Best of 2023 - Sissyneck
Added 2023-12-21 13:00:05 +0000 UTC
Sissyneck really developed as a person* in 2023. He got in touch with his inner sexuality, overcame his fear of apes, then learned to instead fear for the apes. It’s what we call a character arc, so he’ll come out of this adventure changed and with the tools to face new challenges ahead. Someday he’s going to use this Hot Dog knowledge to march right back into that Maverik and tell those teenagers what’s what. He will almost certainly split his pants on the way out.
Learning Day: Helping Hands Homeschool Romance
Homeschool kids need romance too. Wait, don’t think about that one! Don’t think about the implications of that sentence!
Behold, the noble Liger! Half lion, half tiger, all dead. This is the story of a man who loved Ligers, and the entire town that aggressively did not.
Upsetting Day: Any Which Way You Can
Sissyneck overcame his fear of apes just in time to fear for the apes in Clint Eastwood’s truck drivin’, hard punchin’, heavily implied ape fuckin’ movie.
Behold the Sensuous Man, who is actually a man and a woman. Who are actually biological siblings. Writing about their sexual adventures together. Don’t think about this one either!
Fucking Day: Celebrate the Self
It’s become clear that we can never trust a sex book, but you know what we can trust? A masturbation newsletter! Totally different sexual activity and text format. How are you going to accidentally uncover incest if they’re just masturbating? Huh? Not unless there’s some kind of Back to the Future scenario which, aw god dammit. That’s a category on PornHub, isn’t it?
*For the purposes of preserving the Sissyneck mystery, we can neither confirm nor deny his personhood. He might be a raccoon what got into the library and is just fulla vinegar.
Comments
A Man.
CHAUGGLE
2023-12-23 01:49:54 +0000 UTCBack at you
FancyShark
2023-12-21 22:39:40 +0000 UTCNah when Dan the mustard man comes around here, he signs with his governement name. Still putting my money on an escaped SCP born from a burnt down maverick and raised on a John Deere plant.
Elgofo
2023-12-21 22:28:39 +0000 UTCwell i dont want to get to sentementel but i love you all with the love of christs pure love
sissyneck
2023-12-21 21:32:55 +0000 UTCWas there a 5 stages of grief process you worked through for this?
CHAUGGLE
2023-12-21 20:34:25 +0000 UTCMatt, How. Dare. You. Regards, Eat Poop
CHAUGGLE
2023-12-21 20:33:32 +0000 UTCChauggle, I bought some McNuggets the other day, doesn't mean Ronald McDonald is real.
Matt Edwards
2023-12-21 20:25:49 +0000 UTCThanks for the great times, Brother Sissyneck!
Scribbler Johnny
2023-12-21 16:59:26 +0000 UTCTo be fair, the entity known as Seanbaby was single and childless at the time of purchase (01, I believe). And, how could a ghost come up with the phrase "SPUCCULENT HAMTASM"? Huh? Answer that, smart guy.
CHAUGGLE
2023-12-21 16:46:23 +0000 UTCHonestly, "I bought it from a ghost" seems slightly more plausible than "I bought it from a mohawked, multicolored karate man with both confirmed progeny AND many fervent opinions on video games".
Robert K.
2023-12-21 16:44:33 +0000 UTCStill putting my money on cracked alumnus DOB as Sissyneck's true identity, but the "gentle hyperintelligent ape friend that has read many bookfairs worth of donated poorly-aged self help books" theory is growing increasingly plausible to me.
Robert K.
2023-12-21 16:42:26 +0000 UTCThat'd be something - 24 years of comedy, and I bought an "Aquaman Sucks" shirt from a vaporous entity.
CHAUGGLE
2023-12-21 16:19:47 +0000 UTCSissyneck is real. Seanbaby I don't believe in.
Matt Edwards
2023-12-21 16:13:09 +0000 UTCAnd a happy New Sissy! Wait, I think that's a category on PornHub. I'm gonna go check. If I'm not back in two hours, send more tissues.
Matt Edwards
2023-12-21 16:01:17 +0000 UTCI’ve gotta set up a Google Alert for “Home Is Where We Heart School”. Seems like Sissyneck already has 80% of it written. Now it’s just a matter of adding a B-plot and coming up with a satisfying ending (that may be optional, as Stephen King has shown again and again)
SudsiestPanda
2023-12-21 15:05:45 +0000 UTCMerry Neckmas!
FancyShark
2023-12-21 14:32:07 +0000 UTCIf he is a raccoon, that would explain why the kids at the Maverik are such jerks to him.
Jeff Orasky
2023-12-21 14:15:17 +0000 UTCIn the name of the Siss, the y, and the neck. Amen.
Skebotron
2023-12-21 13:51:13 +0000 UTCI'm discovering that Sissyneck might be my favorite writer on here and it's my own kind of uncomfortable revelation/personal growth moment.
Amber M.
2023-12-21 13:40:29 +0000 UTCDang. And here I thought he was full of cider. Well, cider vinegar is a thing that people chug 🤔
Devon the Rogue Supreme
2023-12-21 13:29:06 +0000 UTCI like to think that Sissyneck is actually an AI borne out of someone spilling a Mountain Dew on a laptop whilst Google searchin respectful beef jerky porn.
CHAUGGLE
2023-12-21 13:05:20 +0000 UTC
