Alex in Haremland Chapter 2

I searched the ground, and the dog-monster was the only thing I could find, but its body had made a dent in the dirt like an asteroid hitting earth. Debris was scattered everywhere, and giant rocks were dislodged all around the monster’s body. I examined it a little more closely, and I ignored the sharp smell of death surrounding it as I rolled it over with my branch-sized finger.

Black spots covered the creature’s gray fur, and its shoulders were massive. It was like the entire torso of a pro wrestler attached to either side of its thick neck. Its hindlegs were shorter and thinner, and it was amazing it could run as fast as it had. The tail looked like it belonged to a reptile of some kind, and the scales merged with the fur to create a beast of nightmarish quality.

I had to give it to myself, if this was a dream, then I was more imaginative than I thought.

There wasn’t anything else except for broken branches and chunks of dirt in a wide radius around the dog-monster’s body. I was about to give up hope that I would ever find the mysterious cat-girl I’d come to rescue, and I sighed as I pushed myself back up to my full height.

Then I spotted the striped blue and purple tail of the cat-girl in my peripheral vision, and I abandoned the dog-monster without another thought. I pulled aside a tree to find her knocked unconscious on the ground. I didn’t know what had happened to her, but I could see the rise and fall of her chest as I hunched over her still form.

“Hey, can you hear me?” I whispered, but my voice was still loud enough to stir some strange looking birds out of the nearby trees.

The cat-girl did not move, didn’t even flinch, but at least she was alive.

I scooped her small body up into my hands, and I cradled her against my chest with one arm as I looked around. While I’d handled the problem of the dog-monster, I wanted to put some distance between us and its corpse. There was no telling what else would come after us, or if the dog-monster was alone. This area wasn’t safe.

I looked to the sun where it was just beginning to rise over the horizon, and I figured it was as good a direction as any, so I made my way toward it through the knee high trees with the cat-girl in my arms. The rainbow sky stretched over my head in all directions, and the thin sweet air felt good in my lungs, but I wasn’t sure how long it was going to last. I glanced over my shoulder at the fields of laughing flowers I left behind, but I didn’t see any other pathways to take, so I continued forward.

“This is fucking awesome,” I said in a loud, booming voice as I scanned over the landscape, and birds took off in flight from the nearby trees at the sound. I could see for miles in every direction, and my slowest walk was probably as fast as a car. I craned my head around trying to see all of it at once, but everywhere I looked appeared just as magical.

This was one hell of a dream, but I really wanted to wake up now.

I walked for a while longer, and a mountain began to draw steadily closer with each step I took, so I changed course and decided to aim for the foothills of the snow-capped peak. The wind rustled through the canopies of the trees at my knees, and I shivered in the cooler air. I was making good time, but then I felt my bones begin to shrink, and a sharp pulling sensation twisted through my entire body.

I quickly laid the unconscious cat-girl down on the ground before I dropped her, and a few moments later, I stood beneath the canopy of the trees as my normal size. My head swam from the sudden shrinkage, and my legs were covered in scratches from the knee down, but other than that I was uninjured.

I looked up at the tiny fragments of rainbow sky I could see through the foliage, and then I looked down at the cat-girl at my feet. Her chest still rose and fell evenly, and I sighed with relief. I didn’t know why she was unconscious, but I knew I’d do anything to keep her alive.

Whoever she was.

I looked around at my new landscape, and I shivered in the ragged remains of my clothes. The air was cooler closer to the mountains, and I envied the cat-girl’s random spots of fur keeping her warm, but that was a pointless exercise. I needed to make a fire, not only for warmth, but also protection. There was no telling what else lurked in these weird woods.

“Alright, Alex, time to man up.” I clenched my fists at my side as I summoned all the willpower I had in me. “It doesn’t matter what else is out there, I’ll keep her safe. Whoever she is…”

The trees weren’t smiling here, which was a relief, and I didn’t see a laughing flower anywhere. I really didn’t enjoy the guilt I felt when I’d accidentally plucked the flower, but I couldn’t imagine taking wood from a tree with a face, and then burning it in front of them.

