Part 7 Monetary Monster Harem (TF/TG)

The late afternoon sunlight streamed lazily through the windows of Leblanc, casting long shadows across the worn wooden floors. The coffee shop was empty, save for two figures slouched comfortably in a booth near the back.

Joker leaned back against the bench, arms folded across her chest — or at least, trying to. It wasn’t exactly easy anymore.

Her coat was draped loosely around her shoulders, and despite the relaxed posture, the generous curves pressing against her crossed arms made it look more like she was trying to balance a precarious pile of plush cushions.

Yusuke sat opposite her, one elbow resting lightly on the table, stirring his coffee absentmindedly with a spoon. 

For a while, neither of them spoke. Just the quiet clink of metal against ceramic, and the distant hum of the city leaking in through the door.

It was comfortable. Almost normal. 

You just had to ignore the fact that Joker’s figure now looked like something straight out of a particularly daring art exhibit.

Finally, Joker sighed, her breath making her chest bounce slightly — an unfortunate side effect she was very pointedly ignoring.

"So," she said, voice dry, "We should probably talk about the disaster we’re calling our lives now."

Yusuke gave a faint chuckle, setting his spoon aside.

"I had assumed we were both still processing," he said, his usual calm tone just slightly frayed around the edges. "But… yes. It has been a few days."

He sipped his coffee, then leaned forward slightly, the weight of the conversation settling between them.

"I have been keeping notes," he added, pulling a small sketchbook from beside him and tapping the cover lightly. "Observations. Questions. Theories."

Joker raised an eyebrow, amused.

"Of course you did," she said, smirking. "Our lives get completely turned upside down, and you start treating it like homework."

Yusuke shrugged, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

"It is important to approach chaos with method," he said simply.

Joker chuckled, then leaned in a little too, her bust pressing against the edge of the table with a quiet thump she immediately pretended not to notice.

"Alright then, Professor Kitagawa," she teased. "Lay it on me. Let’s figure out just how screwed we are."

Yusuke nodded solemnly, flipping open the notebook.

"First point of discussion," he said, tapping the page. "The others. Rika, Ann, Makoto, Morgana."

Joker sobered slightly, resting her chin on one hand.

"Yeah," she muttered. "They’re… different."

"They believe they have always been that way," Yusuke confirmed. "Physically, mentally, their memories have shifted."

Joker nodded slowly, frowning a little.

"And no one else notices," she said. "Not at school. Not in public. It’s like reality just… Updated to fit them."

Yusuke turned a page in his notebook.

"I would also note," he added, "That despite the obvious changes, they seem perfectly happy. No confusion. No distress."

Joker exhaled through her nose, a slow, steady breath.

"And that," she said quietly, "Might be the scariest part."

They sat in silence for a moment longer, the weight of it settling around them.

Then Joker leaned back again, arms folding, (or trying to) under her chest.

"But hey," she said lightly, forcing a smile. "At least we still remember what really happened. Otherwise I'd start thinking I was crazy."

Yusuke gave a small, genuine smile back.

"You are not crazy," he said simply.

Joker chuckled.

"Thanks. Coming from you, that means a lot."

Joker drummed her fingers lightly against the table.

"Alright…" she said, her voice low, almost hesitant. “Let's talk about the big moth lady, shall we?”

Yusuke sighed, closing the notebook gently.

"Kaneshiro is... still there," he said after a moment. "The palace remains."

Joker tapped the side of her head thoughtfully.

"Yeah," she muttered. "I wouldn't have expected it to vanish. After all, we didn't steal the treasure. We didn't send the calling card and still, something shifted."

She glanced at Yusuke, watching his face carefully.

"And now..." she prompted.

Yusuke's expression turned complicated, somewhere between bewilderment and reluctant amusement.

"Now it’s no longer a bank of greed," he said. "It’s a monument. A shrine."

Joker smirked. "To you."

