Puppet Week: You Can't Cheat an Honest Man 🌭
Added 2023-10-27 12:00:06 +0000 UTC
As the fall of Puppet Week encircles us, our only choice left is to die well. To take as many of them with us. But first... the year was 1939, and the world was at war. One of America's biggest celebrities was a ventriloquist doll and it was the lead in a feature film about a puppeteer swindler betraying a circus to destroy a marriage. I'm not kidding. If I was kidding I'd have said, "If your only friend was a puppet, would his wooden temptation be enough for you to put him, tuxedo and all, into my wife? Could his tiny body hold enough courage for a darkness so wet? Hi, I'm Todd McFarlane, creator of Spawn." And then I would have included a picture of Todd McFarlane like this:
But no, I'm being serious. The following is Charlie McCarthy's You Can't Cheat an Honest Man, more or less exactly as it appeared in theaters 84 years ago. Please enjoy this barely retouched classic.
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: KNM, who through the magic of cyberspace is now pregnant with puppet crabs.
You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.
Comments
I was expecting horrifying appearance puppets, not horrifying behavior puppets. More fool, I.
Scribbler Johnny
2023-10-30 14:00:05 +0000 UTCHand Banana?
Dave Dalrymple
2023-10-29 22:56:28 +0000 UTCfor some reason it wasnt till he said "SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL" that the horrible scratchy charlie mccarthy voice i remember from Fun Fun Fun and Fancy Free kicked in
Gager
2023-10-29 22:06:25 +0000 UTCIs her head on backward? I swear her head is on backward.
Bonnybedlam
2023-10-28 16:41:42 +0000 UTCRead her memoir sometime. She grew up absolutely overshadowed by that fucking thing. It was her father's favorite, and only true, child.
Bonnybedlam
2023-10-28 16:40:46 +0000 UTCIt may or may not surprise you to learn that Bergen's ventriloquism act was made famous by the radio.
Dave Dalrymple
2023-10-28 13:16:47 +0000 UTCYeah. The actual dialogue of a typical WC Fields performance is pretty similar to what Seanbaby puts in the mouth of Dick Whiskey.
Dave Dalrymple
2023-10-28 13:14:05 +0000 UTCI'm a little disappointed that we never got an article or podcast episode about the King Diamond album "The Puppet Master." I'll upgrade to Hot Dog Supreme if that's what it takes.
Pee-Wee's Uncle
2023-10-27 22:38:02 +0000 UTCWasn’t DOB that had a puppet for xmas or bday as a child? Think i remember that from QQ podcast?
Elgofo
2023-10-27 21:08:16 +0000 UTCThe girl in the "ALL FOR NOTHING" pic will be with me for a long while. Great end to a great week.
Bim Talzer
2023-10-27 20:53:22 +0000 UTCDo a Google Image search for Candace Bergen and Charlie McCarthy and learn just how far fantasy reached into real life.
Bill Culbertson
2023-10-27 20:47:13 +0000 UTCGiggle.
FancyShark
2023-10-27 19:36:17 +0000 UTCStill arguably less dark than the transcripts of Ron of Ron and Marty's actual online messages.
g.sys
2023-10-27 16:51:22 +0000 UTCLet the good times roll, week 2 of puppets incoming!!!
Fatamatician
2023-10-27 16:25:56 +0000 UTCI got a Charlie McCarthy puppet for one of birthdays. Not sure what is worse: that I asked for it or that my parents actually bought it for me. Either way, I kept it in a box looking over my bed. Charlie McCarthy literally watched me sleep for about 4 years. Do with that information what you will.
Jeff Orasky
2023-10-27 16:21:14 +0000 UTCI'm actually a big WC Fields fan (he's the fat old man who costars with that Maplewood monstrosity) and he would absolutely have a comedy scene where he says 'fuck you!' to an irate customer before crushing his skull in a door if he thought he could get it past the Hays Code.
Pistol Wizard
2023-10-27 15:44:16 +0000 UTCThat play was...crabby.
Talking Alpaca
2023-10-27 15:23:34 +0000 UTCyes my gramma had some kinda non-gramma-type spirit like she put on chatanooga choochoo for us once when we were little and when i covered my eyes when a lady in it was taking off her clothes she told me dont be a baby but i sespect that even she woulda thought twice before putting this one on
sissyneck
2023-10-27 15:22:59 +0000 UTCIf this is Fucking Week, I think I have fatally misunderstood what I was dealing with.
Robert K.
2023-10-27 15:11:16 +0000 UTCNone of us are safe.
Robert K.
2023-10-27 15:10:18 +0000 UTCI reminded of a particularly notorious episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Joshua Graves
2023-10-27 15:05:50 +0000 UTCYeah, that puppet ate at least three extras on that shoot.
Chris “Ace” Hendrix
2023-10-27 14:56:20 +0000 UTCProof that ventriloquists across time have always said “no no, it’s okay if the PUPPET does it.”
Chris “Ace” Hendrix
2023-10-27 14:55:16 +0000 UTC🦀
Vooster
2023-10-27 14:34:18 +0000 UTCI'd like to congratulate everyone at 1900HOTDOG for their excellent work on keeping to one theme for the entire week. I doubted that I could keep interested in the same topic for that long, but I'll gladly admit that this Fucking Week was a huge success! I'm looking forwards to the next one, but need a bit of time to recuperate first.
The Parallel Viewmaster
2023-10-27 14:17:54 +0000 UTCAre Popsicle Pete and Charlie McCarthy simply different avatars for the same beast, attempting to cross into our world via comic books and movies?
Matt Pedone
2023-10-27 13:55:29 +0000 UTCAll this time I thought McCarthyism was red scare paranoia bullshit, and here it turns out to be a puppet cult. Guess they didn't want that in the history books. A laughable attempt to stop the spread, I suppose.
Skebotron
2023-10-27 13:09:13 +0000 UTCFirst Popsicle Pete and now Charlie McCarthy. You really just want to see the world burn in some Lovecraftian horror, don't you?
Max Rockatansky
2023-10-27 12:14:09 +0000 UTC"Oh, this doesn't seem that bad......" *BLACKFACE INTENSIFIES*
Colin McBride
2023-10-27 12:06:22 +0000 UTC
