Legends of Hyrule - TG Caption (Patrons Ver.)

Part 1

IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS.

Uhh, ok, great...Wow, you're one loud old man. So, this is a nice bikini- thing, but maybe there’s been some mistake. What I really need is a weapon.

TAKE ANY ONE YOU WANT.

…from your pile of women's underwear? I was thinking a sword or bow or something. Where did you even get these?

SECRET IS IN THE TREE AT THE DEAD-END.

Well...that's not creepy. Seriously, I would settle for a boomerang or a slingshot. I really don’t want your, I hope, unused panties or a magic bra. And COULD YOU PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN, I'm not deaf...yet.

I BET YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE MORE BOMBS.

YES! Finally! I'll take all of the bombs! Where are they?

GO TO THE NEXT ROOM.

Awesome! I’ll go t-wait, no, nooo…This isn’t like your creepy dead-end underwear tree is it?

SECRET POWER IS SAID TO BE

IN THE ARROW.

OH! MY! GOD! I! CAN! HEAR! YOU! And that had better not be a metaphor or euphemism or whatever. I do NOT want to know about your old-man dick!

...MASTER USING IT AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS.

PUT THAT THING AWAY!!!

LET'S PLAY MONEY MAKING GAME.

THAT'S IT, I'm out! And I’m taking your stupid magic...armor...bra-thing with me! 'CRASHCRASH'

PAY ME FOR THE DOOR REPAIR CHARGE.

F*** YOUR DOOR!!

Part 2

Hello? Is anyone down here in this...completely lit up cave?

PAY ME AND I'LL TALK.

Gah! Where the hell did you pop up from lady? What did you say?

PAY ME AND I'LL TALK.

F*** me its another one.  Why does every old person I meet lack volume control? Hold on, I've got something for this...RIGHT, COTTONBALLS ARE IN. HERE'S A RUPEE FOR YOUR TROUBLE. SCREAM AWAY, BANSHEE!

THIS AIN'T ENOUGH TO TALK.

WHAT? NOT ENOUGH YOU SAID? FOR FU--... FINE, HERE'S ONE MORE. BUT I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS MYSELF. I NEED HELP WITH...GIRL STUFF.

BOY, YOU'RE RICH!

WHAT?! I CAN'T HEA.. HOLD ON.

Did you actually get quieter when I put these in? Spiteful old..it's fine. Just, please...can you lower your death-scream to a bellow? I was hoping you could help me out. You see, I...acquired a magic...armor piece that I...may have put on temporarily and now I think I’m cursed. I got it from this old man-

BUY MEDICINE BEFORE YOU GO.

…Medicine? you haven’t even listened to my problem. Look, I put on this stupid…armor and it turned me into a girl, so, yeah…uhh, female problems. Being female is the problem. This body isn’t me. Everything is too big and jiggly or too small weak and I’m constantly uncomfortable.

BUY MEDICINE BEFORE YOU GO.

…’sigh’ How Much?

Part 3

Exiting the cave, Link eyed the small vial of medicine, he hoped it was medicine, crazy old woman could’ve given him anything. Still, this was why he came so no point in second-guessing it now. Link pulled the cork from the bottle and downed it all in one go. At first, nothing happened, but as the medicine hit his stomach his body begin to feel flushed in a way he hadn't yet experienced. Link’s breath quickened and his heart rate increased. He became distracted while his thoughts slowed and he looked around the woods near the cave’s entrance, searching for something. And then he spotted it. He didn’t know how, he didn’t know why, but it was exactly what he needed.

On a nearby fallen log, a short ‘branch’ protruded. One with a very definite and familiar shape. As he approached, parts of his new lower body tightened and loosened in wholly unfamiliar ways. Without any conscious thought, Link stripped as he neared and spread his legs to straddle the tree.

He was confused. Why was he… no, looking down at the body he/she wore, why was she here again?  Everything else was fuzzy but the shape in front of her was clear and it was perfect. It was all she wanted. She needed to be closer. Inching towards the surprisingly smooth phallic growth, she made the barest contact and gasped when her overly sensitive flesh met the near polished surface. She began to gently gyrate her wide hips in a circular motion, rubbing the wooden dildo against a rapidly soaking slit. Desperation increasing, she slowed her movement and pressed forward, sinking the first wide inch inside. Finally, losing any remaining sense of rationality, Link impaled herself and began to thrust with wild abandon. Beads of sweat ran down her body even as beads of other moisture continued to build below along with a growing balloon of fiery sensation in her lower belly. She cried out her pleasure and need, uncaring of any who might hear. She screamed as she came, soaking herself and the tree, continuing to rock back-and-forth, eeking out every last bit of hard earned ecstasy. As the wave subsided, she slowly removed herself from the natural phallus and lay back, idly caressing her thick thighs and small waist, before reaching up to cradle her ponderous breasts. As the fog in Link's head lifted, she had her first clear thought since downing that bottle of “medicine “.

'Not what I meant, old woman, not what I meant at all, but I'm certainly in touch with my new body now.'

Part 4