A K-pop Idol 62.5

“Umm... Yeah, he called that a few times” Alex lied to the man one more time. 

“And I see that this has had a strong impact on you… How is your relationship with your parents now that you have become Kim Hana?” Dr. Wong asked.

“Both of them died a few years. And my family has always been very small, so I don't have any close relative anymore.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. But at least you have very dedicated friends now, right? I'm sure they are like a real family to you. Now, could you tell me how did your transformation begin?”

Alex then told the man how he had met Park Hara and the other girls, once again changing some facts to make the story believable. He said he had a music studio and that he had helped the girls to write and record a demo song, performing the lead voice. 

In truth, he had done that just because he could hardly wait to go out with Park Hara, and he wanted to please the girl. However, he told Dr. Wong that it was because he had the secret desire to be one of those girls. Next, he said that after a while he revealed the truth to Park Hara, who said that could help him, making him look and act like a girl since he could already sing like one. This way, he could join the group. 

Alex said that he obviously didn’t think it was possible at first (which was veridical), but he soon saw that he was wrong, and he was very happy to see that he was starting to look like a girl (which was very far from true). He then continued the story explaining what had happened since his arrival in Korea.

 In the end, the psychologist remained silent for some time, writing in his notepad. 

"That was a fascinating narrative, Kim Hana" he finally said. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all that. Now that you have revived everything that happened, I ask you again: How do you feel about your current condition?”

"It's... complicated, sir. I'm so happy to be looking like as a girl, as I've always dreamed, but sometimes… I feel like I'm a fraud. I feel like I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing because it's not who I really am. I don’t know how to explain it better than that. I’m sorry.”

One more time, Alex used his feelings as a K-Pop Idol to say that. He was truly happy for finally being a recognized artist, but most of the time he couldn't identify with the girly songs he was singing and, especially, with his female persona. It wasn't him who was a famous singer, but Kim Hana, the Korean girl he was pretending to be. 

The psychologist made some more notes before saying: “Your feelings are understandable, Kim Hana. But what you need to remember is that the only person who can tell who you are for real is yourself. If you are happy with your current condition, the possible opinion of other people and your past experiences shouldn't be so important. You’re not a fraud. Just try to remember that. Oh, but look at the time! Our time is over, Miss. We'll continue our conversation next week if that's good for you.”

Alex thanked the psychologist and left the office. The feminized man had to admit that, despite a few tough moments, this hadn't been as bad as he had imagined. 

Later that day, Dr. Wong's phone rang, and he saw that the person who wanted to talk to him was Dr. Yeob. 

"Hello, my friend” the psychologist said. “How are you today?”

"I'm fine, Thank you. So, did you talk to Kim Hana, my patient, today?”

“Yes, I did.”

“And how it was?”

"It was a pleasant meeting. She’s such a lovely young woman, although she is so insecure.”

"I see. So, I know it's still early for a definitive diagnosis, but what do you think of her case?"

“As you said, I need to meet her more times in order to understand her completely.  But what I can say now is that there is no doubt that she is a transsexual, and that only living as a female she will be able to be happy and mentally healthy. However, the past was very hard on her, and I think she didn't tell me everything that happened yet, but I didn't press her or I could scare her. Because of this past, she doesn't feel comfortable as a female all the times. Sometimes she thinks she is not a real woman due those traumas.”

"And what do you suggest?"

“I think it would be important to physically turn her into a full female as soon as possible. This way, she would be able to detach herself from her past more quickly, and live happily as the woman she always wanted to be. Over the years, she has desperately tried this. I think that's why she wanted to look like a Korean girl.  This way, she could move further from her old self. But this hasn't been enough yet.”

"I understand. She just needs one last surgery, you know. But the problem is that she has a very busy schedule, and she will need to rest for some time after the procedure. But I'll think of some solution, Wong. Kim Hana will be a complete girl very soon, as she is meant to be.”