ATOMIX; Chapter 04: Talk at the Table

Hello my dear Patron family, here's chapter Four of ATOMIX. I hope you like it!

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"I am Talking."

'I am Thinking'

Spells

ATOMIX

-Dev Sagittarius Black

~~Chapter 04: Talk at the Table~~

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Finding my godfather was as difficult as a walk in the park. I found him in the first place that I looked for – The Lord’s study. I didn’t bother knocking, something that, for some reason, irked me a moment later, and entered the study, only to find Sirius sitting in the Lord’s seat with half a bottle of fire-whiskey and a whiskey glass by its side.

“Harry!” He exclaimed with a happy grin as if this was the first time he saw me, “Come - come, join me - or no, wait, you are a minor, Molly would have my hide if she found out, or…well if she found out, right?” He laughed.

Yeah, it didn’t need a genius to figure out why the bottle was only half-filled. 

“It’s morning, Sirius, don’t you think it’s a bit too early for that?” I asked, pointing at the bottle which he picked up.

“Bah! Always remember, Harry”, my godfather said as he adjusted the glass and started pouring liquor in it, “It’s neither too early nor too late for a drink. It’s always the right time if you have enough money, guts and will-power to buy, drink and pull it off.” He finished and placed the bottle on the table once more. 

“And you have all three?” 

“Of course, I do! What I don’t have is something to do here in this dratted house,” He grumbled as he picked the glass and swirled the whiskey in it, “I mean, everyone has some work, except me. All I have to do is stay hidden and do absolutely nothing in the one place that I have hated slightly less than Azkaban.” 

“Well, what would you want to do if you were given free reign?” I asked him as I sat on the chair in front. 

“Ah . . . What a delightful question, innit?” Sirius chuckled and swayed a bit, “I would love to go on a vacation with you, of course. I don’t think the Dursleys’ kindness extended to a vacation, eh? So, first of all, a vacation in a place of our own where no one would bother us, except maybe a few hot women,” he added as an afterthought.

“And here I thought you would have said something about the war,” I mocked. 

“HEY! I do care about the war, but is it bad for a man who had spent a decade in Azkaban away from his godson to wish for a fortnight of relaxing time?” 

“Absolutely not, but for that we would need to either sneak away to some other place, and never return because the Order would have our hides, or we could stay silent here, end the war and then go off on a vacation for as long as we want to,” I smirked, “Which one sounds better?” 

Sirius pursed his lips at that, “I hate that you make a sound point. Your mother used to do that, you know? Gave us headaches, they did, but they did stop us from doing stupid things.” He smiled. “Well, stupider things than what we usually did.”

I looked at the man who had thrown himself in a spiral of memories and was living in nostalgia. His entire life seemed nothing but a bad joke that had been played on someone who hadn’t deserved any of it. I didn’t know about his life before meeting him, but the way he said things about his mother and the house, they didn’t draw a beautiful picture in my mind. 

“So,” Sirius broke the silence as he took a sip, “What brought you here? Looking for me or were you just looking for a place away from all the hogwash?” 

And then, I remembered my problems too. 

“Ah . . . yeah, I was actually looking for you, wanted to know something.”

“Oh? That’s new.” Sirius sat straighter in his chair. “So, what could the Padfoot of the Marauders do for the Prongslet?” 

“Prongslet? Really Padfoot?” I asked, wrinkling my nose, hiding that I actually loved the nickname.

“It was the name we called you when you were born,” Sirius chuckled, “Gave your mother nightmares that we would attempt to teach you how to become an animagus as well.” I smiled at that, I could distinctly imagine my mom being worried and scared while my dad and Padfoot tried to teach me how to turn into a wolf or panther or something like that.

“Yeah, well, as much as I love learning about your failed attempts to turn me into a mutt like you,” I ignored his “HEY!”, “I came here to ask if you have books on a few subjects that I wanted to check.” 

“You were looking all over the house for me for books of all things?” He asked, completely surprised that this was what I wanted, “Never took you for a bookworm, though Moony would be more of a help in that case.”

“Thought so, but I didn’t think the Blacks were benevolent enough to allow a werewolf to not only enter but also study books from their library,” I shrugged, “And no, I didn’t look for you throughout the house, you really need to find better hiding places because this was the first place I came to look for you.” 

“Cheeky little bugger,” Sirius grumbled, “Well, what are the subjects? Transfigurations, charms, or is it DADA? Hermione said that it was your best.” 

“I want something that tells me about meditation, magical sensitivity and something on Mind Magics,” I frowned, was that all Hermione had said? I think it is. “Yeah, these three.”

