Punching Day: Thruster and Swamphawk, Part 1
Added 2024-03-08 13:00:10 +0000 UTC
A booming voice came from my library. "Fuckin' YEAAAAAH," it commanded. For any other reader, this would be the crazy part of the story. But the books I've collected over the years often scream. Sometimes all night, sometimes in languages forgotten, sometimes with information on how to give your cat a massage. No, the unusual part is this scream came from a book with my name on it. The cover of an old paperback read, Thruster and Swamphawk Book 102: The Supercrime Swarms of Megamao… by Seanbaby, who is me. It's the only information given. The publishing information is only two pages of sinister laughter and the back cover is a hole that hurts to look at. I have no recollection of writing this, but I somehow know in my deadly hands and feet I did. Here's chapter one of Thruster and Swamphawk Book 102: The Supercrime Swarms of Megamao (cover art by MVB).
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Jim Salter, who once weathered a blizzard in the hollowed out corpse of an Ernest Cline. Reference!
You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.
Comments
Recognisably parodying godawful prose and making it actually readable is a lot harder than it looks. Kudos for actually managing it.
Swift Justice
2024-03-10 12:03:24 +0000 UTCHoly shit.
Matt Edwards
2024-03-10 07:05:58 +0000 UTCWeird, how'd my eyes get pregnant? And why are the babies sporting full-grown beards?
Brendan McGinley
2024-03-10 01:07:22 +0000 UTC“His Cajun accent was gator semen thick”
Alex Schmidt
2024-03-09 19:53:37 +0000 UTCSwamphawk doesn’t bleed: he whiskeys. Thruster once ate a lion in a single bite.
Chris “Ace” Hendrix
2024-03-09 18:19:24 +0000 UTCWas Book 2 just pictures? Or was it the most explosive erotic novel ever?
Jeff Orasky
2024-03-09 14:41:37 +0000 UTCI don’t know why, but I imagine Danny Devito narrating this and it makes it even funnier
Bill Miller
2024-03-09 05:02:18 +0000 UTCYes this is my favorite kinds of art it just knows just what I like like the new Scooby Doo website movies where there clothes come off
sissyneck
2024-03-09 01:45:35 +0000 UTCJust the perfect amount of slightly too much!
Bonnybedlam
2024-03-08 22:49:30 +0000 UTCLove this. Absolutely love this.
Bim Talzer
2024-03-08 21:28:47 +0000 UTCThat was way too well written to be Ernest Cline.
g.sys
2024-03-08 18:45:43 +0000 UTC"I understood that reference!" I gasped as a character in Ernest Cline's next blockbuster, "Ready Player Seanbabyverse"
Daphne Lawless
2024-03-08 18:42:21 +0000 UTCI needed this today. Thank you Seanbaby.
Michael Vincent Bramley
2024-03-08 18:37:04 +0000 UTCSo, the Grape Stomp Lady did another book besides The Sea Lion Alphabet, the children's book that begins "A is for Anal beads".
Kevin Hanlon
2024-03-08 17:23:33 +0000 UTCMy eyesball feel like they got punched with drunken bees 🐝 I love it!
Katie Favell
2024-03-08 15:29:10 +0000 UTCI spent the latter portions of the chapter with The Last Lasermaster playing in my head.
Joshua Graves
2024-03-08 15:03:42 +0000 UTCI am proud that I could guess which one was Thruster and which one was Swamphawk, although it did take me 10 seconds.
Matthew Harris
2024-03-08 14:47:02 +0000 UTCI was just about to say that
Talking Alpaca
2024-03-08 14:29:21 +0000 UTCFuck yes please explosion more
FancyShark
2024-03-08 13:56:15 +0000 UTCSeanbaby, you magnificent bastard. Truly the king of kings among madmen.
Skebotron
2024-03-08 13:47:53 +0000 UTC"Best-selling author of Ready Player One Ernest Cline......a flying goldfish slapped him in the head killing him instantly." And nothing of value was lost.
Max Rockatansky
2024-03-08 13:24:02 +0000 UTC
