Hot Dog Appreciation Day: It's Were-Month!

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we fuse together like those Lego pieces that don’t come apart so you can only use them as the caps on things.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where this has been a month of personal sexual learning.

Amen. Sex is a spectrum and we’re all just a box of Steak-Umms and a cowboy hat away from a trip across the rainbow.

It’s amazing that the following comment can apply to several articles this past month…

All of our mothers were right to fear the mass sexual skeletonization of the mid-1990s.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where sexy skeleton Skebotron can break anything down into its Archie components.

If anybody saw which dumpster Mark Mahoney used, call us at 1-900-HOT-DOG. Turns out it has been a phone number all this time.

Look at Thingsareswinging. Look at this lunatic, who thinks centaurs are subhuman. They’ve all the strengths of man and horse with none of the weaknesses!

Sean is here to offer a very select service to you. This service is only available to a certain caliber of people. Are you that caliber?

Are you… eggs caliber?

Fuck. That wasn’t a pun. Nobody can prove it! Quick, look at Frankie Frankenstein openly lusting after more sexy, sexy skeletons!

Everybody’s horny for skeletons up in here! Everyone wants to bone down!

Fuck!

Quick, it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

In honor of Psychic Bigfoot season, Psychic Ape is here! Teleport for us, Psychic Ape! Just be careful of-

APES

My god, it’s become one with the Apeosphere. It’s every ape now.

Now on to the Discord, where Mo has found something ridiculous, awesome and hilarious…

Which Agent already owns.

This is how you know you’ve found your people.

Adrienne has a compelling theory about the shrimp-dancing cowboy mouth pervert.

So that’s it. If you ever find yourself cornered by a shrimp-dancing cowboy mouth pervert, you know to spin-kick his hat and reveal the crustacean puppeteer within. That’s the weak point! Strike! STRIKE!

Obviously the Bigfoot Lives! podcast and its 8,000 bigfoot revelations have changed us all. For some of us, quite literally.

The whole Discord caught psychic bigfoot fever, which is incurable, always terminal, and can only be transmitted from bigfoot to man via psychic fluids.

Were-trucks, were-vans, were-feet! There was just nowhere to go after this month. Well, there’s one place to go…

This month saw the third annual Design Your Own Dick Fighter Tournament! This time complete with color commentary:

This crop of dick fighters are our fiercest yet: Pity the unejaculated penis that must face…

And the champion of the Third Annual Design Your Own Dick Fighter Contest, who finally answered the only religious question we’ve ever had: Do demons come from the balls?

Congratulations to everyone involved in the tournament! Hambone, Fatamatician, Gellaho, Dennard Dayle, FancyShark, Adrienne, Yeyo, Clementine Danger, Akentarion, and our team of anonymous judges who almost certainly exist! Baal-Cho’k is obviously the tournament winner and our dark dong price, but you’re all winners in our book. Since Revelation Road Director Gabriel Sabloff rode off into the sunset with a furred and fedora’d Grace Jones, you are now sharing custody of the next most valuable piece of art on this Earth.

Jackie Chan in his adorable outfit.

Guard it well, it’s the only one of its kind in existence and we’ll never see its like again.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll fight them to the point of ejaculation – the worst defeat a man can know!

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