Mob Sorcery 5 - Ch24

Vince spent the next few days in relative peace and quiet. No vampiric hit squads or corrupt police trying to arrest him.

House hunting continued to take up most of his day, but he wanted to narrow down his selection by the weekend. After a lifetime spent in rundown apartments, any of the houses he’d seen would be perfect. Being picky over the color of the bathroom tiles or the kitchen not having a five-burner gas stove sounded ridiculous.

To him, the dream home was any freestanding house he owned. Simply owning one at all, even with a mortgage, had been a dream. These mansions went beyond dreams and into his wildest fantasies, usually accompanied by celebrities bouncing around naked with champagne.

Then again, he fucked a pair of billionaire sisters regularly, so maybe he shouldn’t talk about fulfilling his wildest fantasies.

His girlfriends had their own ideas, however. Nicki wanted a bedroom with large windows. Nina focused on security and a bath big enough for her to stretch out in, plus a large shower. Vince eyed her suspiciously when he saw her stretching in the shower in one place, and she whistled innocently.

“We can get the tradespeople to add in some extra supports to the shower, right?” Nina asked the agent at some point.

“Not a problem,” the agent said, before launching into a spiel about what sort of bathroom renovations could be completed within a couple of weeks. He even had examples to show off on his tablet.

On Thursday, Vince revisited a place he’d checked out on Monday. It was older and situated on an oddly shaped block on an intersection in the old part of Albion. A black wrought iron fence stood double Nina’s height, with hedges behind it for privacy. The yard was small and consisted mostly of lawn and rocks. Vince guessed the gardens had been removed when the owner converted the house to a short-term rental.

“Ah, coming back to this Italianate gem.” The agent nodded appreciatively as he led them across the marble pathway to the front door.

The house consisted of two stories of sandstone, or a stone façade, with a covered front porch. Roman pillars held up the balcony above the porch, and even the balustrade of both the balcony and porch looked like something from Ancient Rome. Carved lion statues greeted them on either side of the stairs that led up to the front door. The double windows were surrounded by exterior arches with eagle decorations.

“To be honest, it’s not the décor that drew me back,” Vince admitted. “It’s the spacious atelier. Plus lack of neighbors.”

“Yeah, being on the street doesn’t matter if the whole property has aural wards,” Nina said.

Both her and Nicki accompanied him today, while the Lionetti enforcers chilled by the road. They’d organized a complex schedule with Alessia today to allow Nina to join Vince at the house viewing, but the lioness would have to hurry downtown afterward.

The agent nodded while looking up at the atelier. While the house was technically only two stories, it had a stout turret sticking out the top like a lot of Italianate homes. Somebody had crammed an atelier in there, complete with powerful wards and physical reinforcement. Vince had to enter it by the trapdoor, which made it more spacious than ateliers that needed to allow for a door.

Once inside, they split up to check off their personal items. The house contained four bedrooms, plus a windowless office. Each floor had a bathroom, the master bedroom possessed an additional attached bathroom, and Nina happily completed her stretches in the upstairs shower.

“The master bathroom is too small to do anything in, but with some supports, we can fuck in the showers of the others,” Nina told Vince.

He ran a hand down his face. “I should have known that’s what you were up to.”

She grinned at him and her tail wrapped around his leg. “Come on. Now you can’t bitch about falling over because I lean on you.”

Downstairs, Vince confirmed that the kitchen was small and cramped, if modern. Bigger than his old apartment kitchen. Smaller than most other houses. For some reason, the walk-in pantry also came with a fully equipped kitchenette. He supposed the original owner had servants to cook for them and the main kitchen was a showpiece.

Nicki tilted and twisted in front of the fireplace in the living room, which connected to a chimney hidden behind the atelier’s turret. Ordinarily, Vince would worry about the fireplace’s sheer size, as it was gas-powered and bigger than any TV he’d ever owned.

