Now Seating for Seconds, Thirds, and Fourths

Ah! 🥖 Mes adorables petit henchcuties...

Ze Patreon Exclusive Audios...how you say...are back on ze menu. Yes yes, freshly served, still sizzling, absolutely undercooked in places, but ze flavour? Magnifique.

You will take ze first course.
You will come back for seconds.
Zere will be thirds.
Maybe even ze fourths.
Do not ask about fifths. We are not legally liable.

Bring an antacid.
Bring two.
And do not wear tight trousers.

Bon appétit, you ridiculous little gremlins. 😌🍷

🐟 30th September 2025

Cuddly cat-girl reveals unhinged tuna addiction mid-evening, casually threatens arson until you “pay the fish tax.”
(You thought it was a date. It’s a hostage situation.)

🎭 1st October 2025

Brit “undercover” in the US with an accent so bad it could cause an international incident.
(Legally inadvisable. Vocally unforgivable.)

📊 2nd October 2025

Your “adorable” office gremlin leans across the desk, batting her lashes while sliding over a 200-page analytics report. She swears it’s “tiny.”
(You cave immediately. She knew you would.)

🦖 3rd October 2025

She’s a T-rex who just wants a hug. You give her extendable arms. She cries. You cry. Everyone cries.
(Science wins. Your sleeves do not.)

📝 4th October 2025

Dating a book critic who trashes your AO3 fic. She reads you for filth, chapter by chapter.
(Love language: literary violence.)

📚 5th October 2025

Same critic, but now she realises the vicious comment was hers. Full panic. Damage control. Possibly flowers.
(Oops. She roasted you. Now she wants a cuddle.)

🤖 6th October 2025

Comfort android mirrors your mood. Copies your self-loathing. Declares you’re the toxic one.
(You wanted support. You got a mirror with opinions.)

👽 7th October 2025

Alien girlfriend whose biology makes touch impossible. One brush of skin and you’d be gone.
(She still hovers close, hands trembling, desperate just to hold yours.)

🔧 8th October 2025

A helpful repair drone appears wherever you look away. Begins "repairing" your life choices.
(You didn’t ask. It intervened anyway.)

🤗 9th October 2025

Over-eager cuddle succubus keeps trying to “sneak” hugs. You are hugged. Constantly. Without warning.
(You stopped resisting two days ago. She didn’t notice.)

👑 10th October 2025

Insignificant noble manipulates her knight into atrocities. No excuses. You chose this.
(Hope the crown fits.)

🧨 11th October 2025

Regal tyrant enthralls her knight. This one’s got a moral shield.
(“I was just following orders.” You weren’t. But go off.)

🎩 12th October 2025

Your girlfriend redeems her “celebrity free pass.” Rasputin returns from the dead to honour it.
(Apparently the rules don’t expire. Neither does he.)

🌕 13th October 2025

Werewolf girlfriend on a planet with too many moons. She spends half her week oversized, fuzzy, and begging for head pats.
(Every moonrise is cuddle o’clock. Transformation is basically foreplay for snuggles.)

🧜‍♀️ 14th October 2025

Cat-girl marine biologist falls for the mermaid she’s meant to be studying.
(Objectivity lost at sea. So is she.)

🦖 15th October 2025

Lonely T-rex throws tantrums because she can’t hug. Again.
(You’re her arms. Do your job.)

👗 16th October 2025

Locked in a room. Girlfriend asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” You are not equipped.
(There is no safe answer. Only consequences.)

🦹 17th October 2025

Villain interviews a potential sidekick. They’re more evil than she is. She is thrilled.
(Onboarding: successful. Morals: optional.)

🛠️ 18th October 2025

Wayward takes her car to the mechanic. Pretends to know cars. Does not know cars.
(Says “radiator” with confidence. Points at the glove box.)

🛋️ 19th October 2025

You wake in IKEA with your girlfriend. The doors are locked. Neither of you remember arriving.
(The lights never turn off. She whispers that the store has been watching you.)

🕵️‍♀️ 20th October 2025

1940s hardboiled detective wakes up in the modern day. Refuses to modernise.
(Still solving crime. Now suspicious of smartphones.)

🚀 21st October 2025

You promised a date after the mission. You’re still in orbit. Russians keep interrupting.
(Zero gravity. Zero romance. Zero privacy.)

🧺 22nd October 2025

Domestic Serial Killer, Pt 1: traffic, awkward small talk, maybe murder prep.
(Just a normal day. Almost.)

🩸 23rd October 2025

Domestic Serial Killer, Pt 2: she’s almost ready to act—then discovers someone else got there first.
(Nothing ruins a murder like sloppy competition.)

✂️ 24th October 2025

Rapunzel’s revenge. Flatmate drugged her and sold her virgin hair. She’s got scissors and vengeance.
(Split ends? No. Split skulls? Possibly.)

🔥 25th October 2025

Dragon girl with unrequited love. She burns up every time you smile at someone else.
(Pining. Fire. Possibly arson.)

📞 26th October 2025

Mid-dungeon brawl, warlock begs their customer-service god for a miracle. Hold, please.
(Your deity is currently experiencing higher-than-average smiting requests.)

⚡ 27th October 2025

Wayward as a Pokémon: mouthy, grumpy, deeply unimpressed with your Pokéball hygiene.
(Will bite.)

🎭 28th October 2025

Wayward as a Pokémon trainer. Mistakes a cosplayer for a real one. Battles ensue.
(Emotional damage: super effective.)

✨ 29th October 2025

Wide-eyed fae girl compliments a human. Accidentally insults them. Means it as high praise.
(“You’re so... dull and average!” Nailed it.)

🌒 30th October 2025

Club flirtation slips into a shadowed alley. She tastes you once and gets weirdly attached.
(Predator. Now with feelings.)

🐶 31st October 2025

Former goth turned corgi girl oscillates between “I’ll steal your soul” and “scratch my ears.”
(You’re terrified. She’s wagging.)