“Mind Arts,” Sirius corrected as he placed the empty glass on the table and gave a grimace, “Any particular reason you are looking for books regarding the subjects that aren’t taught in Hogwarts?” 

I did, but I didn’t know if I should tell him. I hadn’t even told them to Hermione either, and my attempts to make her understand just seemed to confuse her more, which made sense since I didn’t know the thing myself either. Considering that my lovely godfather couldn’t walk ten steps straight right now, I doubt that he would be able to comprehend what I wanted as well. 

“Just curiosity,” I decided that I will tell him once I am sure about it myself, “Was discussing subjects that aren’t taught at Hogwarts with Hermione, and she recommended books on these for some light reading. She had read them at Hogwarts and said they were pretty good.” 

“So you’re talking with the lass now?” Sirius grinned at me, “What about Weasley? That Ron kid, talking with him too?” 

“Not yet, maybe later. And don’t change the subject, tell me if you can get a few books on them or not?” 

Sirius hummed for a few moments before he got up, swaying a bit, “Of course I can, you want to wait here for me or join me in the library?”

“Am I allowed inside the library?” 

“You’re my sworn godson, Prongslet,” Padfoot smiled proudly, “In this house, and all other properties owned by the Blacks, there isn’t a single place where I can go and you cannot. We are practically family. So, do you want to join?”

With the way he was swaying, it looked more like he would fall before he even reached the library. So, I agreed to join him, I knew I would get bored sitting here anyway.

⁂

The Black family library was unlike the public one in Surrey, and significantly different from the one in Hogwarts too. The dim lighting from the torches showed a multitude of bookshelves that stretched from the wooden floor to the ceiling. They were interspersed with portraits of former Blacks that slept inside their frames, and sometimes a rich looking vase or another decorative artifact was present. 

Most of all, I could see that the Blacks were definitely a prideful lot. They were proud of being a Black as well as their rich Slytherin heritage, as I could see several shelves with the family’s insignia and the walls had the Slytherin snake, moss green curtains and twisted snake-like handle on the drawers, cupboards and the door of the library. 

“You can wait for me here,” Sirius slurred as we reached a really long table with several chairs on each side and a much larger as well as grander one on the head. “I will bring the books, if you want to do some searching of your own then you can look for them, don’t touch them though. I don’t know what sort of protective charms my family used, but trust me, none of them would be friendly.” 

“I think I'll wait for you here,” I said and pulled a chair. 

“I’ll be back with your books, just a few minutes.” 

Sirius left me there and I looked around me, quite fascinated with the library and how it was decorated. The library was clearly smaller than the one at Hogwarts, but not by much. I could see a few shelves that held thick tomes, scrolls and manuscripts. There were a few sections that had skulls in them between the books and sometimes another artifact with the Black family insignia on it. 

The lack of company made me think about the connection and the powerful feeling that came with it. I still lacked the knowledge to manifest it whenever or however I wanted, but maybe I’d be able to do that once I studied those books and learned what that feeling actually was. I still remember the first time when I had felt ‘it’. 

It was in my hospital bed. I had recently woken up from my coma and had met the agent who had given me the relatively good news of my relatives’ demise.

There wasn’t any love lost between the four of us, which is why I was quite shocked when instead of casual indifference like I had thought I’d feel, I had felt grief. It was as if something had been wretched out of my grasp once more, and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I had felt anger. 

Anger at those who had what I didn’t, anger at all of them that knew what to do in such situations. Anger at all other boys my age who had someone to go to when things got tougher. I had never liked the Dursleys, yet they were the ones who had been with me the most. No matter how unwillingly, they were the ones who were the reason for my continued existence in this world.

And now, somehow, that pleasure . . . the feeling of being known – being ‘someone’ – had been taken away from me by the ones who controlled my life, and the dementors. 

It was at that time when I had felt something stir inside me. Something raw, primal and violent. I had tried to control it, it had felt quite nauseating – like I’d vomit something pungent any moment now.

And yet, when the feeling came, it had been like nothing I had ever felt before. The feeling of connecting to everything around me, being one of them and none of them at the same time had freaked the hell out of me. The subtle tune of power, of violence and anger. The urge to control everything around me, knowing full well that I could do it and there was no one to stop me. 

It was intoxicating. Intoxicating, addictive and yet, one of the most dangerous things that I had ever felt. I shook my head, quite literally, to pull myself back into reality when I heard the echoed footfalls in the library. Sirius rejoined me shortly, five books in his arms and grinning like a loon. One of the books he held looked really old and I didn't know why he brought so many. 

“Here,” He dumped all the books on the table and fell in the chair beside me, “I got you the basics of all, and something special,” He grinned as he pushed a book towards me. 

