Yippie-Kai-Yay, Melon Farmer!

... it's a christmas movie! So here's a christmas oneshot!

= = = = 

Michael ‘Mick’ Valleris was a born pioneer, a likely lad who faced the unknown with a human’s typical and somewhat mis-placed confidence. He needed that attitude, since he was one of the very first humans to be stationed onboard a Karnakian ship. This placement was only possible thanks to the recent ‘readjustment’ of relations between his species and the giant feathered aliens.

Thanks to the…unpleasantness resulting from when the Karnakians showed up to what they had thought was a backwater colony of their own kind, his crewmates were very oh so very careful around him. Which was a good thing, since they were towering four-eyed raptors with wickedly sharp sickle-shaped foot-claws which could disembowel him if they so much as sneezed too hard.

One of the things he found a necessity rather than a suggestion was the memes. After the whole relations-normalizing business had settled, it had taken a bit for the OIH’s legions of well-paid memists to make proper Karnakian-based silliness. But within a few months they’d come up with enough bird-brain jokes to damn near fill Mick’s terminal.

So that was all well and good, and with time and plenty of memetherapy his instinctual fears faded. He even kinda-sorta-maybe had a…thing?…going on with one of the crew, a Karnakian named K’than’thalis (AKA “Kelly”) who had become increasingly flirty with him. At least, he was pretty sure it was flirting. The translated literature on Karnakian courting signals was understandably sparse; maybe she was trying to convert him to her religion? He’d learned veryquickly to avoid mentioning anything that could trigger a religious debate.

However, he didn’t learn quickly enough to avoid mentioning a Certain Human Holiday.

________

Mick yawned and stretched as the door to his room slid open, and he just managed to avoid letting out a yeep of surprise at the dark-red expanse of floof in front of him.

Kelly dipped her huge, fanged muzzle down in line with his face while her yellow, reptilian eyes stared right into his. It had taken a while for Mick to realize that such staring was not indicative of a desire to chomp his head off, it was just one of his crewmates getting mesmerized by watching his brain-sparkles.

“[Good morning, Mick! I wanted to make sure you got your hat!]”

“My…hat?” He looked up and realized that Kelly’s feathered crest was now tucked up into a giant Santa-style hat. The white fuzzy ball at its top bobbed as she nodded happily. Her clawed hand reached forward, offering him a human-sized version of the same bit of apparel.

“Oh. Right.” Once the Karnakians found out about Christmas, they applied their usual zeal to making sure the good ship Lt’snat’al was very much ready for the holiday. The ship’s fabbers now groaned under the burden of producing tinsel and multi-colored lights.

So, so many lights. He damn near had to wear sunglasses while walking the corridors. He sighed and took the proffered hat, not missing the little extra caress that Kelly gave the back of his hand. Just in case there was any doubt, she gave him a slow wink. “[I just read up about mistletoe, by the way.]”

She turned and trotted off down the hallway, her fan-feathered tail swishing almost hypnotically. Mick watched her go as he admired the way her form-fitting uniform accentuated her haunches. Now that he was over the initial shock of a giant raptor interested in him in that way, he had to admit he was coming around to the idea. Provided they could ‘do the deed’ without him needing emergency surgery, of course.

He headed to his duty station, unfortunately in the other direction from Kelly’s. He set the Santa hat on his head as he decided not to be a Scrooge about the whole nonsense. He almost reconsidered that declaration as, for the ten billionth time that week, Bing Crosby started crooning ‘White Christmas’ over the ship’s PA.

________

Captain Pkan’tiil’tah (AKA ‘Pete’) turned and smiled as his smallest crewman entered the bridge. “|Seasons Greetings, Little-Sassy-Face! I see you received your hat!|” The Captain reached up and settled his own [Santa-Hat] more firmly over his crest.

“[Good morning, sir. Oh, and [Merry Christmas] to you as well.]” The little-needs-protecting moved over to the communications station. Pkan’tiil’tah’s idea to let the small alien handle such a sensitive task had worked out splendidly. The Lt’snat’al always got the choicest of berths wherever they went.

“|Have you made your choice of a little-needs-protecting motion picture for this evening?|”

Little-Sassy-Face shrugged. “[I mean, I’m fine with whatever the crew votes for.]” He paused in thought. “[As long as it’s not [White Christmas]. I willveto that one.]”