“I mean, we don’t have to choose this place,” Vince said, while Nicki and Nina umm’d and ahh’d. “There’s the loft from Tuesday—”

“I like the look and feel of this place,” Nina said. “Those newer builds feel sterile. Not to mention I don’t like the idea that it’s going to fall down because some lazy pricks didn’t want to follow building code. You can pay people to do things, but you can’t pay them to care. This place has seen wars.”

Nicki smirked, and Nina scowled at her.

“Not actual wars,” Nina corrected herself. Then her eyes lit up. “Plus, there’s plenty of space for Nicki to get clucky and lay eggs. You never know how she’ll act once you start pumping her full of them.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Nicki growled. “I didn’t say anything when you were checking every inch of the hedge for gaps.”

“That was for security.”

“I hope so,” Vince said. “But Alessia will have her people go over the external wards and privacy with a fine-toothed comb.”

He looked at the agent, who stood a room away to give them privacy. His wolf ears pricked up when he saw Vince looking over and walked over.

“Need me?” the agent asked.

He’d almost certainly heard their conversation, but knew when to pretend otherwise.

Vince looked at the girls, and they nodded.

“Have Alessia look into upgrading this house,” he told the agent. “I trust her with the security. If she’s happy with what she finds, we can give you our own upgrades.”

“It might be faster if you give me some idea now. I can run those numbers over the weekend.” The agent pulled up his tablet while raising an eyebrow.

The girls happily brought up the various things they wanted changed, which included everything from paint to carpet to the damn kitchen knobs.

“Are we really going that far?” he asked.

“It’s not that hard,” the agent said while tapping away. “But you’ll need to be decisive. We can rip out and replace the carpet in an afternoon, but you need to know what you want. Painting just needs time for it to dry between coats. Little things like that.”

“What about appliances?” he asked.

The agent sucked in his breath. “Depends on if they’re in stock. Vendors can fuck around a lot. Installation is easy, though. Just send through your ideas, include specific appliances with backups, and I’ll see what I can do. Trust me.”

In almost any circumstance, trusting a realtor seemed like a bad idea. But this agent worked for Alessia and made his money by keeping her happy. Vince merely nodded.

This time, the agent didn’t immediately fly off in his Lambo. He shook Vince’s hand, followed by Nina’s and Nicki’s.

“Hopefully I have good news for you on Monday,” he said. “Got a lot of emails to send now.”

Vince let the agent get to work and exited the lot. The Lionettis waited outside, somehow keeping themselves entertained while doing nothing of interest. Nobody lasted long as an enforcer without learning how to shoot the shit for hours at a time.

He’d wanted to catch up with Ronin today, but his friend made it clear that would be a bad idea.

Or, to put it in his words: Going against Kreesa put my ass against the grill. Frost rotated me south, but I need to keep my nose clean for at least a while.

Which sucked, as Vince really missed his old buddy. He’d never even got a chance to talk to Ronin about the heist, Mei, or his personal troubles. Learning that Ronin was attempting to join REAT had been a shock.

They’d grown further apart than ever before, and Vince wanted to make sure that didn’t continue.

Without much else to do, Vince retreated to the penthouse and trained for the afternoon. His discussion with Fia and Gaby reminded him that he couldn’t get rusty. Sure, he didn’t have any big goals in mind and lacked the time to really train his meister-tier spells, but that wasn’t an excuse to forget the basics.

On Saturday morning, he wandered down from the condo he stayed in to check on Alessia. Lucia lounged just inside her boss’s office while chatting with Fia.

“Seen Gaby yet?” Vince asked them as he walked in. “She said she’d be here early. Nina’s still getting ready.”

“In the capo bar,” Fia answered. “I think she’s trying to work her way through the entire breakfast menu here.”

He blinked. “Isn’t the restaurant a temporary thing? The chefs can just add whatever they want.”

Both wolfgirls snickered. Somehow, he figured Gaby had been up to the challenge. Or she enjoyed giving the chefs a chance to flex their skills. Unlike the hotel chefs, who had to serve fussy customers day in and out, the capos and enforcers were creatures of habit. Whenever he wandered in, he saw the wolfgirls eating the same dishes.