"Regrettably," Yusuke said, adjusting his posture stiffly, "Yes."

He let out a long breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"There are portraits of me in every hall. Sculptures, paintings, even stained glass murals."

Joker snorted.

"Bet you look fabulous."

"I do," Yusuke said flatly, "But that is hardly the point."

Joker tried and failed to suppress a grin. Yet still continued, "Every time we went to the palace after that… day, she practically invited us in. She was very welcoming even, especially to you. Mind telling a bit more about what the two of you usually discuss when she practically steals you away from us?"

Yusuke hesitated.

Then he sighed again, almost theatrically.

"Yeah, she sure has... Changed," he admitted. "Dramatically. She keeps telling me all about her diabolical schemes, of how she exploits all the shadows and residents, and all the new methods she found to make shadows submissive to her… and to me. That money that she extorts… She wants to give it all to me. She truly has become a travesty of a woman."

Joker leaned in, clearly enjoying this too much. "Define travesty."

Yusuke gave her a long-suffering look.

"Kaneshiro is now," he said carefully, "an extraordinarily beautiful moth woman. Elegant, graceful, extremely—" He coughed, delicately. "—well-endowed."

Joker burst out laughing, her shoulders shaking."I know, I have seen her too. I still can't believe that spur of the moment plan turned the giant greedy pig into a seductive moth queen!"

"I fail to see the humor," Yusuke muttered, his ears reddening slightly.

Joker wiped a tear from her eye, still grinning. "Alright, alright. So, what? She wants to be your sugar mama now?"

Yusuke grimaced. "That is... an accurate summary."

He leaned back, looking up at the ceiling with a thousand-yard stare. "Everytime we go back, she insists on giving me a personal tour. She eagerly showed me the vaults she had prepared in my honor and brag about how much fuller they are compared to the last time we were there."

Joker let out another bark of laughter, clapping the table. "The two of us really turned Kaneshiro into the world's most aggressive sugar mama, haven’t we?"

"I did no such thing," Yusuke said stiffly. "I simply painted over a blueprint."

"Yeah," Joker said between giggles, "and apparently repainted her soul’s palace while you were at it."

Yusuke gave her a wounded glare, but Joker was too busy laughing. “Hey, look at me all you want, but I am not taking full blame for the fact that Kaneshiro ended up like this.”

Yusuke sighed, then nodded his head, causing her laughter to finally die down, as Joker leaned back, smiling warmly.

"But seriously," she said. "Are we even sure the palace is still stable?"

Yusuke nodded.

"Stable, but... changed."

He frowned.

"Strange, though. When I tried to locate the treasure, Kaneshiro told me I already had it."

Joker blinked.

"...You?"

"Yes."

"You're the treasure now."

"It would seem so."

Joker exhaled slowly, her amusement giving way to a thoughtful frown.

"That's... gonna be a problem."

"Indeed," Yusuke said simply. “Because I have left, yet the palace remains standing.”

Joker leaned back in her seat, letting the weight of Yusuke’s words settle. "So I guess you’re officially a national treasure," she teased lightly. "Congrats."

Yusuke, still deadpan, reached into his jacket pocket without a word. He pulled out a folded envelope and slid it across the table toward her.

Joker raised an eyebrow. "...What’s this?"

"A letter," Yusuke said, voice strained, "From the real-world Kaneshiro."

Joker’s smirk faltered. She picked it up, flicking open the seal with a practiced hand. Inside was a glossy photograph — and Joker froze.

It was Kaneshiro, but not the Kaneshiro she remembered.

Gone was the greasy, bloated loan shark. In his place stood a tall, graceful woman, dressed in sleek designer fashion. Long, luxurious hair, a killer smile, and legs that seemed to go on forever.

For a full second, Joker could only blink.

"...holy hell," she muttered under her breath.

Attached to the photo was a letter, written in elegant, flowing script.

