The Lady of Iron Chapter 9
Added 2025-04-26 19:08:36 +0000 UTCIs here. (Also, the previous chapter is fully edited)
This isn't a final draft, though I have given it at least a brief run-through. Either way, let me know your thoughts below!
Oh, and a comment will be left below once it's passed editing.
Additionally, this marks the second chapter that is ahead of the public release. I hope to eventually get it so that patreon releases are a full 4 chapters (or more) ahead of the public release but we'll see on that one.
Comments
That was wonderfully helpful! I eagerly look forward to reading what you think of the coming chapters!
Ellusive
2025-04-30 05:27:00 +0000 UTCGood Evening Ravens, I have read through the latest chapter a number of times, and am quite impressed with how you've managed to expertly weave the Iron Warrior motif into the mythology of Olympia that makes sense both In-Universe (Based on Dammekos' background, I suspect that the First Iron Warrior was actually a Man of Iron designed to protect the planet from external threats, and the myths spread from there) and Meta (The Iron Warrior being Olympia's version of the Bronze Titan Talus). As an additional sidenote for possible improvement, the Iron Warrior term could also be further tied to Olympia by giving an archaic designation based on the Ancient Greek language: Siderenios Polemarchos, or something more bastardised to accenuate the Post-Strife period in 30k. I've also liked how you managed to bring up Perturabo's name into Tanya's subconcious and it is immediately discarded in favour of an Olympian name (Honestly, I have no idea what the Emperor was thinking at the time when he added that into the primarch genetics). I've also liked how Tanya's mercenary knowledge paying off (Her knowledge of the Twelve and the other city states on the planet, along with the mercenaries that she can recruit to expand on her force without putting a strain on Lochos' resources - an excellent time to foreshadow how she will train and lead the IVth Legion when they arrive). I also like how she manages to still be critical, but much better at respecting others opinions but able to silence any foolhardy ideas with a look and a scowl (naturally amplified by her Primarch Aura). In regard to the other characters in this chapter, I have to admit that Dammekos is certainly interesting - Cunning and ruthless, but smart and versatile in his rule (he somewhat reminds me of King Eurystheus from the labours of Hercules). Miltides is also a good POV to show the ingrained Olympian paranoia and suspicion. I hope that this review is helpful. Kind Regards.
TheHydra77
2025-04-29 19:24:16 +0000 UTCChapter is now fully edited.
Ellusive
2025-04-28 03:53:52 +0000 UTC
