The unabridged teleprompter story

Here, for your enjoyment, is the entire thing I wrote for the teleprompter during the cutaway. I wrote far more than was necessary.

These words on the teleprompter are here to enhance the illusion of this cutaway. They in no way represent the actual content of the script. 

It was a bright sunny day in the 99 hectare forest, and Freddy the Feces was all riled up to go.

“I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready!” he screamed incessantly like some sort of sponge.

Having remembered that this is not the franchise he was hired to parody, Freddie leaped out of bed to find some fresh agave nectar.

“I love agave nectar,” he said aloud to his cat, James. James was apathetic. He sure was a cat.

“Shall we go out in search for some agave nectar?” asked Freddy to James. James once again ignored him.

“Oh, doctor” Freddy exclaimed. Freddy was more of a dog person, you see, and had never taken to cats. But one day in his past, he ran across a lonely looking cat hiding under his porch. This cat wasn’t James, but it’s important to the story. Anyway, this cat reached out to Freddy in need of help.

“Help, I’m a cat!” said the cat.

“That’s nice,” said Freddy dismissively.

“Sir, I am not meant to be a cat! My name is Gregory Floppinstock and I’m from the town next to the river. I was walking in the forest and suddenly a wicked gargoyle appeared from out of nowhere and turned me into a cat! I need your help!”

Freddy had wondered if this was true. But he never found out because he fell asleep at this very moment.

Ah, yes, an important note for the reader. Freddy was diagnosed with narcolepsy as a child. It has afflicted him ever since he was a child. Yes, ever since childhood, Freddy suffered from narcolepsy.

Having lived with narcolepsy ever since he was a child, Freddy was used to waking up without knowing what had just happened. It was upon waking up that he met the cat James.

James, a cat, walked over to Freddy. “Meow,” said the cat.

“Oh, a feline friend! I shall take him indoors,” said Freddy, having clearly forgotten about Gregory and the fact that he disliked cats.