Heretic Spellblade 6 - Ch1-3
Added 2023-01-29 13:01:00 +0000 UTCChapter 1
Knights streamed out of the p
Comments
Jonesing for the next one.
Bring
2023-05-23 22:48:48 +0000 UTCYou may already have corrected this error, but after the unicorn knight lost an arm, she can't: 'The unicorn knight balled her fists' ,,, should be 'remaining fist' and not 'fists'
Dutch Palmer
2023-05-19 16:07:30 +0000 UTCI enjoyed the POV chapter of Charolette. I know that you did the same in Demons Throne as well. It’s interesting to see the story through another’s characters perspective and what they are planning.
GooseQuack
2023-01-31 23:53:34 +0000 UTCI like the starting chapters but I think if you open with kadria observing the aftermath and an internal dialogue about her plans would be awesome. Or even the extra dimension being meeting with the elite messengers to talk shop and next steps. Give us a peak of what is to come so to speak
John Ramirez
2023-01-30 17:48:45 +0000 UTCHm, maybe have him hold Ciana's hand while she is being cauterized? If your just looking to keep him busy he should know some basic first aid and can talk as he helps but that could also get very dark.
Paul Matson
2023-01-30 04:41:34 +0000 UTCCiana could bring up the idea of possession, given Sen is a champion. Blank slate to do whatever you want ability wise.
Joe S.
2023-01-30 02:48:34 +0000 UTCThis is going to be great.👌❤️
Oscar Leon Robbins
2023-01-30 02:00:27 +0000 UTCI like how this starts. Moving Charlotte up front is interesting and could allow you to cut some of the war room scene. With the state the world is in, I think you can turn up the action whenever you want without compromising too much.
Clinton wertzbaugher
2023-01-30 00:38:57 +0000 UTCPretty much everything covered here needs to happen somewhere early-ish in the story. So if it's not included in a rewrite, it will get shoved to a later chapter.
K.D. Robertson
2023-01-29 17:00:29 +0000 UTCYeah, the descriptions have a similar problem to the funeral scene that opened book 5. Just another issue with the scene (trying to get things moving, vs the aftermath).
K.D. Robertson
2023-01-29 16:59:27 +0000 UTCShh, you're not supposed to guess the solution ;) But yes, a prosthetic is my current thinking but with some extra work. As you said, it means the loss of a limb is still permanent.
K.D. Robertson
2023-01-29 16:57:51 +0000 UTCActually, question, is it possible for Nathan to make her a prosthetic arm for her to use. It would keep there being consequences but still allow her to fight . Still holding hope for vala and Charlotte. Honestly I think that one of the greatest victories Nathan cam have would be pulling her to his side.
Bob Bryan
2023-01-29 16:46:27 +0000 UTCIt's jarring to have such a tragic scene with Ciana and Narime and almost immediately transition to describing the outfits of the other champions. If possible I think you should move that to latter. You may want to use what is, to the Twins, an entirely new experience to flesh them out. It could also be used to have them harmonize with the more somber tone of the chapter, if I'm reading the tone right.
John Smith
2023-01-29 16:45:04 +0000 UTCI know scenes will be re written, hard to say how without knowing what the plan is down the road so my feedback will be limited. It does feel a bit like going from 100 mph to 5 mph from the end of the last book to this one. That being said the scene with Nathan and the map as he relived/showed the fall really hit home, and I hope that stays somewhere.
Direwolf1618
2023-01-29 14:25:30 +0000 UTCAgreed the input into Charlottes mind was really interesting.
Direwolf1618
2023-01-29 14:22:56 +0000 UTCYep, Especially the disconnect between what going on in her head and what she has said she did and what is going on around her is really concerning. I think the saddest part is that she not really a player in the game she is more of a mouthpiece and tool, and she doesn't even notice.
Starfall20
2023-01-29 14:22:21 +0000 UTCThe mysteries touched on in Charlotte's chapter has so much pull that I feel it outweighs the concerns in regards to the lack of action in the first two chapters.
Joseph Carrington
2023-01-29 14:18:21 +0000 UTCCharlottes chapter was very very interesting. She is really odd in her mental voices and internal reactions. Its very like she is not completely aware of everything she is doing. Also whose side is the voice in her head on?
Starfall20
2023-01-29 13:14:07 +0000 UTC
