Stories for my next book!
Added 2024-04-25 17:40:38 +0000 UTCHey everybody! I am working on my next book (into chapter 2! Hooray) and I wanted to include a story about self-sabotage. I have shared my own stories, but would love to have one of yours as well :) Feel free to leave it in the comments below this post or send it to me in a message :) Thank you!! xoxo P.S. I will change your name for the book and will have to have you sign a release for it to be included :)
Comments
Hello there:) Happy to be here (wanted some more connection, since I started a Youtube membership last week!) Am I too late at the show to share a story? Looking forward to chatting some more with you all! Take care, everyone xx
DadouC2 (D.C.)
2024-05-28 13:59:02 +0000 UTCYears ago before I joined the fireworks guild I am now part of, I used to be afraid of crowds and had really entrenched social anxiety. What if I’m too different, what if they don’t like me? I kinda don’t feel good I wont feel good enough to enjoy myself. I would feel awful focusing on hypotheticals and interoceptive feedback loops. Then I read a book by Ellen Hendrickson and tried the “the feeling will catch up” approach and forced myself to go. All my anxious expectations were shattered. I made friends who were so different from me, politically and religiously, who have since become extended family. I realized that not everyone has it together, and that in a lot of my own pains I am not alone. I don’t believe in heaven but I helped my friend’s daughter build a rocket with a note to heaven for her dad just like I used to for my own. I used to poopoo beauty for not being useful. Now I let myself enjoy awe. None of this is easy. Some days I still don’t want to get out of bed. Some days I don’t want to be social. But it is a lot easier with good tools. Easier still, with people to love.
Yoyo Fargo
2024-05-18 04:07:31 +0000 UTCSorry if I'm late to this but I self sabotage ALL of the time. My entire life, actually. Once I was pulling in close the end of my class spelling bee. I misspelled Cosmetic (with a K instead of a C) just so I wouldn't have to deal with the anxiety I felt of possibly losing and facing embarrassment. I stopped tying in college and dropped out soon after because I saw wheremy grades were heading and decided I should "get ahead of it". I let my car get into such bad condition that it broke down in the middle of the road and was unfixable. I'm still doing this but my therapist and I are working on it. Thank you for all you do. LOVED reading 'Traumatized'!
Alyssa Litwiller
2024-05-14 12:13:58 +0000 UTCNot sure if im a bit late to the party but here is mine: For context, i have no history of trauma or anything, just a mild depression and a bit of anxiety sprinkled in. After highschool I was pretty lost on what to do with life and hated change and hated people, i was scared of a lot and worried im not good enough for anything, or I didn’t know where to start. I started University and that’s when my selfsabotaging had a comback. I just never do important things like signing in for the right classes, i constantly miss deadlines, even from things i have already finished and i just have to hand them in, I always push assignments and stuff to the last minute or until it is actually too late to do it. I ALWAYS do this. I’m basically finished with my bachelor now, and half my master but because of freaking logistic reasons that i could have figured out AGES ago, im not. I’m stuck and scared now its too late and 6 YEARS of hard work was for nothing and yet i postpone these things untill for ever. So im self sabotaging my life and future and self. I’m working in a job for half the pay because i have not officially finished my studies even tho its BASICALLY done. It sounds ridiculous when i type it out like this. Btw the same goes for like … insurance stuff or taxes or emotional heavy conversations .. really anything i find unpleasant will be pushed to the corner of my mind immediately and forgotten untill it comes back to bite me in my behind.
Julia
2024-05-11 20:29:57 +0000 UTCI’ve had a very hard time with this in multiple areas of my life. History of on going sexual trauma with multiple different perps and sexual harassment throughout junior high/high school that no one ever did anything about. I felt worthless and like no one cared. If no one else cared why should I, I might as well prove everyone else right and be the garbage that I felt I was. I was academically gifted. In advanced placement classes and on National Junior Honor society. State standardized testing scores were high enough that I was able to take the ACTs in 7th grade. There was an awards assembly at school to give these awards out to the like 7 of us in my class who could do this. We got back to the classroom and my teacher said some of you clearly aren’t working up to your potential. Went from National Junior Honor Society and A+ in every class to miserably failing many of my classes and barely having a high enough GPA to graduate high school. Often getting lectures from my teacher’s and my parents how I wasn’t working up to my potential. I had the goal for myself to become a pediatrician and probably had the ability to do it, but was my own worst enemy. This played out in romantic relationships as well. I felt like trash that was simply there for others to use. I avoided everyone thinking that everyone was out to just use me and couldn’t possibly be interested in me as a person. Went through a period of time with countless unprotected one night stands with people I had just met online (clearly knowing the dangers involved with that on multiple levels) because there would be no expectation of commitment (even though I desired to have a relationship and family more than anything else.). I ended up settling for a guy who doesn’t treat me well. It a pathological liar, an alcoholic, has stolen mine and my children’s medications, will not hold a job (or try to get one), and racks up large medical bills that he hides from me because I didn’t feel like could do any better. Now I feel stuck in a bad marriage because I feel like I have no support to be able to leave and be able to work and help with my kids.
