Fucking Day: Sex Technique for Husband and Wife

Yes hello well their telling me i got a bulged disc so right now i’m writing this one in a laydown bed position, but even though its sort of a infirm situation maybe you can pretend its a seductial positionin and instead of a minecraft microfiber blanket its like a red silk microfiber blanket draped over my pantsless form because today is a effword day but also one of repentance:

You see I take somewhat pride in tryin to entertain, yes but with ethical in mind. And i feel in my sexual writins for this outfit i maybe have fallin down a bit in that regard and propagandhi’d some bedroom myths and false hoods. So today i have indevoured to find a sciencing source about what we do under covers and over hide-a-beds and one time on a real pretty mossy log we found by a swimming hole. So we’re not burdened by urbane legends and playground tall-tales in our questin for pleasure either solo or duo or as a teamsport.

I know they say dont do this but i feel like you can do some judgement by its cover here and know that this one is not writing for tittielization but for Sober Education look at who wrote it:

And his author promise to us:

Now some of you have maybe observed that this book is somewhat old-timey in nature and even the title tells us that this was written in a before time when we thought humans were as black and white as our televisions we had back then!

Hm thats a pretty good metaphor I created lets keep it going: as our home entertainment screens developed into more and more colors and sizes and confederations didn’t also our understandins of a human and their sexality? For most people anyway, some people seem to still get real mad if you say you don’t just have to watch everything in black and white.

Anyway as a public service (non-court-ordered) to help connect this book with our own modern times and lives I will provide us some Reflection and Discussion Within Yourself Questions to accompany Dr. Podolskys advice and wisdom.

First off we gotta learn about our parts here is some info about the pebis.

Well if its so uncommon then why did we have to throw that “9 inches” in there thats not really helping anybody who needs it now is it?

And now the vulvum and her cousins, this time in illustration:

True or False: it is pretty fun that they used Fletcher Hank type lettering for the illustrations.

Doesn’t that make it look like menstruation is a fun sci-fi adventure?

If you said false: but what if you put a exclamation point after follicle?

Answer: True.

And now we learn about how the “sex instinct” grows within us all:

Do you like to think that when your kissing a partner thats like a breast-feeding baby? Is it more or less upsetting than if you think about it the other way around? Do you think sharing this with your kissin partner will help or just make you both feel weird for a while? Why did you do it anyway?

Well that sounds like some interestin material please share your favorite proverb about southern country passion in the comments.

And now a bunch about how important are our sex hormoans:

Do they really call baby rats squabs? Hell I might be tempted to pop a couple in my mouth cuz that is just a yummy soundin word. Squab nuggets. Popcorn Squab. That one’s perty good.

How much do you regret that you didn’t know the word eunuchoidism in middle school thats one of those words i bet if you said it to a bully he would shut up and leave just like in the movies?

Well that is just another good word i heard nymphomania before (there was that movie where they were all naked but it was somehow the opposite of erotic) but not that other one. For discussion share your favorite sater from history or fictional with the group and describe his permenant erection (remember saters have goat legs, not deer ones so Mister Tumnus need not apply)

Ok it is also important to learn about veneareel diseases he says a bad one is goneoreyah because look what it does:

Is this the first time you have seen the word lips to describe a pee-hole? How about meatus that sounds like what youd call Meat Loaf if you were good enough freinds to be a lil cute?

Can you say “lips of the meatus” without gigglin? You can!? What if you ‘magine the tiny chapstick one might use to treat chapped meatus lips?

Now what in hell is he talking about now with bathing suits?

Huh well for ours we stayed in a pretty nice place and were real hungry after the hubbub so we ordered Domino’s and after we got it from the delivery guy we ran gigglin out of the elevator cause of a fart LaRene laid in there and I guess thats actually pretty representational of how things have been since, agree or disagree?

Well yeah, do you really think one Domino’s is gonna satisfy two adults?

