Fucking Day: How to Meet, Date, and Marry Your Filipina Wife

How would you like to turn your average to below-average salary into an age-inappropriate foreign woman? Wait, before you say yes, are you a loner with troublingly specific tastes? Wait, wait, before you say yes, do you consider it reasonable that God built the entire universe to get us to this exact moment where you are buying a girl online? Then my creep in Christ, have I got the book for you!

How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Filipina Wife (2016), $6.95, is a book for men who can't find love and only like one race of women. In other words, the best kind of men. It was written by Peter Christopher, owner of a website called Christian Filipina, which might make it sound like this book is a commercial for a dating site, because it is. I think the creative process here was Peter calling Office Depot and asking if they can print from the world wide web, even if it's sort of for sex slavery?

Chapter One is called "Good Guys Deserve Good Girls," and every woman reading this just had the hairs on her neck stand up. This is not a good slogan. This is what you tell mall security when they ask you why you're following women to their cars. I could be wrong, but in my estimation it is not safe to tell desperate men they deserve their own Filipina, by authority of The Lord, Our God.

The rest of the first chapter is like this-- part sales pitch, part pep talk. It's a dating site ad for Christians wealthy enough to lift a woman and her family out of poverty, but listen, it's fine if you're not really either of those things. Peter Christopher will take your money if you're "good enough." They even call you that. You're a Good Enough Guy. Let's take a look at what standards elevate you to that level.

This starts off in the realm of cute sanity. You don't have to be a movie star or a professional athlete to apply for a mail-order bride. Honestly, it'd be sort of weird if you were. If Leonardo DiCaprio wanted to date a Filipina wife, he wouldn't use a website. He'd ask his housekeeper if she had any granddaughters. But back to what I was saying, the Good Enough Guy qualifications fall off hard. Peter says you don't need a Twitter account!? "Or be a powerful presence on Facebook!?" What the shit is he talking about? Those aren't even jobs. This Boomer idiot just spent a paragraph debunking the myth that only pro bowlers and Facebook power users deserve women. That's like saying you don't need to be a unionized magician to fuck a watermelon in Cincinnati. No one thought you did, Peter! But the law is on the books for a reason!

Peter continues, really driving home the point: all you have to do is not be a total piece of shit. But let him be clear: it's fine if you are. Furthermore, he's not done reassuring you.

Maybe it's because this book is for a specific race and religion to buy women from a specific race and religion, but I don't trust all this reassurance. This definitely feels more like salesmanship than the spirit of brotherhood. Let's skip past all this stuff about me not needing a job or a faith or a TikTok to see if Peter says anything about his business model.

Okay, so this is a "ministry?" It's not a for-profit dating app? How nice! So if I went to Peter's website and found predatory membership fees, that would make him a stupid liar, right? Like, a third-world panties salesman masquerading as a Christian philanthropist?

Ha ha, the arbiter of The Good Enough Guy Standard charges incels $1200 a year to talk to pen pals in Jesus Christ's name.

As a reader, and Good Enough Guy, I think I have a good idea of what the author expects of me. A not insignificant amount of money and nothing else. Let's move on to Chapter Two: "What Works-- A Model For Success."

It turns out "What Works" is six pages of what doesn't work. Peter lists some of the grifts common in his line of work and what to do after they happen. For instance, if a woman you're courting steals your money, there are two things you can do. The first is "chalk it up to experience," and the second is "learn from the mistake and move on." I'm not saying I have a better solution, but I find it suspicious the guy running a dating site tells us multiple times their policy on sex worker fraud is "tough luck, pervert, Amen."

There are some great tips in this section like how to not send money to women you haven't met and how to go fuck yourself after you do. Peter Christopher wants you to know there are a lot of revenue streams involving the full balls of unloved men, and not all of them are ethical. You can't trust anyone. Except him, and his stable of good-to-go developing nation ladies you can DM now for $99.47 a month.

This is going to sound crazy, but we've already gotten through about half of this 145-page book's content. A huge amount of it is American-on-Filipina erotic testimonials like this one from Prentice and Maria Worley:

I might have oversold this. These are not passionate tales of soulmates finding each other. They all start the same: "These two people were using an online dating site for exactly this purpose and it didn't work out. Then it didn't work again. However, the next time it didn't work. Finally, this story happened where they agreed this joyless imitation of love was better than dying alone."

Even if this wasn't a literal advertisement for a matchmaking service, this would be a sad way to spin a couple's backstory. Did they need to include how Prentice's sons rejected Maria for not being their dead mother? Who is that for? Did they run this by anyone with a sense of romance? He was a widower browsing the Internet for a new child bride. She was a cleaning lady who couldn't fuck. Despite having no way to communicate, it did not go as smoothly as you might expect. That's not a love story! That's how you answer the question, "Where did you get two bottles of Lexapro?"

