Learning Day: You Can Ventriloquism 🌭
Added 2024-06-07 12:00:10 +0000 UTC
It was 3am and I heard a loud knock at my door. "Finally: karate," I thought. But my door opened only to an empty and unfamiliar street. "Darkness, this is not where I live," I told the wrong outside. As if to answer, an unmarked box sat on my porch, and inside was 132 copies of this book:
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: John Dean, and his fabulous dummy, Dean John! Oh no, they've shuffled places. Which one is real, which one do we shoot??
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Comments
yes i appreciate this original artwork i might printout that BETRAYAL part to put on my computer room door so they know when im working
sissyneck
2024-06-10 11:52:26 +0000 UTCAs a shut in, I've read too many creepypastas, and this is the most creepy. Too creepy, even.
Jessica Hayes
2024-06-09 16:14:51 +0000 UTCH-Honkin’ Pablo? What are you doing here in the waking world? How did you get out? Why is there meat in your teeth?
Chris “Ace” Hendrix
2024-06-09 03:04:22 +0000 UTC"Darkness, this is not where I live."
Scribbler Johnny
2024-06-08 16:05:26 +0000 UTCMr. Baby, this is a masterpiece. I am unsettled and amused. *smokebomb!*
dave hvizdos
2024-06-08 15:36:01 +0000 UTCMetal Gear Rising sequel has gotten slightly weirder than usual but at least satisfying.
Swift Justice
2024-06-08 03:18:37 +0000 UTCWhat if being kink shamed is one of my kinks?
Pee-Wee's Uncle
2024-06-08 00:06:49 +0000 UTCMove over gramps. Ewww did you just popped your eyes?
Elgofo
2024-06-07 23:19:06 +0000 UTCWanting a whole forearm up your butt is not weird indeed. This is a safe place. No one will kink shame you in here
Elgofo
2024-06-07 23:16:39 +0000 UTCYou're being the Game'd. I'm jealous.
Pee-Wee's Uncle
2024-06-07 20:55:56 +0000 UTCYou win the thread.
Former Fish Farmer
2024-06-07 20:46:47 +0000 UTC"If it's an emegency take 2 (or more) hostages" is good advice for many situations. That's what I love about books like this . . . practical life lessons. Online "books" are where I learned that the constitution says I can drive without a license even though cars hadn't been invented yet.
skjoldr
2024-06-07 19:21:32 +0000 UTCThat pic reminded me of why he was a rising star and not just a punch line. The coke was pretty good to him for a while there.
SudsiestPanda
2024-06-07 19:16:59 +0000 UTCI was ashamed at the movies because my pathetic and impotent eyes could no longer identify the latest Marvel superhero on the screen. In urgent despair, I tried to exit the row to Google who Vance Astro was im very large print on my phone. Before I could get out, a college punk and his girlfriend with presumably magnificent boobies laughed at my cuck eyes. I deserved it. Instantly erect at the humiliation, I poked out my own failing simp eyes with my otherwise weak phallus. In this moment of catharsis, I knew the truths that only Greek kings learned. My bitch wife-mom was humiliated and demanded I take her home so my blind eyes would have to weep helplessly as I listened to the college punk pleasure her the way a real man would, if I could only conceive if such a thing. Instead, when we got home, she hanged herself. I put out my eyes a second time with the beads of her brooch for good measure. Then I urinated all over myself. Foul, rotting, stinking piss that smelled of lambda male failure. That's why now I chew lensberries, which grow only inside a rare plant that is the sole food of the baby white rhino. Now my wife's ghost looks at me with respect. Too late, Jocasta. TOO LATE.
Brendan McGinley
2024-06-07 19:14:37 +0000 UTCI want some of that 1996 Andy Dick
Taylor Hensley
2024-06-07 19:08:47 +0000 UTCProbably, but then you don't get the added satisfaction of having exploited[stolen] resources from exotic[endangered] species and peoples.
Skebotron
2024-06-07 18:48:58 +0000 UTCAre you sure I can't just download an S Robb ebook to cure my vision problems?
Matthew Harris
2024-06-07 18:43:50 +0000 UTCThe best part about cursed puppet media is that regular puppet media is already cursed.
Sprenzee
2024-06-07 18:43:16 +0000 UTCYou just have to go to Dr. Leo Shub for his patented eye surgery to get Dummy Sight. There was an announcement about it prior to Puppet Week.
Skebotron
2024-06-07 18:39:20 +0000 UTCThis is what I'm here for. Both the article this comment hehe
LyraV
2024-06-07 17:59:58 +0000 UTCUh...can anyone explain the joke to me? Is this a technical glitch? Today's article is just totally blank? No text, and just broken image links? But everyone above me is in on the joke and pretending that there was an article today? IDGI.
Matthew Harris
2024-06-07 17:49:55 +0000 UTCIf the universe does not furnish a cursed artifact, ventriloquism will make its own by throwing its voice into the body of satire. This has been a metaphor for the state of your dying empire. I call him Senator Wideawake, but your formless scream is his true name.
Brendan McGinley
2024-06-07 15:36:42 +0000 UTCI want to be the puppet. Not for weird reasons.
Pee-Wee's Uncle
2024-06-07 14:02:27 +0000 UTCAmazon has a 12 piece Nativity Scene made of puppets and one semi-realistic baby doll as Jesus. Every Christmas you can horrify your family. It sells for $249.95 so you better beat the holiday rush.
Bill Culbertson
2024-06-07 13:37:42 +0000 UTCI hope you haven’t accidentally inspired “puppet suffrage”… that could really skew the numbers… Who am I kidding, no potential/actual insurrectionist will ever see this, let alone draw inspiration from it… Dennard Dayle’s deep-cut geek-patois acts as a fabulous deterrent/firewall to what my countrymen call the “wrong’uns”.
Christopher Horne
2024-06-07 13:20:48 +0000 UTCAndy Dick is probably still the most cursed thing on this page.
Skebotron
2024-06-07 13:02:03 +0000 UTC
