Save the Queen (TLDP Chap 34)

“What am I going to do today, Naru-chan?” Serafall asked cutely, tilting her head at him.

“Huh? Why are you asking me?” Naruto blinked back.

“Because you can see the future!” Serafall cheered, leaning forward as she stared at him excitedly, “Look into the future and tell me what I’m going to do today, Naru-chan!”

Naruto just stared at her blandly.

I can’t actually see the future.

But Naruto could make a pretty good guess based on what Serafall did every day.

“Have sex with me, then go film a TV show in your magical girl outfit?” He said, the statement ending like a question, but Serafall’s eyes went wide at his words.

“That’s what I was planning to do!” Serafall breathed out, her eyes wide with awe, “Your ability to see the future is so cool, Naru-chan!”

I didn’t need to see the future to figure that out.

“Naruuuuutooooooooo-chan! We have a problem!” Naruto glanced over his shoulder as Kunou came bursting into the kitchen, her eyes wide with panic.

“Raynare walking around with a collar on is not a problem,” Naruto answered instinctively, as Serafall had very panickedly told Naruto that Raynare ‘was transformed into a dog’ because she was crawling around naked with a collar on. The fallen members of his harem tended to be on the freakier side.

“N-Not that!” Kunou blushed lightly, knowing what he was referring to, “M-Mother was kidnapped!”

Naruto blinked, “Yasaka? She was kidnapped?”

“Yes!”

“But, I saw her in the bedroom like… five minutes ago,” Naruto deadpanned, “It happened that quickly?”

“Yes! Some guy with a big spear came out of the floor!” Kunou explained dramatically, “Then, there was a bunch of smoke, and some guy with almost as big of muscles as you showed up, Naruto-chan! Then, Mother was kidnapped!”

“This all happened in my bedroom?” Naruto asked doubtfully, “Just now? And I didn’t hear?”

“...I heard it happening, and it was annoying, so I blocked all sound outside the door,” Ophis explained monotonely as she sat at the kitchen table.

“You could’ve stopped them instead,” Naruto said pointedly to Ophis, who just shrugged.

This is actually pretty serious. In Kyoto, Yasaka should be damn near invincible with the leylines. If someone really kidnapped her…

“What did they look like?” Naruto said, standing up as he became serious, “Yasaka wasn’t alone in the bedroom either. If her, Katerea, Grayfia, and Rias couldn’t stop whoever kidnapped her, then we need to consider it might have been the Khaos Brigade. I’ll call Sirzechs for backup at least.”

Yasaka had been in the bedroom with Katerea, Grayfia, and Rias when he left, so whoever kidnapped her would’ve had to defeat Yasaka along with two other ultimate-class devils.

“The other three are fine, right?” Naruto asked urgently, walking toward the bedroom door and grabbing the knob.

“U-Um, actually, I wouldn’t say they were defeated…” Kunou trailed off as Naruto started to open the door.

“What do you-” Naruto paused, blinking as he took in the sight of Katerea, Grayfia, and Rias lying limply on his bed, “A-Are you guys alright?!”

He stomped into the room, his hand clenching as a serious aura surrounded him at the sight. 

Whoever it was, I’m going to kick their ass!

Naruto was a forgiving person - a far too forgiving person at times, but this was too far. The spear-wielding man had broken into his own house - his own bedroom! - kidnapped his wife, and then beat down two of his lovers and his other wife!

“Oh, hey Naruto-chan!” Naruto paused, his intense thoughts dying slightly as Rias called out to him brightly. Far too brightly for a beaten and knocked-out woman.

“Y-You’re fine?” Naruto blinked, looking curiously at Rias.

“Huh? Why wouldn’t I be?” Rias asked just as curiously, then mirrored his blink as she realized, “Oh, right! The Hero Faction of the Khaos Brigade showed up and took Yasaka-chan a few minutes ago!”

Naruto just looked at her blankly.

“...But, they didn’t hurt you guys, right?” Naruto asked, glancing over at Grayfia and Katerea, who were also just lying naked and motionless on the bed despite being awake.

“No,” Grayfia answered quickly, “They just took Yasaka-sama and left.”

I feel like I’m missing something here.

“B-But, you tried to stop them, right?” Naruto asked incredulously, “You didn’t just lay there and watch them fight her?”

“Well, they didn’t really fight,” Katerea said, her tone slightly defensive, “We were all, um… too exhausted to move, so they just let her put on clothes and then took her.”