Better off this way, with the trees silent and unobservant. If the trees could smile, then there was no telling what else they were capable of. I didn’t know if the smiling trees were sentient or not, but their demeanors were simply unnerving in any case.

Time to make a fire.

I’d been in boy scouts as a kid, so I was familiar with the basic fire starting techniques, but those memories were far away in my childhood. Still, I knew what to do, so I began to gather dead wood dropped on the ground, and I put it all in a pile in the middle of three large trees.

Then I moved the cat-girl into a semi sitting up position against one of the tree’s trunks, and it made me feel less alone to have her nearby, even if she was unconscious. She sighed in her sleep, and the sound made me smile.

The cat-girl was even more beautiful up close, and I stared at her sleeping, serene face for a long moment. She had impossibly long eyelashes over her abnormally large eyes, wide lips, and an adorable cherub chin. Her ears appeared to be soft and fuzzy, with long strands blooming from the very tip of the triangle shape, but her tail was poofy and striped like a racoon’s.

That was where the cat resemblance ended, though, and the rest of her body was entirely human. My gaze swept down her person to take in all of her with an appreciative eye. Her breasts pressed against the fabric of her tunic, and the belt at her waist was cinched tightly to reveal the generous curves of her hips. Her legs were toned, muscular, and covered in fishnet stockings. Fur protruded from around her ankles, and her bare feet had high arches and the cutest toes I’d ever seen.

My eyes slowly rose from her feet back to her head, and my mouth watered the more I looked at her.

She had the face of a young woman, but with a little bit of a longer, pink-tipped nose. I found myself moving toward her instinctively. The desire to protect her at all costs flooded my being, and my heartbeats were rapid. I was even more determined to help her than when I’d first heard her scream, but then I pictured her waking up and finding me staring like an idiot, so I left her alone and returned to the task of gathering firewood.

“You don’t want to scare her off, Alex,” I reminded myself in a stern voice.

Once I had enough wood to make a decent fire, I began to get leaves, plant fibers, and anything else dry enough to burn to use as tinder. Then I set about trying to get a spark to strike.

One method I did remember was rubbing two sticks together, so I set about finding the perfect sticks for the job. It took me a little while, and by the time I sat down in the dirt with all my fire making supplies, the sun was much higher in the rainbow colored sky.

The light still barely penetrated the dense foliage of the canopy, though, and goosebumps decorated my exposed arms and legs. My clothes were in tatters, and my stomach growled defiantly, but I had no idea when my next meal would be.

Then a sudden spark of genius struck me. If this was a dream, then it was my dream, and I could imagine any food I wanted. If I concentrated hard enough, maybe I could make a four course meal magically appear before me.

I placed my sticks on the ground and closed my eyes as I envisioned a grilled steak topped with caramelized onions, mashed potatoes drenched in savory gravy, and perfectly steamed broccoli. It was one of my favorite meals besides pizza, and my mouth watered at the mere thought of the juicy meat. Then I pictured a blanket spread across the ground covered in dishes, fruit, chocolates, and various drinks.

I carefully opened my eyes, and I glanced around at the makeshift campsite hungrily, but there was no food laid out picnic style anywhere to be seen. All I saw was the sleeping cat-girl and my pile of wood.

I supposed this wasn’t that kind of dream.

I returned to the task of starting a fire with a shrug, but my thoughts began to wander as I attempted to rub the two sticks together. I hadn’t been this hungry in a long time. I couldn’t remember ever having hunger pains in dreams before, but I supposed there was a first time for everything.

When was the last time I’d eaten?

I suddenly remembered ordering pizza and wings from the sports bar down the street, and the image of the hot delivery babe arriving at my apartment flashed through my mind’s eye. I’d only ever been inside the establishment where she worked one time because once I found out they delivered, I’d opted for the hermit route ever since, but that was mostly because of the super sexy delivery girl I’d gotten to know.

Anna had fire red hair she pulled through the loop of her baseball cap, and the v-neck t-shirt stretched across her petite frame revealed her ample cleavage. A choker necklace usually cradled her throat, and the black silk contrasted her pale freckled skin nicely. Pair the ensemble with cutoff jean shorts and a set of high top converse, and she was the living embodiment of a wet dream.

