X/D Polyam Route Preview

Hey all!! The R snippet will be delayed to tomorrow, as I got caught up in writing various tidbits for CH10, and ended up with a scene that I think would fit the eventual X/D polyam route much better.

Note that I'm not actively working on the polyam routes and it will literally take years before I can even get started on them, judging by my current writing pace 😭 By the time I get around to them, this scene will likely change--or maybe not, who knows!

It did help me get a ~Feel~ for how an X/D relationship would likely develop, though, so I figured it would be fun to share!! 💖

“I should have…” $dname trails off, voice a tired murmur, fading away again. 

Regret, guilt, shame. 

It tastes like fire in $xname’s throat. $dname isn’t the one who should feel guilt, who should feel like the shameful one between the two of them. Even in a mistake that was not $dtheirs to claim, $dthey took it upon $dthemselves and used it to better Arsur, to do good.

Compared to $dname, $xname’s mistake is one $xthey is still running from.

“I used to hate you,” $xname confesses.

$dname blinks $dtheir eyes open, slowly. $cdtheir half-lidded gaze is glazed over from beckoning sleep, wobbling across $xname’s face before it manages to focus. Quietly, $dthey exhales, “I know.” 

$xname looks away, staring down at $xtheir knees. “No, you don’t.” 

Silence settles between them again, interrupted only by $dname’s steady breaths, gradually evening out. It’s a strangely comforting sound, even among all the turmoil setting $xname’s thoughts ablaze. 

The flames build slowly, pressing, until they reach $xname’s mouth and $xthey cannot keep them contained anymore.

“You were stronger than me, $dname,” $xthey says, “and I hated you for it. You still are.” 

$dname takes another deep breath, parting $dtheir lips—on the verge of sleep. It’s the only reason why $xname is able to say any of this at all, knowing there’s a chance $dname might not remember any of this, or mistake it as a dream.

$cxthey waits for a response, tensed from head to toe, until a single word flutters from $dname’s mouth.

“Idiot.” 

It’s so unexpected, yet so like $dname at the same time. $xname can’t help but laugh, some of the tension leaving $xtheir shoulders. 

“I am.” $cxthey leans back against the chair, straining as $xthey tries to steer back into more familiar waters, a more casual and less genuine tone. “But that’s the way we are, isn’t it? I hate you, you hate me. It’s how we—” 

“I don’t.” 

$xname snaps $xtheir gaze from $xtheir knees to look at $dname’s face; $dtheir eyes have slid shut again. 

For some reason, $xname’s throat feels tight. $cxthey doesn’t know why, but it does. $cxthey never really believed $dname despised $xthem, yet held onto the illusion to cast it as a veil between them, keeping them distant.

To hear $dname say otherwise stirs something in $xname that $xthey doesn’t fully understand, and fears because of it. Something achingly, terrifyingly kind blowing breath into parts of $xthem that $xthey thought dead.

“I don’t hate you,” $dname mumbles, the briefest furrow of $dtheir brow cracking through $dtheir relaxed expression. $cdtheir eyes shift beneath $dtheir lids as if seeing something, walking the line of dreams, slowly drifting away. “You have good inside… $xname, you are… good…”

“You can’t say that.” $xname’s voice trembles, $xtheir hands even more so. “You don’t know what I—”

$dname does not hear the words; $dthey sleeps. 

$xname falls silent and sits there in the chair. $cxthey stares, unseeing, at the slow rise and fall of $dname’s chest with glassy eyes. $cxtheir hands ball into fists.

The sun goes down in silence.

Catch you all tomorrow for R's snippet ✨