Backyard Dungeon Chapter 3

The elven priestess and I walked through the last of the caves and passed the skeleton of the dead Nictor where I had found the key that let me into The Gloom. Just before five o’clock in the morning, we came to the ladder at the entrance of the caves, and I felt giddy. Not only did I have a backpack full of treasure, but I would get to watch Ibseth see the stars for the first time in her life.

Then we came up into the bushes, and I helped the elven woman up and onto the surface of the earth for the first time.

“Wait here a moment,” I said, and I looked out through the bushes to make sure Mrs. Whitmire didn’t happen to be peeking over the fence before first light.

I saw the coast was clear, so I went back into the bushes and found Ibseth smelling the honeysuckle and lilacs. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, even with the blue skin and pointed ears, and the gauzy dress she wore did more to accentuate her curves than conceal them.

“You’re probably gonna want to brace yourself,” I cautioned, and I offered the elven woman my hand as I smiled. “This isn’t going to be like anything you’ve ever seen before.”

“I think I am ready, Eddie,” Ibseth said as she took a deep breath, but I wondered how she would react to a wide open space after a lifetime of cave walls and ceilings.

Then I led Ibseth out into the open and heard her gasp as she looked up at the summer night sky. The blue-skinned woman pressed herself against me in her surprise as she stared upwards, and I also looked up at the many constellations.

“I know,” I chuckled. “It’s a wonder, isn’t it?”

“How high up does the ceiling go?” she breathed. “And are all those lights glowing mushrooms?”

“There is no ceiling, that’s the sky,” I said quietly. “And no, those lights aren’t mushrooms. They are worlds that are very, very far away.”

“If they are so far away, how can I see them?” She frowned in confusion.

“Because they are very big and very bright,” I explained as best as I could.

“There are so many,” she murmured.

I looked down at Ibseth, and her violet eyes were wide with child-like wonder. Had she been any other woman, I would have tried to kiss her then, but I felt it would have been presumptuous of me, considering everything she’d gone through.

Still, it was a moment I would remember all my life.

“Let’s get inside,” I said. “I don’t know about you, but I’d like to get cleaned off and get some sleep. It’s been a long day for both of us.”

“Yes,” Ibseth said quietly, but she was still looking up at the sky. “It has been, at that.”

I quickly led the elven woman to the back door and let us in, and t he white-haired woman stepped through the door and looked around, her wide, violet eyes taking everything in.

“This is all yours?” she asked as she looked around at the bad 70s decor and old furniture.

“Well, it is now,” I said. “My grandpa left it to me.”

“You must be a wealthy man,” Ibseth breathed as she turned to see the old place. “To have such a sturdy, fine home as this. It’s… amazing. So beautiful…”

I couldn’t help but smile at her perspective. Anyone else would have looked at the old trailer and turned their nose up at it, but not her. I didn’t know what her life was like back in her old village or temple, but if this was extravagant to her, I could only guess that there wasn’t a lot of great real estate in the Gloom.

So, I couldn’t fault her optimism. In fact, it made her all the more endearing since it was something we had in common.

“Yeah, I kinda like it,” I laughed as I watched her astonishment. “But I’m far from wealthy.”

“I suspect you are a modest man,” the blue-skinned woman said and narrowed her eyes like she didn’t believe me. “Clearly anyone with such things is wealthy.”

“Well,” I chuckled and raised my hands, “I’m not going to argue with you. I’ve got enough, and that’s all a man can ask.”

“You are unlike anyone I have ever met, Eddie,” she said in her soft voice, and a smile tugged at her lips. “You are kind without thought or yourself. Thank you for rescuing me and bringing me here. I owe you a great debt.”

“Aww, now,” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. “You’re going to make me blush. Come on, let’s get cleaned up, and I’ll get you some clothes you can wear for the night.”

I showed the blue-skinned woman into the bathroom and explained how the shower worked. I wished I’d spent some time cleaning the inside of the doublewide, but Ibseth didn’t seem to notice the dust. The elven woman was too busy being impressed that hot water would come out of the wall if she turned the knob.

Then the white-haired woman grabbed the shoulders of her gauzy, white dress and started to pull it off right in front of me as she made to step into the steaming jets.

“Oh, uh, I’ll just, um, give you a minute.” I turned and started for the bathroom door as my cheeks flared with heat.

“Does my body offend you, Eddie?” Ibseth said as I made to leave so she could have her privacy.

“Oh, no,” I stammered without turning around. “Far from it. It’s just-- usually people don’t undress in front of each other here, unless they know one another real well.”

