails into the Original Trilogy. The way that Anakin’s transformation into Vader is contrasted against Luke and Leia’s birth is very effective – the death of Anakin but the birth of A New Hope. Vader’s first breath made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

(I can't believe that the "Unlimited power!" bit is actually in the movie! I always thought it was just a meme.)

Overall, I'm glad I have finally watched them. I feel like I have a broader view of the Star Wars universe now and I think it will enhance my next viewing of the Original Trilogy as I put together the pieces in my mind.

The prequels have also given me a greater appreciation for the Disney movies, particularly The Last Jedi. There were so many elements to that film that felt off-brand to me as if they belonged to a different franchise, but I can see the continuity now. Stuff like the Rose/Finn casino scene and the Force connection between Rey and Kylo – it all feels very prequel-inspired to me now.

One way in which I feel the prequels are more successful than the Sequel Trilogy is in capturing the pulpy sci-fi serial vibes of the originals. It seems to me that the Disney movies are trying too hard to be event movies in the same vein as the MCU stuff, which doesn't feel very true to Star Wars to me.

Having said all of that, I still haven't seen The Rise of Skywalker yet so that's next on the list. I'm looking forward to watching it now that the hype (and contempt) has died down.

Anyway, I think I've rambled long enough now. New video on Wednesday: Why You're Wrong About Rob Liefeld. You heard it here first.

Thanks for reading and I'll catch you on the flip,

Josh