PIA_AND84
2024-05-07 22:07:57 +0000 UTCIs it too late to send what I’ve written directly to you?
rachel murphy
2024-05-03 15:03:09 +0000 UTCthats what we did last time.. sendt them privatly. Maybe she forgot to say
Linn
2024-04-29 20:54:59 +0000 UTCI have so many examples! I sent you private messages because it would probably get cut off if I tried posting it here. 😅
Shikisai.Rocket
2024-04-29 11:53:00 +0000 UTCNot sure what you want but I made a lil story: In the depths of my own mind, I see myself as nothing but a collection of flaws and imperfections. From a young age, I've struggled with feelings of ugliness and unworthiness, convinced that no one could ever find me lovable or desirable. Whenever a guy shows even the slightest interest in me, I recoil, certain that it's all some cruel joke. I convince myself that they're only pretending to like me, that they could never truly see past my flaws to the person I am inside. I make myself believe that I'm too ugly and repulsive to ever be loved. Every compliment feels like a lie, every kind gesture met with skepticism. I can't understand why anyone would want to be with me when I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. The voice in my head whispers poison, telling me that I'm unworthy of love, that I'm destined to be alone forever. And so, I sabotage any chance of happiness that comes my way. I push people away before they can get too close, building walls around my heart to protect myself from the sexual abuse of my past. But deep down, I long for someone to see past my flaws, to love me for who I truly am. I yearn for the warmth of a genuine connection, for someone to hold me so I can tell myself that I'm enough. But the walls I've built are high, and with this vicious cycle I keep on building.
Grace
2024-04-28 23:46:43 +0000 UTCscroll up - to her profile picture. At the right, click on the "message" button.
OK guy
2024-04-26 17:59:50 +0000 UTCYes self sabotage is a big one for me too. I have trauma in my past and I regularly self sabotage myself. The biggest one for me is: I want a relationship, i want to be close to a person, want to feel loved and desired. Though I get the ick as soon as someone shows interest in me. I would just shut them down, ghost them, trying to never talk to them again. I would tell myself that they aren't really my type or that they have behaviors I don't like. However I am always really interested in people that are just not available. People that are in relationships or people who are just not interested. That's safe for me because I can kind of be in love with them without anything happening ever. The funny thing: I know about that problem - I can't change though :D
Lu Klee
2024-04-26 08:53:59 +0000 UTCNot sure what it looks like on here for you.. but they are direct messages. Like when you send in your questions for the livestream. You can even reply to that same chain 💗
Kati Morton
2024-04-26 01:03:56 +0000 UTCNot sure if this is an example of self sabotage? I love taking photos and people often ask me to take photos for weddings, events or photos of their pets. Each offering payment. I always refuse any payment because I don’t feel like I am good enough. Also, when I do take photos I am so critical of the images that I don’t share many of them.
Peita Brown
2024-04-25 21:28:56 +0000 UTCHow would we send a message privately ?
rachel murphy
2024-04-25 20:42:56 +0000 UTCThank you so much for sharing Rhonda :) That's so helpful! xoxo
Kati Morton
2024-04-25 19:59:43 +0000 UTCSelf-Sabotage: Thats a very big & strong word for me as I realize now. It was something I did a lot of but put it off on almost everything & everyone else. I thought why would I sabotage myself? Thats dumb. I would ruin relationships thinking my partner was unfaithful & or doesn't love me anymore. So I started treating them as if they had. Why would I think that they must of done something to even make me think that. Same with some of my jobs. I thought oh they don't like me their going to fire me. So my work performance wouldn't be that great. Same with some family members & some friends. Whenever it started to feel comfortable or going real good thats when the self-sabotage would start. Been doing EMDR for about 6 months now(I have a lot of childhood trauma too) I realized that my self-sabotage is because I dont like myself. I don't deserve anything good to happen. I had alot of bad things happen to me when I was little & believe it or not in some sick crazie way that feels comfortable. But now I know that its not. So I'm learning how to like myself & to accept the good things
Rhonda
2024-04-25 18:14:11 +0000 UTC