“Becoming an Animagus: A step-by-step guide to Animagus transformation?” I read the title, “You want me to read this?” 

“I do,” The dog animagus grinned. “Listen, Harry, I know I haven’t been present in your life as much as I should have, and I regret that every moment–”

“Sirius . . ."

“ –no, let me finish,” He stopped me, “Becoming an animagus is one thing that no one inside or outside Hogwarts could teach you, no one except me and Moony. I mean, McGonagall could, but she would want you to register it with the ministry too.”

“And that’s bad?”

Maybe my sarcasm was thick for his alcohol addled brain because he thought I was actually asking. 

“Yes, it is, you know how the ministry is right now – Fudge is after you and Dumbledore, and there is nothing you can do about it while Dumbledore and others in the Order are doing all they can to keep Fudge and his campaign at bay-” He took a deep breath- “I am not saying that you should never register yourself, just that not registering till all this is over would be a better choice.” 

There was some sound logic in his words, as I knew that right now I could use all the help that I could get. There was also the fact that Voldemort already knew how I fought from when we dueled after his resurrection.

Granted, I was weak and poisoned back then, still it would only be a matter of time before he caught me once more and I am left to defend myself against a foe that is way much stronger than me. I could definitely use a few hidden tricks of my own. 

“Alright, Padfoot.” I picked up the books, including the animagus one. “I will read these in my room. Thanks for the help, didn’t know you had it in you to work your way through bookshelves.” 

“HEY! I might be drunk but I could still whoop your ass, you little-” Sirius grumbled as we started moving towards the exit, laughing at his mumbled grumbles. 

“Oh . . . ah . . . Sirius, I wanted to ask, can I simply read these books right now?” I asked my godfather who blinked in obvious confusion, “I mean, Mrs Weasley would want me to help with the cleaning, but I don’t want to waste my time doing that when I could simply study and help myself learn more.” 

“That’s actually a good idea, Harry,” Sirius nodded and I felt a bit bad for using him as my shield against Mrs Weasley. For some reason I didn’t feel as much guilt as I should’ve, weird. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell Molly that I found your education lacking in certain fields, and therefore, as your godfather, gave you a few books to study. I am quite sure Molly won’t bother you with a broom and cleaning rags then.” 

“Thanks Sirius,” I grinned, “You’re the best!” 

“Yes, of course, I am the best, there’s no one who could challenge me on that!” Sirius gave a drunk superman-like pose and we laughed as we parted ways.

I went towards my temporary residence to read the books while Sirius went downstairs, probably to look for Mrs Weasley and tell her my excuse to stay away from dirty rooms. 

⁂

I would gladly admit that I wasn’t much of a bibliophile, that was something that Hermione told both Ron and me repeatedly, in fact there were times when she got fed-up of us and decided to shove the knowledge directly in our brains just a few days before exams. Something that both Ron and I were thankful for. 

Still, to my surprise, reading these books didn’t make me want to throw them in a shredder or burn them. No, they were just too interesting, intriguing and quite engrossing, so much that I was quite surprised when Tonks knocked on my door later in the evening to tell me that I had missed lunch and Mrs Weasley was this close to barging down my door and pulling me out. 

I bet Mrs Weasley felt like how I feel when Hermione is undergoing one of her exam-study sessions that are usually 4-6 hrs long in one sitting. Thankfully, unlike Hermione I knew when to stop and come out of my hidey hole.

Therefore, I  ending up folding the corner of the page I was on, kept my pen down on the stack of parchment that I was using to make my notes and closed the first book that I had picked up from the pile, it was on Magical Sensitivity titled: ‘The Connectivity in Nature’. It was written by an unknown author as there was no name on the leather-bound book. 

“Wotcher, Harry!” Surprisingly enough, it was Tonks who stood in front of my door, her posture said that she was just about to knock on it.

“Tonks, what are you doing here?” 

“Molly sent me to haul your cute ass out of the room,” she grumbled as I stepped in the hallway and we started walking towards the stairs, “I didn’t take you for a bookworm, I thought Hermione was the only nerd. No wonder Weasley feels left out.” She laughed at her own joke but I was intrigued instead. 

“Ron feels left out?”

“Sometimes, yeah. I mean, he didn’t tell me or anything, just that I know the look that I see on his face.” She shrugged, “Anyways, what were you studying about? Molly thought Sirius – of all people – was harsh on you and you suddenly decided to ace all of your exams.” 

I chuckled with her, “No, nothing like that. Sirius just gave me a few books and asked me to give them a try to improve myself. The books intrigued me for some reason and I forgot about time.” We started going down the stairs. “So what have you been up to? Hunted down some criminals lately?” 

