Just a personal update (updated)

My grandmother ascended around midnight last night. My dad told me there was a big electrical thunder and lightning storm right around that time. I’m happy for her - she wanted to go - but so sad and greiving very hard atm. I’m planning to go back to see my family once I hear when the services will be so I can plan being there for that as well. Thanks o much for all your love and compassion. This layered grief is very challenging.

I’m so sorry to share so many downer updates with you this year already. It’s been so tough.

My grandmother(Nanny) is now actively dying. I won’t make it there in time to see her (she in NJ and me in FL) and I’m coming to terms with that. She is in hospital atm and will be moved to hospice at home if she makes it that long. I’m planning to go be with family this week but don’t yet have a concrete plan. Just processing a lot right now and doing my best to anchor in calm even if I’m 1000 miles away.

Nanny, Carole, has shaped me so much. The most generous and fun to talk to person. I never couldn’t be honest with her. I never had to hide anything. She was one of the few people in my life as a child and young adult that I felt not only seen by, also accepted and loved. She was spooky too lol. I lovingly call her spooky Nanny. Lol. And def influenced me to be less fearful and accepting of all the ups and downs in life. The shadow and light. When I was a little girl, we would be driving late from Philly through the pine barrens she would tell me about the Jersey devil, but how we were safe because she was a good witch and could protect us.

There’s been so much grief. I’m still grieving Bomba, Blanca, now in the pre-grief stages for Nanny.

I know she’ll be with my mom, my uncle, and Poppy as well as all her pets and sisters. I know she is ready. It still is very painful for us left behind.

I may be a little quiet this week as I get a plan together and visit my family in NJ,.

Thanks so much for your kindness and rich compassion with me over such a challenging time. I’m so grateful to you.

Xoxox

Jillian