According to Peter, the couple's problems "did not magically disappear," which is an almost passive aggressive choice of words when used alongside the magical being who "graced their union." And in the spirit of all the great love stories, their families "accepted the reality" of their marriage. The nicest things they can say about each other are "she's fine with non-poverty" and "I like how he gives me non-poverty." And va va voom, the sparks fly as the people around them tolerate their obvious financial arrangement. And let's try not to judge anyone for that. In this harsh world, a woman might have to choose between starvation and a creep. My main criticism is this: what is this selling and who is it selling it to? Because if the intended audience is looking for mutual respect and passion, there's no fucking way Prentice and Maria's story moves any Christian Filipina memberships. This might as well say, "For only $3.31 a day, we'll ask women if you are more appealing than death."

Let's read about another success story! Here's Randall and Anelyn Bergerud:

Oh. This is another one where a Filipina woman and a much older man kept going on dating websites until they reached agreeable terms. This may come as a shock to you, but most of the stories are like this. It's wild how they don't even try to lie. The hottest Christian Filipina hookup story is one where the man adds a heart emoji to a Venmo memo line. An explosive Christian Filipina testimonial is her gushing how they share similar taste in dog breeds. "He is adequate to the alternative of my hunger and untreated ulcer, but this can't be what God had in mind when he made genitals," says another happy customer!

Let's see another story from the chapter called "Success."

"Age is truly just a number" says the author of a book about buying young ladies, keeping the coolness streak alive for the phrase "age is just a number." A whirlwind romance like Mark and Claire's doesn't give a shit about your numbers. If you have a problem with raw, pure love stories, stop reading now. For everyone else, let's get it hot in here. The saga started when Mark and Claire were unsuccessful at online dating and didn't like each other, but after some time, each gave up on any other prospects. Not even their own pastor, urging them "several times" to reconsider, could keep them from each other. Their love burned so bright there was barely time to devote 20% of their story to a paperwork mixup that delayed their wedding by a day! Steamy.

Now that he's shown you success stories from his diverse clientele of elderly losers and stolid women, Peter devotes a chapter to testimonials in the other direction. In the chapter "Swimming with Sharks" he shares stories he found on Google about men who lost everything chasing the allure of poverty babes.

I love this story because this "Good Guy" was corresponding with a sex worker and then flew to her town, and even in his own telling of it this cranky fuck can't bring himself to say the words "she asked me to do this." This is like telling an intercom, "Hi, you served me earlier at Hooters! I got the chili dog? Anyway, I'm outside, buzz me in."

So then, after making it clear he's the dumbest dumbshit to ever fall in love with his phone sex operator, he explains the series of clues he followed to slowly learn "Katya" wasn't who she claimed to be, the thing everyone knew the moment he said, "I spent a huge amount of money in order to exchange letters." And what a champion of self-awareness to think we needed his wisdom at the end there. Oh, should we not drop in on the secretive Russian model we pay for emails? Fucking thanks for the tip, pal. This is the kind of guy who would crawl out of a chemical toilet to announce, "Word of advice? Don't believe every leprechaun in a chemical toilet story you hear. Take it from me, most of them are liars. If not all. I'm starting to think these F***ERS AREN'T EVEN HIDING TREASURE."

This Good Enough Guy hedged his bets by buying emails from several Ukrainian sex workers and then dropping in to visit them all at once. It turns out most of them not only didn't like him, they didn't exist! And the ones who did wanted money! For services tacitly agreed upon!? Not on his watch. This Good Enough Guy did not spend $4000 to see some trash architecture and buy stuffed cabbage for his catfishers. Internet Crime Complaint Center, please refund him $2160! He overpaid for his prostitute's taxi!

Jesus fuck, we are seven chapters into this book. It might be time to figure out why we've singled these women out by race. After all, in the author's own words, he never considered dating an Asian until the very moment he had a shot with one. But is there more to a woman than being bangable and available? I know what my boner would say, but let's hear from Peter.

What Peter is dancing around, clumsily, almost brashly, is how the Philippines is a country of impoverished, inexperienced lovers. They will gasp at the majesty of your struggling Dayton feed store and your limp dick game will be seen not as a dealbreaker, but another of life's hardships they can endure. Speaking of white supremacy, it is so baked into our culture that most American readers have not yet considered how terrifying this book would be in the hands of anyone else. Try to imagine being a Filipina woman, opening this book, and learning your economy was a turn-on for horny Methodists. Sleep well knowing there is an entire industry based around hunting you for your indigence and chastity.