“Humans are strange,” she giggled. “In the Yennih city, we bathe in large, communal bath houses.”

“I guess we are a bit prudish,” I said as I turned my head slightly and caught a glimpse of Ibseth’s voluptuous, naked breasts and plumb colored nipples. “I’ll, um, leave you to it.”

I politely closed the door behind me, and even though the elven woman clearly didn’t mind, I could hear my mother’s voice hollering in the back of my head about being a gentleman.

But fuck if Ibseth wasn’t the sexiest woman I’d ever seen, and she was naked. In my shower.

“Snap out of it, Ed,” I muttered as I slapped my cheek to refocus.

Ibseth didn’t need me ogling her. She needed a safe place to hide from her brother, so I would provide that for her.

I looked through the small amount of food I’d brought with me, but it was mostly frozen dinners in a cooler and a handful of junk food. I figured we could both use a hot meal, so I put a salisbury steak and potatoes meal in the microwave for Ibseth when she got out of the shower, and I made a note to get some groceries soon. I had a couple thousand dollars in the bank, but after food and utilities, I knew that would only last a few months.

I grabbed a t-shirt and some sweatpants with a drawstring for the elven woman, so she’d have something to wear, but I knew they’d be too big for her. I was a slim guy, but I was pretty tall, and working odd construction jobs while in college had broadened my shoulders a little and hardened my muscles. The small, but curvy elf would swim in my clothes, so when I went to the store I’d have to pick her up some things if I could guess her sizes.

My mind went to the jewels in my backpack, and I wondered what it would take to sell those. I had no idea how much they were worth, but I knew it was a lot more than I’d ever had in the bank before.

A to-do list started to form in my head: groceries, research the price of gold, and find a pawn shop. I’d also have to figure out what kind of jewels were in the settings of the jewelry, because I didn’t want to just take the first offer, or trust a pawn shop owner to give me a fair price. They’d want to get the best deal they could too, after all.

I heard the shower shut off, so I grabbed the clothes I’d set out for Ibseth, but by the time I turned around with plans of knocking on the bathroom door, the blue-skinned woman stepped out of the bathroom in all her glory, naked as the day she was born.

Despite my good upbringing, I froze and stared at the beautiful woman before my manners returned.

Ibseth’s white hair hung in damp, wavy tresses over her shoulders and down her massive breasts, and droplets of water careened down her incredibly slim waist and round hips. The priestess’s sparse pubic hair was also white above her slit, and every inch of her blue toned skin was flawless.

Holy shit. I couldn’t possibly imagine a sexier woman.

Something deep within my core stirred, and I coughed uncomfortably before I averted my eyes out of respect.

“Sorry, I forgot to give you a towel,” I said apologetically, and then I turned to rummage through a trash bag of clean laundry.

“Towel?” I heard Ibseth say behind me.

“Yeah,” I said as I pulled out a gray towel and held it out behind me. “You use it to wipe the water off your body.”

The elven woman took it from me and giggled, probably at how foolish she thought my behavior was.

“I have these you can wear, too,” I said, and I handed her the sweat pants and t-shirt that she put on right there in the living room.

With the blue-skinned woman dressed, some of my sense returned, and I went over to the microwave, got out the frozen dinner I’d warmed up, and found a clean fork in a drawer of the kitchen.

“I bet you’re pretty hungry,” I said. “So I made this for you. It isn’t much, but they fill you up.”

Ibseth took the black, paper tray of food from me and took a deep inhale of it.

“This smells amazing!” she cooed, and I handed her the fork.

Then she sat on the couch and began eating ravenously, and I couldn’t help but smile when she moaned with each bite.

“This is incredible, Eddie,” the white-haired woman said around a mouthful. “Such savory gravy, and the meat is so tender. What sort of animal is this?”

“I don’t know,” I said as I pulled another frozen dinner for myself from the cooler. “Beef maybe? Could be anything really.”

“Did you not hunt the beast yourself?” she asked before she popped a potato dripping with gravy into her mouth. “You must have at least farmed this root vegetable. It actually tastes similar to something we have in the Gloom.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but no, I didn’t hunt or farm any of this, I bought it, like I do most of my food,” I chuckled, but then I cocked my head in thought. “Though, now that you mention it, I could potentially build a garden out back. I’ve never had a yard before, so I don’t know if I have much of a green thumb, but the idea of growing my own food sounds nice.”

“You say you are not wealthy, and yet you have this luxurious home and purchase all your food,” Ibseth said as she narrowed her violet eyes at me in confusion. “Only the richest of my kind have such a privilege. Your world is strange, Eddie Hill.”