“|Fair enough, but this is your cultural holiday! You’re the expert in this area, and we want to see the best [Christmas] movie!|”

Somehow, the Captain regretted those last words as soon as they emerged from his throat. Little-Sassy-Face swiveled in his high chair to face him with thatgleeful look on his face. The one that the crew had come to know all too well.

“[The best ever? Well, there is one I have in mind but it’s not technically approved by the OIH. It’s been held up in committee for a while.]”

Pkan’tiil’tah rallied. “|Well, I have faith in you. I’m sure we’d all be happy to close our rear eyes to such a minor transgression.|”

Privately, the Captain wondered why, in the name of the Netherworld, a [Christmas] movie would need to be approved by the [OIH]. Surely a movie about a holiday built upon togetherness and merriment would sail through any possible internal bureaucracy?

________

Mick wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or a great idea. Movie Time was a ship-board tradition, and the Captain had set up a rotation of Karnakian crewmates who got to have the human ‘roost’ on them during watching. Tonight, of course, it was Kelly’s turn; Mick suspected some shenanigans on her part to make sure that tonight of all nights she was the ‘hot seat’, as it were.

Still, she made a dandy recliner. He leaned back into her chest floof with a contented sigh. He made sure he had his economy-sized tub of popcorn close at hand while he set up his terminal to stream directly to the much larger viewscreen of the crew lounge. The rest of the crew gave out little peeps of excitement as the screen lit up.

Kelly placed her clawed hands on his shoulders in a friendly caress. “|So what movie did you pick?|”

On the screen, a giant pre-Contact plane landed amongst plenty of golden magic-hour lighting.

“The Captain asked for the best Christmas movie ever, so here it is.” Mick spoke up so that all could hear. “My fellow sapients, I present to you “Die Hard”.”

What followed was, in Mick’s eyes, glorious.

For the Karnakians? Not so much.

________

The credits rolled as Beethoven’s Ninth gently wafted out of the speakers. The lounge was now silent again; there had been a lot of oh so very concernedtrilling during the movie itself, not to mention quite a few gasps.

“Man, I love that movie!” Mick set aside his now-empty tub and snuggled back into Kelly’s chest.

The Captain shook himself, as if coming out of a trance. “[Well, that was...was very something!]” He stroked a clawed finger under his chin. “|But is it truly a [Christmas movie]? I mean, I understand that it’s set at [Christmas-time], but it was much more…violent than I expected.|”

By now Kelly had Mick in a clingy hug, almost as if she was afraid that some sharply-dressed German terrorist would show up to steal him. “[It is, though! The hero realized the importance of family and pulling together! Isn’t that what [Christmas] is about?]”

That set off a spirited discussion amongst the crew, though mercifully it didn’t devolve into a full-on religious debate. In the end they all agreed that the movie was about the importance of family, that Eillis was an idiot asshole but really didn’t deserve his fate, and that Hans was a big jerk meany-pants who totally deserved what he got.

Oh, and that ‘Die Hard’ was indeed a Christmas movie. Mick was happy about that, and also noticed that Kelly’s ever-firmer hug had managed to nearly submerge him in her chest-floof. His renewed suspicions about her motives became confirmed when he saw, over his head, a sprig of green leaves interspersed with red berries dangling from Kelly’s clawed finger.

“[What do you say?]” she whispered. “[Want to go back to my quarters and observe some traditions?]”

Mick looked up and back at her grin. For once the sight of all those teeth didn’t make him flinch. Maybe it was due to a post-McClane high, but for now any qualms had disappeared. “I’d love to.”

She responded with a pleasing shiver of excitement. Then she said, more loudly, “[Well, it’s time for [Mick] to get to bed! The earlier he goes to sleep, the quicker Santa comes tomorrow!]”

The Captain tilted his head and his eyes narrowed in a clear indication that he knew exactly what the two were about to get up to. Kelly stared back with an innocent, goofy grin as some silent communication passed between the two. Finally, he nodded.

________

Mick half expected the excitable Karnakian to just tear his clothes off the minute they got to her quarters, but instead she set him down with great caution and stepped into the middle of the round, cushioned nest which was the Karnakian’s analogy of a bed. She crooked a finger at him and he obediently stepped up to the nest’s raised lip.