Naruto continued to stare at her blankly.

“So… they showed up, told Yasaka to put on clothes, and then just took her?” He asked blankly, still feeling like he was missing something, “You guys didn’t try to fight back? She just went with them?”

“It’s your fault, Naruto-chan!” Rias said bluntly, also sounding slightly defensive, “A-After last night, all of us were too tired to move! Yasaka-chan even managing to stand up and put on her clothes was a battle! I think I’d fall over if I tried to stand!”

Naruto continued to stare at her blankly.

“She’s actually being pretty reasonable, Naru-chan,” Serafall didn’t help as she chimed in from behind him, “I usually can’t walk for a least a day after! There’s no way Yasaka-chan could fight off the Hero Faction in that state!”

Naruto just sighed, promptly turning around.

“I’ll go get her back,” He said bluntly, closing the door behind him and leaving the three naked women on the bed. “Do you know where they would’ve taken her, Sera?”

“Oooooh! If I was kidnapping someone, I’d take them to an abandoned parking garage-”

“I’ll ask someone else,” Naruto cut her off bluntly, stepping past her as he headed to leave the kitchen.

Wherever she was going to say would definitely be the furthest possible place from where she actually is!

Naruto paused as he stepped out the door, glancing over at the handmaiden who was always stationed outside the kitchen.

“Yasaka has a spy network spanning the entire globe and the Underworld to find me whenever I come home late, right?” He asked her, to which the handmaiden easily nodded.

“That’s right, Kami-sama,” The handmaiden nodded in confirmation, bowing lightly toward him.

“Great, can we use that to figure out where Yasaka was kidnapped to?” Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Of course, Kami-sam-” The handmaiden coughed, her words getting stuck in her throat as she looked at Naruto with huge eyes, “T-The Queen was kidnapped?!”

Well, I’m glad someone else is concerned about this!

Compared to Rias, Katerea, Grayfia, and Serafall’s reactions, Naruto was glad that the handmaiden was taking the situation seriously.

“Yup,” Naruto nodded firmly, “So, we need to find her! Searched the entire globe, then I’m going to bust in there and-”

“W-Wait! We have to follow protocol for something like this!” The handmaiden cut him off, panickedly reaching into her robe and pulling out a thick book from seemingly nowhere, “Let’s see…”

Naruto watched blankly as the handmaiden flipped through the pages, sifting through literally hundreds of pages until she finally stopped.

“Here it is! ‘Youkai Queen kidnapped protocol!’” The handmaiden read dramatically, “In the event that the Youkai Queen is kidnapped, first inform the Youkai God - Naruto-sama. When approaching him, fall down on your knees and beg him for forgiveness for letting the Youkai Queen be kidnapped.”

The handmaiden slowly looked up from the book, locking eyes with Naruto.

She’s not really about to-

“Please forgive me for my insolence, oh great Kami-sam-”

“I already know,” Naruto interrupted blandly as the woman fell to her knees, hoping to speed up the process, “Just skip to the end of the page, or I’m going to go look for her myself!”

Seriously, what did Yasaka put in this book?!

“R-Right! Yes, Kami-sama!” The handmaiden nodded rapidly, standing back up and looking back in the book, “If he doesn’t seem that angry, then see if he is busy. Ask this list of questions before requesting assistance in saving the Youkai Queen.”

The handmaiden glanced up at him again, blushing lightly, “A-Are you in the middle of having sex right now, Kami-sama?”

Naruto just looked at her with a deadpan, “...Does it look like I’m having sex right now?”

“W-Well, if you want to and none of your harem are around, I wouldn’t mind joining your bed for now-”

“Just skip the questions!” Naruto cut her off, blushing lightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Seriously, how many steps did Yasaka put in this book?!

“R-Right! If Kami-sama isn’t having sex, then I need to…” The handmaiden glanced back down at the book, blushing as she read quickly this time, “E-Ensure Kami-sama’s comfortability! Would it be a big disturbance in your day to go retrieve the Youkai Queen-”

“Alright, screw this book,” Naruto deadpanned, promptly grabbing the book, which had the words ‘Youkai Servant Manuel’ on the front, out of her hands, “Just find Yasaka, alright? I don’t care what protocol she told you to follow - I’m telling you to find her, so go find her and I’ll go save her!”

Seriously, Yasaka’s one of the more normal ones! What the hell is up with this book?!

