Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The War on Context

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we learned how to do that old-timey acrobat thing where one of us leaps into the other’s arms upside down and then we take turns flipping onto each other’s legs. Fun tip: Try it naked! It’s the fastest way to get arrested at the DMV.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner where, like all great authors in their twilight years, the Maverik’s maverick has entered his sex and death phase.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where it seems you all found this a particularly Upsetting Month. Don’t worry, your feedback has been registered. Disregarded, but registered.

Jeff Orasky is starting to understand our inherent anti-Jeff bias.

David says the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Don Diebel.

Drake Godzilla and Talking Alpaca are about to start a killer new BookTok trend: Horromance. You have to spell it out every time or it really changes context.

Speaking of #Horromance, Liddy’s Kool-Aid Man erotica really stirred up a lot of questions for Somanine. Eh? Yeah? You get it? Ah, you don’t get it.

DustysRadTitle and MatthewHarris know the only answer the sexy Kool-Aid Man can provide.

Eric Rose heard our own Jamie Kelly’s new theme song for BIGFEETS, and immediately made one correct guess.

Swift Justice has a great idea for a terrible spell.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month! This month it’s TimeApe!

Thanks to the natural benefits of his all time-berry diet, TimeApe can piss through the very fabric of time. If you’ve ever wet yourself, take heart: It might have been TimeApe.

(Not you, Jeff.)

Now on to the Discord, and a discussion about how to contain Seanbaby’s Cursed Library in a way that will prevent it from leaking puppet poison into future generations. It’s the responsible thing to do.

Rob wants to know how he’s going to die, but Reina’s answer is disappointingly obvious. Like watching The Usual Suspects with the modern context of Kevin Spacey.

Finally, thanks to Chloe and Mo, we know the origin of the saying “like tits on a dracula.”

Delta forgot the first rule of puppet-making, but both Longmile and Agent remind him.

Ferroday points out that certain properties don’t age well, much like- you know what? The man gave us The Mummy. We’re not making the joke.

Rachel had some interesting counter-tactics for Liddy’s Girl Hunt! Article.

Turns out she overestimated her opponent: Mo.

This truly was an Upsetting Month, one where providing context for our cursed artifacts only seemed to make things worse. In that spirit, please enjoy our first Monthly Hot Dog Context Quiz! Please peruse the following images, and try to guess their context. Then, compare your answers with the Answer Key at the end of this article!

Now it’s time to announce this month’s winner…

It’s Context!

Great job, Context. By simply not showing up this month, you vastly improved all of our lives. Much like every month we go without hearing from Kevin Sorbo.

And so it is that we present the abstract concept of Context with the ultimate prize: this priceless photo of Billy Corgan having a great time on his little train.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll put them in fucking Context. Sorry, that’s confusing: Context is also the name of a deadly headlock we invented.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM