Ding, Dong... Strip?

Time for a new story written exclusively for Patreon!

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Downing the last of my drink, I thanked the Uber driver again, burped out a hiccup once the car sped away, and dropped the empty bottle into my duffle bag. Heading up the sidewalk towards the sound of music spilling out of the house in front of me, I tried to stay out of view of the large window, creeping over to the side of the house where a row of bushes was neatly planted. Dropping my duffle bag behind them, I fixed my collar and headed up to the door.

Years ago, I met the man who would become my best friend in my first class of my first semester of college. Sitting down beside a random student one day in calculus, we soon began talking and realized how much we had in common. As the weeks crept on, I started studying a bit more than Chad, but he somehow aced his classes easily. That made me jealous of him, but his confidence was what I truly desired.

When he needed to ask his girlfriend to his fraternity’s formal sophomore year, he somehow was able to rent a fireman’s costume from a Halloween store, head over to her dorm, and perform a striptease for her right in the middle of the day. As he ripped off his pants, he was clad in nothing but a g-string that had a little note taped to the front: Formal?

After we graduated, we might have moved hours away from each other for work, but we luckily stayed just as close. He ended up staying with his first (and only) college girlfriend, and when he told me about their engagement, I knew exactly what I was going to do. Packing my bags, I bought my plane ticket that afternoon.

Rebecca had planned the whole weekend- they’d have a fancy brunch on Sunday morning for all of their closest friends and family to celebrate, but on Friday night, her and Chad were throwing a rager like they used to back in college. It was going to be a night that we’d never forget, but I had no idea then how prophetic that statement would be.

Snapping back to the present, I knocked on the door as aggressively as I could, and one of Rebecca’s new friends opened the door and almost spilled her drink. I could see her mouth getting ready to scream back into the house, but then I saw the look of clarity dawn on her face. A smirk appeared that made me a bit nervous as she grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. Leading me over to the archway into the living room, she presented me to everyone there even though it was too dark to really recognize anyone’s face.

This officer told me to turn off the music- are we getting a noise complaint?

Turning towards me, I could see the lust spilling out of every word she said, and I wondered if she thought she’d be getting lucky tonight. Too bad that she wasn’t my type as much as the handsome man behind her.

No, ma’am. I actually just came here with a message for the homeowners.

Pulling open the holster on my belt, I pulled out the portable speaker and placed it on the table beside me.

Where is the lucky couple?

The crowd parted ways to let Chad and Rebecca through from the kitchen, and before any phones could be whipped out to start recording, I pressed play on the music and let the sounds of Pony fill up the room as I began gyrating.

Cheers rang out, and I started to pull open buttons before I could chicken out. My rented police uniform looked somewhat convincing in a dark room, and you almost couldn’t notice the rhinestones around the collar that had given me away when I first opened the door. I should have headed to the costume store earlier, but I had to work with what I had.

As I continued to pull open buttons on my shirt with shaky fingers, I exposed more and more of my chest. Since the last time that Chad and I had met up, I’d been going to the gym considerably more, and I’d added some serious muscle mass. For some of the people here, they hadn’t seen me since I’d been the lanky guy practically swimming in my graduation robe that had been mistakenly ordered a size too big.

Now though, I should have felt completely at ease as I ripped off the cheap uniform top and lassoed it around my head before flinging it into the audience, but I still was shaking a bit. My toned chest was covered in a light dusting of trimmed chest hair, and I’d vainly spent some time experimenting with self-tanner before getting on the flight. With every labored breath as I tried to calm down, my abs contracted a bit and looked like I was flexing. Trying to play it off, I swung my arms into the air and flexed my biceps a bit too before the cheers became a bit too pointed.

Off off off!

They wanted my pants and all that stood between them and getting their way were 6 small snaps. I could feel sweat dripping down my body, and I pushed my wet hair away from my forehead before moving my hands down to grip onto my waistband. With one tug, my pants had flown into the crowd, and I quickly spun around to shake my ass. As it jiggled, I felt hands sliding down my sweaty skin, and I was a bit surprised that these people that I was about to have to talk too were so handsy. One hand even snuck a few digits beneath my thong, gliding down between the two globes of my ass.

Yelping a bit and regretting the sound that had just whimpered out of me, I swatted their hand away and turned back around. Shaking my bulge around, I finally stood still to let the couple see the note that I’d pinned to my crotch. Just like Chad had all those years ago, I’d written a message for Chad’s partner.

Congrats, Rebecca!

Thinking that there would be laughs from the couple, the room started to get quiet instead and someone reached over to pause my music.

Who the fuck is Rebecca? Listen to me, Stuart, who is Rebecca?!

Suddenly, the lights turned on, and I felt even more exposed than I already was. The couple in front of me, the couple that I’d been dancing for, were not the friends that I’d known for years. I’d never seen them before in my life. And the kitchen behind them wasn’t the one I’d seen in the back of Chad’s video calls. And as I turned in slow motion to look at the rest of the partygoers, I realized that there wasn’t a single face that I recognized.

I’d gotten the wrong house.

Turning to run, the man who I presumed to be Stuart reached out to grab me, but all he could grasp was my thong that ripped effortlessly in his hands leaving him holding the last bit of my dignity. Luckily for me, the door was still unlocked so I didn’t have to waste time trying to figure that out, but as I ran, I realized too late that my duffel was still by their house, and I had no idea when I’d be able to grab that again.

Running towards the bushes across the street, I realized that no one was chasing me, so I slowed down to catch my breath. Pulling air into my lungs, I didn’t realize that someone had walked in front of me until I finally stood back up.

I should have been happy to see him, but not like this… not naked. Chad had that familiar smile on his face, and I could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to figure out why I was standing in front of him without a stitch of clothing. Looking behind him, I saw the familiar number on his mailbox and realized that my tipsy self had went to the wrong side of the street.

I planned a bit where I’d reenact that stripper dance you did for Rebecca years ago, but um, I-

You did it for Stacy, my bitchy neighbor?

She wasn’t too happy about that.

Luckily, Rebecca has a sense of humor, stepping towards me, I didn’t have time to move before Stuart had bundled me up into his arms, and she’ll love the encore!

Trying to fight back, it was useless- Chad was much stronger than me even with my extra trips to the gym, and in seconds, I’d been ushered into the correct house and dropped into a room where I recognized way too many faces.

Let’s party!

As Chad whipped his own shirt off behind me, I knew that nothing could ease the embarrassment that I was feeling as I was ushered throughout the room and reconnected with dozens of people before someone finally wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.

Like I said earlier- this would be a night that I’d never forget…