“Y-Yes, of course, Kami-sama!” The handmaiden gave him a quick salute, her face flushing, “T-That was hot… p-please let me join your bed tonight if I can find her, Kami-sama!”

Naruto just stared at her blankly, then shrugged.

“If that’s what it’ll take to find her, then sure,” He said blandly, and the handmaiden quickly nodded rapidly and scurried away.

I hope it doesn’t take long. There’s a whole human realm to search, or they could’ve gone to the Underworld. Hell, they could even be in the Dimensional Gap-

“We found her, Kami-sama!” The handmaiden came running back down the hallway toward him, waving her hand excitedly.

“Y-You did?” Naruto blinked, looking at her blandly, “That quickly?!”

We spent more time talking about the book than it took to actually find her!

“Yes, Kami-sama!” The handmaiden gave him a quick salute. “She’s at an abandoned temple nearby!”

“I told you! That’s where I would’ve brought her if I were a kidnapper!” Serafall’s eavesdropping voice came from the kitchen area, but Naruto just ignored her.

She also said ‘parking garage,’ not temple!

“Alright, lead the way,” Naruto gestured to the handmaiden, his face looking determined, “I’ll go save her!”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is… unexpected,” Naruto deadpanned, staring at the sight in front of him.

“I’m your biggest fan! Please! Just one autograph! Just one!” Naruto stared blandly as a blonde-haired woman in a suit of armor and holding a sword jumped around him excitedly.

The woman had a beautiful face, with big blue eyes, and a slim yet voluptuous body that showed even through her set of armor. The woman's face was flushed as she stared up at Naruto with stars in her eyes, and her large breasts pressed towards him as she puffed out her chest excitedly.

“Hi Naruto-chan! We’ve been waiting for you!”

“I’m not here to give out autographs. I’m here to get my wife back,” Naruto said dryly, glancing over at Yasaka, who was waving at him excitedly as a trio of men stood around her, “Though you do have good taste…”

The woman's armor was notabley completely orange on the top, which just so happened to be Naruto’s favorite color.

“S-So I can have an autograph?!” The woman asked excitedly, “I-I’m Jeanne, by the way, Kami-sama! I’ve read all your manga and watched all your movies! I can’t believe I’m meeting you like this!”

She can’t? She knows she just kidnapped my wife, right? 

“Give me Yasaka back, and you can have an autograph,” Naruto sighed, giving in to the woman because he appreciated her choice of armor color.

“Yes!” Jeanne pumped her fist with a grin, turning to the trio of men, “Alright, you heard him!”

“We’re not giving the Youkai Queen back,” The man at the front of the trio shot her down, smirking lightly.

He had shoulder-length black hair, a decently handsome sharp face, and a muscular physique. He was wearing what looked like a blueish-black tracksuit, along with an extravagant black and gold robe tied around his waist. He was also holding a huge spear in his hand, which had crossing golden snake-like bars that formed circles around the handle until the sharp point at the end.

“B-But my autograph! Cao Cao! Please!” Jeanne begged, looking pleadingly at the spear-wielding man.

“It’s the Youkai Queen! We can’t just give her back for an autograph!” Cao Cao countered, looking incredulously at the woman, “She’s worth way more than that!”

Well, I’m glad someone in this world at least has some sense, even if it is my enemy.

Naruto nodded approvingly at Cao Cao’s words, but his appreciation was quickly knocked down by the muscular man next to him.

“Yeah, Jeanne! We need at least two autographs, Kami-sama!” The man shouted, still being respectful as he pointed dramatically at Naruto, “One for both of us!”

Well, he definitely fits the ‘dumb meathead’ archetype.

The man had shoulder-length gray hair, a square face with a strong jaw, and excited eyes that stared at Naruto. He was pretty tall, with a muscular physique, and was wearing a tight black undersuit with a set of golden armor that was separated between the top half of his body and the bottom.

That’s the guy Kunou said had muscles ‘almost as big’ as mine? He looks like he’s on steroids!

“Y-You’re asking for too much, Heracles! Kami-sama is a busy guy - he’s probably only got time for one!” Jeanne whispered-shouted back, glaring at the now-named Heracles.

“But I’m an even bigger fan than you, Jeanne! Stop being selfish!” Heracles argued, glaring back at the beautiful woman.

“No way! I’m a Kami-sama superfan!” Jeanne seemed genuinely offended that Heracles said he was a bigger fan, and her eyes seemed to shine with flames as she stepped toward Heracles.

