Test Read Chapters 1-5, Get a Sticker

BTW, I'm super pleased to see that you identified a few major things here: The strengths and weaknesses of the characters, which together make a stronger whole. Also the wholesome attraction between Pepro and Tristan. I'm hoping that forms a believable basis for what comes later. And, finally, that there is something "not right" in this new world. There's a lot of promise but, as usual, vigilance is wise when everything seems too perfect.

Aetus AD

That is one of the finest bits of feedback I've ever received on my writing! It's clear, concise, and helpful. Thank you so much! It clearly took time to do so I shall draw you an extra sticker this month or I can do a drawing in place of stickers, just let me know what you'd like.

Aetus AD

Having read the available chapters of Whiterock, here is my feedback on it so far. First of all, the story of Whiterock is a pretty interesting premise. It's pretty neat to read about this fictional world in which how a society of sapient birds that have emerged after humanity's collapse differs from humans (such as hunting for animals, like traditional), but also how they might function similarly to humans (such as bestowing a ring or gifts to your significant other). All of the locations and characters in Whiterock are described in great detail, allowing the reader to get a good idea in their minds of what places and our bird protagonists look like. Because of their new found intelligence and ability to communicate in spoken language, we see different combinations of birds working and living peacefully together that you wouldn't normally wouldn't see, as ravens, owls, and eagles all together, performing the various daily jobs and tasks they have been given. This is a pretty interesting way to set up how different characters might interact with each other. Although the world of Whiterock seems peaceful at first after many generations of wars and struggles between different kingdoms of birds, we quickly learn that there is still danger to be found in the world. I have not seen any main antagonistic characters yet, but a few of them have acted a bit suspiciously, making me wonder if they are simply putting on a front of being nice and friendly, but are secretly concealing the violence inside their hearts? After reading the available chapters, I'm curious to find out. The main protagonists are an unusual duo of birds, a nearly adult bald eagle and a barn owl, but the two are the best of friends. There's plenty of cute interactions between the two, and we see a bit later on during their journey to city of Whiterock how much they care about each other. They both have their share of different strengths and weaknesses, that will no doubt come up further times in the story, leading to more potential conflict they will have to overcome. Like I mentioned before, the style of writing in the story is very descriptive, and the protagonists are given clear goals as to what they need to do. I felt that Chapter 3 was a bit short (only 4 pages long) and that it could be combined with Chapter 4 as the chapters take place right next to each other in the story with no time in-between. There were also a few minor grammatical errors I noticed on a few of the pages (20, 37, 38, 39, 42, and 48) but nothing that a little editing can't take care of. Page 35 is also seems to be completely blank? Also I believe that Chapters 4 and 5 have been mislabeled as 1 and 2. Aside from these, the story flows well and there's nothing that sticks out to me as being jarring or abrupt. I'm interested in seeing how the rest of Whiterock unfolds. The premise of it and the plot so far creates a lot of potential for many more interesting developments. Plus all the characters are birds. Birds are cool! That's enough of a reason right there to give it a look.

It’s pretty close to the same. I didn’t get much response so I added the reward as an incentive. It’s awesome that you read it. I’d love to get your feedback!

Aetus AD

Is it the same version as the one you posted in January? I couldn't spot any obvious difference save for a few typos. I'll try to write a quick review before the deadline!