She brought the tip of her scaly muzzle almost to his lips, then again dangled the fake mistletoe above them both. Mick wondered how much fabber time she’d shelled out to make the prop.

“[Well? Shall we?]” Kelly was close enough for him to feel her warm breath wash over his face, and Mick realized she was waiting for him to make the first move.

He carefully brought his hands up to clasp her snout, then leaned forward to kiss her. She shivered again as their lips made contact. Mick half expected her to pounce and shove her tongue down his throat, but again she waited for him to initiate. His first tentative lick at her lips was met with an equally gentle lap of her own, and within moments the kiss turned from a gentle peck into something much deeper. Kelly was still careful, though, using her tongue to wrestle with his and keep the latter well away from her teeth.

After a long and wonderful time Mick finally pulled back, but not before Kelly gave his upper lip a final lick. “Whew. That was…nice.”

“[Yes, but that was just the beginning. Now I want my present unwrapped. Here, I’ll unwrap yours.]”

Mick stared in confusion for a moment, then Kelly made a great show of reaching with exquisite slowness down past her chest to the zipper of her own uniform. She tugged it with that same care down, exposing the paler red of her belly, and then moved it much lower. The penny finally dropped for the human, and he wasted no time in shucking out of his uniform.

Mick stared as if hypnotized while she pulled her arms out of their ‘sleeves’, then pushed down with both hands at her outfit, exposing her legs. The feathers covering the latter were more downy than fluffy, and he could see the powerful muscles of her haunches flex as she stepped out of her uniform.

Kelly floofed herself out in a red Karnakian smug-ball as she reached up and tossed away her oversized Santa hat. She regarded with clear lust his own, much smaller figure. Mick resisted the urge to cover his crotch as she brought herself closer to regard his manhood with a curious little trill.

“[Oh, that’s right. I forgot yours is external.]”

“Ye…yeah,” he stammered. “I mean, I know it’s not as big as one of your males…”

“[You let me worry about that.]” She stepped back and patted the center of the nest’s cushioned surface. “[Lie here, please.]”

He reached up to take off his own Santa hat, only to be stopped by an admonishing claw. “[No. The hat stays on.]”

Mick obeyed, then scrambled over the lip of the nest and lay back on the indicated spot. Kelly’s feathers smoothed back down as she loomed over him, staring with clear lewd intent down at his flushed face. His heart felt like he was running a marathon; was he really going to do this? His fears quelled as she reached down with one hand and ran her fingers along one side of his face; the feel of her claws ever-so-gently trailing down his cheek made his eyes close in bliss.

“[Don’t worry, my little mate,]” she murmured. “[I will be gentle. Just don’t move, all right?]”

He couldn’t speak by this point, he could only nod. Kelly grinned and licked at one side of his neck, then trailed that huge tongue down his chest, then further down to his belly. With care, she spread his legs so she could perch herself right below his member. Mick gasped as she began to tease him with long, wet strokes back-and-forth across his scrotum. His cock twitched in response, and with a pleased hum she then licked up his shaft. After a few repetitions of that same process, he was hard as diamonds. His huge lover continued to swirl her tongue around, up and down.

She stopped for a moment and stared at her handiwork. “[Yes, this will be plenty big enough. Interesting that it’s so blunt. And this head is so cute!]” Kelly began to lap at his cock-head, causing Mick to grip the cushioning below him and give another, much louder gasp.

“[Sorry! Does that hurt?]”

Mick had to take a few breaths before responding. “N..no, it’s just that part is really sensitive.”

“[Hmmm, duly noted. Now…don’t move.]” Kelly placed her clawed hands on his upper thighs, pinning him firmly to the nest. She made sure to keep eye contact with Mick as her tongue began to coil down his entire length. The sight and sensation of the long, wet muscle encasing his cock almost made him erupt right then and there, but he managed to keep control. Once he was fully wrapped up, she then lowered her muzzle down over him and began to suck and massage his member.

Mick threw his head back and tried to think of boring stuff such as communication protocols, safety regs, the square root of pi, but he was mere flesh and blood and couldn’t survive such an assault for long. He cried out as he spurted into her mouth. Kelly gave an approving rumble as she continued to massage his spasming cock, only letting it slip from her muzzle once he was completely spent.

