Lack of content past month... (ramble)

I'm not gonna lie: It's my own fault. I spent too much time working on the game for the first 2 and a half week of November and when I actually went to work on images and stories several other events happened, making it harder to simply sit down and draw or write.

Some of you already read about how my aunt ended up in the hospital. She was close with my father and me since she lived at the end of the street. She was around here a lot back when my father had just died so, naturally, seeing and hearing what had happened had quite some impact.

My father's dog suffered from cancer and was growing rapidly in all the wrong areas. Other than that he also became more aggressive due to the pain he suffered. We met up as a family when the vet came and cried all together. Though we shared little memories about the dog, it was another piece of my father that had passed away.

These events at first didn't motivate me to go back to work and when I did sat down at my desk I realized how much I still needed to deliver in order to keep people interested. This caused a lot of pressure making me rush stories and after rushing it for a full day of work realize it was all just a bunch of shit. 17 pages out the window because it was a repetitive daily cycle that the viewers would read. It made sense, due to the story, but in terms of entertainment... is it fun reading how something happens over and over each day? nah... I don't think so.

So throwing away one story after another I was only building up more pressure for myself. The result was nothing but the same: sketches weren't good enough and the stories lacked in depth and creativity.

Now I could've rushed everything out and pretend I was happy with it. However, enough is enough. I'm struggling to get content out because in all honesty: I don't even know what people want anymore.

I started doing bondage artwork mainly focusing on selfbondage. This was fun for a while but selfbondage is always limited. In a way, you always need a machine or something unexplainable to happen. If you go down the route of realistic selfbondage and explaining every detail, people are only going to question and ask how much more you can come up with (so they can actually play those scenario's).

I did tubes for a while but I'm still haunted by that to this very day. I like tubes a lot don't get me wrong. I just doubt the level of entertainment it gives people when every story ends the same way. (tubes are locked in place, forced to swallow etc).

When I look around me I see great succesful artists who have put a lot of work and effort into their style and now they're sowing the fruits of it. I always thought that improving my own style would sooner or later get me enough followers/supporters to become a full time artist. The sad thing is, that even now that I've improved compared to older artworks, I see/find artists doing much simpler artwork and earning much more.

"Is it only about the money?" you might ask. It wasn't when I started all of this and it still isn't right now but you have to understand something: I'm currently at that edge where I have to be realistic and need to make a choice. I need to ask myself: Do I earn enough to make it as an artist? The answer right now is: I don't think so. If you're curious about the numbers(since fanbox doesn't show them?): I currently have around 240 subscribers here on fanbox and an income of about 1400/1500 dollars. Gumroad packs are always a gamble. On average I make about 300/400 each month off of those. That's all neat and stuff but taxes are still coming... yikes :D

I shouldn't complain because the numbers are rising slowly each month. But still, looking around the landscape of artists and seeing some people doing the same thing over and over and making 6 times as much as I do with little to no improvement in their artwork definitely stings a bit. It feels as if I'm doing wrong. As if I'm missing out.

One of the things I've noticed is the fact that many of those artists tend to focus on more established characters. Just look around you on the internet. The amount of game/anime or movie characters are off the charts and that's where the big money probably is.

"So why don't you do that instead?"

to be honest, I always thought my own characters were enough since people specifically asked for them and their stories/silly images. Other than that: Lore accurate people are always on the lookout as soon as you write a piece that is incorrect. Last but not least and also the most important: I'm selling packs containing stories and artworks of characters that aren't mine. What happens if I get a copyright strike? How much will I need to pay if I get fined?

"Other artists do it too, why not?"

Because... many of those artists actually portray characters in a nice way. Not in a way where they get dragged along in tight bondage and fucked without mercy by some strange machine in the end.

Sigh... I talk and worry too much don't I? Now that my father's gone I don't really have someone to talk to, maybe that's why...

Maybe I should do more characters and worry a bit less... Maybe... just maybe... it might be the best thing I've done yet.

Regarding the image above: I'm posting the image and story tomorrow in the 411 folder.

Anyway... I will focus more on artwork and stories next month. Thank you for listening to my ramble if you came this far. If you have any feedback, leave a comment below. I'd be glad to read it and learn from it. (knowledge is always welcome :D)