“You wish, dream-boy,” Tonks shook her head, “I had imagined that too when I enrolled for the job, unfortunately that’s only ten-percent of the job. Rest is simple escort missions, paperwork, planning for the eventual capture and all that. If only someone had told me these other aspects of being an Auror earlier . . .” 

“What would you have done then?” 

“Hmm . . . I don’t know really, maybe I would have still opted for this same job, probably just for shits and giggles - oof, ouch-ouch . . ” Tonks squeaked, jumping on one foot as she held the other one closer.

A series of expletives left her mouth as she whined about her little toe being stubbed by the wooden table that was in the gallery. This actually made me wonder how she cleared her Auror exams because this wasn’t the first time I had seen her being clumsy. 

“The fact that you can hold your wand and will against the enemy forces no matter how strong they are, makes up for more than my itsy-bitsy clumsiness, Potter,” Tonks grumbled as she rubbed her toe and stood straight again.

I was quite sure that I hadn’t said my thoughts loudly but maybe she was used to people commenting on her clumsiness. “Also, this helped quite much when I showed up for the exams.” And with that Tonks turned her nose to resemble a Fox’s snout with eyes larger than a house-elf, which made me laugh harder than I would have. 

Dinner was a subdued affair. Well, as subdued as you could get in a place with two Marauders and the Weasley twins as well as their mother. Sirius immediately made me sit beside him and asked all about the books, Hermione decided to sit beside me and pulled Ron with her. It was clear what she wanted but it was also clear that I was in no mood to do that just yet. 

“So, tell me, Mr Bookworm,” Sirius began, “How far are you? In those books, I mean,” he completed the sentence with a grin on his face. 

“That one was really obvious, Sirius.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t see Harry complaining. So, shush!,” Sirius made a face at Remus before looking imploringly at me. 

“Not much. I had picked up the Magical sensitivity one, The Connectivity in Nature. I’m on my seventy-fourth page right now and the practical part is about to start in three more pages.”

“SEVENTY-FOURTH?!” Sirius exclaimed loudly, “We’ve failed him Moony. We’ve failed Prongs, his son turned out to be an actual bookworm! Oh what a shame, what a shame indeed~” 

“Quit your whining, you mutt,” Remus smiled as he turned to me, “And don’t listen to him, Harry, he’s just way too gone in his cups to actively think of anything not alcohol, pranks or women. Now, what did the theory say? Maybe I’d be able to help you if you didn’t understand something, eh? Padfoot here tells me that you are looking into something not normally taught in Hogwarts.” 

Well, there wasn’t much to be ‘helped’ really. The book was quite straightforward, the only time I had some problem was when the book quantified the magic inside a human and their effect on, what the muggles called, the ‘sixth’ sense.

Factually, it was present inside everyone, but the perception depended on the amount of magic one had in them, and how much attuned they were to sensing it.

“There wasn’t much in there, Moony,” I shrugged, “But thanks, this way I know whom to look for when I’m stuck somewhere. I think I'll probably have some difficulty in the practical portion, but let’s see how it goes.” 

“You can even ask me if you want to!” Hermione chimed from my side, “I have read the book, the practical portion was more complex than what was explained in it. So, when you’re stuck and professor Lupin isn’t available, I am sure I can help you a bit.” 

 “You’ve read from that book?” I asked, astonished because Sirius said I was the first to crack it open in almost half-a-century. 

“Ah no, not that one. I’ve read the one in Hogwarts. But since the subject is the same, how different could they be, right?” Hermione blushed a bit, “I mean, there are chances that the book might be different. Actually, yeah. Harry, do you mind if I take a look at the books that you’re reading? It might help me revise my concepts too and I’ll be able to help you far more if I know where to look.” 

Her words weren’t said to belittle me or anything, I knew that. But for some reason, I didn’t like the way she had said it. There was a slight hint of intellectual superiority in her tone which annoyed me the most for some reason.

Like, I knew that she was the one who helped me all the time, hell I was sure that if not for her I might not have gotten good marks in my exams, still it was a bit jarring to hear her say those words straight to my face. As if she was stating that I am intellectually incompetent to learn from a damn book that I’ve been reading for hours.

Thankfully before I could have given her my opinion on intellectual capacity and dedication, the Weasley twins barged in the dining room, took their seats and the topic of the table changed to pranks and what they wanted to do now.

As expected, they didn’t have much answers to the latter other than wanting to open up a prank-shop somewhere, for which I had given them my winning money from the Triwizard Tournament. 