And, oh man, did I want her.

Anna delivered every single pizza I’d ordered from the sports bar where she worked, and every single time, I’d invited her inside. I’d wanted her from the moment I’d met her, but I didn’t seriously think I had any chance of getting with her. I wasn’t expecting anything different during this attempt, but the words came out of my mouth anyway.

“I’ve once again ordered way too much food for one person,” I’d chuckled. “Care to join me?”

“You know what?” Ana had giggled. “This is actually the last delivery of my shift, so I’d love to come in and have some. I’m starving.”

I’d fought to control my jaw as it lunged for the floor, and then I’d cleared my throat as I stepped away from the doorway to allow her in.

That was where the memory ended, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember past the moment of me shutting the door behind Ana.

I shook my head in amazement at my own luck as the memory faded away, and I returned my attention to the sticks I was rubbing together. The friction was causing a lot of heat to radiate from where the pieces of wood joined together, but there weren’t any other signs of fire.

I doubled down, and a concentrated frown creased my brow. I was glad the cat-girl was passed out and couldn’t witness my struggle. I had a feeling she could start a fire a lot faster than I could, but she was knocked unconscious, so not helpful.

After a while, a spark lit up the shadows beneath the trees, and I carefully blew it into a flame. It went out a moment later, and I resisted the urge to sigh in defeat. This cat-girl needed my help, and if all I could do was start a fire, then I was going to fucking do it.

“Come on, Alex, you got this,” I muttered to myself as I went about another attempt. “Keep going…”

This was the weirdest dream I’d ever had, but something was nagging at the back of my mind. I’d gotten scratched up by the trees when I was a giant, and the marks were beginning to sting. I’d have to clean them soon or they could get infected.

That thought in of itself was enough to make me start to question the dream aspect. I’d never been injured in dreams before, or at least never felt pain, so this was either hyper realistic or reality. but if this wasn’t a dream, then I was in a lot more trouble than I previously thought. For starters, death seemed a much higher likelihood.

Another spark erupted, and I returned my focus to my firemaking task. Just as I was blowing the flame to life, the cat-girl began to rouse. I used the small flame to light the tinder beneath the logs I’d stacked in a teepee shape, and I bent over to blow softly on the embers.

A moment later, my tiny flame had bloomed into a roaring fire, and I sat back on my heels as I dusted off my hands.

“You made that look easy,” the cat-girl said in a soft voice. “Fire is a hungry creature.”

“That’s a strange thing to say,” I chuckled a little nervously, and my heart skipped a beat as her beautiful violet eyes found mine. “I’m Alex, by the way.”

“You’re not from here,” the cat-girl said as her purple-blue ears twitched atop her head. “I can tell. How did you get here? Where did you come from? How long are you staying?”

“I-I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Where is here?”

“You don’t know where you are?” The cat-girl tilted her head to the side, and a shit-eating grin spread across her face. “Do you know who you are?”

“I already told you.” I frowned. “I’m Alex.”

“What’s an Alex?” The cat-girl’s smile never faded. “Did you save me? Where are we? How far are the Happy Fields? Where’s my potion?”

“Whoa, hold on,” I laughed. “One question at a time, and I have a few of my own. I think it’s only fair that we take turns. What do you say?”

“I say a lot of things.” The cat-girl tilted her head to the other side. “Didn’t I see you in the field?”

“Yes, I heard you shout for help,” I explained.

“How did you get here?” the cat-girl asked again.

“If I knew that then I’d know how to get back home.” I smirked. “But it’s my turn to get an answer.”

“Alright.” The cat-girl’s smile widened to an impossible degree, and it looked like her grin might get away from her if she didn’t remain vigilant. “What answers does an Alex seek?”

“I’m not an Alex, my name is Alex, I’m a boy, well a man…” I raked a self-conscious hand through my shaggy black hair. “What I mean to say is, you can call me Alex, but I don’t know what to call you. What’s your name?”

“I thought it should be obvious.” The cat-girl moved onto all fours, and she crawled toward me while her tail swished behind her.

“I-It’s not.” Her movement stirred a reaction in my loins, and I swallowed hard as I regained my composure, but I managed to flash her a friendly smile. “Is it a secret or something?”

