Rise, Ye Tarnished [DxD/Elden Ring] Chapter 5

“Please turn your books to page 54. In there, you’ll find…”

Holding back a gaping yawn, Issei forced himself to pay attention to the teacher’s droning. At any other time, he’d be doodling in his notebook or scrolling through his phone, looking through the latest figurine lineups, which would usually earn him a scolding from the teacher and the stink-eye from the rest of the class.

Today, however, he banished those urges to the depths of his mind and stared at the textbook as though it were gospel because he needed the distraction. Anything, no matter how boring, was better than remembering that a monster - another devil - was moments away from eating him and Motohama. Issei still couldn’t believe that he blasted the devil to smithereens with nothing but 90% fake courage.

And to think that it was his second brush with death in only two days. 

‘My arm still hurts,’ he thought, staring at said limb. There was no physical scarring or any trace of acid burns, thank goodness. Before coming to school after the weekend, he’d used Urgent Heal to erase any traces. But jolts ran through his arm now and then, as the scrawled lines on his notebook could testify.

‘At least it's improving. I only felt one shock today compared to yesterday.’

With luck, he’d be fine by the end of the school day…physically at least.

His eyes drifted away from his textbook and he hastily scribbled writing toward the window a few seats over. The sun was shining brightly, as it had yesterday, and the schoolground’s grass was a radiant green. You wouldn’t think that two murders took place.

‘Is it really murder though? I mean, I torched both of them and tore the other in half, but they had both wanted to kill and eat me. One was…hot, in a disgustingly weird way, but it’s hard to feel sorry for them.’ A sardonic chuckle escaped him as he returned his gaze to his textbook. ‘Heh, another thing light novel writers don’t cover: it’s not all fun and games.’

“Is something amusing, Hyoudou-san?”

Blanching, the teen’s head shot up and winced under his teacher’s penetrating stare. ‘And here comes the stink-eye barrage.’

He quickly shook his head. “It’s nothing, sensei. Just a bad joke.”

The teacher harrumphed with a delicately raised eyebrow. Marching over to his desk, she grabbed his notebook and examined it with a razor-sharp eye. Already, Issei could hear a few girls whispering to each other, hoping the pervert would be at the end of another tongue-lashing.

Much to his relief (and their dismay), the teacher hummed and gently set his notebook back down. “At least you are paying attention to the lesson. Try to hold your TV recaps until after class.”

She turned back to the board, her hair bun bouncing with each step. Fighting off his sudden blush, Issei returned to his note-taking, idly noticing the girls staring at him not-so-discreetly with surprise. 

“Hmph, he got lucky.” 

“He probably just doodled his hentai in another notebook.”

“Didn’t you hear? Aika-san said he and the glasses pervert have been like this all week.”

Holding back his sigh, Issei tapped his pencil as the teacher lectured onward. ‘Great. Now Aika Kiryuu is setting her hounds at me. Is me actually paying attention in class that big of a red flag? Okay, it’s not something I’d normally do, but even so! Speaking of doodling…’

Subtly checking no one was looking too hard, Issei folded the notebook in half and lifted it, revealing a second open notebook. On the displayed page weren’t drawings of his latest anime waifu or villain, but a chart with numbers. 

‘Strength 20 is nothing to sneeze at, yet I’m not sure if I want to prioritize it,’ he thought, putting a question mark next to the ‘Strength: 20’ line. ‘I don’t see myself as much of a barbarian mage.’

It wasn’t anything fancy like the stat optimization spreadsheets the hardcore gamers and munchkins created, but since Issei couldn’t see his stat menu at any time he wished to, he’d written down his game stats on paper and was adding his own notes on them during class. Not an efficient system, but for the time being it was what he could bring himself to do. 

‘Dexterity’s a good choice. The cool swords and the katanas need DEX. Or maybe -’

RING!

“-and that’s all for today, homework’s on the board.”

Chairs scraped and students chatted as class gave way to the end of the school day. Praising the bell’s timing, Issei gathered his things into his bag and made to leave the room. The glares from the other girls hadn’t abated in the least…but the vitriol in their eyes didn’t sting as much.