"Dearest Yusuke,"
"No matter how far apart we are, I will always be your biggest supporter."
"If you ever find yourself in need, financially or otherwise, simply call upon me. No strings attached."
"Your devoted benefactor,"
~ Yuna Kaneshiro

Joker stared at the letter, then at the photo again.

Then she slowly placed both down on the table and looked at Yusuke.

He met her gaze silently, his expression that of a man long past the point of resisting the absurd.

They both sighed at the exact same time, long and heavy. 

Joker leaned back again, tossing her hands up in a shrug.

"Well," she said dryly, "At least I now know one person who will never be broke again."

Yusuke pressed his palms together in prayer. "I fear the price might be far greater than mere money," he intoned gravely. 

“But can you pay that price off with the multi million yen you get every month now?” Joker grinned, leaning forward, boobs on the table, supporting her head as she teasingly grinned.

Yusuke rubbed the bridge of his nose again, clearly trying to steer the conversation back into safer territory. "...Anyway," he said, voice strained, "Can you believe Ann's modeling career exploded lately?"

Joker raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, but I am not that surprised."

Yusuke tilted his head, genuinely puzzled. "You aren't?"

Joker smirked, crossing her arms — which, unfortunately for her, just made her chest bounce lightly again. "I mean, people care a lot about two things," she said wryly. "And Ann’s got a lot of ass now."

Yusuke coughed into his hand, very diplomatically trying not to react.

"Seriously," Joker continued, grinning. "She's like a living billboard for 'please stare respectfully.' No wonder the agencies are throwing themselves at her."

Yusuke, still pink around the ears, quickly shifted the topic. "...Even in the Metaverse, it’s staggering."

That got Joker to laugh again, short and sharp.

"Yeah," she agreed, stretching lazily in her seat. "Ann’s Sphinx form really didn’t hold back, huh?"

Yusuke nodded, thoughtful again. "It’s not just her, though. Everyone still changes when we cross over. You, Rika, Makoto, Morgana..." He paused.

Joker's smile turned a little more subdued. "It’s weird," she said after a second. "When I’m in there, when I’m... like that..." She tapped a finger against the side of her mug absently. "It doesn’t feel wrong."

Yusuke watched her, silent.

"I don’t mean the way I look," Joker continued, shrugging one shoulder. "I mean how I feel. It’s like the monster form is more... real, somehow. Like the human mask is the fake one."

Her words hung in the air, light but heavy at the same time.

Yusuke, after a moment, nodded once.

"I can see that," he said simply. “Maybe your true form has been revealed.”

“Very funny.” Joker took a sip from her own coffee, but then leaned back to think. “But maybe so. As weird as it sounds to say, being a drider-cow girl feels more true than being a regular human girl…” She then smirked. “...with massive boobs.”

“Could you cease that?” Yusuke asked, the hand that was holding the coffee mug shaking. “It’s hard enough as is not to stare!”

“Hey, those puppies are a part of me and no amount of denial will make them vanish, you know?” Joker shot back, then flashed a grin. “Not to mention that I never said you weren't allowed to look at them. I know first hand what eye magnets these things are for boys. I sure will never judge anyone for staring.”

Joker took another slow sip of coffee, tapping her fingers idly against the mug. Yusuke, still red around the ears from the "puppies" conversation, leaned in slightly, lowering his voice.

"...Do you have any idea why all of this happened?" he asked.

Joker set her mug down carefully and tilted her head, thoughtful.

"Best guess?" she said after a second. "Kaneshiro's cognition was always centered around money, right? In his mind, cash could buy anything. Loyalty, power, respect, even people themselves."

Yusuke nodded slowly.

"And that printing machine," Joker continued, "It was like... the heart of it all. His soul’s engine. So when you painted over the blueprint, repainted it, really, you didn’t just mess with the machine. You rewrote his entire perception of what the money was for."

