Teamworking Day: God vs. Cats Part 2

Sissyneck: Alright and welcome back to a very special excitin conclusion to the teamworkin day me and Liddy started up yesterday or maybe last week, I ain’t sure how Brockway is gonna run these. Anyway: LAST TIME ON 1900HOTDOG: THE LIDDYNECK FILES!

In which me and her realized how good our lil friendship chats are about important stuff like the worlds best dating books and that our thoughts and rye commentaries deserve and need to be heard by the larger hotdog congegation. How’s the world treatin ya Lydia, how you comin in today?

Liddy: I tried to get my husband to read the Mistborn series out loud to me last night but he just pumped his favorite Taylor Swift song over my requests until I gave up. Now we have "Bad Blood" indeed. I'm hoping today the cats will help me convince him that this is vital to our relationship, or maybe Mr. Riff Tasty has some advice on how to control my husband?

Sissyneck: Well that’s so sweet I also tried a tip from your cat book: when LaRene said she didn’t want any of my roller-grill taquito casserole right now but thank you anyway, I just treated that hurtful rejection like a hairball and coughed up my pain discretely into my hand.

Both: kitty paws

Sissyneck: And about that husband-controllin advice: well you are in luck! Yup, since our books already helped us master the courtship and dating parts, now its time learn from both Cats and Ghiff Lastman about Advanced Marriage and Long-Term-Relationship Care and Maintenance Tips! My author was kind enough to title his sections for my ease, here’s what he called the one after dating:

Yes this whole book is about how Boys need to be the boss at all times it is a sinful to consider otherwise, the bible surely says so. But like Christ before him, Glaive uses a timely parable to learn us well:

Do you get it Lydia? Do you get the part about Star Lord!? It’s because like how once upon a time when some OTHER folks the crazy events had their fortunes thrown in with our hero, Jesus Christ (the Lord-Lord). That’s right: the disciples.

Liddy: I think the cats would have to disagree with Star Lord here. They seem to think that women should be confident like how a green lady assassin is. There isn't anything about Guardians Of The Galaxy in my dating advice book, which is pretty crazy. Marvel movies, much like cats, are obviously a great template for learning about normal and good behavior. I know I make most of my life decisions based on what Rocket Raccoon would do.

In my experience, confidence and emotional stability are not always what a relationship partner is looking for. Maybe Flip Kielbasa just isn't into that. That's okay because cats have some advice on how to handle men like that as well.

Sissyneck: Okay yes that is a good point from the cats, they really are teachin us a lot about livin and a little ‘bout love, arent they? But hm…sayin out loud that a woman might intimidate a man? Well lets see what our boy Gaff has to say about that:

Huh, I guess its just more of him talkin about how men need to be in charge of women. Instead of Marvel or Brandon Sanderson this time tho, it’s Lord of the Rings. Which is pretty much the bible I think by now, right?

Liddy: According to my startlingly Catholic search engine, yes, but it's also shameful.

Sissyneck: Well that does sound Catholic alright. I’m still not sure I understand Golf’s godly lesson here though, let’s take another look:

Ok so what we ‘ppear to have here is that Garf has picked another appropriately testosterous pop-culture reference to illustrate how men are to have dominion over women forever and ever. There simply are no downsides Lydia.

Liddy: I may have to disagree on that one again, which is shocking since usually we are in such total agreement, but I fear here is where our books may diverge. The cats are feminists, you see, all of them, even the boy cats. Cats are startlingly progressive, even the ones that scratch the shit out of you for no reason. The reason is that they think you look like a fascist. Or, possibly you've touched their toe beans. Equal offenses in their book. For instance, in Chapter 9, "Litter Box Lessons: When To Cover It Up and Move On," the cats are pretty pro-dumping men.

Unless the Lord is leading the men to get shit canned by their girlfriends, I don't think the cats agree. The only place the cats are being led by men is into a dumpster, and maybe the dumpster is full of sharks, who's to say?

This says if a man doesn't fit into your life, which I'm pretty sure includes if he tries to put you in a masculine cage, you should dump him and move on. Or is the man in the man cage? I think I'm getting confused, or possibly existential, which I know we both love! Kitty Paws?

Sissyneck: Is there a better way of zoomin back outta cosmic despair?

