Milfquest

Semi-funded by a commission who showed some interest in this one, but figured I'd post it on here too. Sort of the usual body swap/enter the game story, except it's nothing but Japanese moms who don't know what an RPG is.

"I'm glad you all could make it." Hanako nodded to the three other local mothers that sat in her living room. They had become friendly with each other when their kids arranged a study group, and they often met up for tea or dinner or the like when they had some free time. "I wanted to talk to you all about this."

Hanako slapped the game case down onto the table. It showed a fairly basic fantasy adventure scene. Skeletons and orcs charged from all directions while an elf shot one beast in the eye with an arrow. A woman in a chainmail bikini lopped off a black-clad figure's head with an axe while a thick-bearded dwarf summoned a demonic looking skull into his hands with some weaving magic. "Mirror Quest" its title proudly declared in metallic letters.

"So they're too much playing video games again?" Izumi asked, the fit and tanned woman folding her arms with a frown of disapproval.

"I mean, the kids should be allowed to have their fun," Kyoko said, the short and red-haired housewife plucking up the cover before she winced at the mild carnage. "Little graphic though..."

"Not just fun. They should get a little scared once in a while." Mitsuki leaned up from her seat just enough to look over the box as she lit up a cigarette in her mouth. Kyoko cringed and shuffled slightly further away from her to avoid the smell. "So they're stabbing goblins or whatever. So what?"

"It's corrupting our youth!" Hanako  blurted. She had married an Englishman, and the group of mothers knew that a part of that included taking on his religion. Hanako could get a little touchy about some of these these when it came to good old fashioned Christian values, but she caught onto things that smelled like trouble quicker than the others. "Look at this! Violence, sexualizing women, black magic! What is this teaching our children? That it's alright to just rip someone's head off when they get angry? That summoning The Devil will solve their problems?!"

"Well... maybe it's not that bad," Kyoko offered hopefully. "You know how these things are. Like when the movie trailer is nothing like the movie because that sells better. You know the whole craze of sex and violence back in the days."

Kyoko turned the box around once more. "So you're saying we should give it a shot?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea!" Hanako quickly agreed. "We need to screen these sorts of things for our children to protect them from the evils of media that target our youth."

Mitsuki puffed out some smoke and tapped her cigarette into an ashtray. "Fuck it. I haven't played a game in ages. Let's see if this thing's half as bad as the crap I played growing up." Hanako frowned at her language, but she knew Mitsuki had a good heart. She just had a troubled past and lost her husband, so she was doing her best with her little Takeshi. Mitsuki clicked open the video game's box and a light filled the room...

"So you have arrived!" A cracking aged voice spoke from the blinding whiteness. They women blinked until their eyes adjusted to the room, finding themselves in a huge royal hall in front of a pair of thrones. A classic-looking king with a golden crowd, thick robes and a short white beard looked down on them skeptically. Beside him, a withered old man with a gray cloak and wizard hat leaned on a crooked staff. "Behold, sire, the chosen four heroes for our quest."

"Heroes?" Kyoko asked, looking around at her friends and fellow mothers. She didn't see any heroes, just... a lot of knees.

"I see then. Very well," the king said in a deep voice. "Those of you who have accepted the quest of fate hereby declared the Heroes of Galdael. Or... heroines, I suppose."

"Excuse me, but I think you're-" Hanako tried to step forward, just to nearly trip when she stepped on the hem of her robe. It was a bit generous to call it that; a tabard hung between her legs, showing the traditional Asian woman's chubby thighs. The large bust she tended to keep tucked in a sweater was now halfway out in a loose-fitting robe and a cloak over her head and back. She patted herself down and found a small metal mace on her hip.

"Ah, the first of the heroines; the foretold Hanako, the Priestess of the Lust Goddess," the obvious wizard droned.

"I'm the WHAT?!" she blurted, her face going red with anger and embarrassment at her degrading title and outfit.

"So you must be Izumi, the legendary Babe-Barian."

Izumi looked herself over, clad in what looked like half-assembled platemail shaped into a bra and panties. Some chainmail hung from her thighs and thick, high-heeled boots secured her feet, but it provided little protection based on the breeze she felt. A longsword was sheathed at her hip as the tanned and brown-haired woman grimaced. "Look, I teach yoga and work out at the gym. I'm not what I'd call a barbarian. Or whatever that was you said..."