“Secrets come in all shapes in sizes, but names are not usually among them.” The cat-girl had to be fucking with me at this point, but I kept my cool.

“So, what are you called?” I pressed.

“Una.” The cat-girl sat back on her legs, and her tail flicked playfully.

“Why would that be obvious?” I asked.

“I thought you would know.” Una shrugged.

Man, this chick was weird. Hot as hell, but fucking weird.

“Well, in any case, it’s very nice to meet you Miss Una.” I stuck out my hand for a shake.

“How can you miss me if I’m right here?” Una asked with another curious tilt of her head. “Do you miss not knowing what to call me?”

“No, nevermind,” I chuckled, and I dropped my unshaken hand.

“Una,” Una insisted. “Not Nevermind.”

“No, I just meant, oh forget it.” I waved a dismissive hand. “It’s your turn to ask a question.”

“Where are you from?” Una questioned immediately.

“Earth?” I asked in a hesitant tone.

“Ee-aare-thh,” Una pronounced slowly, and her ears flattened against her head as she scrunched up her nose. “What a strange name.”

“Yeah, so um, where exactly are we?” I finally asked the question I’d been dying to know the answer to.

“Together.” Una shrugged, and a look of confusion filled her purple eyes. “It would be harder to talk if we were not.”

“Well, I know that.” I swallowed down the lump of frustration that rose in my throat at her mind numbing way of speaking, and I took a deep, calming breath. It was like she was speaking in riddles, and my brain felt fried. “I meant, if this isn’t Earth, then where the hell am I?”

“The land where all the places are,” Una explained as her grin widened.

“Yes, but what do you call it?” I pressed.

“The land where all the places are?” Una tilted her head to the side. “All-the-land, of course.”

“I know that’s where all the places are, but what’s the name of all the land?” I rubbed a finger against my temple.

“All-the-land,” Una echoed.

“Yes.” I nodded at a mockingly slow pace. “What do you call it?”

“You are unfamiliar with All-the-land?” Una smiled. “But I swore you said you’d visited before.”

“I said no such thing,” I argued.

“No, you said you were an Alex,” Una countered. “I haven’t heard you say no such thing, unless you count saying it just now, which would be honest, but not forthright.”

“I’m being honest,” I said. “I have no reason to lie to you. This is my dream, after all.”

“This world is a dream?” Una’s eyes lit up with curiosity. “How do you know so much if you’ve never been here before?”

“We aren’t getting anywhere like this,” I sighed, and I raked a hand through my hair once more. “We need to slow down and take it one thing at a time.”

“Where do you want to go?” Una looked disappointed. “Are you returning to Earth? Why are you leaving? I thought we were getting along?”

“We are, you’re great,” I said, even though my brain felt like it was going to start leaking through my ears. “I just mean we need to ask each other questions one at a time so we don’t get confused.”

“Confusion is a normal sensation here,” Una informed me. “I would just give in to it.”

“How does one give in to confusion?” I shook my head.

“I believe you already have,” Una observed with a wry smirk. “I’ve never met an Alex before. What do you do?”

“What do I do? Well, I’m a…” I trailed off because I didn’t think there was any universe where the talking cat person would understand what an office assistant was, but then I thought of the best way to answer her. “I saved your life, didn’t I?”

“Did you?” Una’s curious head tilt was growing on me.

“What was that thing attacking you, anyway?” I asked.

“Did you kill it?” Una’s purple eyes lit up with excitement, and she whipped her head around in every direction as she sniffed the air. “Where is it?”

“Far away from here,” I said. “It’s dead as a doorknob.”

“I’ve had some lively conversations with doorknobs,” Una said in an offended tone. “Perhaps the Sniffer Snatcher is more alive than you assumed.”

“Sniffer Snatcher?” I asked.

“The beast who was chasing me.” Una nodded. “I had him almost bested when you showed up, and then I tripped over a tree root as I was trying to escape.”

“I wouldn’t describe what I saw as ‘almost bested,’ but tripping over a root sounds like a pretty clumsy mistake,” I pointed out. “Aren’t cats supposed to be graceful and agile?”