“It can be.” I smiled. “But you’re right, I should be and am grateful for all I have.”

And with that gold in my bag, maybe I’d soon have enough money for a little more. Then I could really fix this place up enough to blow Ibseth’s mind.

If she stayed around that long, but I didn’t want to think about that.

I poked some holes over the plastic on the potatoes and popped my own tray in the microwave. When I turned to look over at Ibseth, I saw she was watching everything I did with fascination. I figured I’d have to get used to that, at least until the elven woman adjusted to life in the modern world. The situation was strange to us both, and I knew she would need a lot of explanations for things I just took for granted.

But something about that idea, getting to watch Ibseth marvel at the little things, made me smile. I really liked her, and the joy she expressed at my modest living situation kinda did make me feel like a king and appreciate what I had even more.

But I knew it was going to be a lot to navigate for us both.

After we’d eaten, the sun had started to come up, and I was exhausted from my adventure into The Gloom.

“You can sleep in here,” I said as I showed Ibseth into grandpa’s old room. “And I’ll take the couch.”

“Are you sure?” the blue-skinned woman asked, and she frowned at me as she fiddled with the hem of my shirt she was wearing. “I do not want to trouble you further than I already have.”

“It’s no trouble,” I replied with a smile. “And I insist. You’ll be comfortable here for tonight, er today, and we can think of a more permanent arrangement after we both get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Eddie,” Ibseth said with a shy smile. “You have been far kinder to me than anyone in my life.”

“It’s nothing,” I said, and I cleared my throat since I was a little embarrassed. “Really. If you need anything, I’ll be in the living room. Don’t hesitate to ask.”

With that, I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower myself, and then I changed into some clean clothes. Once I was back out in the living room, I grabbed my pillow and a blanket from my things on the floor and laid down for some well earned rest.

As I waited for sleep, I thought about the past twenty four hours, but it all felt like a wild dream, The Gloom, the Nictors, the elven woman sleeping in the next room.

Hopefully, when I woke up, that wouldn’t be the case because finding that hole in my backyard had been the best thing to ever happen to me.

If I could sell the jewelry for a good price, it could set me up for the rest of the year.

But if I could find more treasure…

Without realizing it, I already had plans to go back to The Gloom and see what else I could find down there. If one trip netted me this much treasure, I could maybe find enough gold and jewels to set myself up for life.

But to do that, I would have to be better prepared next time.

I fell into a deep restful sleep with thoughts of firearms in my head, and I woke up several hours later to the sound of Dave Miller’s mower.

I looked around with my eyes still sandy with sleep, and the first thing I did was jump to my feet and check the bedroom, to see if Ibseth was there and confirm that it all hadn’t really been a dream.

But when I opened the door to the bedroom, there the elven woman was snuggled up under my blankets sleeping peacefully, with her long white hair splayed across the pillow like a fall of fresh snow.

It wasn’t a dream.

Hell yeah.

I closed the door quietly as my excitement threatened to boil over. Then I went to the kitchen and looked around the cabinets to see if there was any coffee, and luckily there was, as well as some other odds and ends. I made a mental note of what was there and started a grocery list in my head, and I quickly realized I needed several lists for the day.

There was still a lot to do around the house and yard, but the number one thing was to get an idea of what my loot from the Nictors might be worth. After I got the coffee on, I sat down on the couch with a granola bar and my laptop, but then I realized I hadn’t set up wifi service yet.

I knew I shouldn't, but my curiosity was burning a hole in me, so I checked if any of the neighbors happened to have an open wifi connection I could borrow for the moment. After a few clicks, I saw an open connection nicknamed, BigDaddyD, and I assumed it was Dave’s wifi.

I chuckled to myself. It seemed the neighbor guy had a sense of humor.

After I connected with the wifi, I set my browser to “incognito mode” and did some searches on the current price of gold by weight, and I researched how to tell the difference between gemstones. The gemstone thing was complicated, so I would probably need to see a jeweler about that, which raised a whole new question in my mind.

I didn’t want to go around town asking about what a bunch of mysterious jewelry was worth. The fact I had a doorway into an underground world filled with riches and monsters and sexy blue-skinned elven women needed to be kept secret, not that anyone would believe it if I told them.

I would just have to pass this stuff off as an inheritance or something. A pawn shop wasn’t likely to ask too many questions, so that would be the place to start. Maybe I could just take the ring I had found somewhere to test the waters.