Alessia sat behind her desk, far in the back of the office. He made the arduous trek all so he could bend over and peck her on the cheek.

She glowered up at him. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you pretending to huff and puff, Vince. My office isn’t that large.”

“It’s longer than the house I’m considering buying,” he said. “Did sitcom set designers see it and get inspired?”

“Maybe.” Alessia pouted at him. “You didn’t give me a chance to return the kiss.”

He obliged and leaned down. She placed a hand on one cheek and pressed her lips against his. Once she leaned away, a smile fluttered across her face.

“Wasn’t this worth the journey?” she whispered.

“Do you mean this morning, or more holistically?” he asked.

Her eyes narrowed and he heard her tail thwock as it struck the desk. Fia laughed in the distance.

“When did you start using big words?” Alessia asked, pulling back while pouting again.

“I did finish high school, even if I hated it,” he said.

He stroked her hair and she held his hand. “Both. To me, it’s nice that when you come to see me, it’s not always about work, or to argue about money. Those little chats we had early in the morning were some of my favorite moments, and now I don’t have to ambush you when you wake up before Pola.”

“She hated that.”

Alessia sighed. “I know. Please indulge her a little, Vince. I don’t mean to steal you away from my little sister, even if my instincts tell me to lock her in her room and rub our scents all over the furniture. We’ll have some difficulties adjusting, but if you help us, we’ll manage. We’re sisters and have been through far greater turmoil than determining who swallows your semen fastest.”

Choking sounds echoed from the lounge suite, and Alessia grinned maliciously. She’d clearly intended to sound that crass.

Vince certainly appreciated it. He scratched behind Alessia’s ear and silently wished the wolfgirls weren’t here so he could be more daring. His billionaire lover’s eyes lidded and her gaze fell to his crotch.

Seconds passed in silence. He worried she might push her luck anyway.

Then the doors banged open and Gaby and Nina strode in together. They then froze as one.

“We can come back later if you need us to,” Nina said with a smirk.

Gaby’s horse ears stood bolt upright, while Fia and Lucia did their best to pretend they hadn’t been peeking over the back of the sofas.

Alessia coughed and hurriedly pulled away from Vince’s crotch. “If you’re all here, that means you can head off. I’ll be on lockdown, so my security is guaranteed. Or close enough. We’ve set up additional alarms to alert you, should attackers attempt to shut down cellular reception again.”

Nina schooled her expression and nodded. “I don’t think any of us have heard a thing about an attack on Lionetti Tower, but we’ll head back the instant we hear otherwise. Vince?”

“Let’s go. Fia, are you coming, or—” he began to say.

When Fia stood, he took that as his answer. He gave Alessia a quick goodbye kiss, ignored Lucia’s crude gesture and the squawk she made when her boss summoned a puddle of water over her, and left.

Fia led them to a bulky black sedan in the underground parking, beside which stood Gaby’s massive Indian motorcycle.

“We can’t take a convoy into Elfland. Not unless we want to become its new prime attraction. The elves don’t really care about us, but they’d murder us to get their hands on a bunch of expensive toys for their endless war with each other.” She patted the top of the sedan. “So we’ll drive out there. I assume you want to ride, Gaby?”

“I’ve been out there before,” the unicorn said, but her grimace suggested she didn’t like her past experience. “The academy once made us do a battle royale event in Elfland. Fucking insane thing to do, given the risks, but I found out that the elves are shit scared of unicorns. I think Norah brutalized them at some point.”

Vince pointed at the car. “Why not take one of the SUVs if we’re going in something flashy?”

“This is my car, that’s why,” Fia said.

He stared at her, but neither Nina nor Gaby reacted. Apparently he was the last person to get the news.

Fia sighed. “Alessia offered me an upgrade of my choice when I became consigliere. Didn’t like the idea of me rolling around in that beat-up old Benz. I refused an SUV, as they’re not my style, so she acquired an armored Maybach through her connections. Although it still needs to go back into the shop for the luxury upgrades she wants me to have.”