“I can tell you aren’t from around here,” Una snickered. “Otherwise, you would ask different questions. You obviously don’t know what happens when you drink an agility potion. I’m clumsier than a bag of rocks now.”

That sounded backward. How could an agility potion make someone clumsy?

Maybe I was in some sort of virtual reality where everything was upside down and backward?

This wasn’t like any video game I’d ever played before, or any dream I’d ever had before either, and I had no idea how to get back home.

“You’re right, I don’t understand.” My stomach growled insistently, and I gave Una a bashful smile “Any chance you have some food in that little pouch of yours?”

“I have some bacon, but only a couple of slices,” Una said, and she pulled out the strips of dried meat.

“You just keep bacon in your pocket?” I snickered.

“Of course!” Her grin got even larger, but I found it more sexy than creepy.

“Thank you.” I accepted the meager meal with a grateful smile. “I suppose we will have to forage or hunt for something more to eat.”

“There will be food at Havenwood,” Una explained as she munched on her snack. “You will love it there. Not a single Sniffer Snatcher is allowed.”

“What other things are out to kill us?” I asked as I glanced around at the trees.

“Oh, there’s lots of ways to die in All-the-land,” Una informed me in a cheerful tone. “You could have your pick, really.”

“I’d rather not,” I chuckled and decided to give in to her brand of madness. “Have you lived here, in All-the-land, your whole life?”

“Yes.” Una nodded, but then she fluttered her eyelashes at me. “I’m glad you’re here, Alex. You arrived just in time to save us all.”

“All?” I looked around at the small clearing, but we were alone still.

“I know you can do it.” Una nodded emphatically, but she didn’t elaborate on what she meant, and then she started to riffle through her hip pouch as though in search of something. “Oh, what happened to my potion?”

“The ‘Big’ potion?” I asked. “I drank it.”

“You did!” Una’s purple eyes grew to the size of saucers, and she shuffled forward to inspect me. “How do you feel? Are you okay? But you don’t look tiny or big?”

“It wore off,” I said with a shrug.

“I can tell it wore off, but you must have been huge before the potion…” Una walked around me in a circle, and she tapped a finger against her chin as her adorable tail flicked with curiosity.

“Just normal sized.” I shrugged. “I turned into a giant after I drank your green juice, but after a while I shrank back to my usual proportions.”

“Impossible.” Una shook her head. “You’d be tiny. I saw you in the clearing before I got knocked out by that silly root. You’re the same size as you are now. The only way that could happen is if… No… There’s no way. So, you’re lying.”

Una’s eyes widened, and she scurried away from me until her back pressed up against the tree, but then she leapt to her feet and started to march away from the campsite.

“Wait, where are you going?” I hurried to follow after her since she was the only person I’d encountered in this dream, and I wasn’t about to let her go without getting the answers to my questions first. “I’m not lying, I swear!”

“Swearing is just as bad as lying,” Una said over her shoulder, and her tail swished with sass.

“I just meant… Well, I don’t know, but I’m not lying.” I finally caught up to her, and I grabbed her hand in mine to pull her to a stop. “Please, Una, you’re the only other person I’ve met here, and I still have a bunch of questions I want to ask you.”

“If you’re not lying, then you need to come with me to Havenwood straight away,” she insisted, but she paused long enough to meet my gaze.

My eyes were earnest as I stared into her purple depths. “What’s Havenwood? What’s going on?”

“My friends.” Una lifted her chin slightly, and she held my gaze for a long moment. “Do you… Will you come with me?”

“Before I go anywhere with you, I need some answers, and you were about to say something before you accused me of lying,” I reminded her. “What was it?”

Una stared into my eyes for a long moment, and the fire’s light reflected in her purple depths. She seemed amazed by my very presence before her, but she was obviously locked in some internal debate. Her gaze flicked across my face as if she searched for the answers to all of life’s questions until her eyes returned to mine, and then awe filled her expression.

“Could it be?” Her voice came out as a tiny squeak, and emotion welled up in her eyes. “Could you truly be… The Dreamer?”

This was definitely the weirdest dream I’d ever had before.

But I was getting curiouser and curiouser.