Drama

TW: suicide thoughts.  

Hello everybody

I have been trying to write this all out for months now, I needed to be ready first to process everything so here's an update of what has been going on lately in my life.  

So I already told you in March my mom's rental closed and she's short 480 dollars monthly. We took pictures and I drew some simple blueprints to show around, we're sure that once COVID is over things will get better because is well placed downtown.

We have been getting by but she's really anxious about not having enough money, is not the case yet, but things got more complicated than that.

Now for the family drama... I've always clashed with my dad because he's a fucking idiot and my mom is way too pure to defend herself from his stupidity.  Imagine a mexican version or a trump supporter. yeah.  He drinks chlorine swearing that will save him from getting covid, which he got anyway and said that it would've been worse if it wasn't for that xD

Thankfully I put my foot down and locked him in his room for two weeks until he got out of it. While my mom had to bring him food and stuff and tend to him -_-

Remember I moved to a different city a few years ago?  While I was gone, during those 2 years, my mom started wilting away in sadness because of the way my dad and sister treated her, ignoring her, shushing her, censoring her, etc etc. 

I called her asking what they were planning for her birthday and she said very saddened that they had nothing in mind. That night I traveled 8 hours to be with her in the morning.  She was very happy, obviously not expecting anyone to do anything special for her.   

By the end of the second year my cousin calls me and asks me I should consider returning home for real because my mom was very depressed, stuck alone at home while these idiots left all day leaving her with no car to move around.

So of course I come back furious as fuck, raging mad because HOW DARE THEY, and my mom confesses me she had been having suicide thoughts and was googling how to use rat poison because she "was done" and "no one needed her anymore"  

I GOT SO FUCKING ANGRY, SO FUCKING MAD, AND I STARTED ARGUING AND YELLING AT EVERY REASON THIS MYSOGINISTIC P.O.S. GAVE ME, like not cleaning up after himself, feeding himself, yaddah yaddah fucking parasite.

Things escalated, of course. He started treating my mom even worse and one time he humiliated her in a family reunion I didn't go to, she asked him for the car keys to leave and he didn't give them to her, but that didn't stop her and she simply turned around and left walking home.  He tried to catch up with her or find her but it wasn't until she was a few blocks away that I saw her. While she was missing he called me saying "there was a problem" and that she had left and turned off her phone. I was so scared and angry and ever since then I started straight out cursing him and calling him all sorts of things which I haven't before (to his face), he put my mom at risk walking alone at night in December 2019 and I privately declared war on him.  Every chance I got I called out his bullshit, no matter what it was. He was not going to live here peacefully after all that he had done.    

Eventually my mom got mad once because he's a fucking hoarder and is hard to walk around some parts of the house and she hit herself with something, and that's when he said "He wanted to leave"   

Well this stupid asshole said that and depressed my mom even further. She's an abuse victim survivor, by her own narcissistic mother, so it was really hard for her to do something about it.    

I tried to push her into making him leave but she didn't want to do anything, expecting things to solve themselves or give him time to leave on his own terms (While she still cooked/cleaned/tended to him and his needs!) still thinking about him poor thing "has nowhere to go". But he had somewhere to go, he's a hoarder, he had bought another hoarder's house to fix it. The next door's house was in the same state but they were smart enough to destroy it and rebuild it, because fixing a house in shambles is a never ending project.   

You can imagine my frustration when the fucking pandemic started and we were stuck together ARGGGHHH  "I told you to get rid of him in time!" I kept telling my mom.  

2 fucking years passed since he said he'd go, and at every chance I got I reminded him of that.  To leave, to GTFO, that he had said so and regretted it or what? He has never apologized, for this or anything he had done before, to me, to my mom, or even other members of the family.  Because I exploded and told him this is nothing new, that he has been a horrible father, and I was yelling and crying opening my heart to him, I told my mom to let me tell him about the poison thing and he dismissed it!!! That's when I knew this had absolutely no way to get better anymore and stopped trying altogether.

I had to start therapy during the lockdown because I was going crazy, I spent more than 10,000 pesos in it (which is a lot over here) JUST to try and do something to deal with this shit.  Because him being the stupid asshole he is, drinking chlorine and shit, kept getting out of the house for stupid "errands", instead of waiting to do them all one day a month like I did for safety, he'd go to buy ONE stupid thing that was "very urgent" only to get out of the house. I had to stay on top of everything every day because I couldn't trust his judgement.  

