Spoon: 5.11 Entree

Aaron’s Pokemon

- Artoria (Kirlia)
- Jeanne (Flaaffy)
- Durvasa (Primeape)
- Balut (Egg)
- Magellan (Chikorita)

Entree 5.11

Aaron Fulan
Lavaridge Town

I looked out over Lavaridge Town. Like every other town I’d ever been in, it was far more expansive than the games could portray.

Mountains surrounded the sleepy village on all sides. Verdant forests made way for orchards, corrals, temples, cemeteries, and herb gardens. These in turn transitioned to onsen resorts on Mount Chimney’s side and what passed for a business district on the Rusturf side. Really, it was a handful of warehouses that took in produce from Verdanturf and sent back lumber, charcoal, and nutrient-rich volcanic soil.

Lavaridge borrowed the archetype of a remote, Japanese village more than any other place I’d visited so far. There were modern buildings of course, but not one reached higher than five stories so as to not crowd out the more traditional aesthetic. 

There was a pervading sense of tranquility about this place. The fresh mountain air blended with the acrid tang of sulfuric hot springs. Every stone and shingle exuded tradition, a history that was carefully balanced with modern technology. It was no surprise that so many elderly chose to retire here.

I pulled the picnic table from my hammerspace backpack and began to prepare lunch. It’d take another three hours or so to get into town so I figured we could have lunch here. This way, Jeanne could bid her new friends goodbye before we headed down the trail.

I prepped a quick lunch for myself out of baked beans and diced up hot dogs. I didn’t need much; feasting could wait until we found ourselves a nice onsen in town.

As I was getting ready to eat, the nearby bushes stirred. Durvasa and Artoria had returned, as I knew they would. They left to practice on their own when Jeanne started singing in the morning but inevitably came back for mealtime. Really, I could set a clock by the growling of their stomachs.

All thoughts of food fled my mind as they stepped into the clearing. Those two smirked with self-satisfaction when they saw the look on my face.

Durvasa, now a primeape, stood about four feet tall, towering over Artoria by almost a foot and a half. He had his species’ signature iron bands on his wrists and ankles. Where those came from, I had no clue. Then again, where did machoke get their underpants?

His fur was a glossy, cream color. It was so shaggy that he almost looked round, but I knew better. Beneath the fluff was a body built like a fantasy dwarf and thrice as durable.

“You evolved,” I spoke softly. He beamed with pride at the simple statement of fact, a surge of emotion so strong that it completely overshadowed his typical haze of anger like the sun banishing the clouds. “I guess I know what you two have been up to these past few days.”

“Prime,” he grunted. He glanced at his food bowl, now so much smaller than he deserved. “Primeape. Prime.”

“Heh, yeah, I guess this does deserve a celebration. We’ll go shopping for a bigger bowl in town, bud. Until then, you can have all the refills you want.”

I smiled as Artoria took her place by my side. She wore a proud smile, but looked completely drained.

I supposed that was to be expected. She was immensely skilled and far more powerful than her age or size would suggest, but kirlia were never built for stamina. Keeping up with a newly evolved primape was probably a bit much even for her.

‘Indeed, my lord,’ her voice rang in my mind. Even this sounded drained. ‘He has the endurance of a taurus. And the strength as well.’

“Well done, both of you,” I said aloud. As they sat down, Jeanne and Magellan came over as well. “Let’s eat. You can tell us about how you evolved.”

X

The first thing I did when we reached the Lavaridge pokemon center was turn in Durvasa for a checkup. He was as healthy as a taurus, quite possibly as strong as one too, but he did just evolve.

I wanted to establish a clear medical baseline. It’d help if we had this to point to in the future, a concrete, by the numbers way of saying, “See? You’ve gotten this much stronger since you became a primeape.”

The second thing I did was check in to the inn next door. It was a relatively new building, probably around forty years old, but modeled in the traditional, ryokan style. The building, from the cypress walls to the shingled roof, took me back to when I competed in kendo tournaments in Japan. I’d stayed in a ryokan for the first time then and it had been one of my fondest memories.