“You are not! I bet you don’t even sleep with a Kami-sama-shaped human-sized body pillow!”

“I sleep with two, you fake fan bastard!”

“I’ll do both autographs,” Naruto deadpanned, butting into the conversation with a dry stare.

I do NOT need to know that he sleeps with a body pillow of me!

It was one thing for the gorgeous woman to use a Naruto-themed body pillow, but the muscular, steroid-user-looking masculine man that was Heracles?

I could’ve lived without knowing that!

“S-Stop trying to give away the Youkai Queen for autographs, you fools!” Cao Cao, being apparently the only reasonable person there, shouted at both of his subordinates, “We kidnapped her to lure Great Red here, remember?! You can go to one of his autograph signings another time!”

“Nope, those are all sold out for… forever,” Naruto countered, as despite the fact that he could appreciate Cao Cao being pretty normal, he did actually want his wife back. “Hand her over, and I’ll sign two things, alright? I take it you want me to sign the sword?”

“Nope, my boobs!” Jeanne promptly grabbed the top of her armor, yanking it down and flashing Naruto with her un-clothed breasts - nipple and all, “Oh, but you can engrave it like a tattoo? I don’t want it to wash off!”

I usually don’t mind being flashed by a nice pair of breasts, but this is not the time!

“Hah, you fake fan, Jeanne! Kami-sama, sign my bicep, and I’ll never wash it to ensure it doesn’t fade!” Heracles smirked at Jeanne, who looked a mixture of shocked and defeated by Heracles’ superfan action, as he flexed one of his giant biceps.

“B-But if I don’t wash my boobs, then they’ll shrink!” Jeanne countered, looking far too worried for the current situation. 

I don’t think breasts work that way!

“A-And I heard Kami-sama likes women with big breasts!” Jeanne seemed to be debating with herself, genuinely considering not washing her breasts for the rest of her life so the autograph would stay strong.

“He does!” Yasaka didn’t help the situation, giving Jeanne a slight smirk as she glanced down at her own giga-tits, then at Jeanne’s rather average pair.

“ENOUGH! What has gotten into you all?!” Cao Cao broke the argument, glaring at both Heracles and Jeanne, “We are not giving up the Youkai Queen for autographs! Have you both gone crazy?!”

Thank you!

“I really wish you weren’t my enemy. I’ll kick your ass, and then we’ll be good friends,” Naruto nodded sagely at Cao Cao’s words, “Seriously, I feel the same way every day! Everyone is always acting crazy, and I don’t think it’s entirely my system's fault anymore! I’ve been looking for someone like you! You’re reasonable, intelligent, and not crazy!”

Seriously, who would’ve thought that this random guy who kidnapped my wife is the sole reasonable person in this world-

Persuasion Check

[Rolling…]

[God’s Luck] has added [ERROR]

Your [LEGENDARY] Debuff - [Bad Timing] has deactivated your [God’s Luck] Perk!

1!

Check failed!

Naruto blinked rapidly, looking at the notification with a growing sense of horror.

N-No! I wasn’t trying to convince him, I was just describing him! Don’t take the one sensible person away-

“We’re giving her up for autographs and an entire day with Kami-sama!” Cao Cao’s attitude suddenly did a 180 as Naruto failed to ‘convince’ him that he was ‘intelligent’, ‘reasonable’, and ‘not crazy.’

“Damn it…” Naruto groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he glanced at the other man in the trio, “Hey, you look pretty smart! Tell him to go back to normal!”

“I’m glad you took notice of me, Youkai God. I am Siegfried, the true descendant of Sigurd!” The final man, who had a thin body, a decently handsome face with shoulder-length silver hair, and who was holding a sword in each hand, nodded at Naruto’s words, “Indeed, I knew you would take notice of me, because…”

He’s about to be super badass or a total lunatic.

Naruto sighed as, knowing his luck, he could already see which one it was going to be. He was quickly proven right as Siegfried grabbed both sides of his long black coat, ripping them apart and showcasing a shirt with Naruto’s face on it underneath.

“I’m your true biggest fan, Kami-sama!” Siegfried grinned widely, pointing at Naruto dramatically, “In fact, I joined the Hero Faction for the sole reason of meeting you! I knew that one of our goals was to target Yasaka to lure Great Red into this world, and I knew you would come to stop us!”

Screw all of this.

“...Alright, three autographs, and you guys can hang out in my house for a day,” Naruto sighed, just waving the trio of men and Jeanne dismissively, “Come on, Yasaka. Let’s just go home.”

