Hot Dog Appreciation Day: How to Kiss Bigfoot

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we karaoke duet all eight minutes of Meat Loaf’s “I’d Do Anything For Love” except we don’t sing the “(But I Won’t Do That)” parts.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where there’s just something special about breakin’ the seal on a brand new Porta-john, you know?

Trayton is a child after our own heart. Maybe literally.

In Brockway’s “WikiHow to Live Like a Vulcan,” a lunatic advised us to think of a closet instead of laughing. Sissyneck may have accidentally found his ‘Donkey eating figs’ moment.

Now let’s move on to the Comments where Devin Brewer isn’t done with Sissyneck Corner.

You know the internet is healing when the novelty comment accounts begin spawning again. Nicolas Cage Facts is so close to getting a Nicolas Cage Corner, which is of course a castle filled with dinosaur bones.

It seems like it might be Yeyo’s first day on 1900HOTDOG, luckily Daphne Lawless is here with a grammar lesson.

The Parallel Viewmaster can see that Lydia Bugg needs help, and we here at 1900HOTDOG agree – but she’s so god damn fast.

Pee-Wee’s Uncle has goals and aspirations.

Lydia Bugg wrote about the dangers of masked children, which is like saying the name of the devil. Rosstifer and Matt correctly foresaw her fate like fuckin’ Zoltar.

Hepatitis Mike knows how to party, Hepatitis style.

Sean has an intelligent theory about Jason Pargin and Seanbaby’s attraction to obscure hate groups. Like all intelligent theories, it’s actually a trap to rob rubes who listen to shit like “intelligent theories” instead of heavy metal.

Everytime Seanbaby writes about a romance book, it ends up being a secret Godek project. FancyShark understands Seanbaby’s complicated relationship with Godek so well there’s a non-zero chance he’s actually Godek, too.

This might be legally actionable, but: 1900HOTDOG fully supports Katherine’s plan.

Now on to the Discord, where Mo has a very creative mind, we’d just like to see him turn that creativity to his hotdogwork.

Cyberzone knows there’s only one thing you can swear by in this topsy-turvy ol’ world, and it’s that Seababy never lies to you.

The entire community recognizes that Lydia Bugg’s Garfield obsession is entering a dangerous place, we’re just not sure how to help her because, as we’ve covered, it’s not even that she’s fast – she is – it’s her cornering power that makes her so god damn wily.

Now that robots have slam dunked the Turing Test into the garbage, Rob and Adrienne have invented a new robot detector: We all know that any human would let you kiss bigfoot, but would a machine?

Rob figured out what was really going on: The robots just want that Bigfoot action for themselves.

One thing we’re very proud of here at 1900HOTDOG are our amateur garbage detectives. Never content to leave the fresh, warm trash we serve up alone, somebody is always willing to dive into it and swim through the sludge to find the truth. ProseAndKahn did it for Balloonatiks.

While BorsukKumpelRyb, named like a fairy’s trick, stormed into the Discord one day to tell us they had the perfect combination of language skills and trash expertise to solve the mystery of Mario Corelli: the Hot Dog-verse’s most brain damaged author.

There’s… there’s clearly no beating that. BorsukKumpelRyb even did the Columbo “just one more thing” before solving Mario Corelli like a story problem for helmetless motorcycle accidents. We know the only thing BorsukKumpelRyb really wants is for us to type his name backwards and free him from his eternal prison, but who would ever write the word byRlepmuKkusroB? They’ll just have to make do with winning the picture of Grace Jones where she looks like a sexualized Raiden.

The Indistinguishable Wad thought it would be super funny to give her red piping like she’s an interior upgrade on a Challenger Hellcat but oh holy shit that was in the original too!

Thanks for protecting our lady, The Indistinguishable Wad!

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll send our ace garbage detectives to plumb the very depths of their life and unearth only their weirdest and most trivial secrets.

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