Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Rise of the Robots

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we superglued our hands together so we’d always be high-fiving.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where Hardee’s most valuable customer is learning to say “yes, and…” to the universe.

Now let’s move on to the Comments! Everyone took a psychic hit from Anime Week, but Daniel recognizes the real heroes.

(Real heroes watched the dog-fucking anime.)

Pretty sure Joshua Graves said this about Anime Week, but honestly it’s an evergreen Hot Dog Statement.

Chauggle’s shows have a two-drink minimum but there’s no cover, and he really knows how to work the room-

FancyShark has a compelling lead on The Miller Killer:

Joe read Seanbaby’s article on furry gun rights, and now he knows what really goes on in those meetings.

Sissyneck wrote an article about a movie called The Pump and it is astonishing, simply astonishing that LyraV and Matt Edwards were the only ones to do this:

Josh, you should know that Lydia is also a professional romance writer. When she says you’re on to something, it means write that shit.

We don’t know about a hundred bucks, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, but if you put this ad in the back of a Rex the Wonder-Dog you could have all of our Rex’s Official Dog Pound Doggie Dollars™. Fuck the real working submarine, we know value when we see it.

If you need to track down a reality TV game show that destroyed human lives, this is the right community for you. Just ask Thomm. Be prepared for the answer, though.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

Comedy ape says some problematic things, but it’s still got two Netflix specials and a spot on Joe Rogan.

Slam Poetry Ape is here to do two things: Steal your girl and slap them skins. It might also play bongos if there’s time.

Pilot Ape remembers the Golden Age of Flight, when planes were reserved for upper class aristocrapes.

Cooking Ape needs to get this four-top plated and missed its last smoke break so forgive it if it doesn’t laugh at your fucking Bananas Foster joke.

Roadie Ape can get you backstage, but what are you gonna do for it?

Now on to the Discord, who did not survive Anime Week unscathed either…

Fatamatician and Mo have successfully taught robots to Hot Dog. God help us all.

Adrienne spotted a new kind of wild Raul Julia, and yet somehow naming rights went to Manyxe. Ain’t science a bitch?

Hot Dog personality quiz!

If you had to fight a founding father’s angelic warmech, what would your evil beast be, and which two incongruous historical characters would psychically pilot it?

It was a group effort coming up with the new site mascot. It was also a group effort to ruin the new site mascot.

Hopefully you like every article we put out, but sometimes one comes along that just hacks your collective brains and you wind up sitting in a White Castle half a day later with lost time. Such was the case with Seanbaby’s 101 Hamburger Jokes.

Josh became suicidal one day and decided to make the Chili Con Cookies from Traxx – the only cookies that specifically murdered a man! Somehow he not only survives, but thrives…

Clementine and Fatamatician couldn’t get a Genital Boxing Visa approved, so they just started their own Dick Fight Island.

Gellaho owns half of the Hot Dog related internet already, it was no problem to give this new nation a home.

Head on over here to see who rules Hot Dog Dick Fight Island – the only Dick Fight Island with more Dick Fighting than Dick Fight Island!

Literatejosh’s entire existence is a savage burn on Josh, but that wasn’t enough to fill a life. He also designed an interactive Barbarian Brothers Twitter Bot to do Automated fashion checks. Help it out with input here:

And then get your robot-enhanced beefy twin lunatic fierce fashion tips here:

Brett Ellefson makes the best fanart we’re too disturbed to show anybody (you guys don’t count).

Brockway always said he’d retire the day the internet started making porn of him. So it’s too bad he doesn’t have any savings, because that Turbo Teen one is hot as fuck.

Now we are faced with an impossible choice: How do we announce a winner this time, when everyone went so far above and beyond the Hot Dog Call? When people gambled their colons on Traxx cookies? When people gambled other people’s colons in elaborate Dick Fighting Contests? When one of our fans helped canonically establish that Brockway Turbo Teens into a PT Cruiser when horny? That’s important lore! Somebody trained a robot to understand the Barbarian Brothers – single handedly staving off the AI Apocalypse!

And the answer is… we don’t pick a winner.

Today, we are all losers. With the Keith David kneepads off and its power unsealed, not even noble Capt. was enough to stop Princebot 1999 from escaping into a world that was woefully unready for it:

Remember: If you see a cybernetic Prince Portrait wielding sex toys as weapons, don’t run.

It won’t save your life or anything, it’s just best not to prolong the hunt.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll sprinkle used panties into an ankh formation and trick the suckers into a Princebot Lure.

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