“Okay!” Yasaka came walking over toward Naruto, but she was stopped as Cao Cao abruptly placed his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Kami-sama, as while I may be unintelligent, unreasonable, and crazy, as well as your biggest fan, I must fight you!” Cao Cao shouted dramatically, pointing his spear at Naruto.

Huh?

“Why?” Naruto asked bluntly.

What could possibly be the reason-

“Because I must test my strength! This is the True Longinus - The Spear of Destiny!” Cao Cao shouted dramatically, “It has the power to kill even a god, and I’d never forgive myself if I let this situation get away from me! To achieve my goals, I must become this spear's strongest wielder! To do that, I must defeat you, Kami-sama!”

Naruto blinked at his words, his lips twitching up lightly.

He has a dream he’s working towards, and he wants to test his progress. I haven’t had a good fight in a while anyway, so I’ll take him on!

“Alright,” Naruto grinned lightly, his body shifting into a combat-ready stance. A tension filled the air, and Cao Cao took his own fighting stance, “Out of respect for your dream, I’ll kick your ass-”

“NARUTO-CHANNNNN! I CAME TO SAVEEEEE YOUUUU!” 

Naruto blinked, the tension being instantly ripped out of the air as a magic circle appeared on the ground in front of him. Out of the circle came a certain magical girl, who was pointing her wand dramatically at Cao Cao.

“We were worried after you were gone for so long, Naruto-chan, so we came to back you up!” Next to her was the form of Sirzechs, who was grinning at Naruto as he held up his hand. A black orb of destruction formed on it as the two Maou stared down Cao Cao.

“‘So long?’ It’s only been five minutes!” Naruto asked incredulously.

“That’s a long time for you, Naru-chan! You usually beat everyone way faster than that!” Serafall countered, her cheeks puffed out at Cao Cao, “We’ll take down these mean heroes, Naru-chan, so take Yasaka and go back home!”

“...Look, I appreciate the support, really, but I had this handled,” Naruto sighed, shaking his head at the woman, “I don’t love fighting or anything, but I haven’t had an actual fight in a long time, so I’m fine with taking this one. Plus, even if I just ruined this guy's life accidentally, he was the first normal person I’ve seen in a while! I owe it to him!”

“No! We wouldn’t want you to get tired out by fighting when your orgy is coming up soon, Naruto-chan,” Sirzechs nodded sagely, and Naruto looked at him with a deadpan.

“That’s why you're here?”

“He’s not wrong, Naruto-chan,” Yasaka also nodded sagely from her position behind Cao Cao, “It’s coming up soon, and even you will need to be fresh to handle so many women.”

I can’t believe this is really happening right now.

“K-Kami-sama’s famous yearly orgy?!” Jeanne shouted, her eyes wide with awe, “Where all the most beautiful women from each faction get together to try and have Kami-sama’s children?! I’ve been wanting to go for ages!”

You’re talking about an orgy! Don’t say that like you’re going to an amusement park!

“Sorry, Cao Cao! Nothing personal!” Naruto blinked as Jeanne suddenly lunged forward from behind Cao Cao, slamming the side of her blade into the back of his head.

“W-Wha-” Was all the spear-wielding man got out before he stumbled forward and fell over, knocked unconscious from the sneak attack.

“I took him down! Can I please come now, Kami-sama?!” Jeanne looked at Naruto with big puppy-dog eyes, and Naruto just stared back dryly.

That wasn’t even my system's fault, this world is just insane! I can’t just reward this behavior!

“No-”

“I’ll make sure there’s a spot for you.” Yasaka cut off Naruto, smiling brightly at the other woman.

“Yes!” Jeanne pumped her fist in the air. Naruto just stared at the duo of women blankly.

…I miss home. I miss Hinata. I miss Sasuke. I miss Sakura. Hell, I miss Madara. He was evil, but at least he made sense!

“Where are you going, Naru-chan?” Serafall asked cutely as Naruto turned around, promptly walking away from the group without another word.

“I’m going back to bed,” He replied bluntly.

“B-But you just woke up!”

“I know,” Naruto deadpanned, “I’m hoping when I wake up, this will all have been a dream.”

It was, in fact, not a dream. Instead, the Youkai God’s legend only grew as he ‘single-handedly’ took down the entirety of the Hero Faction - a feat which was recorded in both his manga, numerous TV series, books, and merchandise, of course.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------