‘Guess fighting monsters from a horror fetishist’s darkest fantasies rubs off on you. But even Yamada-sensei’s have-mercy-on-you stare makes me wanna crap my pants. What’s up with that?’

He left the classroom and the hustle of students heading towards the gates. It didn’t take long for Motohama to join him, sticking by his side with feigned nonchalance. 

“My house?” Issei whispered. 

The bespectacled boy gave a quick nod. “It’s been a few days. I think I’m mentally prepared. We need to test out some theories.”

They didn’t notice the rush of heavy footsteps, but Issei couldn’t miss the sudden arm looping around his neck. “Bro, you are not gonna believe what I just heard!”

Startled, turning sharply to the source of the cry, only to sag in relief as Matsuda beamed at him with excitement. Motohama smiled at the sight of their comrade, trapped as he was by another headlock.

“Hey, Matsuda. What’s the news?”

The shaven boy’s eyes darted left and right before he leaned in and whispered in both teens’ ears. “The tennis club is having emergency practice soon, so they’re headin’ down to the lockers! If we book it now, we’ll see the full show! I’m talking Cs and Ds, and the golden ratio girl is there too!”

Motohama opened his mouth, but Issei shot him an imploring look and he quickly clammed up. Matsuda tilted his head at his friends’ lack of usual enthusiasm, but Issei had an excuse ready.

“Eh, sorry Matsuda, but we’ve gotta bail for today. I need to catch up on some homework, and Elden Ring’s calling. I just finished Stormviel, so I want to explore around for a bit.”

“And of course, being the absolute noob that he is, I have to save him from shaming gamers everywhere,” Motohama added. “I swear, if you saw his build now, you’d weep in horror.”

Matsuda blinked. “Huh. Didn’t know you two made plans. You sure you don’t wanna join?”

“Any other day, I’d bring my new camera, but this can’t wait.”

Their friend’s eyebrow rose, and Issei felt the guilt gnaw on the last of his lunch. For a moment, he wanted to do it; to drag him outside the school and show him the Grafted Dragon, how he suddenly had video game powers…

“The worm next to you will provide a nice dessert. As mercy, I shall endeavor to be quick. Too much fear hardens the meat, after all.”

 …no. Not until he dug deeper. He felt bad enough for dragging Motohama into his problems and almost getting him killed by an acid-spitting devil with a triple-pair of big boobs. As of right now, he didn’t feel like he could keep both of them safe. So as much as it pained him, he’d have to push through.

“...okay, if you say so.” Matsuda shrugged and released them. “Man, I really got you two hooked on that game, didn’t I? Got no one to blame but myself.”

“Well, you reap what you sow,” Issei said, rubbing his neck. “But I promise we’ll join you next time. Make sure to describe everything you saw, okay?”

“Yes, yes!” Motohama cried out, spooking some of the girls. “Our sagas must be chronicled! Do not weep, my friend, for now you carry this glorious purpose! To detail every curve and bounce that illuminates those sacred halls-”

“Am I interrupting something?”

A chill deadlier than winter’s stiff fingers crept up the trio’s spine. With creaking necks, they turned and flinched at the narrow stare of their Student Council President. 

Sona Shitori crossed her arms, glaring stoically with thinly veiled contempt. Her shoulder-cropped black hair framed the light glinting off her glasses, giving the impression of an evil anime mastermind ready to dismantle the heroes’ plans piece by piece. An act that she’d performed on numerous occasions, preventing most of their attempted observations of the girls. By her side stood her Vice-President and friend, Tsubaki Shinra, hands behind her back, face devoid of emotion and ready to snap their metaphorical (and possibly physical) spines in half.

Matsuda paled and stood stiffly. “Uh, nothing, kaichou! We were just…discussing a game we’ve been playing.”

“He’s telling the truth!” Issei said, fingers twitching behind his back. “Motohama and I were about to head to my house to play it!”

“I can act as a witness to those claims!” Motohama interjected.