Anyway, there's a section here where we get a feeling for Peter's actual expertise. He has successfully dated at least one woman from the Philippines to completion, and he shares some of the tricks he picked up:

Don't give your first date anything more than a plus 2, and make sure to tell her you might be taking her out for "nothing at all." This racist piece of shit has spent 50 pages making it clear this scheme is for losers hoping to score sexy, destitute babes using only money and Christian values, and now he's advising us to take her and her sister out for a cup of fuck all? And then what? Hope they go home and tell the rest of the family, "The old man from America made us buy the fruit shakes and the only Tagalog he spoke was  'ma'am, wet foot penetration?' And he absolutely knew what it meant. Hey, this story is pretty romantic. Let's write it down for our Christian Filipina testimonial."

Again, I want to point out the whites are not the only people with access to this book, Peter. Your fucking FIlipina wife's family is going to see this. Do you think they'll know you're talking about them when you refer to your wife's family "milking you of your assets," Peter? When you complain about having to accept them, are you counting on them being too poor to have feelings? Holy shit, no really. Peter, are you counting on them being too poor to have feelings!?

This is incredible. I lived through Gamergate, and this is the most incel thing I've ever seen. Peter's advice, where everyone can read it, is to open by asking how many times you need to beg for it before she says yes. This is already catastrophic. Your dick will rot off before this works, but here's the worst part: he thinks her answer will tell you something! As if a woman would hear this question, think about it, and come up with an honest answer. "Why, I've never considered it, but I suppose I would give myself to any man who told me he loved me nine times. Nay, ten. I am no whore, sir. I trust you to not use this, my only weakness, against me." Madness. The insane words of a man who got laid once after rescuing a woman from deprivation of all basic human needs and has been trying to recreate it ever since.

Aww, it's sort of adorable when he tries to be wise. He thinks emotional withdrawal is a trait used exclusively by Filipina women. This lady expert is going to get his entire mind blown if he ever fucks a second person.

I'm not sure how it works with white ladies, but the way Peter says to deal with the exotic Filipina state of "tampo" is to leave her alone for a few days and then stick it in her.

I think it's time to move on to some surveys. Peter polled about 300 Christian Filipina users to get this data, so it's a small data set from a very weird community, but I think there are still things we can learn from them.

As you can see, this poll shows 6.38% of male users have never kissed a girl. Kissed. And over 73% of them, on a poll where it would be so easy to lie, have kissed fewer than 11. I'm aware I've led a more romantically adventurous life than the average Christian Filipina user, but those are middle school numbers. Yet here in this community of the grotesquely unfucked, almost 50% of them imagine that if they ever do become a boyfriend, they want to be the kind who polices their partner's social media. Let your hypothetical wives breathe, loverboys.

The numbers are even more grim on the ladies' side. I don't know if you can trust these figures, though. I can't imagine the social pressure there must be for a woman taking Christian Filipina survey to list her mouth as a virgin. But shout out to the exactly three Filipina women who told this dating site they knew how to fuck.

But let's forget about everyone's past. It's the future we are looking toward. So here's a survey about what kind of people the site's men would consider dating:

Okay, what the fuck. On this website to find Christian Filipinas, FIVE PERCENT OF USERS WOULD NOT CONSIDER A RELATIONSHIP WITH A FILIPINO PERSON. And literally 68.71% of them would not date a black woman. Like 7 out of 10 of these Christian men were asked about dating black women and they went on the record as "I would not consider it." I don't know if I've ever had a piece of media so clearly demonstrate it was for monsters, unequivocally. I mean, I had already figured out this book was for racist incels to buy child brides, but here they are freely admitting, "We are racist incels trying to buy child brides, in Jesus Christ's name, Amen."

Once again, things don't look much better on the ladies' side. These horny Christian babes only want one thing, and it is one of those sexy Whites. One out of six of them would consider dating a black man, the same number who would consider dating a married man. So it's not great. The women were not even asked about their partner's age, because come on. This whole thing is the illusion of choice before they are told to meet their new retired Toledo janitor at the airport.

The last 40 pages of How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Filipina Wife are a list of phone numbers and websites for reporting crimes in countries near the Philippines. This is an Over $200 Value according to the cover. I'm not sure I agree, but it seems like a better deal than you'd get from most human traffickers. I'm kidding, of course. It's light human trafficking at worst, and Peter Christopher is a Godly man who "has been highlighted by the BBC for fighting fraud in the online dating industry." I promise I'm not setting up a bit when I say he's probably not the kind of person who would kidnap his own daughter and commit passport fraud to smuggle her into another country.

It's crazy to me that the author who spent most of his human trafficking book telling people how to not get tricked got arrested for human trafficking and his defense was "they tricked me." That's a real bummer you got tricked, Peter Christopher. But in the words of the great Filipina woman expert, Peter Christopher, if you get tricked, "chalk it up to experience" and also "learn from the mistake and move on."

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