Fucking Day: The Sensuous Man

Hey hello to you all today we are continuing our hot dog sexual  education series in our quest to get more competents and considerate in bed with ourselves and others. I will admit we have had more ups and downs in our earning our Courteous Lover Merit Badge than i anticipationed at  the outset, so I am hopeful that todays entry will be very good and  acurate:

Maybe you can guess or already know that this one is a 1971 sequel to the 1969 sensuous woman book written by “J”

But this one is for HIM and costs a quarter more and was written by  the much more masculine letter: “M”. Who we ventually learned was  actually three people: J herself who went by Terry and two fellas, name  of John and Len. I like to think they wrote this book in a big ol messy  seventies waterbed together (you may position them in your mind accordin  to your own procklivaties), passing hand-written single sheets of paper  back and forth in a mid-coytus frenzy and deliten in there own sexual  wisdom, pausin here n there to feed each other fondue from their feet,  and also oil and comb out each others bushes.

Oh and hey look who they invited to join them!

Right back at ya and Thanks to the three of you for this oppertunity i  will say Im a little nervous, i never used any hair product “down  there’’ before.

Now: let it not be said that i am static and unchangin, for over the  course of my couple a years of research and writin about dirty books for  this outfit I have given up on the idea of findin a truly wise sexual  guru or guresse who is all-knowin and secure and wrote a book to teach  me about it. Instead you might say i’m cozyin up under these kinda  scratchy blankets here with a warm spicion bout my bedmates who are  prolly still dealin with their own hangups and ensecurities. All proud  that their not gullible about the sexual myths of the generation before  but still packin around some aaroneous believes of the time and place.  So with that in mind lets open the pages of this mass-paperback tome and  learn what 3 good sexual friends of mostly men had to say about the  human sexuality of 1971. Now, Im exercising vulnerability with you guys,  don’t let me down here!

And NO PEE STUFF! I have been warned in a dream that the devils water it aint so sweet.

So maybe by way of calabration we’ll start by seein what “M” has to say about masturbation. They start with a little joke:

Which: I hadent heard that one before and it gave a me a medium-size  chuckle AND it shows us M”s modern knowledge that self-touch doesnt even  make you go blind anymore, so pretty good start guys!

So what will you teach me, the honestly pretty-willin student, about the pros of self-pleasure?

Yes i kinda think you already illustrated number 9 there (and number 6  i hope) by starting the list with incouragement to “whip yourself off’’  (there language) in between people takin emergency gas station burrito  shits on the bus from Elko to Reno (everybody knows they have the looser  slots in Reno).

Which i dont know if thats the sexiest setting…

Hawhaw alright you guys, fair enough! I promise I will try it on the next church tour of Golden Corrals.

Okay any other good tips about why masterbation you should do it almost always?

Well here i think your maybe underestimatin the internal complexaties of anybody who grew up in a Good Christian Home.

Wow i feel like we’re really listenin to each other here and  establishin a sexy dialogue of oppenness and acceptance what i can only  describe as: pretty groovy! I think I am ready to learn more from you  three, maybe you can help me with what I am told certain men experience  which is a sort of reluctants towards tumessence from certain male  organs in certain new situations. I am a course speakin about Impotents.  Do we even know why that starts happenin?

Huh well I never did that most of my friends pressure was about  starting fires but i want to fit in here so I’ll shake my head sadly and  say that is pretty classic alright. And then what would you incourage a  hypotheticle impotent to do about this?

Ok that seems sensable, so what we want to do is keep it light and  lo-stakes and not make it a heavy and dark thing. Maybe its like: a  erection is just a good bud that comes around sometimes and its fun when  hes there but things are still ok if hes runnin a little late or  whatever and if we remember we dont NEED him to have a good time maybe  he’ll show up a little more often and easy! Or maybe its like a shy  bigfoot we’re tryin to befriend is a better metaphor. Oh look at me  trying to figure it out by myself when Ive got three wise sex-magi right  here by me to tell me how to think lite and easy!