She scanned the three teenagers one at a time before her purple eyes landed on Issei. Heat rose to his cheeks before he cursed his hormones; Sona was a beauty, not at the level of Kuoh’s Two Great Ladies, but only a blind man or a total idiot would deny she was hot. One would think that her displeasure at their group activities would dull this attraction, but the aura of authority she exuded with every step - along with her modest assets - counteracted such trivialities.

Yet even as she maintained her stare, the hairs on Issei’s neck rose. Only by a smidgen, but it was enough to pause his flustering. A faint pulse of…caution…rushed through him before vanishing into nonexistence. 

‘Weird.’

“I see,” she replied, raising a manicured eyebrow. “And does this game involve sitting outside the locker room and perving on our student body, despite my repeated warnings?”

“N-no!” he cried out, shaking his head. “It’s a video game! Elden Ring, it’s all the rage! You’ve heard of it, right?”

“I don’t waste my free time on video games. If I did, my grades would sink to your level.”

Issei recoiled at the force of her words and clutched his heart. “Such painful words, kaichou! My grades aren’t that bad! I’ve been improving!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Hyoudou-san,” she replied dryly. She then sighed and adjusted her glasses. “Very well. I have more pressing matters to attend to, so just this once, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.” Her eyes narrowed again, and her tone turned glacial. “Do not squander it.”

“Y-yes, kaichou!” The three cried out and bowed, much to the snickers of the onlooking students.

“Hmph. Good day to you then.”

She left without another word, Tsubaki attending her. Once they disappeared from view, the boys exhaled.

“I think you’ll have to postpone that opportunity, Matsuda,” Issei said, wiping his brow. “Kaichou’s on the warpath today.”

“No kidding. My blood turned to ice from that stare. Damn it, and I was so close!”

“Shhh! Do you want them to hear us!?” Motohama hissed, eyes darting left and right. “It’s a shooting star we won’t witness, but better not risk it today. We need to split up, just in case they’re watching. Issei and I’ll leave for his house, you wait five minutes tops, then head on outta here.”

“Sounds brilliant,” replied Issei as he mentally cheered his friend. ‘That’s Motohama for you, always with a plan!’

“Then what are you standing around here for? Go!” Matsuda shooed them. “Hurry before they get suspicious!”

“You heard the man, Motohama! Let’s hightail it!”

With a firm nod, the two dashed past the onlooking students and off the school grounds. Unchaining and hopping on their bicycles, they pedaled quickly and away from the gates, almost running over students. When the school was no longer in sight, Issei breathed a sigh of relief. 

‘Throw me against another one of those devils any day of the week, but against Kaichou and her glasses-glare, I’m toast!’ Even as he thought those words, he bit his lip and clenched his bike’s handles. ‘I really hope we can find more answers about this whole thing. If I’m serious about not dragging Matsuda into this too early, I can’t slack off. At least it’s just playing the game and nothing else.’

A curse almost left his lips before he clamped them down. “I jinxed myself, didn’t I?”

-x-

“Is that all for today, kaichou?”

“Hm? Oh yes, Tsubaki, thank you.” Sona Sitri, or Sona Shitori as she was known in the school, signed off on the last of the paperwork and sighed. “Some of these requests are ridiculous. A pair of military grade binoculars for Kiryuu-san? We don’t need to alienate our newfound male population more than they already are.”

“For the most part, we’ve had no outstanding incidents and the co-ed program is progressing smoothly,” Tsubaki said, reading from a clipboard before pausing. “Besides the obvious aggressors, of course.”

Sona’s eyebrows twitched at the reference to the so-called Perverted Trio. “I’m honestly astounded at the lengths they’ll go to just to perv on the students. It reminds me of some of the gutsier devils in the Rating Game circuit. If it weren’t so abhorrent, that trait would be potentially admirable. Is Reya monitoring them?”

“The lawns behind the locker room are clear. They didn’t even approach them. For once, they were telling the truth: they left school right after our encounter.”

“Good to hear. I’d prefer to avoid dealing with them for now.” She steepled her fingers and her tone grew serious. “Any progress on the Yuvil situation?”

