Learning Day: The Pimp Game

Alright this is another one come into my poseshun from the friends of the libary book sale (i dont mean to brag but i find i have now developed a eye for the self or under-published tomes of the realm in fact heres a lil New Monica for you in case you also want to “level up’’ your cursed arkeology skills:

Spiral bound or stapled be?

Rich fruit for me and thee.

Publisher logo on spine it be?

Probly best to leave that one be.

Unless the logo Christian Romance, be!

Then possibly delightsome it be

Anyway now you know why this one verily flew into my hand almost like there was a prankster jedi nearby:

As is my customary we will examine the formal aspects of the artyfact before plungin into the content, sorta like when you used to look at liner notes to see the pictures and if Van Halen thanked god in the credits before you pushed play on 5150.

Alright so lets play Sure Lock Homes for a minute and see what might we glean from deducting the back cover:

O K so we got the title again and no blurbs, thats pretty mysteryus! “Mastering the Art of Submission’’ is in quotes marks so maybe thats another book?

O K yeah it is but it was written way after this one and is by a lady who she says she is a architect of inspirational erotika so my dear Watt Son we will admit that part is a dead end for our current adventure but will file it away here in my coyote-leather-bound file cabinet labelled “Hot Dogs for a Future Age.”

O K and then it says some stuff about Masters and shadow worlds thats pretty compellin and then it compares itself to The Prince which is maybe sort of a orange/yellow flag i would say suggestin the possibility of being boring but also that certain type of people lets call them ‘buttholes” wont stop talkin about it. He also compares himself to other authors in his biograffy:

O K well and it does take a certain type of confidance to be readin you’re own book in you’re author photo and also look like maybe your strugglin a lil with the words. We learn this volume is a product of Sharif Publishing which itself appears to still be active, consider these other popular titles:

And then finally the website thepimpgame.com, which this was published in 1998 before websites was even dejour so we can dadoose someone was pretty forward thinkin for their time

A lass, i don’t think the current website page is pertinence to our learning day today but you know my coyote future Hot Dog cabinet is gettin pretty full.

Are author Mickey Royal, he must be pretty successful if he literly wrote the book about pimp-gaming lets check.

Yeah hes doing pretty good! He got over a hunnerd views on his nice christmas video (yes, he says ``hos hos hos’’) and wow he was even on national geographic we know this because he recorded it off the tv with his phone and then put it on youtube.

The Kamala Harris Prison Love Letters video also has its charms there is a poster of a bookshelf behind him and some imp lied sex workers who seem real used to listening to Mickey tell stories with no points and someone else not quite out of frame the whole time.

And mickey takes his uncomfable shoes off in the middle of the video and just throws em on the window there maybe to invite the viewer to make themself at home which I already did thanks.

Anyway the video is about he wrote VP Harris from prison saying that “it would behoove her to let me parole to her house” and then another more sexually exllicit letter and Harris didnt write back BUT he reminds us that “Even Queen Elizabeth gets wet.” which maybe he should edit that one now ‘pon her majesties passing an probable permenent lack of vaginle moisture: goodbye england rose.

Also there is a fun bit of hashtaggery in that one, Micky put #pimprichinchwad in the description which means money i think, but Pimpri Chinchwad is mostly a city in India known for its desserts and tattous

so i dont know if hes gettin the right kinda social-media traction engaugement from that one.

Anyway and Mickey didnt just write one book look:

For me im just happy an enhartened to know about some new subjohnras of eroticka.

Ok and then back to my book of his what i own we have one more piece of metter-data here which is pretty sweet:

Isnt that nice that a aquaintance knew that Miki might be feelin a bit down that first valentines after 9/11 and could use some enspirational reading. May we all have such friends in are lives.

Well speaking of good friends this is a pretty fun deadacation! Well give the benefit of doubt about the my sister and lover part and just imagine if we had three good buds with wonderful nicknames like these. I looked it up and i dont think its the same slick rick who taught us that even with a british accent its still also like a jungle sometimes.

And then we have a forward that gives a taste of the level of co hairents we will likely find in this instructional guide:

I’ll note here that i have my hardcopy but i got the newer ebook version also for ease of sharing with you all and it is the New Edition only that has this forward, so apparently after the first run they felt some clarifyin heads up about the books thesis was needed and this is what Mickey came up with. This is the whole forward by the way. Right away you can see that we already have a lil problem here because in previous hot dog episodes taught us that there is actually a bigger of the modern cats than even the tiger. This is a concern because it is important for us to establesh a level of trust with how dependible is are narator, so, althogh it was difficult, I found a few more things that we can check with a consenses reality:

You know what i feel like i can let this one slide i have learned recently there is something called ped antics and sometimes even if there is a technically error, if you still get the point maybe you dont have to correct LaRene on every unimportant detail like Rambo isnt a boxer.

Ok heres another empiragal statement:

Which i thought: huh i didnt know that maybe ill just do a quick search here…

This one i think is important and not a ped antic because a major part of his thesis about how in the game a pyramid flows up sorta depends on these Egypt facts.

