Just some thoughts

So uhhh surprise surprise! I don’t have a lot of friends! I do but nobody I’m close enough to privately vent. So it’s easy for me to just type this up in here without the pressure of overburdening anybody so this isn’t for Twitter’s eyes cause uhh yeah they need me to be hella strong. I feel like I can open up here tho, y’all are helping me financially so I guess y’all can stomach this 😅😅😅😅😅. Anyway uhhh…

TW: suicide so pls be aware if you choose to keep reading.

———-

I’m genuinely suffering from a lot of depression. It’s weird right? You’d think that because I’m succeeding in wrestling and in social media I’d like be living in cloud 9…it’s good don’t get me wrong but I wonder if people have realized that not only am I dealing with the pressure of basically overnight success fame wise, but also, I’m openly transitioning in front of the world. I’m showing the world a process that’s usually not documented this openly. I came out to my parents in front of the world. Holy crap. I get to wrestle my heroes, I get to meet my heroes NOT JUST in wrestling. Holy shit I’m freaking out.

I’m also overwhelmed. I have…thought and made plans for suicide a lot. Because I feel like I don’t deserve to be here. It’s so hard for me to wake up and smell the roses…I don’t feel special. I don’t feel like I’m meant to be here even though I worked so hard. I guess I just mean that some days…it’s hard. It’s overwhelming. It’s tough to wrestle in the ring but it’s even tougher to wrestle with myself and make sure I stay a good person. That’s the real fucking struggle. The depression, the anxiety, the drastic change in my lifestyle.

I’m a massive introvert. Now I deal with so many people daily. DAILY. I try so hard to remember names but I meet hundreds of people daily. I’m shocked. I’m scared. I hope I’m doing good. I promise I will.

Anyway I guarantee everyone I’m safe. For now. I also see a therapist. I’ll be fine. I have resources. Sorry to vent I know it’s probably shattering y’all’s belief in me. I love you all. Im ok. I promise! ❤️

New cosplay soon!