Okay. EVERYTHING UPDATE -Skeleton Walltext meme-

Guys, sorry for the inactivity, but the depression is hitting hard. I wanna give a full update about everything not just the depression thingy... xD

But hey! Thanks to your support I was able to medicate myself and buy pills for my mental health and go to terapy and going to a psychologist and psychiatrist. That helped me a lot.

And right now, after 1 year of intense treatment, he has started to taper off the escitalopram medication. From 10mg to 5mg.

I'm oke, but my body and brain isn't. This is because the lack of the medications.

This is to be able to come off the medication in a few months.

I didn't know this, but it turns out that when you lower the dosage, your body starts to go into withdrawal and.... You are an up and down of emotions and sensations.

I get filled with intrusive thoughts. One day I can feel extremely happy as a hyena and laugh at everything. And another day I can want to rot in my bed and even absolutely hate life itself. Or maybe feel completely hollow as is today.

I won't do anything crazy! Don't worry for that! xD There are medications for depression that affect behavior and make you act without thinking. Thank God, my medication doesn't affect me on that level in such an intense way and I know how to avoid moving in an automatically way.

I don't think I ever explained here the full situation of mine. So I will take the opportunity to explain everything at once so that you can understand my complete situation 100% and I don't have to do a lot of posts about this.

I am not super smart (Long life to da smooth brains) I am not a professional in this, nor did I study art in my life. I'm just a dumb and stinky guy trying to do my best. I won't say the classic line “But it's never enough” since I know you guys really like what I do. But I honestly feel that you guys DESERVE SO MUCH MORE.

I have been poor, I have been starving most of my life, lacking medication and necessary treatments, food, vitamins and minerals. Ya know. Da classic poor latam kid stereotype.

Thanks to your help, I was able to find this medium (3D animations) and I am finally able to pay for my psychological treatment and go to therapy and eat as a human being must eat normally.

My immigration situation:

I am an Argentinian who went to Chile because the situation in his country was horrible and dangerous. I arrived in times of pandemic and the people who were here the longest know that I did everything in a room where I was just lying down. It was one or two years locked in an extremely small cube. No family. No friends. Nobody. Just alone. (I am somewhat tall, 1.82Cm's approximately so all felt super small p_p) I spent months fighting for immigration papers to legalize my situation and settle here in Chile. I just want to work on my animations and be calm without being afraid to go out and have something happen to me for living in such a dangerous place as it used to happen to me before. Thank God my papers are about to be finished after 2 years of legal procedures.

Health:

I currently have Scoliosis, ADHD, Clinical Depression, PTSD (ngl, this thing sounds like a fugging meme...) and GAD (in spanish it's like... Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

In this year and a half I have been able to treat the depression and decrease it a lot with pills (escitalopram in my case) I have used social media and website limiters (StayFree, PomoFocus, Todoist) and learned basic scripting to remove shorts from youtube, and things that distract me strongly because of ADHD. Thanks to the therapy the PTSD went DOWN A BARBARITY. And well, the GAD I understood and I live with it. And the insomnia came and go. It's random. Sometimes needs pills and other times I can sleep normal with just melatonin.

Studies:

Thanks to your help, the money almost always goes to investment.

Almost always the money goes to updates for the pc, modification works for models, voice actresses, composers, etc.

In March last year I was going to start the “Your Own Sylveon 2” project but.... The quality was not what I expected. I realized that I needed much more. Both on a hardware level and on a professional level. So this year I dedicated myself to start studying much more seriously this area thanks to last year.

Last year was studying English without stopping. Just to be able to study these things this year since almost all the most important and technical information is in English. And I speak Spanish Qwq So I studied intense last year to be able to understand this.

At the moment I am doing 3 courses to improve my 3D.

A cinematography course (to improve angles and visual storytelling) a professional 3D animation course of 80 hours (I'm already 42 hours done and I can feel the difference), and a complete course of professional VFX liquid simulations (This last one is the one I want to achieve the most. I AM SO CLOSE AAA. I WANT TO HAVE GOOD SIMULATIONS IN MY ANIMATIONS!!!)

Next projects:

The next projects themselves have been a couple, but each has its setbacks that I'm trying to break down.

Rouge the Bat:

There's a “mouth job” I animated from Rouge that I haven't been able to continue because I want it to be that accompanied with “all holes” penetration and “creamy finish” but the Cumminham model doesn't have a decent body. Only her head looks good. So I'm having the model fixed so I can advance that animation and maybe have a good 2 or 3 minute Rouge animation.

Own Oc's:

In the background I am working to have my own Oc's to do some n-sfw animations with them. But the truth is that they are having several setbacks and this is already my fault. Thanks to studying 3D more seriously, I am now able to recognize when a 3D model is technically well done. So I've been working for months with modelers tweaking and fixing bugs. Plus they are at the university so sometimes it's hard for me to find them available.

Your Own Sylveon 2:

It's on hiatus until I get the skills needed to make it happen. I want it to be something cool. You guys deserve it. Both conceptually and visually. I want you to have blue balls. xD......

Umbreon's Night of cuddles:

This is the one I've been able to work on a lot more currently. It's where I'm trying out most of the things I learned in the 3D course and I like how it's turning out. It's a complete animation “Mouth work and other holes” the voice actress is done, the stage is still being thought about (Trainer's bedroom or a camping in the forest in the night), the mouth scene is finished. Still need to choose poses for the other holes. Maybe the animation will end up lasting 3 minutes too. I'm pretty anxious because I wanna see if ya like how I animate her and I wanna finish her fast aaaaaAAAAA XAx

And so... These would be my current updates.

I would like to detail more things but it would be a lot of text (yes, a lot more agh).

A thousand pardons for not being able to be much more active and for not posting animations super often. There are times when I want to explain things. But really, I'm very afraid of being perceived as those artists who like to lie or make excuses for not working. Because of those people now it's hard to trust other content creators. That's why I try to be as transparent as possible.

I also don't like to talk too much about my real situation because let's be honest. Almost everyone comes here to watch “rich” content xD Not to watch political nonsense or sad nonsense or dramas. Let's be honest, we all need to disconnect from the real world and soak in our own world. So I avoid talking too much about my situation because I don't want to ruin anyone's night. Or be extremely “H0rNy” and suddenly: OHNO, MERENGUE IS SAD! QAq

I just want you, when you get here, to enjoy my work and not feel sorry for me. I hope that in the future everything will change to much better (it is doing it but it hurts! XD) and well, be able to maybe, become much more. I want to overcome my problems and become a much better animator. Because you guys deserve it. Since you guys, unintentionally perhaps, ended up helping me and changing my life for the better. Thank you again.

AND SORRY FOR THE DELAYS O MY GOD, IF I HAD TO PAY A PENNY FOR EVERY TIME I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS I WOULD FILL A BIG BOTTLE OF PEPSI.