She gave his softening member a final, happy lick. “[Very delicious. You must have been quite pent up.]” Her confident look softened into uncertainty. “[Um, would you like to return the favor?]”

By now Mick would have happily committed armed robbery for her. “Of course! Here, I’ll scootch back and you lie down on your back. That’s probably safest.” He maneuvered to the edge of the nest as Kelly sprawled on her back in front of him. Her legs parted, spreading out wide as she offered herself. For the first time he could see the pale, purple-tinged flesh of her slit; as he continued to stare in lust at the sight, her lower lips began to flush a deeper purple.

“[I like the way you look at me,]” whispered Kelly.

Mick grinned. “Don’t worry, I’m not just gonna look.” He leaned towards the lovely sight, only to be stopped by a declaration from Kelly.

“[Just don’t use your tongue.]”

He looked up in confusion. “Why not?”

“[It’ll go numb, and you won’t be able to talk for a while.]” He continued to stare, nonplussed, so she added “[Just touch me and you’ll understand.]”

“All right. Fingers it is, then…” Mick laid himself along her tail and reached for his goal. He carefully parted her sex, noting how farther into her sex the purple coloration became even more pronounced. The sheen of her arousal was already evident, and he could smell a faint musky, spicy odor wafting from her core. It was very pleasant, so he dove in with two fingers to start with.

The moment he was past the first knuckles of those fingers, he felt a tingle running up them. It was nowhere near as painful as touching a live wire, this was more akin to a very mild static shock. “Your genitals are bioelectric?”

“[Mmmm hmmm. Keep going, please.]”

By the time his fingers were all the way inside her, his whole hand tingled. Her inner muscles clenched around the intruders, and he realized that his smaller size was not going to be a problem when it came time for the main event. He began to pump his digits in and out, causing the huge Karnakian’s head to loll back against the nest with a thrilled rumble.

“[Yes, yes, just a little more please…]”

Mick dutifully added another finger and pressed; by now the tingle spread up his forearm towards his elbow. He began to swirl his fingers around as well, exploring the alien texture of her sex. That seemed to do the trick, and Kelly let out a loud trill. Now it was her turn to clutch at the cushions of the nest while her huge thighs trembled on either side of Mick’s head.

“[YES, that! Just like thhhaaatltnalnf %ERROR%possible diety reference%ERROR…]” Her voice devolved into un-translated babbling. Mick continued his ministrations, hoping his arm wouldn’t go numb before he was able to get her off.

His fear was unjustified; after about half a minute of his efforts he felt her cunny clench even tighter. It would have been painful if his fingers weren’t already half-numb. Kelly let out a long, wordless trilling scream as her thighs clamped inward against his upper body; a fresh shock of bioelectricity ran up Mick’s arm, numbing it further. She still maintained enough control to not crush him, and after a long moment of climax she relaxed, sprawling spread-eagled and floppy against the floor of her nest.

Mick chuckled at the sight of the undone alien. He moved his way up through the floof towards her head while she panted in post-orgasmic bliss. It was a little more difficult than he anticipated; his right arm was now numb up to his bicep. She blinked and brought her muzzle down to look at him just as he reached her, and he gave her nose a gentle smooch.

“I take it you liked that?” He figured seeing her reaction was well worth a numb arm.

“[You…you little menace. Whoof. You’ve got such nimble little fingers. Better than any of my toys.]”

They kissed again, and this time she probed a little more deeply into his mouth. Mick gave a little squeak of surprise into her mouth as she reached up and around to grip his bare ass. She held him in place and began flexing beneath him, causing the down of her chest and belly to rub against his rapidly re-hardening member.

Kelly pulled her tongue out and grinned. “[I bet I could make you climax just from this.]”

Mick tried and failed to ignore the marvelous sensation of her feathers brushing around his cock. “I’m…I’m sure you could. But I imagine you’d prefer me, er, inside?”

“[Of course. You should stay on top.]”

He gave her snout another smooch and scootched himself back down. Ordinarily he would have been at least a little uncertain about sticking Little Mick into anything electrified, but right now he simply did not care. He had a giant lover to satisfy.

