A Very Married Man

A greasy looking white man with dyed dark brown hair came in during mid shift. I wasn’t interested in talking to him, however I’d spent the past half hour scrolling through my phone and I knew it was time to resign myself to the business of working. I sat on his lap, and we got to talking. He had an open face with wide eyes full of admiration as he sat keeping as much of a polite distance as is possible when a naked person is sitting on your lap.

Me: How was your day?

Him: Wow, it’s so nice of you to ask! I had maybe one of the best days of my life today!

Me: Really? That’s fantastic. Tell me all about it.

Him: You really want to hear?

Me: Definitely, especially since it was one of the best days of your life.

Him: That’s so nice of you. Well, I just got off work. I’m here from the Washington/Vancouver area, and I’m a mechanical inspector for an aviation company. When I started, I was probably about your age. How old are you?

Me: Twenty-six.

Him: I was twenty-seven or twenty-eight, so pretty much exactly your age. At that time I was just working as a mechanic. Boy, it was a different time then... I didn’t realize they don’t sell alcoholic drinks at full nude clubs around here.

Me: Yeah, it’s unfortunate.

Him: Back in the day, I remember coming by one of your sister clubs, Crazy Eight, grabbing a drink and a lap dance during my lunch break. All the guys used to do it. We would go back to work after we had a few. Those were fun times, but it’s good things have changed.

Me: That sounds fun, but I’m glad that everyone has to work sober now.

Him: Oh definitely. I’ve worked in the industry for over twenty years. My wife and I had four children, four boys. The youngest is twenty-seven.

Me: Wow, you don’t look old enough to have a twenty-seven-year-old.

Him: How old do you think I am?

Me: I’m not playing this game.

Him: It’s okay. I’m older than you think. I’ve been married to my wife for a little over thirty years, but now she’s talking about wanting a divorce. She’s not interested in me anymore. All this time, I wasn’t the one having any affairs or anything. She’s the one who had three boyfriends, but I tried to be understanding. I paid for everything, even for her to go on vacations with him. I love my wife. I don’t want a divorce.

Me: Wow, thirty years. That’s a lifetime.

Him: It is. Four months ago I wouldn’t have been able to even talk about this without crying, but I’m doing a little better now. I’m finally starting to process it.

Me: Divorce can be an opportunity.

Him: She always says that. She says she wants me to find someone who will love me. She hasn’t wanted me for years, and that was fine. I didn’t even mind that we hadn’t had sex.

He paused for a breath, catching himself.

Him: But look at me, forgetting what I was talking about!

Me: Yeah, I still want to hear about one of your best days.

Him: I came down here for some training to understand this new computer they’re using. I was making mistakes and one of the other inspectors filed a complaint against me, saying I was incompetent because I didn’t understand the computer. I requested to come down for training to learn, and today I figured it out! I proved him wrong. I could learn, and I did! I felt like I was on top of the world. I didn’t even have to work a full day, just four hours and now I’m here and you’re on me, which just makes it better!

Me: I’m so glad to be part of your best day.

Him: I think the guy held a grudge against me, because we’d both applied for the same position years ago, and he was passed over and I got the job instead.

Me: Congrats on learning something new. That’s a big deal.

Him: You gotta stop me. I’m just an old man rambling on when I have a beautiful woman sitting on my lap. What in the world am I doing?

Me: Aw thanks.

Him: Back in my day, they called your kind of body a hard body. That was a good thing!

Me: I’ll take it as a compliment. Can I take you for a dance?

Him: Sure. How much for a single?

He was a twofer kind of man. It figures, but money is money. I led him to a dance booth and we began the dance.

Him: Such nice proportions. Your body reminds me of my wife’s thirty years ago. I wish I could go back in time to then and meet her again for the first time.

Me: Would you want your body to age backwards too?

Him: I’m in the best shape of my life now. I weigh less than I did in my twenties, and now I have muscles. I’m much happier with myself now, than I was then, so no, I wouldn’t want my body to age backwards too.

Me: You seem like you’re in great shape now.

Him: The surprising thing is, now I get women who are thirty years my junior looking at me. Before, nobody looked at me. Now I have a bit of an ego about it.

Me: Sounds like it’s time for you to start dating.

Him: I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I don’t even know what I want in a relationship, besides sex!

Me: Sex is a totally valid reason for a relationship. Why not prioritize it? Also, whoever is right for you right now, may not be the person who is right for you forever.

Him: My wife says the same thing.

Me: That’s it for the first dance. Do you want to continue?

Him: How much for another song?

Me: Another song is $51, but you could just get a three-set.

Him: Let’s do just one more song.

Me: That’s fine.

I was disappointed.

Him: This kinda reminds me of the drive-in. You know what that is?

Me: Yeah, like drive-in movies?

Him: That’s it. You used to go to the drive in and your girl would give you a lap dance, sometimes more.

He smiled wistfully.

Me: Like oral sex?

Him: Oh no, not that, not then.

Me: Sex?

Him: Yeah. If you were lucky.

Me: I’m sad I missed out.

Him: I respect this— what you do. My son and his wife are both strippers. He’s a male stripper and she’s a female stripper.

Me: That’s so cool.

Him: It’s a good life for them. I try not to imagine her doing this. I don’t even watch her breastfeeding. Can’t go there, or my son would get very upset with me. I help take care of the kids some days, and the other days my wife takes responsibility. That’s what she’s doing now. I got to escape and she’s up there with the kids.

Me: You deserve to have some fun.

Him: I have to get back to work soon, though. Still have more training.

Me: That’s the end of the song. You want to continue?

Him: I think I have to go this time,

We went to pay at the register. He tried to tip me $5 and I made a face.

Him: What?

Me: Most people tip 20%.

He handed me the rest of the $1’s in his pocket and apologized.

Me: It’s okay. Good luck with everything.