Mini Post - Longer Post To Come

I think I’ve hit an exhaustion wall with regard to my sex work. Maybe it’s burnout. I’m amazed it’s taken five months to get to this point, but here I am, quite fatigued seeing the same two or three customers every week. I am everyone’s dissatisfied “girlfriend”. Recently GKM asked me if I was emotionally available. It was clearly a pointed question—he wanted to know if he had a chance at my heart. It’s a complicated question because he is kinda a supervillain. He’s the plutocrat with two beach houses and generational wealth profiting off of the coronavirus pandemic, enabling celebrities to party and Disney to crack the whip of continued production. He’s anti governmental support, wants to privatize schools, looks back to the past as a better time, and proudly keeps the plywood boards handy “in case shit hits the fan”. I am 95% sure I am the first Black person he has ever been intimate with, and I have revealed to him a world his privilege has blinded him to. He means well enough. He isn’t mean or hateful. He is just incredibly sheltered by his wealth. I have compassion for him, and I care, but he is morally repugnant. I brought up this quandary with Cori, my friend and Heaux in the Kneaux podcast cohost, who told me it might behoove me to agree to being a girlfriend to GKM. I might get more if I play into the role more. I replied that it might complicate the monetary aspects: how could I assure that he wouldn’t stop paying me if I agreed to an explicitly romantic role? What kinds of additional expectations might he have for me as a girlfriend? He already wants to visit my home, which is impossible since I live with my primary. He wants me to stay over and have breakfast with him, which is possible, but not palatable. I don’t want to sleep over. Sleep is my safe space where I can be how I want and stay up late watching Karolina Zebrowska YouTube videos until I pass out without having to explain myself to anyone. 24hr hoeing is not easy. It leaves you vulnerable to being awakened in the middle of the night for fucking, which is my pet peeve. When I am asleep, you better leave me the fuck alone to rest because that time is precious. I am a vengeful creature when I don’t get my eight hours. Some people are like, “oh yeah, wake me up to fuck,” and I’m like “don’t you dare wake me up unless you are literally dying”. I can’t be horny all the time. And I’m not at all. I’m horny like 10-20% of the time, which I think is fine. I mean, I would love to be hornier, but I also have a lot of work to do and when I’m too horny, it gets in the way of me thinking clearly. My priority becomes filling my holes over meeting my deadlines. But to return to the GKM question, it is something to consider. I’m an opportunist, and having seen the generosity with which he has treated his ex wife, it might not be the worst situation. Can I fake feelings while smoothly negotiating payments and gifts? That is a question I do not know yet. This is high level scamming and I’m a mid level scammer. My success comes from sustaining a level of genuineness. This would demand full commitment to a lie.

Tonight I’m working my first shift at the strip club since March. It is not a decision I’ve come to easily. Of course I miss working. I miss the camaraderie, seeing my friends, and the thrill of the hunt. But we are still in the middle of a pandemic with .87 transmission rate where I live in California. None of the data suggests that I or anybody else involved in close contact labor should be returning to work, not simply for ourselves but because of who we might expose without realizing it. I may live, but the elderly woman next door probably won’t. The janitor at the restaurant may not be able to afford care. The senior teacher might lose her life while her students live.

I’m returning for this single night to survey the situation of the COVID-19 Era strip club. How are we staying safe? What precautions are we taking? What does a lap dance look like with (or without) social distancing? And who is coming out to the club during a pandemic? Will we lose our older crowd?

I heard from a friend that the first night was dismal. She didn’t make anything, and she is one of The Moneymakers. The club was mostly empty aside from strippers and staff. The issue seems to be relaying the message by word of mouth. We are trying to duck regulators looking to shut down the operation, but we also need people to know that we are open. On the one hand, I don’t want my fellow strippers to work for free. On the other hand, I do not think it’s safe for us to be working indoors at this juncture. We are providing lap dances but no stage dances, which seems backwards. Logically the exposure rate from close contact touching is significantly higher than from stage dancing. I don’t want to hate on what people must do to survive this moment of complete and utter governmental abandonment. We have to work because the US government is completely inept and has refused to support its citizens. We have yet again used taxpayer money to bail out billionaires instead of helping working class Americans survive. Much like in the case of Lucky Devil Eats, while the situation is not safe, it is the only option many people have at this moment. And I’ve said it a million times before: strippers are mothers, daughters, caretakers, nurses, students, teachers, and support multitudes with their income in adult entertainment. But it is incredibly troubling that capitalism has forced us into a perilous “either or” circumstance where we choose between either endangering our lives working, or not being able to pay rent and risking the loss of our homes which exposes us to even greater health risks. Capitalism is such bullshit. We see Bezos and Fuckerberg growing richer while by the end of 2020, over 200,000 Americans will have died, and an even greater number will face dire financial straits.

It is not an easy time to be an American. It is not an easy time to be a worker in America. The United States does not value its people. It values its money and property. It does not value our health or safety. It values our imperialistic foreign interventionism. It values the reach of our military forces in other countries over humane living conditions on our own soil. And we are literally seeing our civil rights stripped before our eyes. Trucks are picking up mailboxes before an election to reduce the number of people who can vote. We have seen nearly every member of the Trump administration charged for corruption, embezzlement, collusion with foreign powers—and a litany of other grave offenses. Plus the kidnapping of protestors by unidentified feds and ICE officers. What the fucking fuck?

So anyway, all of this has been on my mind lately. I’m running a day behind with my Patreon entry, so tomorrow I will definitely have a proper story for y’all. For today, hope you enjoy these pics.