My feelings towards this week.

This picture kinda describes my week perfectly. I've almost only been walking around in underpants everyday for a week now. You know that feeling when it feels like everything bad is happening all at once. Then when eventually the last straw that broke the camel's back accur then you just don't know how to act, how to breath or how to stay sane anymore.

If you've been in my stream then you probably heard me talking about my dad that recently got ill from cancer. This has been one thing that's been worrying me for some time now and when he finally went through every operation and seems to get well, then I got a call from my mom. She tells me that our family cat that we've had for 17 years, SINCE I WAS 9, is being put down to sleep in about 1 week. I definitely see this cat as a family member since we grew up together and he's been around for almost as long as I can remember.
But it's not only that. My mom also told me that my grandma is in the hospital, refuses to eat, don't know where she is anymore, and kinda just lying in her bed giving up on life.

I don't know about you reading this, but I never in my entire life, for 26 years, experienced someone close to me passing away. I know that this is a part of life and that eventually everyone have to go through it one way or another. I've been taking everything and everyone for granted for too long, and now when I finally realize that everybody around me is not going to stay in my life forever, it makes me regret every single time I pushed a loved one away.

Me and my brother are going to my moms place on Sunday to say goodbye to our beloved family cat for the last time. I know I'll want to stay strong, but I think that as soon as I see our cat I'll burst into tears. It scares me so much and it makes me so overprotective of my own cat Nala. I know that one day she'll not be around anymore and just me thinking about that gives me anxiety.
My mom told me to not visit my grandma because of how she is appearing at the moment. She's apparently very skinny now, can hardly speak and just don't look too well. She told me to remember her how she used to be, and just keep that picture in my head with me in my memory forever. But I can't help feeling that maybe if I don't visit her, to say a proper goodbye, then I'll regret it later. I don't want her to think that I don't care, or that I forgot about her. But I'm also worried that if I do go and see her, will the picture of her being this way ever go away? What if she don't remember me? (Because of alzheimers).

On top of all this I had loads of heavy studies that I had to get done this week. This was the last week that I could send in all my essays and tasks that I had to do before my studies end.  I also had the worst drama experience with a close friend of mine.

How did I handle this week? Tears, workout and friends. That's literally my medicine and my therapy right now. But how do I handle it when they're gone, for real?

"Time isn't the main thing, it's the only thing."