NO ONE LIKES TO BE STUCK AT HOME YOU IDIOT, but I did it to protect my mom's life, so I kept telling her he was putting us at risk.    

Once he brought another stupid chlorine drinker home and they were maskless in our kitchen, talking for over an hour and I was like a headless chicken in anxiety because WHAT THE FUCKKKKK, so Zani did what Zani does best, a fucking telenovela scene to kick out the fucking pendejo and make sure he never brought anyone else, which he didn't.

Finally they got their first dose and I was so happy and relieved! I cried rivers in thankfulness, happy because they only had to stay home 2 more months for the second Astra Zeneca dose and I thought I could relax and stop thinking my mom could die any day.

But noooo, another part of my family that is also very stupid did a fucking quinceañera party and he went only to deliver a gift... which was a lie because he stayed for a long long time, took off his mask to take pictures and lied about it, but I saw the pics and caught him on it.

I really thought I could be in peace but it was clear I couldn't trust him anymore, but my mom still treated him like nothing happened, talking to him, joking, cooking, washing, cleaning for him...

Last month another part of my family did a fucking wedding but with big party and all the sorts involved and I was like WTF no one is going!!!  But this idiot wanted to go, and I was about to pull all my hair out or something in frustration, even thinking on taking the car keys, or park one in front of the other and take those keys so he couldn't leave, anything.  The time comes for mass and I don't see him leaving and I thought he fell asleep or something when my mom tells me he intended to go to the party, not to the mass and I'm like WTF?!?!?!?! She insisted she would stay away from him 2 weeks in case he gets sick and I was so pissed, so angry, why would SHE stay away from him in her own house, when he's the one doing stupid shit?!

I broke down, again.

Feeling like I'm the only idiot locked down, while family and friends pretend nothing had happened, when we lost 2 family members due covid, people really really acting like nothing is wrong, and I feel not like I'm swimming against the current but up a waterfall, and she once more asks him to please not go because I'm almost going nuts... and he says he's leaving.  

So 26 fucking months after he said he'd leave, he does. He asks my mom for luggage to pack, and she gives it to him to start taking the tons of clothes (new ones with tags included too) and who knows what else.  

I really couldn't believe it at first, after so long he finally leaves, and prefers to leave than apologize or try to acknowledge anything we have been telling him for years.   

My mom is very sad.  She loves him despite everything, because of those stupid beliefs about marriage till death do us part and all that bullshit. She knows he's not coming back, and that this process is going to be difficult because well, he's a fucking hoarder.

It's going to take forever until he's done taking all his shit, but in the meantime I am finally at peace.

My mom got her second dose and I was like yay! But nothing compared to the amount of crying of the first dose because I was SO RELIEVED that she was a bit safer than before. But now that this imbecile is no longer risking her, I felt relief yes but not like before.  She'll be free to leave the house in 11 days so she can go and visit her friends, go anywhere, do the groceries herself, anything she wants.

Along with this, the stupid idiot has not said anything regardless money. He was so mad at me he's willing to mess with my mom along "since I feel so powerful I should be the one in charge of everything."

Just until a couple days ago they were talking a bit about it and my mom is still like "He has a lot of expenses" considering him and I'm like FUCK HIM YOU DESERVE HALF OF ALL THE MONEY.  So yeah.  That's why it's been slow between posts and paused the merch and stuff, I've been trying to deal with all of this and support my mom any way I can, I know is a process and she's pretty much mourning.   

Forgot to mention I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks due depression when I stopped enjoying everything I used to from life.
I couldn't put the food in my mouth even being the yummy plate in front of me.

I am eating well again.

My sister hates me of course, she loves my dad and I'm the horrible feminazi that ruined the family aaaaaa but I don't give a fuck.    

My only concern in this life is my mom and her happiness. 

I will do ANYTHING for her. ANYTHING.     

I'm not saying all of this to raise my prices again since this is a developing situation, I don't know yet how things are going to be, this is a big house and I have savings that I collected for months, I know we're going to be okay without him ruining everything and rubbing his paranoia and stupidity on us, but I just wanted to let you know all that has been going on, thank you so much for reading. 

Commissions are always open and you'd help me a lot by buying.  If you have any question or you want more chisme (gossip) you can ask me. I couldn't write my entire life here haha 

PS: It feels so good to get all of this out of my chest