Update 6/29/2019

I'm sorry for the radio silence this month. But unfortunately yet another storm has blown through, and hopefully blown over for the most part. 

This month has been a long one, so I'll try to only hit the key points of what's been going on. 

Basically my month has been spent as a free babysitter for my nephew. My stepdad's health went downhill. As some people know, he's a Type 2 Diabetic that didn't take care of himself like the doctor told him to. Over the past few years he's ended up with kidney failure and had his leg amputated below the knee. Well, over the past 2 or so months, he's started to go downhill. His stump got badly infected and he was putting off having it amputated more even though the doctor was suggesting it. Once the infection got bad enough, he began going in and out of the hospital until my mom finally convinced him to have his leg amputated as the doctor had suggested almost a month prior. 

During all these hospital visits and such, I've been caring for my nephew. 

My stepdad is a needy human and would demand my mom go see him in the hospital every day. A sick ward in the hospital is no place for a 1 year old baby, so I would take him for what I was told would be roughly 2 hours.

Each time it ended up being the majority of the day and with no car seat, so I couldn't even go grocery shopping or go do laundry or anything while he was with me. 

I know it sounds kind of weird, yeah he's only a baby and doesn't understand what I draw, but I don't feel quite comfortable with drawing the subject matter I draw while he's around... and even if I did want to... he knows how to walk sooooo he's a holy freaking terror. Cute, but goodness gracious, I've realized the baby thing probably isn't for me! 

So I began talking to my mom about just moving in with them for a few months so that I could watch the baby from the other room while working (since he has his own room full of toys and can keep himself company with that while I draw, taking breaks to check on him and stuff). The plans were going well and then she started being crazy about stuff. 

First it was "well, you can bring 1 cat, not both" (Fair, Momo wouldn't want to leave my aunt's cat anyway) then it was "well, the dogs go downstairs (lies) and they know how to open your bedroom door, so if you bring your cat here the dogs will kill it and we aren't going to stop them from going downstairs if they want to". Note, my parents hate cats. 

Then there started to be other little things like controlling when I could leave and what time I had to be home by. Controlling what times I could eat, shower, when I had to stop coming upstairs so the dogs wouldn't bark and wake up the baby. All sorts of crazy shit. 

Mind you, all of this has been without me having even moved in yet. So basically a bunch of red flags is all I've been getting. 

After a lot of thinking, I've decided it's best if I don't move back there. I feel bad, because I don't want the baby to suffer... but at the same time... there has to be a line. 

Thankfully I've managed to convince my mom to not just put the burden of watching the baby on me and allowing my nephew's dad to watch him as well (this entire time she's been making up a million excuses as to why he can't watch his own son, but I've helped her realize she's being petty and dumb so that I can get some help) which is going to be a huge relief and will let me get back to work. So every weekend will be free and instead of having him almost every day, I might have him 1 or 2 days a week. The part of me that hates screaming is very very happy about this... My nephew likes to make loud noises. 

Now some people will say "Rose, that's not your baby, you aren't obligated to watch him." 

I get that and I'm fully aware. But... I've grown quite fond of him and as such, I don't want to see him get sick or hurt. Hospitals are no place for a 1 year old baby, especially the ICU, which is where my stepdad has been most of the time he's been taken to the hospital. To top that off, I'm well aware that while my nephew is being cared for (fed, cleaned, given lots of toys) he isn't getting one of the most crucial things a baby needs... love and attention. 

I grew up being thrown in my room, taught at 2 years old how to work a VCR, and I would play by myself and entertain myself until my little sister was born was old enough for me to watch on my own, then I would be responsible for the both of us. 

My mom has already started the process of raising him how she raised me. He sits alone in his room every day watching Sesame Street and playing by himself. He deserves more attention than the small amount it takes to bathe him, feed him, and change his diaper. 

I don't want my nephew to experience that every single day. His other aunt (my little sister) and I work pretty hard to make sure he gets a lot of love so that maybe things will be different for him than they were for us. 

And if you weren't already aware, his mom (my stepsister) gave him up. She chose drugs, alcohol, and 'being a teenager' over him... So my sister and I do the best we can to make it up to him.

During the month all of this has managed to stack up on top of the fact that my aunt still doesn't have a job. She's had several interviews and has another in a few days (one that sounds quite promising as it's a 2nd interview). I'm hopeful the situation will change here soon, but in the mean time we're in a bit of a hole because of all of this. 

We're a few hundred behind on bills that will be due the first 2 weeks of July. So I've been racking my brains to think of how I can make this up without continuing to neglect what I already have. 

So I'm going to make another blog/journal going over the few plans I've come up with that might help me get everything back on track. 

If you want to help, please check that out. Especially if you have commissions I owe you, I've thought up something that may help me to get those out to people who'd like theirs much sooner. 

I'm thankful there's going to be another person to help watch my nephew so that I can get back to work... because I feel like I was doing a good job chugging right along up until the point that my stepdad got really sick. I plan to get back to the grind now, with a bit of a twist in the old schedule to help me stay on my feet while I continue to catch up.