Alright so I guess we have learned that we should take Mr. Royals words with a pillar of salt but that doesnt mean that there isnt much we can learn from his experiences as a pimper of women. For example, here are some important terms that he defines for us:

So he writes for a long time about The Game and uses all sorts of metaphors to describe it like its professional basketball and its bees and of course its large cats. It is a little confusing but best I can tell he just means that all and every relationships are only a zero-sum higharky and if anyone wins its because someone else is losin which I dont think is really that either a original idea or very accurate about the complexaties of the differnt ways we can all get along out here. But Mickey has decided this is very special knowledge that he needs to pass along to the children are are future even though it is forbidden:

Which that sounded pretty interesting to me how exactly did the influx turn it all upside backwards!? But it happens many times in this book that Mickey seems like he gets kinda distracted and doesnt really follow up on his claims and just goes back into kinda repeating things like: ‘its all the game it is what it is play the game or the game plays you player” kinda stuff.

Okay so the game is: always get yours if you dont someone else will and dont ever talk about it unless you feel you must but who are players?

Okay so a pimp is like the hardest of the hard people, just so cold and hard. Mickey helps us unnerstand by using a visual-aid, a picture made of words of the most famous zero flesh-lust person there ever was: Count Dracula. And then you can see he kinda gets distracted again cause he thought about Church and was like: there it is again, there’s the game. In the book this happens all the time, if something like a restaurant or talk shows comes up he makes sure to say: you know what that it is actually its the game again, and it made me wonder if he probly does that in real life so i watched some interviews with him while I was also playin Peglin at the same time and Mickey honestly doesnt seem very much like a Dracula hes kinda chuckly and rambly and spends a lot of time trying to remember specific streets in LA or talkin about how he would impress Kim Kardashian by showing her brannew experiences:

Okay so now lets learn about the mack which i dont know a ton about him other than people are real ecxited when he comes back.

This one i wanted to know because i never want to look silly by callin a mack a pimp or vise-verca so this helped me understand the difference. Well it didnt really so i kept readin and honestly I just kept gettin more confused but finally there was a good example from my own life:

Reagan is a good example of a pimp and Clinton didnt have his game straight and is therefore a Mack. If you still dont get it then i guess probably that just if you dont see the game the game still sees you and so do I from up here slightly higher in the game org chart I bet because i read this whole book no disrespect but I cant really respect you anymore.

Exactly.

O K so you might be gettin the idea that, instructional guide tho it claims to be, this book is not real strong on containin any actual instructions and thats probly because he already said to much and cant get more specific for reasons of legal and safety. But even though there werent any real clear step by steps in here i did dissern a theme:

And:

And:

And:

And:

And very importantly:

Do you spot the pattern? Mr. Royal spends a lot of time talking about all the downsides of pimping and kind of suggests theres no upside and kinda shrugs when he asks himself: so why do i do it then? But then also he spends a lot of time talkin about powerful and famous men and also his uncle and which ones hes above and which ones hes below and it sorta seems pretty clear his whole thing is just: lookin real hard for some male approval. Which makes a kinda sense to me; here is Mickey perpetuwaitin just a whole lot of trauma experiences on the women in his employ, is it possible that there’s some male-relationship trauma preseedin him and teachin him that the world is going to hurt you and so you better hurt first? Lets zoom in on that author bio again:

That would probly do it alright. Which this was a odd relief to me because: i dont really have any pimp asparashuns of my own and so wasnt really findin a way of anchorin this book to my own experiences but i am ALWAYS lookin for some ways of gettin more respect from the men around me in real life and my dead grandpas i sorta carry around in my head who are always and very judgin of my backin-up trailer struggles and the general lack of shovelin in my life.

Currently i per sieve the most disrespect still in my dealins with the gentlemen associates at the Maverik station; so i determined to use a suggestion from Royal to tighten up my personal convenients store game. I carefully read an committled to memories a pertnint passage and then went into the Bonfire Grill; it was my luck it was Lance working he aint outright mean but he tends to ignore even though I graduated a year ahead of him so I figured hed be kind of a good first try respect-challenge.

I went ahead and ordered some Heropeño Breakfast Taquitos with extra cream-cheese and while he was getting him out for me I just went ahead and set him straight on the situation and said: “Yeah just the two of them taquitos. Maybe the ones without too much peppers. And just so you know..”

“...pussy ain’t payment.”

and then just looked at him over my glasses.

Lance just kinda kept at it chasin the one taquito with the tongs and said, “Damn, tell me about it. We’re not supposed to say anythin because maybe its illegal, but were not even really set up to accept checks anymore but as long as you got credit or debit you’re good.”

And I said yeah debit and felt like maybe that didnt go like I thought but Lance did at least say take er easy when he passed me my goods and wares. But in the mist of my doubt and as i stood chewin in the parkin lot there, watchin the sun come up over the grain elevators, it came to my mind a remembrants of Chapter 4 Verse 12:

I imagined it. Did I keep my position by bein in position? Was me, with this perfect body, leaving the point of having and not sharing and showing? Was it worth it? Well, to me it was, also, as well. This is too much cream cheese tho.

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Haraka, sometimes called the Ronald Reagan of Pimping.  

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