Except, this one was even better. Not only did I not stand out here, people tended to be friendlier in the pokemon world than back on Earth from my experience. Plus, this place had a direct path to a set of hot springs exclusive to trainers and their pokemon. It almost felt like a vacation.

That was good. Truthfully, there weren’t many places to stay in Lavaridge aside from the pokemon center. Much like Oldale, it was a tiny town. By the last census, there were only around sixteen thousand permanent residents here. There were two pokemon centers, with only one equipped for non-local clients. Naturally, it was the one near the gym.

After we got settled, I headed out to the training yard and waited for Durvasa’s release. Sure enough, he sauntered out just as my pokenav beeped with a notice from the nurse. The email contained an attached copy of Durvasa’s medical records for my perusal.

There was nothing to say. Durvasa took one look at me, then at the empty training field. He sat at the center of the painted pokeball and screeched out his challenge. He was still riding high off his evolution and I had a feeling he wouldn’t settle for a while.

Chuckling to myself, I left him to it and read a bit more about the history of Lavaridge. Unsurprisingly, it was a history full of conflict. But at the same time, much of that conflict seldom reached the town after its founding.

Lavaridge Town was never a major political nor military power. In fact, it was a town of serfs. It got its start more than seven hundred years ago, four hundred years before the League’s founding. The then chief of the Draconid tribe flew some of his tribesmen out here and set up an outpost atop Mount Chimney.

Long story short, the dragon tamers conquered every tribe in the area and forced some of them to relocate to a plateau roughly halfway up Chimney’s southern face. They would then be forced to pay tribute and otherwise maintain the Draconids’ territory for them while the dragon riders were away.

No one actually knew why the chief did this. If the Draconids had clear records dating back that far, they weren’t sharing. And truthfully, I doubted they did. Their primary means of recordkeeping back then was one of dance and storytelling. That was why the lorekeeper position was so damn important to them. Still was, really.

Historians had their guesses, of course. Some said that Chimney, being the central point of the region, was an excellent place from which to project power. Others said that the establishment of Lavaridge followed a brief but violent set of eruptions by Chimney. The chief took the volcano’s eruption as a sign of divine favor, or perhaps as a harbinger of an era of bloodshed, and decided to stake his claim.

I wondered if either of those was truly the case. The lorekeeper of the Draconids was one of the few individuals who retained a record of Groudon, Kyogre, and Rayquaza. Hell, they worshiped Rayquaza as the Dragon Lord. I wasn’t sure if they knew the significance of the two Orbs, but the chief might have been acting upon advice from the lorekeeper to keep an eye on Chimney, one of Groudon’s possible resting places.

If my guess was right, then that would mean the Draconid chief had zero intention of conquering other people beyond Lavaridge. He couldn’t exactly share tribe secrets with other city states, but he wouldn’t have been wrong to want some kind of presence on Chimney, as forewarning if nothing else.

The establishment of the Draconid outpost, and Lavaridge by extension, shattered the balance of power in central Hoenn. It sparked a brutal age of warfare that lasted over forty years.

It was one of the more violent slices of history during the Fragmentation Era. The thought that it might all have been an unintentional accident caused by an abundance of caution towards Groudon was a sobering one.

In the end, the Draconids were eventually forced to abandon their outpost. Even for their vaunted salamence, flying over from Meteor Falls was neither simple nor safe. That was a full two generations later though, and Lavaridge had fully evolved into an established settlement by then.

After that, for the next few centuries, Lavaridge became subordinate to whichever power happened to dominate the region. This place was never worth conquering outright so most just accepted tribute in the form of minerals, coal, or the occasional military conscription.

Maybe because of this, people here never quite settled on a singular pokemon type. Throughout its long history, Lavaridge trainers trained fire, rock, ground, grass, and fighting types, to varying degrees of success.