Tsubaki’s lips pressed into a thin line. “I’m afraid not, kaichou,” she replied, shaking her head. “I’ve scanned the whole area again, but nothing’s changed.”

Sona narrowed her eyes. “I was afraid so. But I don’t understand how it could’ve happened in the first place.”

Yuvil was a stray devil, one who’d run off after attacking a low-ranked Pillar noble. A hermaphrodite who was originally male, transformed at his own behest and that of his mistress. According to the reports from the noblewoman, she claimed he advanced on her and grew angry when she rejected him. Enraged and slighted by both the noblewoman and his mistress for denying him, he killed two Pawns and escaped.

The mistress managed to track him down to Kuoh and asked House Sitri, as one of the two overseers of the territory, to deal with the problem before the stray could, quote, ‘sully their noble reputation’. There was more to the story - Sona barely read through the request before concluding that - but capturing the stray before it could wreak further havoc took priority. Sona had sent her peerage to track him for days, to no avail. As much as it galled her to say, the stray knew how to hide.

Until a few days ago, right before the school week. 

“Please, summarize the autopsy report again.”

Conjuring a purple magic circle, Tsubaki pulled a manila paper folder from it and began to read. “Complete bisection, with the top half almost burned to a crisp. The lower intestines were likewise severely damaged, to the point of spilling out of the body. Multiple lacerations and bruises, coinciding with sword strikes and blunt force trauma, respectively, were found all over the lower remains of the body.”

At the end of the report, a shade of green overtook Tsubaki, though it dissipated within seconds. Sona didn’t blame her; it was all she could do not to sour her face when she’d heard the report the first time. Nonetheless, she pushed forward. Perhaps there was something in there she’d missed. 

“Cause of bisection?”

“Unknown, but a high-level explosive spell or artifact, as the wounds around the…seams…coincide with similar methods. While human technology cannot be ruled out, Yuvil was powerful for a stray, even in a weakened state; it remains unlikely he could’ve died from purely human hands.”

“What’s the status of the crime scene?”

“Restored to full condition. The road and warehouse have been repaired and cleaned of acid and remains, both his and his…victims’.” Her hands tightened on the clipboard. “Due to their horrid condition, it is unlikely they can be identified.”

The sight of those mutilated and malformed bodies stung the devil heiress. For Yuvil to lurk and cause such harm within her territory under her nose…he should be thankful he was dead.

If that was all, she would’ve closed the case and delivered the report to her parents. Yet one glaring item was missing from said report.

“Who could’ve done this?”

“Unfortunately, we’re blind on that end, kaichou. Momo, Tsubasa, and I scoured the wider Kuoh area, and we’ve found no trace of anyone capable of pulling off such a feat.” A hint of frustration leaked into her usual calm demeanor. “We ended up asking Rias, but she has denied any knowledge of the stray. Before we left, she offered her peerage’s help in locating our perpetrator.”

For the first time today, a flicker of a smile passed over Sona’s face. “With great enthusiasm, I take it?” Her Queen’s silence told her all she needed to know. “She has yet to acquire a new peerage member since starting the school year. With her marriage to Riser in a few years, she’s eager to snag any chance of altering her circumstances that crosses her way.” 

“You cannot fault her drive. Even your latest recruitment was turned down.”

Sona grumbled at the reminder. “Yes…unfortunate. At least he was polite about it. How has he fared since we met?”

“Surprisingly, better than we anticipated. His financial situation has improved. He and his siblings have settled into healthier accommodations. I haven’t uncovered how he paid for it, being their sole carer and a full-time student, but with your permission, a quick search into his financial records should yield answers.”

After ruminating on it for a second or two, she shook her head. “No. Unless it affects his performance at school, we leave him be. On that note, tell Rias I appreciate her offer, but I’ll have to decline. This was my stray to kill, my responsibility. Even if he’s dead, the duty of finding out why is mine.”

It was nothing less than what her pride as a devil would demand.

“As you wish,” replied Tsubaki, dipping her waist. “If I may ask, do you have any idea who it could’ve been?”