“I’m impressed she can get an armored luxury sedan in weeks,” Gaby said.

“The Lionettis buy enough vehicles from Mercedes that I think Alessia has her own direct line and dedicated sales manager,” Fia said. “The fact she owns multiple Diplomat models and keeps them up to date makes her more valuable to Mercedes than almost any other customer in the USA.”

Once again, Vince was reminded that a billion dollars was a lot of money. No wonder the realtor didn’t sweat the cost of any renovations to the house.

Vince rode shotgun, with Nina in the back, after Gaby tried briefly to convince him to ride with her. The suggestion that somebody might snipe him with a spell dissuaded the unicorn.

The drive out north appeared to be a short one, based on the in-car GPS navigation. Fia didn’t follow it perfectly, however.

Lionetti Tower stood near the northern edge of Albion. Beyond it lay a stretch of offices and business parks that held little of interest to Vince. But while old, they still appeared well-maintained. Or at least clean. Once they passed the offices, that veneer of respectability faded almost instantly.

The offices gave way to a wild west of architecture. Concrete tenements covered in graffiti stood next to shining apartment complexes with black marble facades and armed doormen. Dilapidated houses might surround a mansion. Vince even saw a small farm. The city’s planning codes ceased to exist. He expected to see raw sewage running along the sidewalk and toxic waste inside trees.

Things never got that bad. The elf slums were colloquially known as Elfland as a dark joke that it was Aulfair’s one and only theme park. Constant conflict between the various races of elves meant the authorities maintained minimal presence here, and that included building inspectors and even fire fighters.

Although Vince did spot a fire engine outside a mansion.

“Are those fire fighters wearing bikinis?” he asked, staring at them.

“Those aren’t from a real fire brigade,” Fia drawled. “The fire fighter union blacklisted the entire area after multiple teams got killed in the eighties when they responded to a fire during a gang war.”

“Oh, shit. Dad mentioned that.” Nina poked her head between the seats. “The elementals went in and the elves basically went to war with the city. We’d only just become a real state, so the National Guard wasn’t ready. There are old videos of some of our captains just going to town on entire gangs, flooding streets and raining down fire like it was the apocalypse.”

“And it’s still a lawless wasteland?” Vince asked.

“You can take the elves out of the endless race war, but you can’t take the endless race war out of the elves,” Fia said.

Vince wasn’t sure that line made any sense, but he understood it all the same. If he was a fire fighter, he’d also steer clear of any part of the city that had fought a battle against demigods, lost, and continued to act exactly the same.

“So, what’s with the bikinis?” he asked.

“Oh. They’re private fire fighters. It’s advertising,” Fia explained. “I’ve also heard that they go around telling customers ‘what a shame it would be if your house burned down without coverage’ and other dodgy shit like that. And they call us the mafia.” She laughed. “If you ever wanted to understand the difference between what companies actually want, and the lawless reality of anarcho-capitalism, this is where you come. I think the only chain restaurant here is Waffle House.”

Vince did not want to meet the people who worked at the Elfland Waffle Houses, because he imagined they’d make Juliet’s hit squad look like children.

“People live here, right?” He looked out the window again and saw a mixture of relatively ordinary people wandering around the streets. There even appeared to be offices here. “Nicki grew up here. I think she came back for Christmas.”

“The elves don’t fuck with basic city services. If there’s one thing the riots in the eighties established, it was that they needed to toe a certain line,” Fia said. “So long as they mostly just murder each other, everyone turns a blind eye to the shithole. And for someone like our necromancer friend, I bet that helps her maintain a low profile.”

They pulled up in a parking bay outside a crumbled wall. Beyond the wall lay a massive courtyard overgrown with trees and vegetation. It likely held a massive garden once and an ornamental pool. Towering over it was a multistory building in similarly poor shape. It looked old. Something that should have been maintained as a historic monument.

Even after stepping out, the view didn’t improve. A few pale elves in baggy clothes and sporting brightly colored hair glared at them from the apartment across the road.