In fact, the gym leader before Marcus Moore was a ground type specialist. Admittedly, he wasn’t known for being especially powerful and his main contribution to the town was a new onsen his pokemon dug up, but that was neither here nor there.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the tail end of their sparring session. Durvasa ducked beneath Artoria’s giant sword-spoon and closed into her guard. She made to teleport away, but was a hair too slow this time. A savage backhand caught her on the temple, launching her out of the field.

Artoria righted herself in midair. She formed a platform of Reflect barely larger than her dainty feet and used that to change direction. As she launched herself at Durvasa, her sword shrank to a much more manageable length. Instead of a straight thrust or an overhead strike, she swept her sword up from below, a move that was distinctly not kendo.

HEMA, she was copying some of my more freestyle strokes. Specifically, it was a two-handed unterhau, delivered at blistering speed from a pokemon whose “sword” was essentially a bomb on a stick. I could feel her exhaustion but her emotions were no less determined than before.

Durvasa met her swing the only way a primeape met any challenge. He crossed his arms over his chest as they began to glow a blinding white. I grinned at the display. A new move to go with his new evolution, and one of the more destructive fighting type moves available.

Cross Chop wasn’t exactly kosher as far as martial arts moves went. It had terrible momentum and leverage. But then again, it wasn’t being performed by a human. Aura made up for quite a bit and the simultaneous strikes could turn a fighting type into a bulldozer.

The two clashed with a deafening bang. Durvasa swept down with both arms even as Artoria swung up. And, to my surprise, the sword didn’t explode with Mana Burst.

Instead, Artoria allowed herself to be slammed towards the ground. Except, as she touched the ground, she did not collapse, she sank. Her shadow rippled as the kirlia plunged in like a diver into a lake.

“Clever girl,” I chuckled. She used Shadow Sneak so infrequently that even her own teammates forgot she could do that sometimes.

And, in this case, it was a good move. Not only was it perfect for throwing Durvasa off his rhythm, it also preserved her momentum, allowing her to “breach” with the force of his Cross Chop turned against him.

Durvada's aura flared with shock, but whether by raw instinct or Detect, he was already moving. He was in the air and whirling to face his own shadow as the first glimmer of light pierced the surface.

Artoria leapt from his shadow like a sharpedo. This time, it was her turn to be surprised. Her sword scraped against a hasty Protect. The sloppy shield would never have blocked her strike, but it was just barely enough to veer it aside.

This time, Artoria was out of tricks. She'd just emerged from her shadow and couldn't dive in again. Nor could she toggle into a Teleport so soon. Switching aura types so quickly wasn’t easy and they’d been sparring off and on since daybreak.

Durvasa reached out and palmed her head like a bowling ball. The middle three fingers of his hand curled between her crests. His pinky and thumb surrounded her horns from the outside, forming a comfortable grip. 

He roared with vindictive glee as he spiked her down. And when the dust cleared, my starter did not rise.

He'd won. Not cleanly, and certainly not without bruises of his own, but for the first time on record, he'd won over Artoria. The realization sank in and he stretched out his arms wide, hollering his victory to the sky.

I clapped loudly as I stood. “Great job, Durvasa. I think it's safe to say you're fully accustomed to your new body.”

“Primeape. Prime, prime-ape,” he grinned happily. His elation was a palpable force but couldn't quite mask his exhaustion.

“And you too, Artoria. The unterhau to provoke a downward block into Shadow Sneak was inspired.”

“Kir… Kirlia.” she moaned from the ground. She offered me a tired thumbs up.

I laughed. My grasp of pokespeak wasn’t perfect, but I knew what it meant. It was a promise. Durvasa could have the crown, for now. But she’d evolve soon. So would Jeanne and Magellan. It wouldn’t be long before Durvasa couldn’t win off stamina and bullheaded determination alone.

My primeape grinned. It was a wide, fanged smirk. That too needed no translation: He couldn’t wait.

X

Given Durvasa’s evolution, I allowed the team to splurge a bit. The pokemon center had a general cafeteria but I took them out to a restaurant that specialized in the mountain’s local delicacies. Magellan and Jeanne got a medley of fresh herbs and berries while Durvasa, Artoria, and I got to enjoy grilled unagi.