Tapping her carved oaken desk, Sona hummed as she compiled the facts in her head. “The burn scars on his body are reminiscent of the damage potent holy fire inflicts on devils, and the bruising indicates a higher-than-average level of physical strength. Yuvil’s acid abilities allowed him to melt through any human metal or stone compound, and he used it to high effectiveness in many Rating Games. To evade such attacks while remaining unharmed and leaving no DNA evidence or magical residue behind requires high levels of agility, or some kind of magical defense that could neutralize the acid’s effects on the body. Looking at the evidence we have, I suspect we have a wandering exorcist in our midst.” 

“Wandering? Do you mean a stray exorcist?”

“Not necessarily. It’s rare, but some exorcists travel the world by their lonesome, offering their services without defecting from their respective churches. Given how the damage was strictly relegated to property and no reports of unusual deaths have surfaced, the likelihood of them being a stray is slim. Or perhaps our mystery person is a wandering magician with a penchant for holy magic, though most of them aren’t too martially inclined.” Shifting in her seat, her nose twitched in displeasure. “Yet we’ve received no word or seen any sign of wanderers passing through our territory.”

“What are your orders then?”

“I want a full sweep of the town thrice-over,” Sona commanded. “Search for any clues or evidence as to this newcomer’s presence. Have familiars scout potential areas of interest, ask our clients, use our connections, whatever is necessary. I won’t allow this incident to go unresolved under my watch.”

“Understood,” her Queen replied firmly. “I’ll delegate areas to the others. With luck, we’ll have a full report by the end of the week.”

Sona nodded, and Tsubaki left the room. Once her only audience was the collection of award plaques in the room, she walked up to the window. Beyond the school gates and past the road, she stared at the skyscrapers and houses in the distance, her jaw set. This was both a matter of pride and professional integrity. Her parents trusted her with overseeing Kuoh’s supernatural side, and her sister wholeheartedly supported her appointment…despite her embarrassing overenthusiasm. 

‘I didn’t need a parade to send me off, especially one with our house legion present!’ Her cheeks flushed as the day she left for the human world played out in her mind. ‘Trumpets and fanfare, even farewell songs! I left for a human school, not a warzone! Was it revenge for not wearing that idiotic magical girl outfit?’ A quick inhale helped her calm down. ‘No matter. Regardless of who did the deed, I won’t allow this case to go unresolved. If I can’t find out who removed an imminent threat in my own territory, what does it say about my capability as an administrator?’

As she reaffirmed her resolve, however, one silver lining did stick out to Sona. 

“At least this will be an interesting puzzle to solve, unlike figuring out how to stop those three perverts for good. One week without dealing with their antics would be a welcome change, but a devil doesn’t ask for miracles.”

-x-

“Oh, come on! This is the fifth time!”

“It’s not my fault those friggin’ lobsters shoot sniper rounds! I didn’t even let them see me!”

“I told you, dismount from Torrent, and sneak between the trees! But no, it’s full-on cavalry charge or nothing with you!”

“So I can get shanked by those wraiths? I’ll take my chances!”

Motohama groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sat on Issei’s bed with his notebook and looked ready to pop a vein. “Oh, for the love of…okay, grab the runes, then we’re moving back to plan A: start from the east coast and work your way up north. There’s a different type of hell there, but it ain’t sniper lobsters. Why did you even choose to start at the lake?”

“There’s always hidden loot inside swamps and lakes!” Issei shot back. He clutched his controller as the Tarnished on his screen rose from the Site of Grace. “The ruins here are proof enough, no?”

“If you call that useless bell and an extra throwing pot loot, then sure,” he said flatly.

“There’s a portal to the Academy gates.”

“Which you don’t have a key to yet. Good thing there was a Site of Grace right next to you; past those houses is a whole army you need a little more oomph to face. Now you can just backstab and spamcast your way through.”

Issei grumbled and commanded the Tarnished to head to the marked runes on the map. After a few moments, she spoke again. “Thanks for the tip about the healing spell. Didn’t think wraiths would react like that.”

“It’s not exactly advertised, even in the lore text. Bet that felt nice.”