The wizard seemed to ignore her. "And Mitsuki, the wise and gifted Necromilfer. You are welcome in this land as well despite your dark powers."

Mitsuki looked around, pursing her lips and finding a pipe in her mouth instead of her cigarette. She spit it out and lifted up her black cloak, the lean and pale woman in a black bikini underneath decorated with spikes and skulls. The hood rested on her short black hair with the red streak dyed into it. Some potions and tomes hung on a single strap of leather at her hip. "This' some bullshit," she muttered before breaking into a smirk. "But at least it looks good."

"And last but truly not least, Kyoko the Amazon Huntress..."

"Look... hey," Kyoko tried to explain. "I'm really not. We're really not. I'm just supposed to be a housewife... and why is everyone so much taller than me?" Kyoko looked up at the rest of them before realizing she was only 3 feet tall. She walked barefoot with her dainty toes out in the open, clad in leathers and a small cloak of her own. A pack with a longbow tucked into the straps hung on her back, her usual puffy red hair from her mixed heritage an obvious reminder that it was still her.

"Well it's the nature of all dwarves, Huntress or no," the wizard explained matter of factly. "But I shall not keep you from your quest. If you opened the destined tome and read the manual you must know your destiny."

"Manual?" Izumi asked, stepping up with some awkward clanking and jiggling. "Wait are we inside a video game?"

"I've never even played a video game!" Kyoko yelped. "What's a dwarf?! What's an amazon?!"

"Your quest is dire indeed!" the king declared. "Go and venture to the kingdom of Ghuul and bring peace to this world! We shall call you back to your home when you are through, but for now, Malin the Wise, send them as far along as you can with your magic!" The wizard raised his staff and waved it through the air. Some sparkles and wind flew past them before they were suddenly whipped out the window, flying over a land covered in lush forests and mountains, strange castles and huge, spooky graveyards. They saw green monster men attacking farms while giant snakes swam through swamps. Their strange sparkly field finally shot back down, landing with a loud but harmless thump in the middle of the forest.

"Is this one of those virtual reality things the kids talk about?" Izumi asked, rubbing her head as she straightened back up. She gingerly touched the handle of her sword. "Cuz it feels pretty real."

"See?! Evil and wicked!" Hanako declared. "Did you hear what they called me? Priestess of Lust! The only thing I'm praying to is Jesus, thank you very much!"

“I don’t think the game is supposed to do this,” Mitsuki explained. “This is more like a shitty old episode of Twilight Zone or something.” She patted down her pockets to check for cigarettes. She frowned as she came back with just a pipe and some old matches, but she started making do with that.

“Okay, let’s not panic here,” Kyoko insisted carefully. “Maybe… maybe this IS supposed to happen. He did know our names, after all.”

“He also called you an amazon,” Izumi added as she finally pulled out her sword. It felt heavier than she expected, to be sure. Not like a baseball bat or the kendo stick she used back in high school, but even those days were well behind her at her age. 

“Yea, but what if we have like, powers now? Like, do dwarves have powers? Anyone?”

“I don’t know about powers. I think my specialty is being the one of us to own an actual weapon… not that I know how to swing around something this heavy. What is this? An English style sword?”

“They may have just gone with the best they could,” Hanako pointed out. “Hanako, can you shoot a bow?”

“A little. I had an archery course in school, but I could barely hit a target.”

“Well I sure didn’t take a class in being a necromilfer, before you ask,” Mitsuki muttered around her clumsily smoking pipe. "Whatever that is."

"Well it's obvious they won't be helping us get back out of it until we go to Ghuul and do whatever they said to do," Hanako exdlained. "So we might as well go do that."

"He was pretty vague about that," Izumi said as she finished poking at a tree with her sword. "Maybe we should go find someone who knows what they're talking about to explain where we are and what's going on." Without much else to do in the middle of the woods, they agreed that it was their only real option. They secured their few weapons and belongings, picked a direction and started walking.

"Does anyone know when were going to stop to eat?" Mitsuki asked apathetically after a few minutes.

"No. Do we even have food?" Izumi asked, finally putting her weapon away before she just hurt herself.

"No. But do we even need to eat here? Like, is this supposed to be the video game or are we actually in the Mirror Quest world or something?"

Kyoko shrugged from around their knees. "I'm not sure. I saw Makoto watching one of those animes like this, but I couldn't make heads or tails of it."