That was a pleasant surprise. Unagi, or freshwater eel, weren’t exactly commonplace. Mundane animals couldn’t really compete with pokemon for obvious reasons so the ones that persisted tended to fall into one of two camps: Either they fulfilled very specific niches within the ecosystem that pokemon did not, or they were farmed. In this case, I heard they had a small aquaculture downriver, nothing industrialized, which explained the price tag.

Whatever the case, I got my first real look at the kind of budget I might need once my team fully evolved. Durvasa ate a lot. That ceaseless stamina had to be fueled with an equally ceaseless river of food, the higher the protein and fiber contents, the better. And Artoria and Jeanne weren’t likely to be far behind when it came to their evolutions.

In the games, kirlia and ampharos evolved at level thirty. Primeape at level twenty-eight. Reality obviously begged to differ, but it wasn’t as if Artoria and Jeanne didn’t train hard. I doubted I’d make it to my fifth badge without at least one of them evolving. 

Not to mention, there was Magellan I had to be mindful of. He wasn’t just a literal dinosaur; he was an alpha. The nurses had confirmed it after several rounds of testing. The “king gene” was strong in him, as if his size wasn’t a dead giveaway, and I could expect him to tower over me once he became a meganium, possibly even as a bayleef.

That was both good and bad. As fantastic as an alpha pokemon sounded, a starter at that, alphas were exceedingly rare for a reason. Simply put, they were massive ecological energy sinks. They claimed vast territory, organized their lesser kin, and tended to monopolize the available food in ways very few pokemon ever did.

Being a grass type, Magellan could supplement some of his nutritional needs with sunlight and soil, but there were limits. Some nutrients just couldn’t be acquired via photosynthesis. He’d grow large enough that feeding him might be as costly as feeding a dragonite, sunlight be damned.

I could already hear my poor, anemic wallet crying out. It was a good thing that I was the son of old money. Perhaps it was time I talked to mom about my stipend again.

After a nice dinner, we headed back to the pokemon center for a bath. They had a public bathhouse setup that led into open-air hot springs. Like most places I’d been to in Japan, the baths were segregated by gender. This segregation was mandatory for humans, but “upon trainer discretion” for pokemon.

Artoria saw the sign and flushed red before dragging Jeanne to the women’s baths. Jeanne, being the most laidback member of our little family, dutifully followed her elder sister. She had no idea why it mattered so much to Artoria but warm, funny-tasting water was all the same.

‘Please stop laughing,’ my starter muttered in my head. ‘I wear a dress. It is therefore unbecoming of me to join you in the bath.’

‘To be fair, we’ve seen each other naked plenty of times,’ I pointed out. It was just a natural part of being on the road.

‘I refuse to expose myself in public. It is unknightly. And indecent. And I am still haunted by the degeneracy of your past life.’

‘Of course,’ I nodded sagely. I shrugged carelessly and sank into the hot water on the men’s side with a contented sigh. My sense of shame had long since vanished in my previous life. ‘Letting you browse my memories unrestricted was a mistake.’

‘T-That people could do s-s-such t-th-things! With pokemon!’

‘Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible–’

‘MY LORD!!!’

It wasn’t just a mental voice. I felt a surge of psychic power, a loud splash, and the surprised bleating of my sheep, no doubt getting unceremoniously dunked into the water. Clearly, my psychic attack was a critical hit.

Durvasa and Magellan looked over curiously. Then, as one, they decided checking in on their sisters wasn’t worth the effort.

Durvasa had found his new favorite place in the world. His thick, shaggy fur was matted close, making him look like Bigfoot’s buffer, shorter brother. He didn’t mind how ridiculous he looked though. He splayed out against the stone wall and checked out from the world.

