Super Maria Bros? - TG Caption

Part 1

THANK YOU MARIO! BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!

What?

OUR PRINCESS IS IN-

Yeah…yeah, I heard you. Look whoever…whatever you are. Is that a mushroom hat? No, wait, I don’t care. I just went through some s*** you wouldn’t even believe, and she’s not here? Where the hell is she?!

ANOTHER CASTLE!

…That’s really helpful. Thanks. So what’s the plan here, I’m supposed to just climb back up the drain pipe and go do this again? Is she at her summer palace or something? You know what? No. I’m good. I’m heading home.

BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!

She’s a princess! Where the hell else should she be? Look little- fun..guy…heh..hehehehe..oh wow, that’s way funnier than it should be. Sorry, I smashed my head into a whole hell of a lot of bricks recently, I may not be thinking straight. Did I mention going through some s***? See, there were these little dudes called Goombas that I had to stomp on for…some reason. And don’t even get me started on the lubed up turtles, slipping and sliding all over the place. I want no part of...any of that.

After I got away, I was starving and had to gorge myself on a bunch of pink flowers to regain strength since they are literally the only thing growing in this sewer world s***-hole.

And that, apparently, is when the drugs kicked in. 'Cause I’m pretty sure I ate a f***ing star, burst into flame, and dropped King Turtle's ass into a burning ring of fire. But, maybe it was all real, considering I woke up LOOKING LIKE THIS! But why am I even bothering to tell you. You’re a talking f***ing mushroom!

THANK YOU!

That wasn’t a compliment!

Part 2

So we did it? We found the princess?

 What do you mean we? We didn't do a damn thing. I ran all over the place, beating up people half my size, which is even less fun than it sounds, and jumping on a bunch of lubed up turtles, while you sat here doing...whatever that is...meditating or something.

I'm clearing my mind and communing with the world bro... Wait, what did you do with a bunch of turtles?

Shut up Luigi. And it's not 'bro' anymore in case you some how missed it.

Really?...Wow man...uhh no, I don't see gender. I mean, what's the big difference? We're all the same, man.

I've got about five pounds of difference hanging from my chest, man. I'd love to see you how you deal with this...

How did that happen anyway? And what about the princess lady we were supposed to find? Do we have to go look for her still?

Yeah, probably. I don't know. The talking mushroom inside wasn't exactly Mr. Conversationalist. He knew about 10 words. 

Oh. Well, if you're done complaining we should find some food. I'm really hungry and I ate the rest of the stuff we brought with us. 

...

Hey man...you don't look so good. I mean, you're totally hot now...which is kinda weird for me. But you're all red and you still have that same weird vein that pops out when you get all fussy.

...You know what, buddy? I know where some pink flowers are, and they are freaking fantastic. You can eat all you want.

(some time later)

Hey man...woman. These are really good.

Uhh maybe you should slow down. You already look different.

No way. I'm not stopping till I puke or pass out.

Oh well. I warned her.

(more time later)

Whoa, check it out!! I'm way bigger than you are! This is awesome! 

'Sigh'  ...Shut up Luigi.