“What is this place?” He glanced at his phone. “The map only lists the address.”

Gaby rolled her shoulders while subtly scanning her surroundings. “Heard it was a court building once. Before the riots, they planned to put the feds up here, but ditched the idea and let the place rot afterward.”

“It’s done a lot of rotting.” He frowned and refused to look back. “Should we crack some heads before heading in or…?”

“Fucked if I know. Whatever we do will be annoying,” Nina said. “Ignore them, and they’ll probably try to steal our shit. Or get friends and jump us. Beat them up and more will come, like zombies attracted by noise.”

“I’d say we intimidate them, but I don’t think elves understand fear,” Fia said. “It got in the way of fighting each other, so natural selection got rid of it.”

Part of Vince wanted to point out how deeply horrible everything they said was, but he’d drunk with a few elves at the Prefect’s Lounge. The conversations only counted as ordinary if he ignored the incredibly racist diatribes each elf randomly made toward other elves.

“Oi, you!” one of the elves called out. “Yeah, the furries and smooth-ear.”

Nina twitched and turned despite herself, her face twisting into a snarl. “The fuck did you call me?”

The elf didn’t even flinch. “You here to meet any of those dark-skinned knifie cocksucking asswipes that my ancestors wiped their asses with?” The entire second half of the elf’s sentence had been helpfully translated by Vince’s earpiece from elvish, and appeared to be a lengthy translation of a single word.

Truly, the elves had mastered their deep-seated hatred of other elves.

“Did you catch that?” Gaby asked, looking at them.

“Unfortunately,” Vince said. “They want to know if we’re here to meet dark elves.”

“No,” Gaby called out. “Do you know the necromancer that lives here?”

The instant Gaby said the word “necromancer,” the elves froze. Their long pointed ears shot outward, almost in the same way demihuman ears reacted to their emotions.

After a few seconds, the elves whispered among each other.

“We’ll take care of your sweet rides after she cuts you up,” the elf called back.

Then she gave them a thumbs up and went back to leaning against the wall.

Vince and his girls looked at each other. Fia sighed.

“Well, this certainly feels like a trap,” the wolfgirl said. “Gaby, your bike has security, right?”

“If they touch it, it counts as self-defense,” Gaby said. “And I doubt these idiots have the insurance to cover limb re-attachment.”

“Then let’s leave them.” Fia nodded at Vince.

He nodded back and activated his barrier. The others followed suit.

The four of them climbed through a hole in the wall after checking for any wards or traps. Fia and Nina actively scanned ahead for any hidden spells, but found nothing. Vince’s hand never left his cane as he remained a few steps behind the pair. Gaby played rearguard, her horn glowing softly.

No skeletons leaped out at them. Nor did they see any signs of phantoms or even a hint of Juliet’s shadow. The angle of the building cast the entire courtyard in shadow, blocking out the morning sun. Perfect for the undead, assuming Hamelin’s even had a weakness to light.

“Do undead have a weakness to sunlight?” Vince asked aloud. “I’ve read about that, and seen it on a lot of videos.”

“Everything I’ve seen says yes,” Fia said.

“Tell that to the pipsqueak necromancer,” Nina growled.

Gaby frowned. “She’s pretty old. Not sure exactly how old, but she mentioned being in Europe when Aulfair became a state. Given she looks our age, she’s a damn good sorceress. Stopped her aging process way younger than most, especially as mousefolk live shorter lives than humans.”

“Really?” Vince asked.

“Most don’t make it to sixty,” Nina said. “But they age fast. Adults by the time the rest of us are growing tits or dropping balls. Aulfair has special measures to help them with education, but it must be hell outside here. I don’t think you can tell how old she was when she stopped her aging, though. She regrows her body when she ‘dies,’ right?”

“Oh, right.” Gaby nodded. “But I think we can assume she’s more talented than the kids who find that crappy necromancy tome floating around online and try to make a zombie army to take over the world. Those are the ones that disintegrate in sunlight. The reanimated corpses Hamelin sent at us hit like fucking trucks.”