________

K’than’thalis panted in anticipation as she watched him line himself up with her slit. The pair moaned in unison as he slid into her. Little-Sassy-Face gave out a loud gasp as he felt the effects of her bioelectricity on that wonderful cock of his. He didn’t let that stop him, however, and he began thrusting with a will. She flexed her internal muscles, reveling in the novel sensation of his broad cock-head churning inside her. The Karnakian felt her face flush purple as a wonderful, familiar tingle began again in her nethers.

But that was only half of the pleasure; the other half came from watching her paramour’s aura swirl in the most amazing way. Little-needs-protectings always had a very ‘sparkly’ aura, but as she’d sucked upon him it had increased in intensity and speed. Now that aura was even more intense and ‘swirly’, for want of a better word.

She caressed the little-needs-protecting’s body as she lay back and let him do the work; his hips pumped with abandon while his gasps grew louder in counterpoint with her own cries. At last she called out another prayer to the Great Spirit as she shook in her climax; the extra tingle from her sex made her lover also call out some sort of religious exhortation as he trembled against her. K’than’thalis purred as she felt his warm seed flood into her, and he collapsed against her belly while he remained embedded deep inside her cunny. She could feel him begin to soften within her.

But she wasn’t done with this sassy little alien yet.

K’than’thalis trailed her claws down his back again as she flexed her sex, sending another surge of bioelectricity into Little-Sassy-Face’s member. She felt him go instantly hard inside her again and she trilled in triumph.

“|Let’s go again.|” She didn’t phrase it as a request.

Her lover pressed his hands against her belly to prop himself up, panting as he replied. “[Wait, please. I can’t…can’t feel my hips.]”

“|Relax, love. It’s my turn to do the work.|”

________

Mick didn’t have a chance to protest. He could just barely feel his cock, and his hips and thighs felt like they belonged to someone else. But he could only gasp again as Kelly’s legs closed around him, trapping him in place.

Ever so gently, she began to rock. This was not the mad, thrusting affair of their first coupling. This was a slow, steady, maddening rhythm. The tingling spread throughout his pelvis, up his spine and down his legs. It felt like he was being converted into sexual flesh, making his whole body feel the same as his cock trapped in Kelly’s lovely velvet vise.

The Karnakian’s trilling grew deeper and more lustful as she sped up her rocking. She gripped his hips tighter with her thighs and used that hold to start thrusting him into herself. The extra sensation made the resulting bioelectric shocks spread further into Mick, and all he could do was hang on for dear life.

She sped up her rocking and thrusting; he hoped she was close, or his heart might literally stop. Just as he had that thought, she hilted him inside herself as her cunny clamped tight. The resulting electric surge made him howl as he erupted. Kelly’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and she clamped him tight against herself while the pair shook in their mutual climax.

Once they’d subsided, she delicately plucked him up and out of her, pressing his naked form into her fluffy chest. Mick could only lie there and drool while he felt her heaving breaths slow back to normal. He knew he was going to be useless for a while, certainly incapable of walking. Now he understood her admonition to not use his mouth or tongue. If he’d done that, he would’ve sounded like he’d suffered massive head trauma.

Kelly shifted him so that his head was tucked right under the crook of her neck. “[Just relax, my dear. I’ll watch over you while you sleep.]”

In spite of having just gone through the most intense sexual experience of his life, Mick was far from tired. Maybe it was an effect of her bioelectricity? Another thought struck him…now that she’d accomplished her mission to fuck him, did Kelly want to keep this going?

He raised his non-numb left hand to pat one of the feathered arms wrapped around his torso. “No worries. Just…um…” His mind whirled. Did Karnakians even have such a thing as a ‘one-night-stand’?

Her scaly lips pressed against his forehead, and in response to the gentle kiss he swiveled his head up to look at her. Kelly’s worried yellow eyes gazed back, and his own fear melted under an unspoken communication that somehow transcended species. She was worried that he was about to dump her.

Thus encouraged, he smiled. “I’ll need some recovery time before we do it again. That was…it was wonderful and intense, and you should consider those place-holder words while I scour the English language for some more majestic and appropriate ones. I might even have to compose a sonnet.”

Her peeping response further melted his heart. “|So…so you liked it? I mean, I was watching your aura and I thought things were going well, but…|”

Mick cut short Kelly’s response by scooting up with his one good arm and kissing her snout, right in between her nostrils. “Babe, you’ve got me as long as you want me. Unless I’ve totally mis-read this situation, in which case I apolguullmphthhmmm…”

His long-winded back-and-forth explanation was cut short as Kelly’s tongue barged past his lips, its long and winding length mapping the insides of his mouth. Mick’s eyes damn near rolled back into his head as she ravished him for a long, long time before finally pulling out with a wet slurp. A long strand of saliva connected their lips as she smiled in triumph.