Tag yourself im Mahoment cause that one lines up nicest with the moon cycle. Try it yourself and compare the folsom celebration of full moon lovin with the fearful defiants of mortality when you do it under the no moon.

Well there he goes given mouths to everything again why didn’t he say lips of the penis this time it was right there and honestly kinda sweet to think about.

Well we know communication is important so next tme your goin at it with your pard try askin em things like “Would you say your breathing right now has a panting character?” and “On a scale of 1-10 how bright-eyed am I? … How bout now?” to enhance the passion of the moment.

Yes if yr a woman touchin yrself and it feels good you should know thats the abnormal route so stop that and only use the normal one and dont even think about trying to sneak a lil abnormal in on a normal encounter that will only end in tears.

Yes i have run into that third type myself in person the guy sellin inflatable hot tubs out of the old fred meyers parking lot seemed pretty friendly but for example True or False: do you think its very ethical not to disclose that you have to heat the water yourself?

Yes i know those of us who have had the bad UTIs have probably felt like we needed a wire brush up there but just remember: if it doesn’t touch these lips (gesture to face lips), it shouldn’t touch those lips (gesture to pee lips).

And now we have a whole chapter about cents and sex

What is your favorite sexual odor? If you could choose to sexualate any smell from a gas station deli (eg, Maverick Bonfire Grill) what would you choose? What sauce to go with that (includes 2, 50c for extras)?

What is a example of “jeanjata” from your own culture where if you waft it around with your BO it will excite your friends and neighbours?

Yes birth control should ONLY be available to them as what are prepared for it to fail. Wait is that right? Or maybe: Yes the pill is a MENISS cause of how it protects unentitleds from pregnantry? I dont quite get this one we must trust the superior logic of the medical professional i guess.

Ok now we have a series of advice that are less amatonical in nature, maybe not the parts you would bookmark and read laughing with your friends on the bus but you know what a lasting relationship is sometimes just good honest work and don’t forget most importantly that these ones are also SCIENTIFIC.

Theres just lots of good ones in here I am trying in my own life like when LaRene asked me did i dethaw the chicken like she asked I had to sadly and wisely explain that preheatings and defrostings are by their nature pre-dinner favors (No. 4) that i cannot entertain and please don’t touch my empty coors banquet bottles (No 8.) cause i might get into home-brewing one day and when i fill all the bird feeders would it hurt to be a little more bright-eyed (No.10) and in return I am trying to be open to her feedbacks about:

Like when she was talking to Brenda and said that the good army surplus is about 20 miles up the old highway I didnt even correct her (no. 2) and say how many minutes that is and Yes we had some bad times when i was teachin LaRene how to run the lawn tractor when my back went out cuz she was sittin there next to me sayin “I think I got it its not that hard” so much that I got upset and put us in the ditch so I (No .4) hired the Murdock boy to show her how in exchange for he got to drive it to the church opening social that night as long as he brought it back with a full tank which he did the Murdocks have always been reliable.

But I will say not all of these is for modern times, like I showed her no. 8 about sorry you have no financial rights anymore and we had a pretty good laugh on that one.

Oh but I guess Podolsky has some more Strong Resilience Marriage tips ok let’s look

Hm well i will say this is starting to feel pretty specific and maybe personal and I dont see many science sightashuns for these ones but let’s keep going

Okay hm okay now we’re getting very particular and some of these are are a little petty like No.2: maybe it took a while but now when LaRene tells the story about when Mark Benton and I found that free boat but we broke the truck window gettin it down the river and then it didn’t float real good so we tried to sink it with rocks and then here comes the sherifs office callin bout “obstruckin a navigateable waterway” well thats kinda fun for me to laugh at that one now to.

What’s next oh

Alright alright Dr. Ed you parently had some marriage stuff on your mind you wanted to get out but thats probably enough criteeking wifes let’s take a look at the next part where you spend equal time explaining how husbands can be a pain and what they should do instead:

Oh I guess he didn’t write that part. Welp in the name of jesus christ amen.

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