Mother Knows Best - TG Caption

Hey hon, why don't you wear the new tank top my mom got you while you work out?

...

Jon?

You mean the short, tight, stretchy one, Lauren? The really, really pink one? The one that basically looks like a sports bra for guys? That one?

It's a little effeminate, but come on, you're a big, strong, confident, muscular man! I can't believe you'd be bothered by a little thing like the color. Anyway, aren't you working out at home? Who's gonna see you besides me? And I think you'll look cute!

Yeah, yeah, hand it over and I'll wear it. And no, the color doesn't really bother me. I'm more bothered by the fact that your mother wishes you were still a lesbian.

I was never a lesbian dummy, I was bi, which you know, obviously. Anyway, you're crazy, mom doesn't-

In her wedding toast she brought up your ex-girlfriend three times.

(sigh) Yeah, she really did like Julie. She migh-..wha? What-What's that SMOKE! Is it burning?! TAKE IT OFF!

Not burning but can't..can't...move. It feels..weird. Hot...but...but...good?

It, what? It feels GOOD?! What- We need to get that thing off of you! Right now! I'll.. I'll get the scissors!

NO! Wait! Something's happening...What is it? Tell me...

Oh my god! Jon, you're changing! Can't you feel that? Your muscles are disappearing! And..and your hair is getting longer. Jon...your face... 

Feels like... (pant, pant) like cumming, but (pant, pant) longer. I can't tell what (pant, pant) what's happenninng. mmmm mmMMMy chest is puffy.. am I getting fatter? 

You're..Jon..you've got boobs. Your growing breasts and they're getting bigger! And your face... You don't (cough, cough) you don't even look like you anymore. You (cough, cough) Damn this smoke. It'ss tooo thick. Jon my headss feelinn fuzzy. But, yourr face...you llook like a girrrll.. Really, reallly prrretty girrrll. (giggle)

You-mmmmm (pant, pant) think I'm (cough, cough)... You think I'm pretty? That's so sooo GREAT! That's- Wait, why does that (cough, cough) make me so (cough) happy?

So beautifulll.. my beautiful wifey wife.  (cough) I love you so much June-bug, so so much...

June-bug? Who's (cough, cough) who's June? I (cough, cough, Cough!)

Junie, honey? (cough, cough) Are you..(cough) Are (Cough, Cough!)

- - -

(groan) Owwwwe my head. Lauren, why are we on the floor? Did we have floor sex and fall asleep and I forgot? Because that would be terrible. Forgetting I mean, not the floor sex. Hey, do you wanna-

Junie, my wonderful, horny little wife, I love you, but stop talking about floor sex for a minute. I have no idea what happened.

...Should we call your mom and ask her?

Honey, I'm glad you admire my mom so much, but she does not, in fact, know everything. 

She's just...she's really great, you know? I really love her. But!..uhh Not like I love you of course!

Idiot. I love you. And I love that you love her. And I know that she loves you too. We're all full of love it's splashing around everywhere!

Ewww...but kinda hot too. You know, I don't really feel like exercising anymore. I'm gonna go change.

Sure, sure. You know I wouldn't mind at all if you stopped exercising alltogether. Maybe plump up a little bit. Give me some nice handles to hold onto-

Hey babe?

I wasn't day-dreaming! I mean...Yeah, June?

Why do we have a closet full of men's clothes?