She leaned back in her seat, arms crossed again — this time managing not to make herself bounce dramatically. "Suddenly, instead of hoarding wealth for himself... Kaneshiro started thinking he should give it all to you."

Yusuke frowned, deep in thought. "And since that money was tied to his cognition... it started affecting everyone who touched it."

Joker nodded once, serious again now. "Yeah. Basically, the magic Monopoly money broke reality."

Yusuke exhaled through his nose. "An unsettling theory, but it fits the facts."

He paused, considering. "But there’s something else that bothers me."

Joker raised an eyebrow.

"You were only lightly affected compared to the others," Yusuke said. "You retained your willpower. Your sense of self. That makes sense. You've always been... special."

Joker shrugged a little at the compliment, playing it off.

"But me," Yusuke said, frowning harder now. "I was exposed to the money just as long as anyone else. Directly touched it too when I was painting. And yet, I didn’t change at all. Why?"

For a second, Joker just stared at him.

Then she snorted — short, sharp, totally unrestrained.

Yusuke blinked in confusion. "Why are you laughing?"

Joker grinned at him, eyes dancing with mischief.

"Maybe," she said, voice sly, "It’s because your relationship with money is so weird already."

Yusuke blinked again, slower.

Joker leaned forward, smiling warmly now. "Seriously. After watching you for the last few days, I have no idea how you’ve gotten through life. You somehow always have enough money for the most senseless things: Art supplies, raw salmon, fancy teacups, yet you're always broke."

Yusuke opened his mouth to protest.

Paused.

Closed it.

He sat back stiffly in his seat, as if Joker had just pulled off the most brutal ambush in recorded history.

He had no retort.

Joker chuckled softly into her coffee mug, utterly victorious.

She swirled the last bit of coffee in her cup, then glanced sideways at Yusuke, waiting for him to recover from her words. Then she continued, one eyebrow arched.

"Alright, fine," she said, a little quieter now. "We have talked about my looks a lot. And yeah, my boobs are fine and all…" She tapped her chest lightly, causing another very slight, intended bounce, and smirked. "But remember the thing I asked you about? So, artist boy... tell me. What else have you noticed about me?"

Yusuke set his mug down carefully, folding his hands together in front of him. He took a breath, steady and thoughtful.

"You have changed," he said after a moment. "At least... a little."

Joker tilted her head, half-skeptical, half-curious.

"I imagine it’s hard for you to notice yourself," Yusuke continued, his voice calm, almost clinical. "Change is easiest to spot from the outside."

Joker leaned forward slightly, genuinely listening.

"You’re more..." He paused, searching for the right word. "Opportunistic. More cunning. Sharper, somehow."

Joker grinned, tapping the table lightly. "So I do act like a spider now."

Yusuke allowed himself a faint smile. "Partly, yes."

Joker seemed surprised to hear that. He studied her for another long moment, then continued, slower this time.

"But it’s not just that. There’s a certain... Warmth to you now."

Joker blinked. The teasing grin slipped from her face, just for a second.

"You act more aggressive. More teasing. You go into conversations and situations like you're hunting, like you know exactly what you want to catch." He nodded toward her without breaking eye contact. "Like you're doing right now."

Joker opened her mouth to retort, but stopped. She realized she was about to tease him even now, without really thinking about it.

"But," Yusuke added gently, "No matter how playful, no matter how sharp your words... there's always a certain warmth behind them."

Joker stared at him, stunned into silence.

"It’s hard to explain," Yusuke said, voice soft. "Every word you say... No matter what you say… You know how far you can take it. You know what you can say. And you know how even in difficult moments, you can make people feel like they are not alone."

Joker looked away quickly, heat rushing to her cheeks. She fiddled with her cup, struggling to fight the furious blush creeping up her neck.

"I-I wasn’t like that before?" she asked, trying and failing, to sound casual.

Yusuke shook his head. "No. Before, you were a stoic leader. Silent. Strong. You didn't need many words. You just acted, and everyone trusted you without question."