They heard a rustling in the bushes as the all came to a halt. Kyoko fumbled to get her bow off her back while Hanako raised her modest mace at the ready. With a sudden racket of crashing branches and barks, a foursome of shaggy-haired creatures burst out of the bushes. They had thick fur that gave them a look somewhere between a werewolf and a teddy bear, with big sharp teeth and short claws poking out from all the fuzz. Beady black eyes scowled at them with malicious glee. They would later find out that they were furbolgs, dumb and vicious creatures of the forest.

"Stay away!" Hanako shrieked as she swung wildly at one of the beastmen, whacking it on the nose. It recoiled with a yelp before looking puzzled and starting to snarl. "Help! There's a fire!"

"Wait, what?" Kyoko asked, looking up at their cleric in confusion.

"I took a self-defense course once. All the instructors said that yelling 'fire' is more likely to get help than crying 'rape."

"Well self defense this!" Mitsuki stepped forward, lifting up her witchy skirts to kick the nearest furbolg in the crotch. It yelped and crumbled to its knees as two of them went after the flailing Hanako.

"I said FIRE!" she repeated, but this time her weapon burst into a radiant white flame. She blinked in surprise at the glowing weapon before she yelped and threw it to the ground, trying to stomp it out. "Oh god! Why is it on fire now?! I need that!"

"Hanako!" Izumi cut in between her and the beasts, swiping her sword around just to get something sharp in their way more than hit them. "Stop drawing so much attention. Let someone with a longer weapon and some armor try this. Besides, bears are more afraid of you than you of them."

"What part of you thinks these are bears?!"

Kyoko had her own trouble as she found herself pinned by one of the monsters. Its limbs were too long for its body, making it easier for her to curl up under its chest and let it claw up the ground instead of her, but it wasn't getting her out of there. "Hey, can anybody help? I'm a housewife, not a fighter! Which one of these dang old pockets has a knife in them... hellllp!"

When her shrill call rang out, a louder, faster series of thumping footsteps came from the woods. Kyoko curled up to ready herself for another monster, but the furbolg let out a yelp as it flew off of her. Kyoko opened her eyes to see a hefty boar standing over her, sniffing at her curiously. "Uh... thanks?" she said cautiously. The tusked beast licked her face before it sat down beside her. Only then did she see it was wearing a saddle that was just her size, too small for any of the other women. "Oh... I guess my power is calling piggies... that's kind of cool, right?"

Izumi made a few more wild swings, getting lucky and cutting one along the chest as it was bounding back too slowly. It yelped as the other one dove in, grabbing Izumi by her armored top and pulling until the binding rings snapped open. She let out a soft gasp and covered up her chest, making it easy for the beast to smack the weapon from her hands.

"P-please be gentle! I'm already married!" Izumi pleaded.

"Forget your modesty for now!" Hanako snapped. With their attention back on her fitter friend, she saw her iron club still glowing. It wasn't hot to the touch, but just in case she reached out to flick it with her booted foot. It rolled over harmlessly, not even burning the grass. She gave it a firmer flick with her foot to toss it into the furbolg's leg, which suddenly howled as it burst into flames. The beasts started to run away while they could, apart from the one that Mitsuki had kicked in the nads. She had torn off a tree branch and started beating it around the head while it was still down. She didn't stop until it was in a motionless heap, either dead or out cold.

"Okay... we did it," Hanako sighed. "Not the prettiest thing in the world, but we're not so bad at this, right?"

"I got a piggy!" Kyoko chimed cutely, riding up to the others on the back of her pet boar. "But I think you were right earlier. We might have gotten some powers to go with our new toys when we arrived.

"But we barely beat a couple of wolf things," Izumi admitted. "And we have no idea what we're doing. I still can't swing a sword, and somehow, girls, I don't think we were supposed to kick our clubs at them and beat them with tree branches. You're a witch. Can't you do magic or something."

Mitsuki shrugged and reached for one of the black books tied to her belt. "Maybe. Reading them while we were fighting for our lives didn't seem like the best idea at the time. Fast and practical. That's my style."

"Well maybe we should take a little time to practice," Hanako offered. "Try to figure out what we can do and what we cant."

"Well the sun's starting to go down. If we do that now, we're camping out here tonight. No supplies, no food, no bathroom..."

"You know what?" Hanako picked her up robes a bit and started walking more briskly. "Maybe training can wait until we've found a village. Let's go!"