From what I was seeing online, the price of gold per ounce wasn’t necessarily the only factor to consider. Other similar pieces of jewelry, on auction sites, were going for far more than the sum of the materials themselves. I closed the laptop and accepted I was a little out of my wheelhouse here, and it was down to taking the ring somewhere, hearing what was offered, and deciding if I considered a fair deal.

Then I heard the door to the bedroom, and Ibseth came out with her violet eyes still sleepy. She was practically swimming in my sweats, but her big breasts pushed the cotton of my shirt out to its full expansion, and I could clearly see the shape of her nipples as they urgently pressed against the soft fabric.

God damn.

“Ohhh, Eddie,” she whispered, and I felt something in my heart clench as she daintily covered an adorable yawn. “What a nice rest I’ve had.”

“Hey there,” I said, since I wasn’t really sure what the proper morning greeting for an elven priestess who’d spent the night at my place might be. “Would you like some coffee?”

“What’s coffee?” the white-haired woman asked groggily.

“Oh.” I grinned. “This is going to be huge.”

I got up and took two mugs out of the cabinet, saw one said “World’s Greatest Lover,” and wordlessly put that one back. There were some things I didn’t want to know about my grandpa.

After selecting a different mug, I poured us each a cup and added sugar and some powdered creamer I’d found, and then I handed a mug to Ibseth.

“It’s a hot drink,” I warned. “So go easy on the first sip.”

The blue-skinned woman took a test sip, and I watched as her purple eyes light up.

“This is marvelous!” she gasped and took another drink, and I smiled as her beautiful face seemed to glow with pure joy.

“Yeah,” I agreed as I drank from my own mug, but I wasn’t talking about the coffee.

Since this was Ibseth’s first morning in the human world, I decided to splurge a little and ordered us some breakfast on a food delivery app. Nothing fancy, just some egg and sausage sandwiches, and when they arrived, Ibseth was once again astonished at how delicious the simple fair was.

She was also amazed at how I had a personal slave who delivered my food to my door, but I explained how he was not, in fact, my slave and that I paid him. She didn’t seem to fully understand, but we would get there eventually.

As I watched the blue-skinned woman practically lick the grease off the breakfast sandwich wrapper, I wondered if they had salt or spices down in The Gloom, or what the food must be like there. I hadn’t paid a lot of attention in history class, but I knew enough to know how significant the spice trade had been, and how people were on a constant journey to find new ways to flavor their food.

After we ate, I started showing Ibseth around the house and explaining things to her. Since I was going to be gone for a while on errands, I would have to teach the elven woman all the basics I could think of, so I started in the kitchen, where the violet-eyed woman was once again impressed by the running water.

The oven and stove were also very impressive to her, and me as well, because I hadn’t yet noticed they were run on gas. Ibseth was already aware of the dangers of fire, but I made sure to mention that if she smelled the gas when neither was on, to get out of the house and not light anything.

Things like electricity were harder to explain, as I found out when I showed the white-haired woman the microwave.

“How is this not magic?” she huffed with her hands on her curvy hips.

“It’s electric,” I tried to explain. “You see where it plugs into the wall there? The black cord carries the electricity from the plug to the microwave and makes it work.”

“Elec-tri-city?” Ibseth repeated back slowly.

“Yeah,” I replied as I scratched my head. “It’s like-- uh-- lightning.”

“Lightening?” the blue-skinned woman asked with a confused frown.

“Like when there’s a storm and it rains,” I said.

“I am sorry for my great ignorance, Eddie Hill,” Ibseth sighed as she sadly dropped her gaze. “But I do not know what you mean.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” I said as I gently placed my hand under her chin and lifted her face. “There are some things you’ve never experienced, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. All you need to know right now is to be careful with the plugs because the electricity can hurt you. Electricity is a kind of energy, like magic I guess, and it powers a lot of the things around here. That’s all.”

“I will be cautious of the lightning magic cords.” The elven woman nodded solemnly, and that was good enough for now.

When we got to the bathroom, I showed her the sink, and she already knew how to work the shower.

But there was an uncomfortable pause as we got to the toilet.

“This-- uh,” I stammered and felt my cheeks grow hot. “This is where you relieve yourself.”

“Do humans often grow tired when they are grooming themselves?” the elven woman asked as she cocked her head at me.

“No,” I chuckled. “Like when you need to relieve yourself after a meal.”

I lifted the seat to show her the bowl and hoped she would understand without me having to go into more detail.

“Oh!” Ibseth said with a slight blush.

“Exactly,” I said with relief. “And when you’re done, you use this paper to-- clean up. Then, uh, put it in the bowl and flush.”