He tilted his head slightly. "But now... now you’re not just a leader. You make everyone feel a lot more at ease when you are around. Like you could lift any of us out of any hole at any time."

Joker clenched her fists lightly in her lap, feeling the compliment strike deeper than any teasing or flirting ever could.

She was still blushing furiously, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling like an idiot.

Yusuke, as always, spoke in a way that somehow made the absurd sound profound.

And Joker had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.

They sat across from each other, the quiet of Leblanc settling around them like a heavy blanket.

Neither spoke for a long while.

Just the occasional clink of their mugs. The distant hum of traffic outside. The weight of everything unsaid growing heavier. Joker just needed all of these moments to compose herself again.

Finally she tilted her head slightly, resting her cheek against her hand, and spoke up.

"Hey, Yusuke," she said, voice almost casual. "Do you have any idea how to handle your harem?"

Yusuke groaned into his hands. "Not really," he muttered, dragging his fingers down his face. "All of them just… demand to be by my side. They’re not even concerned about me picking one anymore."

He slumped slightly. "They all want me to pick everyone."

Joker chuckled slowly, pushing herself up from her seat. Yusuke blinked as she circled the table and dropped down onto the bench beside him.

Closer than close.

He stiffened instinctively, unsure what she was doing… 

…until she leaned in, her breath ghosting against his ear.

"Do you think you have room for one more?" she whispered.

Yusuke froze.

His brain struggled valiantly to reboot, to find some logical explanation for what was happening, but no such salvation came. Before he could even form a word—

Joker leaned in closer.

And kissed him.

Softly, right on the cheek.

Yusuke sat there, completely paralyzed, feeling the warmth of her lips linger against his skin like a brand.

Joker giggled, the sound light and mischievous. She pulled back just enough to sigh, her voice dreamy and content.

"It seems like I wasn’t as special and immune as you wanted me to be," she murmured. "I could suppress it for a while, but… haaa…"

She leaned back against the bench, gazing at the ceiling, a rare, blissful smile softening her sharp features.

"...the others do have a point," she whispered. "Being next to you really is a feeling unrivaled by anything else."

Yusuke opened his mouth, struggling to rally something — anything — in response. Finally, he managed a stiff, strangled:

"...I shall find a way to change you all back and—"

Joker cut him off immediately.

"Don’t bother," she said simply.

Before Yusuke could blink, she slid in even closer, wrapping her arms around him in a hug that was way too tight, way too warm, and way too deliberate.

Her massive chest pressed firmly against his side, her body practically melting against him. Yusuke's soul attempted to eject itself from his body. And yet, it felt so… warm. So pleasant.

"I doubt," Joker purred near his ear, "that any girl would want to give up on this feeling."

Yusuke, scrambling desperately to grab his bearings, clung to the one thread of sanity he had left. "M-Medjed!" he blurted out. "The mysterious message Ann received this morning! What about that?!"

Joker chuckled softly, clearly knowing exactly what he was doing — clinging to any topic that wasn’t her chest or her confession.

Still, she was merciful.

She loosened her arms and slipped away from him, finally freeing him from her boobalicious embrace. Stretching leisurely, she flashed him a dazzling, almost smug grin.

"You're right," she said, voice light, teasing. "We should definitely talk about that with the others."

Yusuke exhaled slowly, trying to calm his hammering heart.

But then Joker leaned in again, smirking wickedly.

"You wanna call them over, Harem King Yusuke?" she whispered, her voice dripping with amusement.

Yusuke's shoulders sagged in defeat.
There was no escape.
Not from her.
Not from them.
Not from any of this.

He could only groan quietly into his hands as Joker laughed and pulled out her phone, already sending the group message.

And so, the adventures of the Phantom Thieves continued.
Just... a lot more monstrous.

—

Epilogue playing a week after the fateful events. How their lives have changed.