A personal update

Hey everyone!

Thought I'd come out with some personal stuff. Not venting necessarily, just putting some words out there about how the last couple of years have been.

I tend not to put too much about myself online, but my life has changed a lot lately and I wanted to share some of it. First of all, I went through a breakup in 2023 which honestly should've happened years ago. After said breakup my biggest challenge was figuring out who I am as a person. The relationship had shaped me in a way I didn't realize at the time and I was then faced with, well, just myself. Who am I outside of the relationship. How many of my interests and opinions were mine, what part of the personality traits I had during the past decade were actually me. To this day, I don't know. I suppose I've gone through a self-discovery journey, one which I'm still pretty much in the middle of.

Some stuff have gotten worse, but most things have gotten better, way better. I'm not good with staying in contact with people, having moreless isolated myself from outside casual communication for a long time, but I'm working on it. I'm getting out there, I'm making new friends and doing things I thought I never would.

Over the past one and a half years I've been more social than I've ever been in my life. I went to my first furry cons, visited Night overseas, got in contact with a dog breeder I'm planning on adopting from next year and I got a new local friend circle in the furry community who I see regularly. These are things I thought would never happen.

On the flip side, I don't really know myself as a person anymore. I can't commit to a personality, preferred gender identity, romantic preference, way of expressing myself with style and aesthetic, stuff like that. Things are just all over the place. I'm currently recovering from an eating disorder which sorta happened as a result of.. Well I don't know, confusion? Coping? Socializing is also very hard unless I drink, I get anxious around people and feel like I'm not interesting unless I do. I have my art though, which is kinda keeping me together. It's like my one defining trait, something that's stable and consistent. I love my job. That's something I can thank my audience here for. Thank you all for helping me stay financially safe while working with my hobby.

To conclude all this, I feel overall happy. Happier than I've ever been despite failing to understand myself fully. For now at least!

Tl;dr: Breakup, who am I, copium, but I feel aight.

Thank you for those who read my wall of "tmi" text. If you've gone through something similar, feel free to leave it in the comments!