⁂

As much as I wanted to, I still couldn’t get anyone on the table to tell me when the next Order meeting would be held or more specifically, when Dumbledore would join us again. There were a few things that I wanted to ask him and get it cleared.

Unfortunately, the only thing I learned was from Mr Weasley who said ‘Dumbledore is a busy man, Harry, especially since You-Know-Who returned. We can’t expect him to heed to our calls and letters like he used to. We’ll have to be patient for his call’.

And that's the gist of my efforts to get in touch with my elusive Headmaster.

I returned to my book and my notes on the subject. They were pretty simple and to-the-point as I didn’t like to complicate things anymore than they already were.

 All I needed was a strong base in understanding the subject first, and then I could build my thought process on it. The fact that the writer had taken care of it by including muggle aspects and what science now knew as the sixth sense and eidetic memory helped me quite a bit. 

Magic as a whole was never present in anything and yet it was present in everything at once. There was no living creature without a dollop of magic, no matter how little it was, but  there was a method to quantify it, which used the person’s internal resources and their ability to dab in the exquisite force of nature which was magic’s reservoir.

It was what the author had called ‘Natural Magic’, and it was the magic that had been harvested by mages for over a millennia through rituals and experiments.

The unit for Magic is Merlin, or ‘M’ for short. According to the book, M was directly proportional to someone’s innate ability of doing magic.

Likewise, Magical sensitivity was also directly proportional to M and W, W is the amount of work one puts in magic, which meant that if someone had more magic and did a lot of work, then they would be the best in magical sensitivity as they would be the most attuned to their magic. 

There were ways to increase magical sensitivity. Some were long term ones like practicing your spell repertoire everyday and asking someone to throw those spells at you. Another was letting it mature with age, this came in bouts of Magical energy which was called ‘Magical maturity’.

The last way was trauma induced. It wasn’t meant to be traumatic, trauma was more like a general term used for any form of mishappening that could cause the sudden onset of magical prowess in the individual. This was what the magical governments knew as ‘Accidental Magic’. 

I checked back on my memory to feel if there had been anything recently that could’ve increased my receptivity to magic, because neither was I practicing my entire spell repertoire everyday nor have I reached another magical maturity after the age of eleven, which meant that it was most likely the third cause that had increased my sensitivity to magic.

Unfortunately, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember anything ‘traumatic’ except the accident which had cost Dr Smith his life and was a pivotal event in my life as it got me ‘Dursley-free’ forever. 

But that was a muggle accident, something that I don’t even know much about as the last thing I saw was a giant ball of fire hurling towards me and next was when I woke up in the city hospital. If it was something that increased my magical sensitivity, shouldn’t that event be of a more magical nature and not mundane? Could accidents with muggles even cause magical trauma? If yes, then how? And was that what happened to me that evening? 

The questions began overwhelming me again, and like always I didn’t have a single answer to any of them. If I somehow conjecture a string of facts as my baseline and played it to become a theory, then I ended up with more unanswered questions than I started with.

It was quite frustrating and yet I knew that there was no one that I could ask, except maybe Professor Dumbledore, the one man who was hell bent on avoiding me for some reason, and even he may not have any answer to my condition. 

“No, not anymore,” I muttered to no one in particular, “Next time I hear you are in the house, I will meet you, sir. I need some answers and I will get them from you, no matter what it takes.” 

It would have been scary to witness a fifteen-year-old boy sitting in a room and muttering things like this, thankfully I was alone and therefore nothing to be worried about. I opened the book once more, it was time to either search for more answers or formulate more questions that would have to be tackled on a later date. I checked the last few pages I had been left with and decided to finish them before I started with the practical part of the book.

The practical portion of the book wasn’t as tough as Hermione had made it to be. It did take me some time to understand the differences between the two phases of initialisation and then the gradual descent in one self while increasing following the ‘M’ units inside as well as around you.

But once I got the rate at which it asked me to, I was almost ready to experiment and try my first hand at voluntarily reaching ‘the zone’ once more. 

I wouldn’t lie to myself, this was quite exciting, and if I succeeded, I would be quite close to understanding what ‘the zone’ is and how I access it every time.

I really needed to work on the basic mechanics though, as according to the writer, I won’t be able to stop the descent into myself if I ended up losing control on my magic and ended up using more ‘M’ units than was necessarily required to step in the zone. 

Something that the book had said could be fatal if I didn’t step out of the zone in time. 

"Alright then . . . time to find out about 'The Zone’," I muttered as I closed the book and set it aside before assuming the Lotus position and closing my eyes. ‘Let’s do this’

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ending Note: There you have it fellas, chapter Four of ATOMIX, hope you liked it.

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