A snicker escaped him as he collected the runes and headed back to the trees. Once he was sure he was out of the camper lobsters’ range, he opened his map and teleported to the Lakeside View site. “Okay, I’m back. Go west?” 

“Yep. There’s another weapon south near the cliffs, I think it’s a spear. Not your style, but you could use the runes.”

Humming, Issei watched as his Tarnished rode his trusty steed. The two of them had ridden at full speed to his house, and their original plan was to speedrun their way through the newly discovered Liurnia of the Lakes. Once they had enough runes, Issei would level up, and they’d observe its effects in real life. Right from the get-go, however, they ran into two glaring issues: 

Issei was not a speedrunner by any stretch of the word. This wasn’t exactly new information, as their numerous gaming nights in the past could attest to, but repeated deaths at the hands of both lobsters and revenants drilled that fact into their skulls. So he decided to take it slow yet steady.

Then, after finally killing enough enemies (and using a few Golden Runes), he returned to a Site of Grace and leveled up…but on the other side of the screen, he felt nothing.

Not even a twitch. He thought that putting another point into Vigor would make him feel healthier, but it didn’t.

“Hm, your muscles are the same, even at Strength 20,” Motohama poked at his arms. “And Faith 29…you didn’t suddenly turn religious in the past few days, did you?”

“Um, I didn’t develop a sudden urge to go pray at a shrine or a church, if that’s what you mean.”

Motohama nodded and scribbled in his notebook. “Any thoughts from you?”

Pulling up his stat menu in-game, Issei rubbed his chin. “In some RPG games, you only unlock new skills when you reach a specific level, not at every level. Maybe if I pass a level threshold, we’ll see a difference.”

“Possible. I’ll mark it as another entry in the GnS list.” That was what Motohama named their growing list of inconsistencies and differences between the game mechanics and how they worked in the real world, short for ‘Gameplay and Story segregation’ in English. “Question is, where’s the threshold at?” 

“We won’t know until I level up more.” Avoiding the massive troll waiting on the path, the Tarnished jumped on the carriage and opened the chest. “There’s the Treespear. Anything else down here?”

“Mm…nope. You can ride or teleport back, then keep heading north.” Motohama tapped his lip with his pen. “Look on the bright side, at least we confirmed something.”

“Sure.” Issei opened his palm, and with a golden flash, a handful of Rowa Raisins appeared. “I can use any items I have equipped, here and in the pouch.”

“You don’t have to cycle through items to use them either, it seems. See? Look at the flasks over there and these raisins. Their amount doesn’t decrease from real life to the game as well.” Motohama added. He reached over, nabbed a raisin and popped it into his mouth. “The amount only decreases if you use the item in the game-” he pulled a seed from his mouth and threw it into the small bin at Issei’s feet. “And it restocks if you rest at a Site of Grace.”

Swallowing the last of the raisin, he smacked his lips. “I’ve never been much of a raisin guy, but these are good. A bit juicier than regular raisins, with a hint of orange. Shame we can’t taste the actual fruit.”

“We tested it; anything that can’t go in the equipment slot, I can’t touch.” Issei bit off the head of a raisin and chewed. “But yeah, these are good.”

For a few long minutes, they watched as Issei’s Tarnished rode down the cobblestone road, and after touching another Site of Grace, he reached a series of rocky crags. Atop them waited figures with bows. The screen zoomed in for Issei to realize they were wooden puppets, and they began to open fire.

“Okay, this isn’t so bad - whoa!” Issei tugged the joystick to the side as the puppets changed their firing rate to a machine gun’s. Dismounting Torrent, his Tarnished crept around the rock outside their line of sight, only to meet another group of puppets patrolling by, armed with pikes. He lobbed a Black Flame at one puppet, who began to suffer from damage-over-time. 

Seizing the opportunity, he dashed and pummeled it with the Grafted Dragon until its life hit zero and it collapsed in a heap. He didn’t have time to celebrate, though, because the other puppets noticed and drew closer, baring their pikes and stabbing him over and over -

“Issei, they’re impaling you!”