Well ok that is a pretty good and long and intense list of things to  definitely not remember and rumanate about and have in my head during  naked in counters. That limp sausage part is ‘specially vivid i member  when my dad tried to make his own venison wieners but he dident know the  deep-freeze power was off for a couple weeks and-

Well i will try these helpful tips about getting good boners but not  to change the subject but also I have been told that sometimes, even  with a penis just full to burstin of blood, a man on the road to  sensuosity will sometimes feel TOO sensuous and

Well yes, I see we’re just gonna be direct about it. (and theres  those bad thoughts to remember not to think about again) but hold on a  second, do we also know the origin story of this one?

Okay now i understand and also: Yes this makes good sense to me that  when sex workers put in long hours and maybe too much work its mostly  out of a strong competative spirit with each other.

Okay now that we have a good scientific know-how of why a ejaculation  happens before anybody wants it to, how about some good tested and also  based in science interventions for how to NOT do that?

Yes i probably know what your thinkin and I had to flip back to make  sure of what section I was readin: So your tellin me when yr in the  throws of passion and just kinda right there at the press a pits of  sweet surrender that if you ADD self-bitin, that new sensation of a  little bit a pain an primal hunger and maybe realizin you even want to  consume your own self a little bit, if you START doin that that that’s a  good way to turn your Horny levels down!?

Okay I’ll give ‘er a go, but i am making you three pay for any bandaids I might need!

Okay so you have helped me understand how to get into bed with a  little smile and laughter, no big deal if my peen is soft at first, and  then also bite as needed to prolong my inner course. Myself I am  fortunate about I have a good and lovin sex pard at home already to try  these out with so i feel like the only thing left now is to help The  other Reader of the Sensous Man who has not yet found his LaRene to  assist him in with how to find that. For himself. Her, I mean.

So how do we do that?

Aah-Ha! As a writin fella this has a strong appeal to me: a person  must simply create and edit and re-edit the right combanation of words,  in a solitary vacuum, and intimaty connections will surely follow! Oh  hey the three of you are writers too, thats’ neat we agree about the  love power of the written word!

Whoa whoa back up outta your afterglow a bit there you still need to  give us some good ideas about “the line” that will work every time. Just  because you had a chapter emission doesnt mean the rest of us are done  yet. Gimme one a them lines you came up with.

Ooookay. That does sound kinda like theres a little of those  fabrications we talked about dont do that? But im trying to keep my head  and my heart orifices lubricated and ready for new experients and ideas  so maybe tell me another one:

Okay so now i will use our safe word (“Jive’’) and tell you that  monkey stuff is kinda a upsettin nonstarter for me and I am still upset  with the 70s for spreadin the very false belief that ape sensuality  somehow makes human people also horny.

Yes i know that and My Faith tells me that he will be held countable  for that when the time comes. so im not mad at any of you but we just  need to find another approach here. Lets start over give me another line  that is a real good one here we go!

Ok what are we doin here i sorta feel like we’re not on the same page is this supposed to be serious or…

Hang on now so is becoming a sensuous man just a joke to you, “M”s?  Is this whole book a joke? Cause hot dog stuff, that is just panderin,  to me, and…

Yeah, but then is this whole book a joke!? Cause you were given’  kinda medical advice in parts about thrush mouth and such and Wait when  you were watchin me bitin myself and failin to not premature ejectulate  was that also a joke!?

Hold On some of you are brother and sister!? Joan and John Garrity arent a married couple writing and wrasslin out a sex book with a fun pard!? You two are biological siblins and your writin a book about intercorse positions called the velvet  buzzsaw and the feathery flick and the slidin pond and wait you invited  me into this big Cutlass Supreme of a bed with you…

Oh yeah i guess thats true but i dident realize…

Oh my god.

So im goin to call my ride and say im ready to come home now because  it seems like I have some reflectin and probably repentin to do about  this one In The Name Of Jesus Christ Amen.

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This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Sean Chase, a little John Garrity on the streets, a little Joan Garrity in the sheets.

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