“[Do you understand, now?]” she purred.

In response he pressed his head down again right against the little ‘ruff’ of feathers around her scaly neck. He embraced that neck…well, as well as he could with one good arm. “I do.” He chuckled. “I’ll still need awhile to recover, though.”

“[You should be fine in a couple of hours. If the numbness lasts longer than that, let me know and I’ll get the ship’s doctor to look you over.]”

“Let’s hold off on that as long as possible, eh?” The doctor would be discreet, but everyone else would notice that visit and thus know that he and Kelly were canoodling. It wasn’t strictly against regulations, since they were in different departments. After all, it was impossible to stick a bunch of people in a tin can out into the middle of an infinite black void and then ask them to keep their hands off of each other. But there was also the problem of species. Mick had gleaned that those who sought the company of humans were somewhat looked down on.

Right now, he’d tell those looker-downers to go get stuffed because he’d just had the most epic sexual experience of his life. Not to mention Kelly had managed it without putting him in the medbay, while also getting across just how much she cared for him.

Although…now that he thought about it, there was one thing that still didn’t make sense. “Hmmm.”

Kelly raised her head. “[What?]”

“I was worried about the possible doctor’s visit and everyone putting two and two together. But now that I think about it, the Captain gave you a look back there in the lounge. I mean, I knew your declaration you were putting me to bed was so much nonsense, and that we were going back to your place to get it on. But I got the sneaking suspicion he knew as well. Yet he let us leave anyway.”

His Karnakian lover shifted uncomfortably beneath him.

“Kelly?”

There was no reply as she looked off to the side, not meeting his eyes.

Mick glared up at her. “Kellyyy?” He drew out the last syllable of her name in an unspoken tone of you’d better talk right now.

She took a deep breath, and his translator barely managed to keep up with the resulting torrent. “[TheCaptainagreedIcouldfuckyousillyifyouplayedSantatomorrowandhandedoutpresents!]”

He blinked as he parsed the run-on sentence. “You. And the Captain. Want me. To play. Santa?”

Another deep breath, another torrent. “[Butthat’snotwhyIwantedtohavesexwithyouit’sbecauseyou’resoniceandcuteandbraveandIjustwantedtoholdyoucloseandfeelyouinsidemeandwatchyourauraandthenlookafteryoufortherestofmylife-]”

Mick stopped the second torrent by placing his functioning left hand on top of her snout. “Okay. Okay, I understand. You took advantage of a human holiday to get with me without too much trouble from your superior. I get it.”

His hand dropped away. “Not to mention I’ve just supplied Captain Pete with plenty of blackmail material thanks to showing a non-OIH-approved movie to a bunch of Karnakians, of all things. So I can’t complain about entrapment without getting in big trouble myself.” He chuckled, but it was the laugh of one strolling past a graveyard. “Suppose I have no choice, eh?”

“[You always have a choice.]” Kelly’s firm declaration took him by surprise, and he pushed himself up so that he was now straddling his huge lover’s chest.

“What do you mean?”

“[There’s no ‘or else’ implied here, dear. The Captain merely asked me to ask you to play Santa and hand out presents tomorrow morning. I agreed, provided he gave me a certain…leeway as to how I asked.]”

Mick laughed again, but he felt his dark mood dissipate. “Okay…okay. Do you want me to put on a fake beard that badly?”

“[Trust me, [Mick], that was no chore. Feeling you inside me, plus watching your aura? You made me merge with the Great Spirit as never before.]” Her claws stroked down his bare back. “[Even if you refuse, you and I can still be what the [humans] term ‘An Item’.]”

The human grumbled as he let himself drop back down against the soft expanse of Kelly’s chest. In spite of his residual resentment, he had to admit that she made a really good mattress.

He reached up towards his scalp and realized that, in spite of all his recent exertions, he still had his issued Santa hat upon his head.

“Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about that part of the costume at least.”

The Karnakian’s crest rose hopefully as Mick patted her chest with his still-functioning hand. “Okay, I’ll do it.”