Wrong Time for a Thong

Some days, the world spreads out in front of you, and everything just lines up. The sun is shining; the radio plays all of your favorite songs one after the other, and you hit all green lights on your way to work. And then other days start out like mine did today.

After I apparently snoozed my alarm and went right back to sleep, I woke up 20 minutes late and dashed into a cold shower to wake myself up. Five minutes later, I was already drying off and digging through my dresser for a clean pair of underwear… and the drawer was empty. I knew I’d been prolonging laundry for a while, but I didn’t realize that I was completely out. I opened up every other drawer, but there was nothing. I didn’t have enough time to run to the store, and my suit pants were too tight to go commando without giving everyone in the office a graphic view of my crotch. But luckily, I remembered Jake.

Jake was one of my college boyfriends a couple of years ago, and for Valentine’s Day, he’d taken me out to dinner, bought me a watch that I still wore with no hard feelings, and as a gag gift, a metallic white thong covered in red hearts. It was the type of thong that you could only wear in the bedroom as a joke before immediately taking it back off. But unless I wanted to cut off the circulation in my legs and wear a speedo all day, then it would have to do. I walked into my closet and pulled the old gift bag off the top shelf and pulled out the thong.

It looked like it would still fit, but the pouch seemed smaller than I remembered. But I was out of options, so I slipped it on and continued getting dressed. I stepped into the kitchen and remembered that I’d prepacked my lunch last night, so hey, maybe my luck was turning around.

I somehow made it to work on time, and the day progressed like normal. It wasn’t until lunchtime when I leaned over to get my can from the vending machine that I remembered what I was wearing. Bending down had wedged the thong up my butt, and I had to wait until I was alone to pull it back out. Another hour passed before our weekly staff meeting was called to order. We all had to present what we’d done the past week, and as an accountant, the hardest part for me was staying awake. I never had anything new, and I just had to walk up to the projector, point to some graphs that looked almost identical to every other week, and sit down.

But today, my bad luck came roaring back as soon as I got out of my chair. My dirty laundry wasn’t my only issue with clothes today. My favorite suit, which I’d dry cleaned year after year after every few wears, was starting to really show its age. And today, it had had it. So, when my boss accidentally dropped the clicker in front of me and I leaned down to pick it up, I heard the rip loud and clear coming from my pants. Before I could even stand back up, I heard gasps from all of my coworkers. Of course, I had to have bent down to face my ass directly at all of them. And for the second time today, I remembered what underwear I was wearing as I felt the AC on my bare ass cheeks and the rough material scratching over my exposed hole.

I quickly stood up and tried to rush out of the conference room, but I tripped over a chair and a flap of fabric hanging down caught on the chair handle and another rip rang through the air as the hole grew even bigger, extending all the way up the front of pants.

There I stood, bathed in the light of the projector with almost everything below the waist showing. The only consolation was at the time, I didn’t realize that the thong was basically transparent under the bright light, and that I was showing everyone the outline of my hardening cock as I accidentally maintained eye contact with my hot coworker. But finally, I came to my senses and jumped into action and ran out of the room without ripping any more of my clothing.

But the damage was already done, especially since my assistant had recorded everything on his phone from the back of the room. At least I wouldn’t know that that footage would exist for a while…