The Wedgie Cafe

In the corner of a shopping mall sits a cosy little cafe. No one knows when exactly it opens, only that it suddenly appeared one day, and has a very specific clientele. Of course that is rather obvious by the name of the establishment.

‘The Wedgie Cafe’

When inside, you are greeted by a receptionist who hands you a menu and takes you to a booth. If it is your first time, you get a brief description of what The Wedgie Cafe has to offer.

“So we are a host cafe, where clients can eat a meal whilst hanging out and chatting with a host of their choice. Our clients can cover many niches, and requests, but we of course have an emphasis on wedgies, humiliation and a jock/nerd rivalry. Have a look at the menu, on the front we have our meals, and on the back we have a list of our current hosts! If any appeal to you just let us know and we’ll send them over as soon as they’re available, okay?”

The food menu itself has what you’d expect from a small cafe. Sandwiches, milkshakes and smoothies, and a couple themed items. ‘The Atomic Burger’ is a particular favourite, along with the ‘Swirly Soup of the Day’. On the back there is a list of several hosts, along with their photos and a brief description and quote from the hosts.

The first host is a large, buff looking Tiger. He is wearing a baseball jacket and is wielding a large wooden paddle with holes drilled into it, for an even more brutal implement. His cocky smirk makes everyone shiver, and woe betide anyone who faces his swinging arm. His description reads;

Jacob: 23, Bully. Favourites: Hazing and Initiations
“Hey there, looking to join our club eh? Well I hope your butt’s prepared, because our initiations aren’t gentle!”

The next is Sorn, a young Monkey with a wide smile. Whilst not as muscular (or as tall) as Jacob, the eager glint in his eyes can mesmerize most who meet him, as does the way he’ll tease your waistband. His quote reveals just what you’d be getting yourself into by requesting him;

Sorn: 19, Bully. Favourites: Teasing and Humiliation
“Hi cutie~ You’re looking particularly adorkable today! How about you come over here and show me what you’re wearing~?”

Quincy is the last bully on offer, a large red Dragon with a scowl on his face and ripped waistbands adorning the wall behind him. He appears to be cracking his knuckles in the photo. Those who request him never leave in the same underwear they entered with. His description reads;

Quincy: 28, Bully. Favourites: Classic Bullying
“Oi dweeb, where’s the homework I told you to do?? You better have it or you’ll be eating lunch with your panties over your head!”

Then we get to the list of nerds on offer. For starters is a small Corgi, smiling and rolling dice on the table. He can often be seen waddling around the Cafe with his waistband over his head, due to a bet lost earlier that day.

Jojo: 25, Nerd. Favourites: Dares and Bets
“I’m really bored today... How about you guess what underwear I’m wearing? Guess correctly, and I’m all yours for the evening~.”

Alexander is a large Polar Bear, with round spectacles and a warm smile that offsets his imposing figure. Those who request him do so to enjoy a challenge, as he’s just as willing to give as he is to receive.

Alexander: 36, Nerd. Favourites: Role Reversal
“Oh I remember you, you gave me swirlies all the time in high school! Let’s see if you’re as tough as you used to be!”

Finally is their newest recruit, a brown-furred Bunny in a light blue polo shirt and shorts. He is poking his tongue out in the photo, arms folded like a naughty child. He is known for taunting the other bullies whilst they’re working, and can usually be found in the coat room, suspended by adorable cartoon briefs.

Jamie: 18, Nerd. Favourites: Bratty Behaviour
“Hm? You want me to just bend over and let you wedgie me? Make. Me.”

After choosing your host and meal, you will get to enjoy a good 30-45 minutes of 1 on 1 time with your nerd or bully of choice. The booths are mostly private and soundproof, but squeals will occasionally seep through. And the doors can always be opened up for a more ‘public’ experience.

If you book ahead of time, you are able to choose outfits for the hosts to wear. School uniforms, Gym clothing, speedos and swimwear, even maid outfits are all options for the hosts to wear. The hosts are willing to be as accommodating as possible for your needs.

For such a unique and niche host cafe, the online reviews are widely positive. As you can see, there are a lot of satisfied customers;

5 Stars! I requested Sorn and was blown away by the incredible customer service! Sorn was so gentle and friendly, I didn’t even realise I had been wedgied until my waistband was snapped over my head! I was clearly flustered, and Sorn was kind enough to feed me my fries whilst tugging on the front waistband. Definitely returning once my bum has recovered!

Food was good. Jacob bent me over the table and paddled my bare buttocks 20 times with his paddle. Couldn’t sit down comfortably for the rest of the day. 4 Stars.

It was my first time at The Wedgie Cafe, and didn’t know what I was getting myself into! I requested Quincey without really looking at the menu, and before I knew it I had been cocooned in my own boxer-briefs! He even dragged me into the toilets and gave me my first swirly since high school! I was so humiliated! 5 stars!

4 Stars. I was enjoying a game of Strip Poker with Jojo, when that brat Jamie burst in and started teasing Jojo for losing. It was frustrating, until Jojo suggested we teach him a lesson. One hanging wedgie later and that Bunny was quick to apologise! It was so fun, I decided to give Jojo a similar wedgie! Two wedgied dorks for the price of one. Perfect way to enjoy my meal!

1 Star. A den of debauchery and sin! I peeked my head in to see what all the fuss was about, and saw a customer bent over the Reception Desk, and a Dragon tugging on his briefs so hard he ripped them clean off in a few yanks! The customer then *thanked* the Dragon and walked out, completely commando! I will be going there tomorrow again and request that Dragon, and give him a piece of my mind! And just to be safe, I’ll be wearing multiple pairs of briefs!
EDIT: After a conversation with the Dragon, I would like to apologise and say the Cafe was not as debauched as initially thought. I would describe further but I must go apply an ice pack to my rear end. 4 Stars.

5 stars. Incredibly accommodating. I requested to be forced into a maid’s outfit by Alexander and become his host for the evening, and boy did he deliver! I had never experienced a bra-connection wedgie before then, and I spent the entire time squirming, my panties turned into a tight, painful thong. He made me bend over to pick things up so many times in my short skirt. He made me collect food from the kitchen, and all the kitchen staff teased me too! Just typing it out makes me blush! Definitely recommending Alexander for this experience again!

There you have it, good food, and good hosts. If you’re ever in the shopping mall, go have a visit. First timers are always welcome, and they promise to give you a memorable experience, in more ways than one.