Depression, suicide, and the future

Hi. This isnt the most appropriate place to post this, but I wanted to write this as a update on me in general.

As some of you might know, I am a resident of - a certain large country in Asia. A gloomy place, that you have to be here to feel it. I've come to be thoroughly disillusioned about anything in this country changing for the better or any future that is worth living in this hellhole, all of that dream is gone after the disastrous past decade that dashed away any hopes of democracy, free speech or personal security if you do not fall in line and become a slave to the neverending torment.

Ever since the 2020 covid outbreak, the country has basically been under martial law, people have been caged in their homes without supplies to food, burned to death because they were locked inside for covid quarantines - a practice that the goverment uses as an excuse to essentially keep its residents on their leash. The internet has been the only thing I've been able to hang on to that still protects my sanity. 

And as the third year of covid is coming to an end, I've been feeling increasingly unsatisfied with what I've been subjugated to, a life that feels like a prison, simply because I was born here. I have worked hard enough to afford a decent living, but that has not stopped the constant thoughts of anxiety and depression. The idea of suicide constantly pops into my head as some type of easy solution, which I'm self aware enough to realize is absurd - not because the idea of suicide itself is to be taken lightly, but because I have a living situation that is decent and worth living, if I lived anywhere else on this planet.

Everyday of living in this country feels like undergoing constant assault and battery on my mental health. People are poor and desperate for money because the goverment has done nothing but leeched away their wealth and by extension - their future, and to think we just let them take it away from us - it fills me with rage. And at this point, any hope of justice has been grinded to dust by the abuse of power.

I started this patreon page as an escape from reality and a hobby, and it has grown to be a source that helps me save up to leave my situation. I am not there yet, but I cannot express enough how grateful I am to every single person that supported me in one way or another. I cannot imagine what type of life I would be living if I never started this, and I do not want to think about what would have happened. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all. I would not be here without you.