I flushed the toilet to demonstrate, and the elven woman squealed with surprise and clapped her delicate hands.

“That is the most clever thing I have ever seen!” she giggled.

“I imagine it beats the alternative,” I snorted.

Grandpa, for whatever reason, didn’t have a television, and mine wouldn’t work without a wifi connection, so I showed Ibseth the radio in the living room. Since we were close to Cleveland, there were plenty of choices. The elven woman didn’t much care for a lot of the modern music, but they were playing classical music on the local public radio station, which seemed to please her.

“Oh, how lovely,” the blue-skinned woman sighed as an aria came on. “She sings as if her heart is breaking. What is she saying, Eddie?”

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t speak Italian. But it is beautiful.”

Once I was sure Ibseth had everything she needed until I returned, I looked through all the cabinets and fridge. The fridge was mostly empty, with only condiments and a few beers, and I suspected grandpa had lived mostly off canned food. It was a strange way to learn about someone, going through their things, but the more I looked around the place, the more I got an idea of who the mysterious man was.

I made a note of what was on hand, and then I wrote a shopping list on my phone’s notes app and added a few items I thought Ibseth might need. I would have to be careful with my money until I could sell the Nictors’ jewelry, but I wanted her to be comfortable too, since I wasn’t sure how long she would want to stay.

As I got ready to go, I stopped, took out the jewelry I’d found, and showed them to Ibseth. The elven woman wouldn’t know their value in US currency, but she might be able to help me get an idea of what I was working with.

“Do you know anything about these, Ibseth?” I asked.

The white-haired woman looked up from the radio, which she had set down next to in grandpa’s Eazy-Boy.

“They are bribes,” she replied darkly, and I saw anger in her violet eyes for the first time.

“Bribes?” I asked, and I was startled by the change in the elven woman’s sweet demeanor.

“Before Ursenger became chieftain,” Ibseth explained, “the Nictors were reviled in The Gloom. They are scavengers and would hunt cattle to drink their blood. Sometimes, they would hunt people, and they made no distinction between adults and children. But Ursenger saw them as an opportunity, and he gave some of their leaders status and gifts to win them over to his side.”

“Your half-brother sounds like a piece of work,” I muttered. “I can see why you wanted to leave. I was thinking about selling them, but if you’d rather I didn’t, I’ll figure out something else.”

“Oh no, Eddie,” the elven woman said as she leaned forward in her chair with a warm smile. “Those are yours by right. You defeated those horrible beasts to save me. Do with them what you will.”

“Do you know what these stones are?” I asked and brought them closer so she could see them.

“The red ones are rubies,” the blue-skinned woman replied. “The large white ones are moonstones, and the black ones and the bracelets are diamonds.”

“Diamonds?” I replied in shock.

“Such stones are common in The Gloom,” Ibseth said with a tilt of her head.

“I’ve heard of black diamonds, but I’ve never seen one in person.” I looked over the bracelets, and each one was set with a dozen of the small black stones.

“What other color would a diamond be?” the elven woman commented with a giggle.

“I’ve mostly seen the clear ones,” I said as I took the pendant and the bracelets and tucked them in one of my other bags until I decided what to do with them. “There are some other colors, but the clear ones are the most common.”

“How strange,” Ibseth said as she settled back down to listen to the radio.

“Okay, I’m going to go out and get some things,” I said as I put on my shoes and put the ruby ring in my pocket. “I won’t be gone too long. Don’t answer the door for now. I’m still not entirely sure how to explain you to the neighbors. You won’t be in any danger or anything, but better play it on the safe side.”

“You are leaving?” Ibseth snapped her head up and frowned at me, and I could see nervousness creep up in her gaze.

“Not for long,” I repeated in a reassuring tone. “And you’ll be safe here. Ursenger doesn’t even know you left the Gloom, let alone where to find you. He can’t hurt you anymore. I promise.”

I didn’t know where the conviction in my voice came from as I made that vow, but I knew I would rather face down an army of Nictors then see Ibseth hurt.

“Okay.” The elven woman bit her lip but then smiled up at me. “I trust in your word, Eddie Hill.”

“Good.” I grinned as pride swelled in my chest. “Do you need anything while I’m out?”

“I already have more than I could ask for, Eddie,” Ibseth replied with contentment as she snuggled down into the chair.

“Alright,” I said, and my eyes roved over her form like they were trying to memorize her. It was actually more difficult than I would like to admit to tear myself away from the beautiful woman, but I had many things to do to ensure her safety. “I’ll be back.”

With that, I went out the front door, locked it behind me, and went to see just how much my loot might be worth.