They wandered around the courtyard, and even climbed the crumbling steps of the former courthouse. Nearly an hour passed without any sign of Hamelin.

The building appeared abandoned. No squatters, especially with the doors shut tight with magic or rot. Probably both. The one entrance they did find contained enough dust and insects to dissuade them from going in further.

“I thought you knew where she lived?” Fia asked.

“I knew she lived here, but that’s it,” Gaby said. “The rat mentioned it once during a job. Something about a door with a skull.”

“Sounds like it must be inside,” Vince said. “But we’d see a sign of entrance. Did we miss a door on the lower level?”

“It was solid concrete down there,” Fia said.

“For you, maybe. Could be a false wall. Or a secret entrance she opens from the inside.” Nina scratched her head. “Let’s do a circle before we try breaking in, okay? We’ll get lost easily.”

That final circle turned out to be the missing piece of the puzzle.

They found a staircase hewn into the concrete exterior, as if by magic.

“Not ‘as if,’” Daji huffed at him. “It’s clearly the work of earth magic. I’d estimate—”

“Dug about fifteen months ago.” Nina ran her finger along the perfectly carved edge of the entryway. “Magic has faded, but the weathering makes it easy to tell. Especially with concrete like this. Water only got into it relatively recently.”

“Why she became an office worker instead of an engineer is a mystery,” Daji said.

Vince couldn’t help but agree.

Gaby held up a finger and a string of lights wound around the edge of the stairwell as well as the corridor beyond. A far older hallway lay beyond, which the stairway had clearly broken into. On one side stood rotting wooden doors. Opposite them was a steel security door. No keypad, lock, or other visible entrance mechanism accompanied it.

A human skull sat in an opening beside the steel door. Footsteps in the dust led to the door but nowhere else.

“I can feel that necromancer’s magic,” Fia said. “It’s all over the door and skull. Plus lingering traces in the other rooms. Can’t sense a thing past the door, but it’s definitely warded.”

“This place is a bunker,” Nina said. “Couldn’t sense a thing until I poked my head into the stairwell. I bet the concrete is laced with materials that block or absorb magic. Makes me wonder if the entire courthouse was built to stop scrying.”

“I think Wagner helped the US government design and build government structures with passive protections against scrying,” Gaby explained. “Aulfair’s founders would have done the same. This place is underground and probably held important records. No wonder the feds wanted it.”

They slunk down the stairs, moving slowly. Insects skittered across the floor but none of them reacted.

Nothing happened. Vince sighed and strode over to the skull. When it didn’t react, he glanced over at Gaby. She stood near one of the rotting doors and tried to peer through its cobwebbed glass window.

“Do you have Hamelin’s number? Or a way to message her?” he asked her.

“She never answered when I tried over the app,” Gaby said. “Maybe knock?”

Better than nothing. Vince raised his hand.

Shunk.

He froze. The lights went out, and Fia swore. Both of them threw small fireballs into the air at the same time Gaby conjured a ball of light. Nina tossed a glowstick out.

Black mist descended from the ceiling, identical to what Hamelin used to summon her phantoms.

“If that had been explosive gas, we’d all be buried under tons of rubble,” Nina snapped at him and Fia. “Think next time.”

The source of the earlier noise had been a steel door sliding down over the stairwell. A black barrier shimmered over it.

“Of course it’s a trap,” Fia said. “Gaby, Nina, smash the door down and we’ll—”

Inhuman roars interrupted her and the wooden doors burst into splinters. Vince drew his sword from his cane, flame laser ready, right as the naked, rotting corpses of elves crashed through the wooden doors.

- - - - -

Commentary: Elfland is almost comical with its state and how its presented, but it is partly the product of a joke/reference to an old greentext about Balkan elves endlessly fighting in the forests and mountains even after the singularity. The elves have long since forgotten why they hate each other, but they know that they hate each other a lot, and that their father hated each other even more, and their father's father also did, and their father's grandfather also did etcetera.