“I know! Roll, damn it, roll!”

He slammed hard on the button and the Tarnished finally rolled away, with only a sliver of red left on his HP bar. Pressing the button to use his equipped Crimson Tear Flask, Issei watched with bated breath as the Tarnished reached for his pouch-

-only to scream as an arrow pierced his head.

YOU DIED.

…

…

“...aaahhhhh!!!” Issei brought his controller down and stopped the instant before it hit his desk. “I knew I should’ve taken out the archers first! Since when can low-level mooks stun-lock!?”

“I warned you; totally different kind of hell,” Motohama said. “One automaton is fine, but in groups…eugh.” He shivered, bespectacled eyes flashing with memories of screaming and tears. “They’re one step below the hordes of rats and dogs. I swear, once I find the right spell, I’ll torch every last mongrel in Caelid. The devs are absolute demons for making them.”

Hissing through clenched teeth, Issei sighed and put aside his controller. “Okay, fine, this won’t go as smoothly as we hoped. But I think we should start talking about…well, what we should do now?”

Motohama paused, glancing at Issei before staring at his notebook. The hum of the computer and the air-conditioner filled the room as Issei desperately tried to ignore his rising heartbeat. The afternoon sun hung low, dyeing the sky outside in shades of orange and crimson.

“What now? Heh, that’s a good question.” Motohama bit his lip and gestured for another raisin. After receiving it, he slowly chewed on it, as though he was chewing on what he was about to say.

“We need to do more tests in the grove, for starters: magic, weapons, Ashes, items…anything you can use without alerting the whole city. I also think we should test the limits of your strength, ‘cause even if your arms are still noodles, they certainly don’t punch like them.”

“Good point,” Issei replied, leaning back on his gaming chair. “We could throw in an endurance test, like jogging or holding weights. The gym has weight sets, but if we don’t wanna draw too much attention, I could improvise some gear, like taping books together.”

Motohama’s lips twitched. “Look at you, using your head. Should I mark that as an INT improvement?”

“Ha-ha, yeah, get it over with,” Issei deadpanned. “Seriously, though, we can’t just train all the time.”

“I know.” Motohama stared outside and hummed. “Do you think that devil was telling the truth? About there being more devils around?”

“Huh?” Issei blinked, then grimaced. “I don’t want to believe any word from that bastard’s mouth, but I’ve been attacked twice now; I won’t be surprised if there’s a third time. And he also said something about them not being deformed…‘our wettest dreams come true’.”

“Yeah, if he considered himself a wet dream come true, then I’ll burn every last one of my doujins,” Motohama flatly replied. “Six tits are a lot less attractive when they’re attached to a psycho-monster who wants to eat you.”

Issei winced at the reminder, his objects of desire belonging to a monster who questioned every choice in taste he made in his short life. “There’s always a catch with us…we’re close enough to touch a real pair for the first time… or six of ‘em anyway, and we almost die.”

“Sad times, brother, sad times. But that’s why we can’t sit here idly!” He exclaimed and jumped on the bed, pointing at Issei. “If there are other monsters out there, we can’t let them prey on anyone else in town! You have the power, I’ve got the brains, it’s time we act rather than react!”

“...hold up,” Issei slowly asked, dread creeping into his voice. “You’re not saying-”

“Oh, I am! Believe me, I’m as scared as you are, even more considering I don’t have Elden Ring powers! But he who strikes first wins! If we don’t want monsters to come hunting us, we must hunt them first!”

Motohama let the declaration hang in the air as Issei stared at him with disbelief.

‘Go monster-hunting? Is he nuts?’

But even as he said those words to himself, another desire welled up within him. One that was steadily growing with each day since his awakening.

Rise, ye Tarnished.

Backing down from a fight? When innocents like his friend could get hurt, killed, or worse felt wrong. On a fundamental level.

“...if we are doing this,” he said, causing Motohama to break out into a grin. “We need a plan. What are you suggesting?”

His friend chuckled and rubbed his hands together. “We do what every teenager does best: surf the web and stick our noses where it doesn’t belong.”