Both: Kitty Paws

Sissyneck: Ok, that soothes my soul, thank you. I gotta tell you, I’m gettin a little het up lookin at Gazz’s book here cause what hes sayin about men are like this and women are like this honestly isent matchin up too good with my life experiences. And all these guys he said he learned this stuff from? We already mentioned he looks up to Robert E. Lee but look at the others:

It looks like there mostly how-to-be-a-man youtubers and Athol Kay says hes a “Mixed Marital Artist” which is just kinda embarrassin, and then we all know JP, hes the one that gets REAL mad when people aren’t just exactly one thing or the other. Do the cats have any suggestions for exemplars or ensamples of who we can learn relationship stuff from?

Liddy: The cats are primarily interested in us learning about relationships from, and acting like cats. Although many famous cats do not have the best relationships. Garfield and Nermal, for example, or The Cat In The Hat (chronically single), or the cat that Pepe Le Pew stalks because he thinks she's a lady skunk. Sorry, I hate to identify a woman only by her relationship to a man. Her name is Penelope Pussycat. See, I think the difference is that cats are real which makes it easier to compare real relationships and people to them, whereas stuff like The Lord Of the Rings, Guardians Of The Galaxy, and Jordan Perterson, are just people playing makem ups.

Sissyneck: Huh, I like the way you said that. Well i tried sharpening my claws (ever-thickenin toenails) on power tools once and my belt sander still smells like fried smoke. But hey, we’ll take what we can get I guess. Liddy I got to tell you I’m agreein with you that our books, similarly expert-written and impirically-based though they are, have diverged a bit here. It sorta seems like if I did everything the cats told me to the worst thing is that maybe I’d be a lil bit silly, but if did everything Gluph said than I’d have to be just hyperly vigilants all the time about if I’m where i should be on some kinda mascalinity leaderboard and that sounds pretty lonely and miserable honestly. Like look at this what I found in the acknowledgements:

That MRP part there I’d bet all my Maverick Adventure Club points is the married red-pilled subreddit which, I ain’t gonna link to it, but just imagine there was a clubhouse full of guys and when you went in there and said my wife isn’t having sex with me like I deserve they all said yeah that’s because she’s a bitch and your a piece of shit too and they all just did that like every day with each other. Cat’s wouldent do that to one another, would they?

Liddy: No! Cats would never do this!! I've never met a creature bigger on respecting boundaries. (Recall my advice from earlier about not touching their little toe beans.) Oh no, I've now looked at the married red-pilled subreddit and I'm filled with sympathy and anger for a real bunch of losers. As a certified alpha male, I want to beat them up, but as a woman, I REALLY want to beat them up.

The cat's advice actually isn't bad. Would I recommend this book to everyone? No. You have to be really into cats to appreciate it, and it's AI-generated, BUT at least the cats mostly want you to be happy and confident, live your best life, and put yourself out there. It's the opening of The Mary Tyler Moore Show of dating books. It's a beautiful, carefree woman tossing her hat in the air.

Sissyneck: Yeah exactly! Love is all around, no need to fake it! I mean “cat-ffees” is real bad we gotta scrub that one from our brains, but other’n that? This is pretty fine! It’s like a pragmatic cat insight is: reach out to others for support and a tongue is a good butthole cleaner, but a pragmatic MRP insight is: masturbatin makes you weak and read this book that says letting women vote was a mistake. I ain’t linkin to that either.

Liddy: The cat book doesn't have any acknowledgements, because cats generally don't acknowledge the work of others. They prefer to gently nudge their beautiful work off the edge of a table until it falls and shatters. We love them for that! It does have a conclusion:

I hope for most people, the dating journey doesn't take them to the married red pill reddit. Do not approach! All dead inside! I don't know if I'll ever trust a dating book again if there's not at least a little bit of a cat on the cover.

Sissyneck: Ok then it sounds like we’re agreed! An’ Lydia I think we should take a moment to consider what it is that we saw happen in the hotdog combat hexagon here today: has there ever been a more underdog competitor than a advice book, a datin’ advice book, written by cats, what was really written by AI? If you told me we’d find a book all the way written up by a actual human what would go down pummeled and beaten against that one…well I’d probly wonder if your vape was one of those lead-poisoned ones. Speakin of: here’s where we got to say a weird thank you to Hot Dog Supreme Velo for tippin’ us off about the Maid Men book. Thanks Velo.

So it’s Down with God’s laws and up, up, up with…

Both: kitty paws!!!

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