In Japan, there was a place called the Jigokudani Yaen-Koen, or the Jigokudani Monkey Park. There, a species of macaque had learned to enjoy bathing in the natural hot springs. I visited during one kendo competition, which I won soundly. My primeape reminded me of those little guys. 

Magellan wasn’t a fan of excessive heat, but he did enjoy the minerality of the water. He sat nearby and occasionally took languid sips of the hot springs between mouthfuls of the soil. It was like tea and snacks for him, if tea was made from steeping people and pokemon.

‘Hey Artoria,’ I called through our bond.

‘Yes, my lord?’ she answered cautiously.

‘Where do your clothes come from?’

‘I do not know. Where do kadabra find their spoons?’

‘Exactly! Durvasa’s metal bands. A machoke’s underpants. Some pokemon seem to gain new clothes when they evolve.’

‘Do we need an explanation?’ she replied. ‘Is it any stranger than anything else we pokemon do? Perhaps the Origin of All has a sense of humor.’

‘No, but it does make me curious. Some pokemon lose clothes when they evolve.’

‘How so? I cannot recall such a pokemon.’

‘Snorunt lose their orange parkas.’

‘They gain kimono,’ Artoria pointed out. She then hummed in thought. ‘Hmm… Now that you mention it, I suppose a glalie has no clothes. So they lose clothes only when they evolve into a glalie, but merely change their wardrobe when they become a froslass. That is indeed strange.’

‘See? Weird, right? And Jeanne. Mareep could be said to be wearing wool. Jeanne wears little wool now that she is a flaaffy. When she becomes an ampharos, she will wear no wool.’

‘I don’t think that’s quite right. By that logic, a caterpie is naked, puts on clothes as a metapod, then strips again as a butterfree. Please stop trying to apply human concepts of propriety to pokemon.’

‘Don’t you do that to yourself? That’s why you headed for the women’s baths.’

‘That is that. This is this.’

‘Is that so?’

‘It is.’

‘As you say, Artoria.’ Then, I remembered something. ‘Artoria?’

‘I do not know where hypno get their pendants either, my lord,’ she replied dryly.

‘No, not that. The egg.’

‘The egg? My newest sister!’

‘Yeah, you may as well go get her. The temperature should be warm enough to take her out of the incubator. Just make sure you don’t lose her underwater or something.’

‘A wonderful suggestion, my lord. I shall keep her on my spoon,’ she replied resolutely. I then felt her teleport to our room and back.

‘Good. And if anyone asks, offer to share the soft-boiled egg.’

‘My lord?’

‘Yes, my dear?’

‘Please be silent.’

I leaned back with a self-satisfied smile. My mankey evolved. We reached Lavaridge Town. We had delicious unagi. And the hot springs were toasty and warm. Today was a good day.

Author’s Note

Balut is a traditional egg dish from the Philippines. They committed the culinary sin of giving the world balut. To apologize, they gave us Jollibee. They have since been pardoned, but their sins shall not be forgotten.

As always, I’m going with the assumption that mundane animals exist. This always surprises people, but it’s canonically accurate. Beyond dex entries referring to certain pokemon as “___” pokemon (e.g. pikachu is the “mouse” pokemon which implies the presence of normal mice), there are several real-world animals shown in the setting. For example, there is a picture of a slowpoke with a fish biting its tail.

The obligatory hot springs scene is inspired by that one fuck-nugget who kept spamming the vaporeon copypasta to my Akun back when I ran ACL lives. You know who you are.

Yes, Artoria is aware that she is uh… uniquely desirable… to certain parts of the internet.

Animal Fact: The smartest reptile we know of is the saltwater crocodile.

Not only are they the biggest variety of croc, they’re also capable of communication in the form of underwater vibrations. Scientists have a hard time isolating frequencies underwater, but believe that these sounds carry complex messages and information about individuals.

That, and they’re coordinated hunters. One hallmark of intelligence is not just ganging up on a prey animal, but having specific roles individuals play to fulfill an overall hunting strategy. Saltwater crocs do this. One will pretend to fail, herding an animal towards the water, only for several more to lie in wait.